I should have mentioned somewhere in chapter 3 that Elizabeth likes 80's music. Maybe i'll add that in later. :) I'm also thinking of making my own soundtrack to the songs that will be mentioned in this story. There will be a lot of A Flock of Seagulls, LOL! ;D

Chapter 10
Just a Joke

Monday, June 2, 2013

For what seems like the first time in my life, I voluntarily go for a power walk. I find my sneakers, some leggings, and a baggy t-shirt. I put my hair in pigtails, blushing at the memories they bring back, and I plug in my iPod. I can't stand to sit in front of that marvel technology and look at or read any more disturbing material. I need to expend some of this excess, enervating energy. Quite frankly, I have an idea to walk all the way to the Fairmont Hotel and just demand sex from the control freak. But that's almost five miles away, and I don't think I'll be able to walk that far, and of course, he might turn me down, which would be beyond humiliating.

Lily is walking up the steps of the deck as I head out the front door. She nearly drops her shopping bags when she sees me. Elizabeth Callahan in sneakers. I wave to her and don't stop for the questioning. I need some serious time alone. With The Thompson Twins blaring in my ears, I set off into the dusk.

I power walk through the park, going past a few people walking there dogs. What am I going to do? I want him, but on his terms? I just don't know what to do about this. Maybe I should negotiate what I want. Go through that ridiculous contract line by line and say what is acceptable and what isn't. My research has told me that legally it's unenforceable. He must know that. I figure that it just sets up the parameters of the relationship. It illustrates what I can expect from him and what he expects from me. My total submission. Am I prepared to give him that? Am I even capable of doing this?

I have so many questions but I am plagued by one. Why is Felix like this? Is it because he was seduced at such a young age? I just don't know. He's still such a mystery and it makes me wonder how he does this and is still able to makes his videos for YouTube.

I stop and sit down on one of the park benches and breathe in the California air. Oh, this feels good. I feel my resolve hardening. Yes. I need to tell him what's okay and what isn't. I need to e-mail Felix my thoughts, and then we can discuss them on Wednesday. Standing up from the bench, I take a deep breath and decide to jog back to the house.

Lily has been out and about shopping, as only she can, for clothes for her vacation to Cancun. Mainly bikinis, colorful sundresses, and sandals. She will look fabulous in all of them, yet she still makes me sit and comment while she tries on each and every one. There are only so many ways one can say, "You look fabulous, Lily." She has a curvy, slim figure to die for. She doesn't do it on purpose, I know, but I haul my sorry, perspiration-clad ass upstairs and into my room. Setting up the laptop on my desk, I type out another e-mail to Felix.

From: Elizabeth Callahan
Subject: Shocked
Date: June 2 2013 8:01 p.m
To: Felix Kjellberg

Okay, I think I've seen enough. It was nice knowing you.

-Elizabeth

I press "send," hugging myself as I laugh at my little joke. But will he find it funny? Oh shit, probably not, but I know that Felix Kjellberg has a sense of humor. I've seen it in his videos so I know it exists. I even saw his sense of humor when I interviewed him. Damn. Perhaps I've gone too far. I sit and wait for his answer.

I wait...and wait. I glance over at my alarm clock. Ten minutes has passed.

To distract myself from the anxiety that blooms within my belly, I open up another tab and in what seems like forever, I go on YouTube and decide to watch some PewDiePie. On his channel, I notice that his subscribers have already reached over 13 million. Wow.

I find an animation video called 'Flowers For My Valentine,' a fanfic that is read by Felix and another YouTuber named Cryaotic. I click on the video and watch. Within a few seconds into the video, I'm laughing at all the funny parts. He sounds so care-free and I melt at the sound of his beautiful voice.

By eight-thirty, I've heard nothing. Perhaps he's out and about. I pout in disappointment as I put on my headphones and turn on my iPod to listen to A Flock of Seagulls. While 'Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)' blares in my ears, I re-read the contract and make my comments.

I don't know why I glance up, maybe I catch a slight movement from out of the corner of eye, I don't know, but when I look up, I see Felix standing in the doorway of my bedroom, watching me intently with his bright blue eyes. He's wearing his cream colored sweater and black dress pants. He leans against the door jamb, gently twirling his car keys. I take off my headphones and freeze on the spot. Holy shit, how long has he been standing there?

