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Chapter 10: Thinking Clearly is not an Option

Two weeks have gone by and Spencer is still parading that skank, Kyla around in front of me. I know we're in jail but it feels like I'm in high school. (Well the few weeks I went.) I know what she's doing and it is definitely working. Every time I see them they're either kissing or touching each other and she's always staring at me while she does it. She gets so angry and jealous I think in disgusted at the last word. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. Yes I do. I've wanted Spencer ever since she first walked into our cell. I didn't want to choke her but when she touched my arm I became scared. She made me think, that if I was somehow with her, maybe my life was important. She diffused me when I was about to blow up at her with one touch. Nobody does that? When I held her hand and spent that amazing week just holding her I felt it. God I felt it. Not once did I have a nightmare but every night I did dream of her. I still do but it's not the same this time. I dream of hurting her, maybe even killing her. I'm not what you call good people. I've hurt tons of people when working for my father and I know I'll eventually hurt her too. I sigh. Maybe I just need to be selfish and take her for myself. I know she won't care but she doesn't really know me to not care. I don't know. I say to myself staring at the fluorescent lights above.

"Free time" I hear over the intercom. Great. Two hours of watching Kyla and Spencer all over each other. I hop down off the bunk, Spencer already at the door. The doors open and we walk toward the court yard. About half way there I'm still walking with Spencer so I try to talk to her. Spencer I … she turns toward me but is soon pulled away by Kyla who has put her arm around her shoulder. I see her look over Kylas' arm and stare at me longingly. I take a deep breath and continue to the courtyard.

Here I am again watching Kyla and Spencer. It looks like Kyla is all over Spencer and she is just going with it. I turn my head. Lately I've been having these strong urges to just go over to them and beat the shit out of Kyla. It's this unnerving feeling of jealousy that won't go away. Come on Ashley you've suppressed this feeling a thousand times. Don't do anything stupid. I say to myself. Just breathe. I see Kyla trying to kiss Spencer and Spencer trying to push her away. I look at her and I can tell she is a scared. Fuck my inhibitions. I stand up and walk toward Kyla and Spencer. Roughly pulling Kyla away I stand protectively in front of Spencer.

"She doesn't want you to touch her." I say boring my eyes into Kylas. Chelsea, Carmen and Madison look up and start to walk over but Kyla holds her hand up.

"What makes you think that you know what my bitch wants? Kyla ask smirking.

I step toward Kyla. "Spencer is not a bitch."

"Ashley what are you doing?" Spencer ask her voice wavering.

I turn to look at her. "Look Spencer I know I've been ignoring you lately but….." Kyla pushes me from behind. You know I'm getting a little tired of people, no Kyla, interrupting me. I quickly turn around.

"She's not yours to talk to Ashley. She gave you chance after chance and you blew it. She's mine now." I take a step closer and punch Kyla in the face.

"No she is not." I say enunciating each word. Kyla quickly launches herself at me and we fall to the ground. She gets in one good punch but I roll us around until I'm on top. She struggles to get up but I start wailing on her face. Punch after punch. Blow after blow.

"Stop you're hurting her" I hear Spencer cry. I can't stop. I won't stop. I'm in the zone and I'm releasing all my pent up energy and it feels so damn good. Pretty soon I feel two hands grab me by the waist and lift me up. I struggle but soon find out my captor is stronger than me. I stop moving and finally look at my Kyla, Spencer already at her side. Her face was covered in blood. Her eyes swollen shut and her lips cut and bruised. I stand there with a satisfied smirk on my face, but when i look to Spencer my smirk disappears and look down guiltily. Spencer is looking at me with disappointment in and I can't bare to meet her eyes. I look behind me to see who is holding me. It's the leader of this crew. Chelsea. I try to release myself from her grasp but she just holds me tighter. Looking over to the right I see two guards running over. Oh great. I think annoyed. Right on time. It was Aiden and some other guy.

"What happened here?" Aiden ask.

"Nothing" I say. He looks down at Kyla.

"What happened here?" He repeats. Kyla looks at me then at Spencer then back at me with a look of revenge on her face. "Nothing. I fell." She says in a monotone voice still looking at me. Aiden looks at Spencer and I see her give a slight nod.

"Ok then. Let's not have too many of these accidents." He says looking at me. Then he and the other guard turn to walk away. I watch them go feeling queasy. I was sick of this and I was sick of myself. Pulling out of Chelsea's arms I start to walk away. "Ashley" I hear Spencer call out but I don't stop. I needed to think.

It's the next day at lunch and Spencer is still sitting with a very bruised up Kyla. I get up with my tray and leave the room. After dumping my tray I feel someone behind me and before I knew it I was being dragged into an empty room full of cleaning products. My captor closes the door and pushes me into it. I shake my head and look up…..at Spencer.

"Ashley what the hell was that yesterday? You had no right to go after her like that."

"Yes I did." I say quietly.

"Why?" She yelled. "Because she called me a bitch? I didn't think you cared so much." She says coldly.

"You know I do." I whisper.

"Do I? How could you do something so stupid? You could have been sent with the guard again." Ok, I had had enough of this verbal bashing.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE!" I yell. Spencer stands there shocked. Eyes wide open. "Because seeing you with her gave me more rage than I ever thought I could have. Because every time I'm around you I start to lose my self control and I can't handle that. Because I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant that we'd be together. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now? I stand there breathing hard, staring into her wide blue eyes and in two swift movements Spencer has grabbed my head an placed her lips on mine.

Oh Snap!! I'm proud of myself for updating earlier than usual. Like you I was waiting for this chapter too. I can't wait to write the next one!!