Chapter Ten: Make Me Wanna
Piper's POV
The door is shut gently in my face, as if the quiet click of the lock will lessen the pain. But it won't and it doesn't. Once the door is completely closed, I slump down and start to cry because I realize how much I fucked up and how much I'm in love with this girl. And now I know the reasons why I love her far exceed the reasons why I didn't want to be with her. Alex is charming, comforting, kind-hearted and warm—she's perfect in all the imperfectly perfect ways. My life once Alex left wasn't a life. I thought it was when I was running around Smith, getting drunk and high every weekend. I thought it was when I moved back home and reconnected with an ex. And I thought it was once I picked myself up off the ground and got a job. But it wasn't a life—it was a shell of life.
Diane told me before she gently shut the door that Alex would be at Red's Records headquarters in LA. She told me to go, to fight for Alex. I never even told her a word about my feelings for her daughter. Diane just knew. And that's what gives me the courage to drive to the nearest airport and buy the next ticket out to LA. It's what drives my every action, knowing someone out there believes in us and knows how deep my love for Alex ran before I even knew. In high school, I never thought of Alex that way, despite the butterflies I got when around her or the ache in my heart when she wasn't with me. And it took me until now to accept what I feel, and I don't regret accepting it. I regret not showing it and not acting on it until
it was too little.
"Boarding Flight 202 for Los Angeles, California," the lady for American Airlines says over the loud speaker. I grab my tiny backpack that stores only two items: the scrapbook and my wallet. I have nothing else. I need nothing else—besides Alex Vause. That I need right now. I need her lips on mine, her hand in my hand and her heart with mine. I crave it so much that I can't understand how I lived this long without it. But I'm glad I found it: love, that is.
Sliding into the seat next to the window, I draw out my phone and earbuds, pushing the buds in my ear and pressing play on my iPhone music library. The flight takes off as the music continues to thump and pound, and I find myself staring out the plane window, the snow-covered fields and hills zooming by on the ground below. Before I know it, though, the snow slowly disappears, replaced by red and brown dirt plains. Dirt turns into prickly grass and sunshine, and the captain comes on to say that we have arrived in California, approaching our final destination soon.
The plane lands smoothly, and I grab my backpack from the overhead compartment before exiting the airplane and entering the airport. I keep walking and walking until I make it outside, the sun dazzling in the sky. It's a nice change of pace from the cold and snow, that's for sure. Anyway, I hail a cab and tell the driver my destination. He nods his head before speeding away towards the place where I will bear my soul. And where I hope Alex will take me back.
"Here we are Miss," the cabby says, outstretching his hand for payment.
"Thanks," I reply, slipping a twenty into his hand before shutting the yellow door and looking up at the massive skyscraper in front of me.
Taking small but sure steps, I push open the glass door and strut up to the receptionist's desk. The lady has a head full of hair, a grin tattooed on her face. She looks bored yet constantly amused. It confuses me slightly, but I ignore it as I continue my trek towards her.
"Hello, I would like to know what floor Alex Vause is on," I say confidently, hoping she'll give me the information I want without me having to pry it out of her. But I'm thinking I'll have to do the latter instead of the former.
"You and everyone else today, blondie," the receptionist, whose nameplate reads Nicole Nichols, shoots back at me. "What's your name? I'll see if she has ya scheduled in or something."
"Oh, I won't be scheduled in there. I'm a close friend of hers. Piper Chapman." Maybe the name will ring a bell. And, to my luck, I watch as the girl's face lights up in delight as if she has been waiting for this moment her whole life.
"Well, Piper, she isn't in the office right now. She's at home," the lady explains. "But, I can give you her address."
I'm thinking about how easy that was as the receptionist scribbles down an address on a piece of paper and slides it over the cool surface of the glass top. Giving me a wink, she says one last thing before I leave.
"Good luck, Piper. Good damn luck."
I had no idea that Alex had a home here in LA, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised with the amount of money she makes now. She probably also spends a lot of time in this city, too. What I am really surprised by is the actual house itself. It's a huge, two story house that overlooks a valley below. I spot an infinity pool in the backyard, and I immediately want to jump in it. The rest of the outside of the house is painted in white, a five-door garage adjacent to the house. It's gorgeous—the design and feel of the place. Very modern and sleek.
I knock on the door three times, the scrapbook wrapped underneath my non-knocking arm. My legs are spazzing out, my feet tapping the ground anxiously. Time seems to slow down, but, even through the appeared slowness, the amount of time I stand at the door seems absurdly long. I know she's home, so I turn the handle—it's unlocked—and push my way into the house.
The lights are on and I make my way towards the center of the house. I don't see or hear anything on the main floor so I opt to go the second floor where I presume Alex's room is located. As my feet plop up each step, I hear muffled noises and know Alex is up here. I keep following the noise to a simple black door. I want to push it open, but I know doing that will give Alex a heart attack. But I have no other option.
I turn the handle slowly and open the door. But what I find on the other side is not what I expected. Nothing about today is what I expected. But I guess I should've expected this. I should've saw this coming. On the other side of the door is Alex and Jules, laying in bed and laughing their heads off at something on the TV plastered opposite of Alex's king-sized bed.
"Mother fucker!" Alex screams at first, thinking I am an intruder, which I suppose I am. After she sees it's me, a confused look flits across her beautiful face. "Piper?"