"Good evening, Elizabeth." His voice is cool, his expression completely guarded and unreadable.

The capacity to speak seems to desert me. Damn Lily for letting him in here without any kind of warning. Vaguely, I'm aware that I'm still wearing my leggings, un-showered, yucky, and he's just so gloriously yummy looking, and what's more is that he's here in my bedroom.

"I felt that your e-mail deserved a reply in person," he explains as if answering my unanswered question.

I open my mouth to speak but I can't seem to locate my voice. The joke is on me. Never in this life or any alternative universe did I expect him to drop everything and turn up here. My inner goddess remains silent while she and I stare at the Swedish man.

"May I sit down?" he asks, his eyes now dancing with humor to the look on my face. Thank heavens, maybe he'll see the funny side.

I nod. The power of speech remains elusive. Felix Kjellberg is sitting on my bed. This is like every girl's dream.

"I wondered what your bedroom would look like," he says. "It's very beautiful and cozy."

My room is cozy with white wicker furniture and a white queen sized bed with a soft pink quilt that was made by my great grandmother.

"It's very serene and peaceful in here," he murmurs softly.

At last, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose. I breathe. "How...?"

He smiles at me. "I'm still at the Fairmont."

I know that.

"Would you like something to drink?" I ask as politeness wins out everything else that I'd like to say.

"No thank you, Elizabeth." He smiles a dazzling, crooked smile, his head cocked slightly to one side.

Well, I may need one.

"So, it was nice knowing me?"

Holy cow, is he offended? I stare down at my knotted fingers. How am I going to dig myself out of this? If I tell him that it was just a joke, he may not be impressed.

"I thought you would reply by e-mail." My voice is small and pathetic.

"Are you biting your lower lip deliberately?" he asks darkly, his accent husky.

I blink up at him and gasp as I free my lip from my teeth.

"I wasn't aware that I was biting my lip," I murmur softly.

My heart is pounding like crazy. He's here in my bedroom and I can feel that pull, that delicious electricity between us charging, filling the space between us with static. He's sitting so close to me, his eyes bright, his elbows resting on his knees, his legs apart. Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing my hair. My breathing is shallow as desire courses through my belly, and I cannot move. I watch hypnotized as his hand moves to my second pigtail, and pulling the hair tie, he loosens the braid with his beautiful, skilled fingers.

"So you decided on some exercise," he breathes, his accent soft and melodious. Oh my. His fingers gently tuck my hair behind my ear. "Why is that, Elizabeth?" His fingers circle my ear, and very softly, rhythmically, he tugs my earlobe. It's so sexual.

"I needed some time to think," I whisper.

I'm all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake...and he knows exactly what he's doing to me.

"Think about what, Elizabeth?"

"You," I breathe.

"And you decided that it was nice knowing me?" he asks. "Did you mean knowing me in the biblical sense?

Oh, shit. I flush crimson.

"I didn't think you were familiar with the Bible," I say.

Felix chuckles. "I went to Sunday school, Elizabeth. It taught me a great deal."

"I don't remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible. Perhaps you were taught from a modern translation."

His lips arch with a trace of a smile, and my eyes are drawn to his mouth as I stop breathing.

"Well, I thought I should come and remind you of how nice it was knowing me."

Holy shit! I stare up at him open mouthed, and his fingers move from my ear to my chin.

"What do you say to that, Miss. Callahan?"

His eyes blaze at me, his challenge intrinsic in his stare. His lips are parted as if he's waiting like a snake that is coiled to strike it's prey. Desire; acute, liquid, and smoldering combusts deep within my belly. Oh, challenge accepted! I take preemptive action and launch myself at him. He moves, and in a blink of an eye, I'm pinned beneath him on the bed with my arms outstretched and held above my head, his free hand clutching my face as his lips crash against mine.

His tongue is in my mouth, claiming and possessing me, and I revel in the force that he uses. I feel him against the length of my body. He wants me, and this does strange, delicious things to my insides. He wants me, and only me. Not Lily in her little bikinis and sundresses, not any of the seventeen, not the evil Mrs. Andreassen. Me. This beautiful, sexy Swedish man wants me. My inner goddess glows so bright that she could light up all of San Francisco. He stops kissing me and I open my eyes to find him gazing down at me with his lovely blue eyes.

