Still feeling lighthearted, Jack goes straight to Kal and Jamie's. Neither of them are home when he arrives, but it doesn't matter. The first thing they did when they moved in was give him a key, so he lets himself in and claims the sofa. He crawls under a blanket to watch Disney movies for the rest of the day, something sweet and easy that isn't going to spoil his mood.
Next thing he knows, Jamie's moving him gently, trying not to wake him and failing.
"You're lying on the remote," Jamie murmurs when he blinks sleepily up at him. Jack doesn't bother answering, just wraps his arms around Jamie's waist and clings like a limpet. His impromptu nap smothered him with melancholy, and now his thoughts are jangling with doubt. Did Pitch really want him? Is he angry with him? Does he really want to see him again?
Since there's not much else he can do, Jamie rests a hand on Jack's head, playing with his hair. Jack sighs and snuggles closer, breathing in the fresh-laundry scent of his friend. "You wanna talk about it?"
If Jack knew why his mood suddenly plummeted, maybe there'd be something to talk about, but he's never been great at understanding his emotions, even worse at talking about them. He shakes his head and pulls the remote from his nest of blankets and starts Treasure Planet again.
Jamie knows him too well to ask any more questions. Instead he sits and lets Jack drape himself over him in an attempt to gain comfort by osmosis. They watch the movie and all the while Jamie refrains from asking questions. Jack is impressed. He didn't think he had that much patience.
Eventually though, that patience wears thin.
"So. I come home and you're here, clearly bummed out. I assume the date didn't go well?"
Jack stares at a bare patch of wall for long moments. "No. It went well. I'm not bummed out. I'm just… I reacted weirdly, and I don't know why, or what to do about it."
Another patient pause from Jamie that breaks after half a minute. "Weirdly how?"
"Well – he was giving me a blow job-"
"Geez, Jack, tmi-"
"And I just freaked out. Like – it was good. It was really good. And then I'm just panicking and-" Suddenly anxiety sinks little biting teeth in him and he breaks off. He breathes deep, trying to quash it. Jamie's used to this and he strokes Jack's back with one hand, squeezes Jack's hand with the other. The warm touch slowly quiets the anxiety, and Jack looks down at their joined hands, focusing on the tattered, months-old friendship bracelet on Jamie's wrist, the matching one on his own. "I panicked," Jack says, feeling detached from it all. "But Pitch helped me. He didn't even think I was weird for it. He didn't judge me. He understood"
"That's good. And he didn't do anything to make you panic?"
"No. You know me, Jamie. I don't need a reason."
Jamie sighs and strokes Jack's hair. "Jack…" He trails off, and when Jack looks up at him, a pensive frown is creasing his brow. Jack reaches up to smooth it, and Jamie looks down at him with half a smile. "Sometimes I wish it had worked out between us. So that I could have looked after you."
"You don't need to be sleeping with me to look after me, Jamie. You do it all the time."
Jamie's phone starts to ring. Jack glances at it and sees *Mom* flashing up on the screen. He lets it ring, and Jack gestures at it.
"You best answer it."
"She'll just be checking that I'm getting ready. It's Gramma's birthday, she always likes to see me in a suit."
"She's not the only one," Jack says lightly, but there's not much humour in it. He'd forgotten that Jamie had plans. Forgotten too that Kal is out of town, visiting his folks. He doesn't really want to be alone, and there isn't anyone else he can turn to.
The phone stops ringing, and Jack sits up, swallowing a sigh. He glances around to see where he kicked off his Chucks, sees his hoodie pooled under the coffee table. As he reaches for it, Jamie puts his hand on Jack's knee.
"You don't have to go. I can cancel. Or maybe you can come."
"Don't make me sound like even more of a trainwreck than I am," Jack says with a grin, getting to his feet and stretching to work the kinks of his spine. "Go. Tell everyone I said hi, and tell your gramma happy birthday."
"Jack," Jamie says, but that's as far as he gets. He stands and looks very seriously at Jack. "If you need me, call me. I'll leave straight away. Any time. I'm worried about you."
"There's no need to worry. No more than usual, anyway."
Jamie sighs and hugs Jack tightly. "That's not much comfort."
When Jack gets back to his dad's place, it's empty and freezing cold. He sees his breath when he sighs, and wonders if his dad even checked if Jack was home before turning the heat off.
Switching it on is the first thing he does, followed by throwing a pizza in the oven and opening a bottle of wine, because there is no finer way to spend an evening alone than getting drunk and overloading on carbs. He pours the wine into a beer glass and then goes to his room to look at the books Pitch gave him. He flicks to the index and reads the bit about rope bondage. As he reads he feels a deep urge rising in him, spilling over like a boiling pot. He wants to feel rope against his skin, binding him, keeping in place all those parts of him that want to fly off in a hundred directions. More importantly, he wants Pitch to put those ropes on him. He wants Pitch to show him that he doesn't need to worry; that Pitch will look after him. That Pitch is in control. He wants to hear Pitch tell him what a good boy he is, wants to feel wanted and safe and like he belongs somewhere for once in his life.
Melancholy and longing are a tug-of-war in Jack's chest as he looks down at the book, the letters a blur of black and white. Is he putting too much faith in Pitch? Is he reading too much into the way Pitch treated him?
The timer for the pizza jerks him out of his downward spiral. He puts on Netflix while he eats and grabs his phone and sends a text with greasy fingers.
I've been reading the books. Interesting stuff.
Jack doesn't get an answer back straight away, not for two whole episodes of Futurama. It's plenty of time for him to worry that Pitch isn't interested in him after all, and it's embarrassing how quickly he grabs his phone when the message tone rings out.
Pitch:
What do you find most interesting?
Jack chews his lip. All of it, he wants to say. And I want to explore it all with you. God, I want you to look after me. He considers sending an absolutely filthy response before remembering that Pitch has his daughter with him. Probably not the best start to a relationship.
The rope stuff. When can we meet up?
Pitch's response is lightning fast this time. Tomorrow evening. 7pm. The coffee shop.
Jack laughs and feels all of his anxiety melt away. Looks like there's no need to worry that Pitch isn't interested. Thought you said Tuesday?
Apparently I can't wait. Can you make it?
Definitely. Hope your having a good weekend with your daughter.
Pitch sends a simple Thank you. Have a good evening, and Jack falls back, and Jack falls back with a grin, clutching his phone to his chest like a lovesick teenager.
A/N: Sorry I didn't upload last week! I've been really ill. As ever, thank you so so much for your favs, follows and comments, you're all amazing.