Sorry for the long wait. Seriously, the only good thing about exams is that students get to go home early, at least that's the case in my country.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. Must I do this every chapter?

Chapter 10: Remote Control Freak

"Give me the bloody remote control, Palkia!" Dialga shouted as her counterpart tossed the remote control to the television in his room up and down.

"Give me ten reasons why I should."

"If you don't, I'll kill you. Multiplied by ten." Dialga retorted. To her surprise, Palkia tossed the remote to her. She grabbed it with a burst of psychic energy and attempted to change the channel, but nothing happened. Flipping the remote over, she noticed the battery compartment was empty.

"Looking for these?" Palkia asked, twirling the batteries in his hands. He smiled in a mocking fashion.

"You'd better-" Palkia tossed the two batteries to his counterpart, interrupting her sentence as they bounced off her head. Dialga inserted the batteries and turned to the television, only to find it turned off.

"Oops. I forgot to tell you that Arceus specifically instructed all Legends to not waste electricity, since Rayquaza's been complaining about a lack of ozone." The Legendary of Space commented, the television's plug in his hands.

"PALKIA!" Dialga roared, before tackling him. Both Legendaries of Time and Space crashed to the ground, the floor somehow not collapsing under the combined weight of them both as Dialga pinned her counterpart under herself. Palkia grabbed Dialga's neck with his hands, even as she brought her face closer to his, charging up a point-blank Roar of Time that would have most definitely blown the pink-streaked spatial dragon apart.

It would have, if not for the sound of someone coughing that came from the doorway.

"Looks like we'd interrupted something important, Kyogre. Those two should have locked the door if they'd wanted to make-"

Dialga turned her head and fired her signature move at the person who had spoken. Groudon promptly pressed his body against the wall as the beam flew through the now-open door, smashing into a wall and blowing a meter-wide hole through it before exiting from the side of the Spear Pillar. She got off Palkia, who released her neck the moment she did.

Groudon's head poked through the doorway. "You missed me."

"Don't push your luck." A fin whacked him, sending him sprawling to the ground even as Kyogre dusted herself off with the other.

"What are you two doing here? Weren't you reassigned to be Shaymin's personal, um, assistants?" Palkia asked.

"About that… we escaped, with a little unexpected help from Registeel. The ruckus she made when Shaymin forced everyone present to rebuild her garden was so loud that no one noticed us sneaking away. Arceus and Rayquaza weren't so lucky, however."

"Wait, does that mean that no one's in the Hall now?" Dialga spoke up.

"Not exactly. Deoxys asked Mewtwo to take care of her errant brother there and the other two visitors are there as well."

"Good enough. It's time to repurpose Arceus' personal television set." Palkia said.

"Then again, what is security? Is it something provided by someone, or somewhere, or perhaps something else? Is there any place where it's truly safe?"

If Deoxys had a mouth, she would have grinned. Since Dialga and Shaymin were unable to take care of Ryuu, she'd decided on the most extreme course of action- Mewtwo's lectures. He rarely gave them, but when he did, the people present wished they'd been born deaf. To make matters worse for Ryuu, Deoxys had tied him to a chair with psychic-resistant ropes.

"You sure this will work?" Momo asked her. He'd recovered sufficiently from his injuries to move about unaided, although it was slower than his usual speed.

"One-hundred percent guaranteed. Mewtwo's boring lectures can go on for insanely long periods of time. His record's fifty-nine hours, and he's hoping to break it. If Ryuu doesn't get mental scarring from this, I'd be impressed."

"He's already cracking." Ura remarked, noticing the other Deoxys' eyes were filled with terror. "I somehow pity him."

"Hey, Deoxys!" Someone shouted, the voice echoing down the hallway. The DNA Pokemon turned her head to see the Legendaries of Time, Space, Land and Sea. "We'll be using Arceus' personal television set, for your information." Groudon called to her.

"Go ahead. Giratina's still in his room blasting music, so go ahead." Deoxys turned her head back to the 'interrogation room', as the Legends had called it. Officially called the 'Lecture Room', it was the place where Arceus gave all her lectures on how to rule the world properly and so on every century or so. The other Legends, however, were free to use it. The room was specially built so that those outside could hear what was going on inside, but no sound from the outside could get inside.

"Now then, let's move on to the next section of my lecture."

"How many freaking parts are there?!" Ryuu nearly shouted. Deoxys hadn't bothered to gag him when she tied him up.

"Not much. Just one googol more parts to go." Mewtwo replied calmly.

"What's a googol?" Momo asked Deoxys.

"Well, it's a number that's followed by a hundred zeroes. A human called Milton Sirotta, who was the nephew of another human, Edward Kasner, coined it in-"

"Shut up. One lecturer's enough."

"GIVE ME THE FREAKING REMOTE, PALKIA!" Dialga shouted as Palkia waved the remote above his head. At times like this, Dialga wished she had hands.

"I'll take that." Groudon, who was behind the Space Legendary, deftly plucked the remote from Palkia's grasp. "It's almost time for the news, anyway."

"Give me a break, Groudon! That show's meant for comedy!" Kyogre shouted from the other end of the room.

"I obviously knew that a long time ago!" He yelled back. "Sometimes, I wish Arceus was around."

"Speaking of Arceus, how long do you think she'll take to get back?" Dialga asked her counterpart.

"Probably several hours or a day. You've got that look in your eyes again."

"What look?"

"The look that says 'You're going to hate this idea of blackmail, but I'm going to carry it out anyway.'"

"Relax, Palkia. You're going to love this brutally simplistic idea." Dialga said, her mouth stretched into a smile that did anything but reassure him.

"Now then, we shall proceed to part four." Mewtwo said calmly. He'd been lecturing Ryuu for close to three hours.