"Do you trust me?" he breathes.

I nod with wide eyes, my heart bouncing off my ribs, and my blood thundering through my whole body.

Reaching into his pants pocket, he takes out his silver-blue silk tie...that silver-blue woven tie that leaves small impressions of its weave on my skin. He moves so quickly, sitting astride me as he fastens my wrists together, but this time, he ties the other end of the tie to one of the bars on my white headboard. He tugs at my binding, checking to see if it's secure. I'm not going anywhere. I'm tied, literally, to my bed, and I'm so aroused.

He slides off me and stands beside the bed, staring down at me, his eyes dark with want. His look is triumphant and mixed with relief.

"That's much better," he murmurs, and smiles a wicked, knowing smile. He bends down and starts to untie my sneakers. Oh no...my feet. No, I've just been out running.

"Wait, no," I protest, trying to kick him off.

He stops.

"If you struggle, I'll tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Elizabeth, I will gag you. So keep quiet. Lily is probably outside listening right now."

Gag me! Holy shit! Lily! I obey and shut my mouth.

He removes my shoes and my socks, and slowly peels off my leggings. Oh shit, what panties am I wearing? He lifts me and pulls the quilt and the bed cover out from underneath me and places me back down, this time on the sheets.

"Now then." He licks his bottom lip slowly. "You're biting that lip, Elizabeth. You know what kind of effect it has on me." He places his index finger over my mouth as if in warning.

Oh my. I can barely contain myself, lying helpless as I watch him move with easy grace around my room. It's a heady aphrodisiac. Slowly, without taking his eyes of mine, he removes his shoes and socks, undoes his pants, and lifts his sweater off over his head. Wow.

"I think you've seen enough." He chuckles slyly.

Sitting astride me again, he pulls my t-shirt up, and think he's going to take it off of me, but instead he rolls it up my neck and then pulls it up over my head so all that can be seen is my mouth and my nose. But it covers my eyes, and since it's folded over, I can't see a thing.

"Mmm," he murmurs appreciatively. "This just gets better and better. I'm going to get us a drink."

Leaning down, he kisses me, his lips tender against mine, and his weight shifts off the bed as he stands. I hear the quiet creak of the bedroom door. Get a drink? Where? Here? San Francisco? In Sacramento? I strain to hear him. I can make out a few voices, and I know he's talking to Lily. Oh no...he's practically naked. What is she going to say. I hear a faint popping sound. What was that? Felix returns, the door creaking once more, his feet padding across the bedroom floor, and ice tinkling against glass as it swirls in liquid. Is that wine? He shuts the door and shuffles around, removing his pants. They drop to the floor, and I know that he's naked. He sits beside me again.

"Are you thirsty, Elizabeth?" he asks, his voice teasing.

"Yes," I breathe, because my mouth has suddenly become parched.

I hear the ice clink against the glass as Felix leans down and kisses me, pouring the delicious, crisp liquid into my mouth. It's white wine; my favorite. It's so unexpected, so hot, though it's chilled and Felix's lips are cool.

"More?" he whispers.

I nod. It tastes all the more divine since it's been in his mouth. He leans down again, and I drink another mouthful from his lips. Oh my.

"Let's not go too far," he says. "We both know your capacity for alcohol is limited, Elizabeth."

I can't help but grin like an idiot, and he leans down to deliver another delicious mouthful of the wine. He shifts so he's laying beside me, his erection at my hip. Oh, I want him inside of me.

"Is this nice?" he asks, but I hear the edge in his voice.

I tense. He moves the glass again and leans down, kissing me and depositing a small shard of glass into my mouth with a little of the wine. Oh, tastes so good. He slowly and leisurely trails chilled kisses down the center of my body, from the base of my throat, between my breasts, and down my torso to my belly. He pops a small piece of ice into my navel in a pool of cool, cold wine. I stifle a giggle as it burns all the way down to the depths of my belly. Wow.

"Now you have to keep still," he whispers. "If you move, Elizabeth, you'll get wine all over the bed."

My hips flex automatically.

"Oh no," he admonishes. "If you spill the wine, I will punish you, Miss. Callahan."