But I don't respond because I keep looking at Jules. I mean, I couldn't expect Alex to wait for me forever, right? I denied her. Why would she not move on? So, I drop the scrapbook on the ground and sprint away. I run away like Alex did to me ten years ago. And now I know why she ran. It's easier than facing the consequences. It's easier to never look back.
Alex's POV
"Am I seeing things, Jules? Please tell me I did not just seeing fucking Piper appear in my room?" My body is trembling at the sight I think I saw. Honestly, with how I've been feeling today, it wouldn't surprise me that I hallucinated that. Also, I'm drunk so it really could've been my imagination.
"Shit, Alex, I wish it was an hallucination. But Piper is actually here, and she just ran away, so what are you waiting for? Go get you girl."
I stumble out of my bed, tripping on the object Piper dropped. Taking a moment, I pick it up and see what it is. And when my mind registers what I'm holding, I know I need to find Piper. She came here for a reason, and I think I know what that reason is. But she saw me with Jules and probably thought the worst, so she ran away, something we both do in the friendship (relationship).
"Piper!" I scream out as I trapeze down the stairs and head outside. The door is wide open, and I sprint right through it. Piper is standing on the curb, a cab coming closer and closer to my house. The damn cab will get to Piper before I can, and I curse out loud. My fucking luck. Really.
"Don't get in that cab. Don't run away," I yell. I feel myself succumbing to the tears and the sadness, and I drop to the ground. "Piper. Don't."
And, in that moment, time stops. I see my life ahead of me, one without Piper in it and one with her. The thought of one without her cripples me. But then time resumes, and I notice Piper's hand open the cab door. It's over. It's really over. We both fucked it up, and there's no way to salvage it. Whatever it is.
I wait for Piper to slide into the cab, but she never does. She mumbles something to the cabby before stepping back and shutting the door. The cab drives away, leaving Piper in its wake and on my curb. My head lifts up, and I watch as Piper gives me a timid smile. I stand up and will myself to walk over to her. Piper starts waking towards me, too, before breaking out into a run, halting when she's a mere foot away.
"Piper, I can…" I start to say before I am cut off by Piper's lips on mine.
It's not a tender kiss by any means. Piper swallows all the words I was going to say. All the emotion pent up between us is released as our mouths move together as one. I grip into Piper's waist with all my might, thinking that if I let go, she will leave me. Piper throws her arms around my shoulders, her hands tangling in my hair. She bites my bottom lip, and I groan at the feeling. As I groan, Piper uses that as the opportunity to slip her tongue into my mouth. We continue like this—mouths moving and tongues dancing—until we both need air. Pulling away, Piper takes her hand and cups my cheek as I rest my forehead against hers.
"Pipes, what are you doing?"
She looks me square in the eyes, our foreheads still pressed against each other's and our breaths both ragged.
"Alex, from the moment you left ten years ago, a gap formed in my heart. A gap I didn't even know I still needed filled before you showed up last week. I had moved on with my life, and I thought I was happy. But, fuck, Al, I wasn't happy at all. And it took me until I saw you again to understand that the only way to fill the gap in my heart was to be with the person who created it in the first place," Piper explains, putting her hand up to signal for me to not interrupt.
"And I'm not blaming you for causing this gap because the reason I had the gap is because when you left, my heart realized it belonged with you. I didn't fight hard enough to win you back or to verbalize my feelings for you. Hell, I denied the feelings for so long, and I can't do it any longer. Alex Vause, you are love that I can't live without. God, I love you so much it's insane. And I tried to make us stay friends because I didn't want to risk losing you, but, by denying my love for you, I did lose you. We can never just be friends, Alex. In high school, maybe. But now? After all of the shit that's happened, there's no way. So I don't want to be friends, ok?"
My mind tries to process all that she said, but all I can think about is how she came out to California to tell me she can't be friends with me, that she can't be around me.
"So we aren't friends? Why did you come all this way to tell me you love me but still want to shut me out of your life."
Piper gives me this sad look.
"Alex, I don't want us to be friends…"
"I get that Pipes, thanks."
"No, Alex, you don't get it. I want to be the one who you wake up to every morning. I want to be the one that holds your hand when you're scared. I want to be the one whose shoulder you cry on. I want to be the person who you fall asleep next to every damn night for the rest of your life. And I want to be the one to love you. With all of my heart and all of being."
Instead of responding back with words, I push my lips gently on hers, conveying my answer. But I say it out loud just in case.
"Ok," I whisper.
Piper smiles, kissing me again so hard that I fall backwards, taking Piper down with me. She's on top of me, giggling. And I've missed that laugh. Oh so much.
"Ok," Piper replies, kissing my cheek.
Another person's voice interrupts me as I am about to kiss Piper some more. It's Jules. She's standing on the front porch, clapping her hands loudly.
"ABOUT DAMN TIME," she screams, a smile on her face.
Piper and I both laugh out loud before I suck the laugh out of her with my lips on hers. We continue making out on my front lawn as Jules stands there clapping and hooting and hollering.
"I love you, too. So much," I state. "So damn much.
Now baby don't you look at me that way
'Cause you know there's only so much I can take
'Cause you make me wanna
Pull this truck to the side of the road
Slide on over, let me hold you close and tell you everything I'm thinking
Hop on out and let the tailgate fall
Get drunk on you with no alcohol
If you don't stop I'm gonna
Girl you make me wanna