"Part four? Man, why does this guy use a number that's so unlucky?" Momo remarked.

"Well, at least he's better at math than you." Deoxys commented.

"Hey, I practice my math twenty-five hours a day, nine days a week, seven weeks a month and fifteen months a year!"

"And you're still at square one."

"At least my counting's improved! See, one two three five six seven eight nine ten!"

"Why do we even bother?" Deoxys whispered to her other brother. Ura looked up from the book he was reading.

"Correction. Why do you even bother? I gave up bothering about his math a long time ago. Anyway, what are those two-" He pointed to Dialga and Palkia, who were standing outside the door to Giratina's room, "-doing?"

"Must be another of Dialga's plots. Just stay out of the way and nothing will happen to you."

"You sure Arceus will fall for such a simple trick?"

"Positive. Don't worry, I'd bet she wouldn't even notice."

"If she does, I don't know you." Palkia said as he followed the instructions Dialga gave him. Two minutes later, she gave Palkia a look and a nod before the two of them returned to the room where Arceus' personal television was housed.

"Finally! It's tuned to the right channel!" Groudon said to himself. Kyogre tossed him the remote control, which he caught in one claw and hit the appropriate button with the other.

"Since when were you two friends?" Dialga asked as all four Legends sat down.

"We decided not to fight for now. Instead, we'll solve our problems with an ancient game long played by humans, Pokemon and possibly aliens. This game is extremely simple and takes only seconds to learn."

There was a silence.

"ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!" Both Legends of Land and Sea shouted.

"Ha! I win again! I'm hanging on to the remote!" Groudon said, staring at Kyogre's fin and his outstretched claw.

"With a game like that, Groudon's gonna have Kyogre wrapped around his little finger." Palkia whispered quietly to Dialga, who nodded.

"So, when is this human show starting?" The Time Legendary asked, her eyes squinting as she tried to make out the small words printed on the newspaper that she'd taken earlier.

"This, 'The Goose'?"

" 'The Noose'." Groudon corrected. "You'll find out. It's starting, so just watch." He added, while increasing the volume so that everyone in the room could hear.

"Welcome to 'The Noose'. I'm B.B See."

"And I'm Angelina Wow. Our top story tonight."

Palkia and Dialga exchanged glances. Why a human would want to name himself after a news network was beyond them, but they kept any comments they had to themselves. After all, if Groudon, the Legendaries' self-proclaimed 'TV Specialist', had said this show was interesting, it ought to be.

Twenty Minutes Later

No one said anything in the room. It was because of the simple reason that they were too busy laughing to say anything.

"This is certainly way better than those lousy comedy shows where people whack each other's heads off!" Palkia remarked, while wiping a tear from his eye.

"The humor's way more intelligent." Dialga noted. She had been the only one to suppress her laughter through the whole show.

"Guys! The weather report's coming up!" Groudon said, signaling for silence. On-screen, a man named Rain Ong was talking about the weather.

"First things first, to all parents, if your children are singing 'Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come Again Another Day,' in school, you'd better get them the heck out of there."

The sounds of someone chuckling began to fill the room.

"To me, Sunshine, well, is simply another brand of bread!"

The sounds of mirth intensified.

"No matter what they say, Rain is here to stay. So remember folks, wherever Rain goes, Rain follows! That's the weather report, by yours truly, Rain."

"Thank you. That's all for this week, so be sure to tune in again next week. Also, be sure to check our website for a whole lot of rubbish."

The room was silent for a while, before laughter filled it unexpectedly.

"That was way better than the few comedy shows I've watched. But it's not really that funny, right?"

"Dialga, relax! Just enjoy yourself for a night!" Kyogre remarked.

"Whatever. I'm going outside to see if Arceus is back yet." She said, opening the door with a burst of psychic energy. As she left, two pairs of eyes turned to Palkia.

"She's probably still upset over his death." Palkia said, answering the unspoken question.

"And no, if I went after her, I'd get beaten up so badly that you guys won't even recognize me."

"Is that so?" Groudon said. "It's been almost two years since he left. She should really learn to put the past behind her."

"That's the hardest part of being the Time Legendary. Knowing when someone close to you will die, yet being unable to do anything about it." Dialga's counterpart spoke.

"That stupid Shaymin…" Arceus muttered as she slowly climbed the stairs that led to the Hall of Origin. She and Registeel spent the whole day fixing Shaymin's garden, which was an oxymoron as she was supposed to command the Legends, not some plant-obsessed hedgehog.

"At least I'll be able to get some sleep." She said to herself, noticing that no music was blasting from the Hall's depths. Although she should have noticed that the psychic paths that she could sense and often led her back to her room even with her eyes closed were modified, in her tired state, the Alpha Pokemon didn't notice.

Pushing open the door, Arceus stepped into the room, closed the door behind her and promptly fell face-first in exhaustion into what she thought was her pillow, falling asleep nearly instantly.

What she didn't notice, however, was that the 'pillow' was rising and falling slowly, and one side of it glinted silver in the moonlight.

"Worked like a charm. With this, we can pressure Arceus for a few weeks off." Dialga said, as she returned to the other Legendaries gathered in the Hall. Beside her, a camera floated along, lifted by psychic energy.

"Now then, let's move on to part twenty. The Great Depression, a human event in which their economies fell sharply, took place in-" Mewtwo's voice could be heard from two rooms away.

"Well, looks like one of us isn't getting a vacation anytime soon." Deoxys remarked.

Note: 'The Noose' I'm referring to has nothing to do with the movie that has the same name. The one I'm using (Don't own.) is a comedy show that talks about everything under, and including, the weather.

That's all for now. Until we meet again.