He was wakened by a knock on the door and felt Charlie get up. Instantly he missed his affectionate touch. The headache had gone but as he remembered what had happened today the sick feeling was back. Spencer became aware of muffled voices at the door but refused to open his eyes. He wanted the world to leave him alone.

Only seconds later he heard Charlie sit on the bed again. He felt his hand slightly, carefully touch his shoulder and blinked at him. "Honey, wake up, your team is going home."

He sat up. "They solved the case?"

"He confessed.", a deep voice said. Spencer looked up at Hotch. It must have been him who had knocked. He saw that his supervisor had his brown satchel with him and realised that he must have left it in the car when they had gotten back to the hotel. "And forensics found the phone with his fingerprints."

He nodded, avoiding Hotch's gaze. "I'll get packing."

His boss shook his head. "You don't have to. I arranged two month off for you."

"Off?"

Hotch nodded. "Starting now. Which means you can do whatever you like."

"But I want to work!" It was true. Spencer needed something to take his mind off his dreadful memories.

"I won't let you! Go to that conference on evaporation or whatever it was if you like, but I don't want to see you in the office." His boss looked completely serious. Spencer wondered what his father had told them in his confession. Hotch's dark eyes were unreadable. Did he know about the abuse? Did they all know?

He sighed and answered, "All right."

"Of course you can call and meet any of us if you like. I just think it's better for you if you take a break from work."

"Okay..."

After his boss had left his other team members came round to say goodbye. From their grave and serious expressions and JJ's tight embrace he read that they knew or at the least suspected the truth but nobody addressed the topic for which he was grateful.

When he was alone with Charlie again he realised that Mr. Eppes was not here, too. "Where's your dad by the way?", he asked.

Charlie smiled apologetically. "He's discovered the gambler inside him. He's been playing poker the whole morning."

"Oh dear..."

"I told him, it's his pension he's playing with but he wouldn't listen... Anyway, what are your plans for the two months?" He came over to hold him again.

"I don't know... Can... can I come with you to LA?"

His boyfriend nodded and smiled shyly at him. "That'd be great! Let's check the flights, there might be one going tonight if we're lucky."

"Wait, what about the conference?"

"I'll t tell them can't come, that I've got a fever or something-"

"No, I really looked forward to it! Why can't we go together like we planned?"

His lover seemed surprised. "Sure we can... I just thought you don't want to go anymore."

"Oh, I could need something to take my mind off things.", Spencer sighed.

"Then we'll better try to book you a flight for this afternoon so you hopefully can fly with me..." Charlie let go of him and hurried to his laptop. It still had its screensaver on because he had forgotten to turn it off. He started to type frantically. "Perfect, you can still take the one at four... shall I book it?" He turned and glanced at his lover.

Spencer sat down on the bed again. "Sounds good. What about the hotel?"

"I booked a double room since we were supposed to meet there anyway." Charlie was looking at the screen again. "I need your passport for the booking."

Not long afterwards both were on their way to the airport. Charlie was constantly mothering Spencer who didn't really mind for once. Perhaps it was because he'd forgive Charlie everything or because he needed someone to care for him or perhaps he just knew that his boyfriend meant well and only wanted to show he was there for him. Either way Spencer let his lover help him carry the luggage, treat him to lunch and coffee and hold him whenever possible. He was sure it would make Charlie only feel useless and even more sad if he'd not let him help with these small things.

Due to the time difference it was already dark outside when they got to Reagan National Airport in Washington DC. Charlie had booked them an Amtrak ticket to Charlottesville where they arrived rather exhausted. After a short dinner they had a quiet night in and watched a movie, cuddling on the couch.

Charlie had expected them to fall asleep soon. He'd thought that perhaps Spencer was going to cry again, or that they would be snuggling with each other.

He hadn't expected this. His boyfriend's hands sliding underneath his shirt with a more than obvious intention. His neck being covered with fierce, hot kisses from behind. Bite marks even, something they had never done before. Spencer's erection was rubbing against his leg. No, he really hadn't expected this. And as much as he doubted that this was the right thing to do now he couldn't help but feel aroused himself. His lover began to try to pull Charlie's shirt over his head.

"Uh, baby?" It felt a little weird to address someone behind him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you really thing we should... er... do this? Today?"

Spencer was breathing hard. "You make me feel good."

"Oh..." Giving in was so easy. "Alright then..." He took his shirt off.

His boyfriend was already fumbling with the rim of his boxers with hands shaking with eagerness and tenseness. As he managed to pull them down he pushed Charlie forward so that he was lying face down on the bed. He felt his lover lie on him from behind.

"W... wait!"

"I want you!" His boyfriend's voice was hoarse with desire.

"Give me a cushion."

Spencer didn't ask but only seemed to understand why they needed a cushion as he saw how his lover put it underneath his belly.

"Oh shit, the lube's in my bag-", Charlie began but breathed in sharply and audibly in shock and pain as his boyfriend entered him, forcefully and without preparing him. He couldn't help wincing and bucked away but Spencer didn't try again. He felt his hot, quick breath on his shoulderblades.

"I'm sorry! Baby, I'm so... so sorry!"

He felt how Spencer rolled off him. Charlie turned to look at him and saw he was crying again. "Baby, it's okay!", he whispered and pulled him close.

"No! It's not okay!", his lover answered, sobbing. "Baby, please don't leave me!"

"Honey, I won't leave you, I promise!" He stroked his beloved's wet cheeks. "Why would you believe I'd do that?"

"Because I'm... I'm like him."

"Honey, look at me!" His serious voice made Spencer turn his head. "That is not true! You are not like your father at all!"

"But you didn't want to-"

"Yes I did!", Charlie interrupted, "I did want to have sex with you. You're my boyfriend!"

"But I hurt you!" Spencer was still weeping.

"You just forgot to prepare me, that's no big deal. And you know what's the most important thing?"

His lover blinked at him, his expression revealing that in spite of everything Charlie was telling him he was not convinced that things between them were all right. "What is?"

"You're sorry!" They locked eyes for a moment and then Charlie leaned forward for a soft kiss. "See, I know you're not like him. Not at all."

"You don't think I'm... gross?" Spencer still appeared ashamed of himself.

"No, of course not! I think you're wonderful!"

Finally, a little smile crept on his lover's face. It didn't stay there long though because he became serious again, biting his lip. "Perhaps we really shouldn't make love. For a while. Would... would that be okay?"

Charlie nodded in understanding. He nestled up to Spencer, whispering, "Yes, sure it is."

Luckily Charlie had his lecture on the first day of the conference. Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to focus on it. He'd never admit it but it was very tough for him to cope with fact that his lover had been molested as a child. He was shocked and he felt sorry for his boyfriend and all the embraces he shared with him were also a source of solace for himself. Charlie was also exceptionally insecure about how to react and what to do best since he didn't know whether Spencer wanted to talk about it or try to forget it.

There was one other thing that troubled him. To his surprise Amita had been at the conference as well. It wasn't really usable for her thesis or anything else she worked on so he thought she must have come because of him. That was of course very nice and he wouldn't have minded if she hadn't been trying to spend as much time as possible with him and Spencer. Charlie wasn't in the mood for small talk at all and knew that neither was his lover. Plus, Amita appeared to dislike Spencer.

All in all the three days were rather straining for him, and he was happy when the last lecture was over and they were able to finally have dinner alone.