I groan, desperately try to fight the urge to tilt my hips as I pull on my restraints. Oh no...please.

With one finger, Felix pulls down the cups of my bra, my breasts pushed up, exposed, and vulnerable. Leaning down, he kisses and tugs at each of my nipples with cool, cold lips. My nipples harden and I fight my body as it tries to arch off the bed in response.

"How nice is this?" he breathes as he blows on one of my nipples.

I hear another clink of ice, and then I feel it around my right nipple as he tugs the left one with his lips. I moan in response, struggling not to move. It's a sweet and agonizing torture.

"If you spill the wine, I won't let you come."

"Oh...please...Felix...Sir...Please." He's beginning to drive me insane. He chuckles.

The ice is my navel is melting. I am beyond warm; warm and chilled and wanting. I want him inside of me. Now.

His cool fingers trail languidly across my belly. My skin is oversensitive. My hips flex automatically, and the now-warmer liquid from my navel seeps over my belly. Felix moves quickly, lapping it up with his tongue, kissing, biting me softly, and sucking.

"Oh dear, Elizabeth, I'm afraid you moved. What am I going to do to you?"

I begin to pant loudly. All I can concentrate on is his beautiful voice and his touch. Nothing else is real. Nothing else matters and nothing else registers on my radar. His fingers slip into my panties, and I'm rewarded with his unguarded sharp intake of air.

"Oh, baby," he murmurs, and he pushes two fingers inside of me.

I gasp.

"Ready for me so soon," he says. He moves his fingers tantalizingly slowly, in, out, and I push against him, tilting my hips up.

"You really are such a greedy girl," he scolds softly, and his thumb circles my clitoris.

I groan loudly as my body bucks beneath his expert fingers. Reaching up, he pushes the t-shirt over my head so I can see him. I blink in the soft light of my sidelight. I long to reach out and touch his chest.

"I want to touch you," I breathe.

"I know," he murmurs.

He leans down and kisses me while his fingers are still moving rhythmically inside of me. With his other hand, he scoops my hair up and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me. My legs start to stiffen as I push against his hand. He gentles his hand, so I'm brought back from the brink. He does this again and again. It's so frustrating. Oh, please, Felix, I scream in my head.

"This is your punishment, so close, and yet so far," he breathes in my ear.

I whimper, exhausted, and I pull against my restraints. I'm completely helpless, lost in an erotic torment.

"Oh, please," I beg, and he finally takes pity on me.

"How shall I fuck you, Elizabeth?"

Oh...my body starts to quiver. He stills again.

"Please," I whisper breathlessly.

"What do you want, Elizabeth?"

"I want you...now," I cry.

"Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? There's an endless choice," he breathes against my lips.

He withdraws his hand and reaches over to the bedside table for a foil packet. Felix kneels up between my legs, and very slowly, he pulls my panties off, staring down at me, his blue eyes gleaming. He puts on the condom and I watch in fascination.

"How nice is this?" he says as he strokes himself.

"I meant that e-mail as a joke," I whimper. Please fuck me, Felix.

He raises his eyebrows as his hand moves up and down his length.

"A joke?" His voice is menacingly soft.

Oh, shit.

"Yes. Please, Felix," I beseech him.

"Are you laughing now?"

"No," I mewl.

I'm a ball of sexual tense need. He stares down at me for a moment, measuring my need. He then grabs me all of a sudden and flips me over. It takes me by surprise, and because my hands are tied up, I have to support myself on my elbows. He pushes both of my knees up so that my behind is in the air. He slaps me hard, and before I'm able to react, he plunges inside of me. I cry out, from the slap, and from his sudden assault, and I come instantly again and again, falling apart beneath him as he continues to slam deliciously into me. He doesn't stop. I'm spent. I can't take this. He pounds on and on and I feel myself building again.

"Come on, Elizabeth, again," he growls through clenched teeth, and unbelievably, my body responds and I convulse around him as I climax anew, calling out his name. I shatter again into a tiny fragments, and Felix stills, finally letting go, and silently finding his release. He collapses on top of me, breathing hard.

"How nice was that?" he asks through gritted teeth.

Oh my.

