I have been married three times – True. Divorced twice. One died.

I am a mother. –True. I have had three children. All in different stages. One I aborted. One died in a car accident and one is asleep in the next room.

I am a wife. – True. I am married now.

I am happy. –Semi-True. I have my days still when I want to run. But it's my family who get me through the day thankfully.

I am honest. – Unfortunately. No.

Karen Walker, or Karen Truman, didn't believe in being honest with anyone. It meant trusting someone enough for them to know everything about her and she couldn't have that. It wouldn't have worked right anyway. She did trust Will, she loved Will, but it wasn't enough trust to let him in on the finer details of her insane and extremely sad past. He'd never understand, she thought, why and how she became the money hungry wife she had been before him. He'd never understand the real reason why she ran when she was pregnant with Jonah or the real reason why she had sent him divorce papers already signed. If she was honest with him, then she'd have to be honest with herself, and after years of trying to come up with the perfect semi-flawless past; that was never going to happen.

She stared at the black book tied together in red ribbon, made by her years before, months before her first son was born. Her son's weight was written at the top of the first page, along with his name. She traced her nail along the curvy path in which she wrote it, the irony of the name now. She had written everything down. Every positive and negative memory, every idea that she had for her son's room, everything she had come to regret in life. She flipped to the middle of the book, where she had written Jonah's birthday and weight in the corner like she had done before.

They will never be a replacement which is why I went today. I told Will something else. I don't want a replacement family. I've tried that and it failed.

She was able to hear her 3 year old son laughing and giggling, trying to be quiet. His feet thumping lightly against the carpet in his parent's bedroom, trying to be sneaky about waking them up. It was the maternal sense that Karen had come to pick up, in both her children it was different. With her first she was able to tell apart the small and shallow breathing from her husband. And now she was able to tell whose soft padding feet was now tiptoeing up to her bed getting ready to jump. It was the covers being thrown back and the little boy being picked up swiftly that made the dead silent room erupt in laughter. Will groaned, turning over to bury his face in his pillow.

Karen brought her finger up to her lips, hushing the little boy who nodded his head. He crawled into his mother's lap, burying his face into her neck, slowly falling back asleep as the tips of her nails went up and down his smooth back tricking him into sleep. Karen kissed his hair, shifting them so they were both in a more comfortable position. She felt her son's breathe steady out, shifting him once more, so he was on his back in between both parent's, with Karen's hand laying protectively against his stomach. She couldn't have dealt with all the pain if Jonah had gotten into the car accident, or any accident for that matter.

Today is the anniversary. Jonah is one. I'm alone with no one but Christopher; whom I've been told is in love with me. I hope not. I can't bring myself to care about him. Not in the same way.

Will watched Karen and Jonah race around the small grassy mound, trying to hide from each other. Jonah erupted into laughter every time he was picked up. Karen laughed at her son's antics of catching her, going the opposite way in order to catch him instead of what it was supposed to be. In Will's eyes, she was happier. She wasn't so closed off from him, he was telling her more about her past. Some he knew was true, some seemed fictionalized, but it didn't matter to him. Nothing about her past mattered to him. He focused on their future and the possible idea that one day they'd have a daughter.

Being around Karen, he'd learn to dream and put it off for a while. Eventually his thoughts and ideas came to life, but it became a rarity. And although he wanted to find a man or a woman who could bring them all to life, but it was Karen and she was an exception. She gave him a family; a woman he loved and would do practically anything for and a son who was absolutely amazing. She found a way, consciously or not, to find a place in his heart, getting him to marry her and he was glad she did. Twice she did it and he wouldn't have wanted it either way.

I'm in white again. I hate white. I hate weddings. I hate the whole wedding ceremony. I hate making vows to someone that may not be there in a year or two. But Will seems different. I hope he's different.

"Karen," She heard Will calling. She was sitting in the kitchen flipping through a magazine. "Hey, you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"Jonah's birthday is coming up," He pointed out. "What are we going to do?"

"He wants zoo animals. Or he wants to go to the zoo." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. He changes his mind every day."

He watched her close the magazine and go over to the fridge pulling out an orange and throwing it unceremoniously onto the counter. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Next Wednesday is the day my son was in a car accident." She pointed out. He looked up at her, speechless. "I always am going to hate Wednesday, but I have to pretend to love it."

"We can go to the zoo and we can come back and you can cry."

"I've cried every year and I've told Jonah they were happy tears. I never say crap like that Will. I never say anything like 'happy tears'"

"You're a mother Karen. It comes with the package. "

"Yeah, but," She was stopped by Will's hands cupping her face.

"No buts. You've baby talked with Jonah and he's three. It's a habit." He smiled. "You probably did it with you first son."

"Will." He placed a kiss to her forehead. "No not you. My son. His name was William. My first husband wanted to name him after royalty, so he chose William. It's why I hated you so much when we first met."

Her admittance only caused him to tighten his grip around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. He rubbed her back soothingly as she began to cry."You'll be fine Karen. I'm not planning on going anywhere."

"I can't lose him Will. I can't lose Jonah and I can't lose you. I won't be able to deal with the pain again."

"I know," He whispered. "I know"

I love my family- Semi True. I love certain people, not all of them. The one's who force me to live in a world of confusion, I've learned to despise.

"Mrs. Walker, would you like the blue or the yellow." The voices were far, but the faces were near. "Mrs. Walker?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you like blue carnations or yellow carnations for the center pieces?"

"The yellow." Karen said as if the question was preposterous. She had come to realize early on in her marriage to Stan that he had a fascination with Yellow. He bought yellow shirts, yellow ties and yellow roses for her; he had an odd attraction to the bright and shiny yellow, which often was the opposite of her mood.

"Don't you think the yellow would contradict the red curtains and the green table clothes?" The event planner asked.

"No. Mr. Walker wanted those colors for a reason. And whatever that reason is, let's just go with it. As horrible as they may be, he chose them."

"Mr. Walker is a confusing man." The planner muttered.

"Oh don't I know it." Karen replied with a smile. It wasn't a sarcastic smile, but a genuine one. It was for yet another confusing topic as to why it was such a good idea the lawyer had to be brought along. But none the less, she was happy.

September 25th I'm supposed to be blessed. But I'm blessed and cursed.

Will watched Karen slowly rock their son to sleep. The four year old had gotten his wish to go to the zoo, but cried all the way home and for another hour about how unfair it was that he had to leave. Little did he know that he was going to pass out in his mother's arms as soon as she started to hum. Karen slowly moved up and out of her seat, allowing Jonah to shift in her arms once, before he whimpered at the sudden coldness as he was placed down on the couch. She smiled and bushed the hair out of his face.

"I was so nervous to let him out of my sight today. Even when you took him off to see the birds, I felt like I was going to go home alone." She admitted as she watched her son breathe peacefully. "How do I explain to a four year old, why every day before and after his birthday I cry."

"You'll come up with something clever." He said pressing a kiss to her temple. "Come to bed. He'll sleep here all night."

Karen placed a kiss to her son's head. "You would have loved your brother Will, Jonah. Too bad he died today."

I know who I am- True. I'm Karen Delaney Truman.

I have a husband- True. His name is Will.

I am happier now than in the past- Not a hundred percent, but yes I am happier.

September 25th is the worst day and the best day of my life- True. But thank god I got married to Will again on that day, or else I would have gone insane.