I lay panting and spent on the bed with my eyes closed as he slowly pulls out of me. He rises immediately and dresses. Jeez, leaving already? When he's fully clothed, he climbs back onto the bed and gently undoes my binding and pulls my t-shirt off. I flex my fingers and rub my wrists, smiling at the woven pattern imprinted on my wrists from the tie. I readjust my bra as he pulls the cover and quilt over me. I stare up at him completely dazed, and he smirks down at me.

"That was really nice," I whisper, grinning.

"There's that word again."

I frown. "You don't like that word?"

"No. It doesn't do it for me at all."

"Oh," I say. "How about if I say that was more than nice, but incredible."

"Now that's a word I like," he says, his voice soft.

He lays beside me, fully clothed with his head propped up on one elbow, and here I am only wearing my bra.

"How come you don't like to be touched?" I ask.

"I just don't." He reaches over and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. "So, that e-mail you sent was your idea of a joke?"

I smile apologetically at him and shrug my shoulders.

"I see. Are you still considering my proposition?"

"Your indecent proposal...yes, I am. But I have a few issues though."

He grins at me as if relieved. "I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

"I was going to e-mail them to you, but you kind of interrupted me," I say.

"Coitus interruptus."

"See, I knew you had a sense of humor outside your work." I smile.

"But that's different," Felix says. "Only certain things are funny, Elizabeth. I thought you were saying no, discussion at all." His voice drops.

"I just don't know yet. I haven't made up my mind. Are you going to put a collar on me?"

He raises his eyebrows. "You have been doing your research. I don't know, Elizabeth. I've never collared anyone."

Oh...should I be surprised by this? I know so little about the scene... I just don't know.

"Were you ever collared?" I whisper.

"Yes."

"By Mrs. Andreassen?" I ask.

"Mrs. Andreassen!" He laughs loudly and freely. He looks so young and carefree with his head thrown back and his laughter sounding so infectious.

I grin back at him, enjoying his beautiful laughter.

"I'll tell her you said that; she'll love it," he says with a chuckle.

"You still talk to her regularly?" I can't keep the shock out of my voice.

"Yes." He's serious now.

Oh. Part of me is suddenly feeling insanely jealous.

"I see," I say, my voice tight. "So you have someone you can discuss your alternative lifestyle with, but I'm not allowed."

He frowns. "I don't think I've ever thought about it like that. Mrs. Andreassen was part of my lifestyle, and I've already told you that she's just a good friend now. If you'd like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs so you and her could talk."

What? Is he deliberately trying to upset me?

"Is that your idea of a joke now?"

"No, Elizabeth." He's bemused as he shakes his head.

In frustration, I adjust my bra to cover my breasts.

"Need some help?" he asks.

"No, I'll do this on my own, thank you very much," I snap at him.

He stares at me in surprise. "Elizabeth, I..." He's lost for words. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended. I'm appalled."

"Appalled?"

"I don't want to talk to any of your ex-girlfriends...slaves...subs...whatever you call them," I say in annoyance.

"Elizabeth Callahan; are you jealous?" Felix asks.

I flush crimson.

"Are you staying?" I ask in hopes that he'll say yes.

"I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow morning at the Fairmont. Besides, I told you that I don't sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone. Friday and Saturday were exceptions. It won't happen again." I can hear the resolve behind his soft, husky accent.

I purse my lips at him. "Well, I'm tired now."

"Are you kicking me out?" He raises his eyebrows, amused and a little shocked.

"Yes."

"Well, that's another first." He eyes me speculatively. "So is there anything that you want to discuss about the contract?"

"No," I reply petulantly.

"God, I'd love to give you a good hiding," he says. "You would feel a lot better, and so would I."

"You can't say things like that... I haven't signed anything yet."

"A man can dream, Elizabeth." He leans over and grasps my chin. "Wednesday?" he murmurs, and he kisses me lightly on my lips.

"Wednesday," I agree. "I'll see you out. If you can give me a moment." I sit up and grab my t-shirt, pushing him out of the way. Reluctantly, he moves and gets up off the bed.

"Please pass me my pants."

He bends down and collects them from the floor, and hands them to me.

"Yes, ma'am." He's trying unsuccessfully to hide his smile.

I narrow my eyes at him as I slip my pants on. My hair is an absolute mess, and I know that I'm going to have to face the Lily De Luca Questioning Hour after he leaves. I grab a hair tie and walk to my bedroom door. Opening it, I check for Lily. I think I can hear her talking on the phone in her room. Felix follows me out and we walk downstairs. During the walk to the front door, my thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, transforming. I'm no longer angry with him but instead, I feel suddenly unbearably shy. I don't want him to go. For the first time, I'm wishing that Felix was normal; wanting a normal relationship that doesn't need a ten page agreement, a flogger, and canes in his playroom.

I open the door for him and stare down at my hands. This is the first time that I've had sex in my own home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine. But now I feel like a receptacle; an empty vessel to be filled at his whim. My subconscious shakes her head at me. You wanted to run to the Fairmont for sex but instead, you had it express delivered. She crosses her arms and taps her foot with a what-are-you-complaining-about look on her face. Felix stops in the doorway and clasps my chin, forcing my eyes to his. His brow creases.

"Are you okay?" he asks tenderly as his thumb lightly caresses my bottom lip.

"Yes," I reply, but in all honesty, I'm not so sure. I feel a paradigm shift. I know that if I do this thing with him, I will get hurt. He's not capable, interested, or willing to offer me any more...and I want more. Much more. The surge of jealousy I felt only moments ago tells me that I have much more deeper feelings for him than I have admitted to myself.

"Wednesday," he confirms.

Leaning forward, he kisses me softly, but something changes while he's kissing me. His lips grow more urgent against mine, and he moves his hands to the sides of my head. His breathing accelerates and he deepens the kiss, leaning into me. I reach up and run my fingers through his soft hair. Breaking the kiss, he leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his voice strained.

"Elizabeth," Felix whispers. "What are you doing to me?"

"I could say the same thing to you," I whisper back.

Taking a deep breath, he kisses my forehead and leaves. He strolls gracefully down the steps of the deck and down the path towards his Audi R8 as he runs his hand through his beautiful hair. As he opens the car door, he glances up at me and smiles his breathtaking smile. My answering smile is weak, completely dazzled by his beauty. I close the front door as he climbs into his sports car and drives off. I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to cry; a sad and lonely melancholy grips and tightens around my heart. Dashing back upstairs to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it, trying to sort out my feelings, but I can't. Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow.

A moment later, Lily knocks on the door.

"Elizabeth?" she whispers gently.

Standing up, I open the door. She takes one look at me and throws her arms around me.

"What's wrong? What did that creepy good-looking Swedish bastard do?"

"Oh, Lily, nothing I didn't want him to do."

She pulls me over to the bed and we sit.

"You have dreadful looking sex hair," she says.

In spite of my sadness, I laugh. "It was really good sex," I say. "It wasn't dreadful."

Lily smiles. "But why are you crying? You never cry." She retrieves my hairbrush from my bedside table and sitting behind me, she starts to brush out the knots in my hair.

"I just don't think our relationship is going to go anywhere." I stare down at my fingers and wipe the tears from my eyes.

"But aren't you seeing him again on Wednesday?"

"Yes," I say. "That was our original plan."

"So, why did he turn up here today?"

"I sent him an e-mail."

"Asking him to drop by?" she asks.

"No, saying that I didn't want to see him anymore."

"And he turns up? Elizabeth, that's genius."

"Actually, it was just a joke," I say.

"Oh. Well, now I'm really confused."

Patiently, I explain to her the essence of my e-mail without giving anything away.

"So you thought that he would reply by e-mail."

I nod. "Yes."

"But instead he turns up here."

"Yes."

"Elizabeth, I'd say that he's completely smitten with you," Lily says smiling. "Lots of girls would kill to be in your shoes."

I frown. Felix smitten with me? I find that hard to believe. He's just looking for a new toy; a convenient new toy that he can bed and do unspeakable things to. It makes me wonder how the seventeen ex-subs felt when they discovered that he was a Dominant behind his YouTube career. My heart tightens painfully. This is the reality.

"He only came here to fuck me, that's all," I say.

"Who said romance was dead?" she whispers, horrified. I've shocked Lily and I didn't think that was possible.

I shrug apologetically. "He uses sex as a weapon."

"To fuck you into submission?" She shakes her head disapprovingly.

I blink rapidly at her as I feel the blush spreading across my face. Oh...spot on, Lily De Luca, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist.

"Elizabeth, I don't understand," she says. "You just let him make love to you?"

"No, Lily, we don't make love; we fuck. Felix's terminology. He doesn't do the love thing."

Lily shakes her head in disapproval once again. "I knew there was something weird about him. He has commitment issues."

I nod my head as if in agreement, but inwardly, I pine. Oh, Lily, I wish I could tell you everything, everything about the strange, sad, kinky guy, and you could tell me to just forget about him. Stop me from becoming a fool.

"I guess it's all a little overwhelming," I murmur.

I don't want to talk about Felix anymore so I ask her about the famous Ian Hecox. Lily's face beams with delight at the mention of his name.

"We're going out to dinner on Saturday." She hugs the hairbrush.

Boy, has she got it good. I feel a familiar faint stab of envy that Lily has found herself a normal man. She looks so happy.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that your mom called while you were...uh, occupied. Your mom and dad will be here by Thursday for graduation. She wants you to call her in the morning."

I smile. "Thanks Lily," I say. "I'm okay now and I think I'll just turn in for the night."

Lily smiles, but her eyes crinkle at the corners with concern. She gets off the bed and hugs me. After she's gone, I sit and read through the contract again, making notes as I go. When I've finished, I turn on the laptop to send an e-mail to Felix. There's another e-mail from him in my inbox.

From: Felix Kjellberg
Subject: This Evening
Date: June 2 2013 10:23 p.m
To: Elizabeth Callahan

Miss. Callahan,
I look forward to receiving your notes from the contract

Until then, sleep well, baby.

Felix Kjellberg
Partner at YouTube

From: Elizabeth Callahan
Subject: Issues
Date: June 2 2013 10:59 p.m
To: Felix Kjellberg

Dear Mr. Kjellberg,
Here is the list of my issues. I look forward to discussing them with you over dinner on Wednesday.

The numbers refer to the clauses:

2: I'm not sure why this is solely for MY benefit-i.e., to explore MY sensuality and limits. I'm pretty sure that I don't need a ten page contract to do that! Surely this is for YOUR benefit.

4: As you already know, you are my only sexual partner. I do not take drugs, and I've never had any blood transfusions. I'm safe. What about you?

8: I can terminate at any time if I don't think that your sticking to the agreed limits.

9: Obey in all things? Accept without hesitation to your discipline? We need to talk about this.

12: I cannot commit every weekend. I do have a life, or will have one soon.

15.2: Using my body as you see fit sexually or otherwise. Please define "or otherwise."

15.5: This whole discipline clause. I don't think I want to be whipped, flogged, or corporally punished. I am sure this would be in breach of clauses 2-5. And also "for any other reason." That's just mean. And you also told me that you weren't a sadist.

15.10: Loaning me out to another Dominant will never be an option. Plus, how many other people do you know who are Dominant's. I think your the only one. But I'm glad that it's written here in the contract.

15.14: The Rules. More on those later.

15.19: Touching myself without your permission. Why is that in the contract? I've already told you that I don't do that.

15.21: Discipline; please see clause 15.5 above.

15.22: I can't look into your eyes? Why?

15.24: Why can't I touch you?

Rules:

Sleep-I'll agree to seven hours.

Food-I am not eating food from a prescribed list. The food list goes or I do.

Clothes-As long as I only have to wear the clothes you bought for me when I'm with you...okay.

Exercise-We agreed on three hours but this still says four.

Soft Limits:

Can we talk about all these? No fisting of any kind. Genital clamps-you have got to be kidding me.

And can you please let me know the arrangements for Wednesday. I am working until six p.m that day.

Good night.

-Elizabeth

His reply is almost instant.

From: Felix Kjellberg
Subject: Issues
Date: June 2 2013 11:07 p.m
To: Elizabeth Callahan

Miss. Callahan,
That is a really long list that you have there. I promise you that we will discuss all of this on Wednesday.

Goodnight.

Felix Kjellberg
Partner at YouTube

I smile even though my heart still feels heavy. Turning the computer off, I change into my pajamas, and climb into bed. Instantly, I fall into a deep but troubled sleep.