4 ABY - Alliance medical frigate, deep space
Valara felt a tight knot form in the pit of her stomach as she walked the white hallways of the Alliance medical frigate. Although she'd been stationed on the Home One and not the Medstar-class ship after Yavin, the medward smell was the same everywhere; a nausea-inducing mix of antiseptic, bacta and death. But she swallowed heavily and walked faster, pushing aside unpleasant memories to that dark place in the corner of her mind that was unfortunately getting rather full.
She'd had to bribe a nurse one hundred credits to tell her where Luke's assigned quarters were, and when Valara knocked on the door it slid open almost immediately to reveal a gold-cased protocol droid.
"Oh, Commander Valara," Threepio spluttered in that high-pitched voice of his. "I am terribly sorry, but Master Luke is resting, and I have been instructed not to allow any visitors."
Valara had only met the droid once or twice, and knew she had no hope of convincing him to make an exception in her case - to his mechanical brain she was simply one of his Master's colleagues but no one of great importance. They'd been too discreet.
"Let her in, Threepio," Leia's warm voice called from within, and the droid obediently stepped aside to allow Valara to enter the room. She immediately noticed it was a suite, a collection of lounges around a caf-table to one side, a floor-to-ceiling viewport which opened up to the stars, and a round sitting table near a small kitchenette where Leia sat facing the door.
She was wearing a simple white gown, her dark hair drawn up into a bun and her attention on a small wooden puzzle box in her hands; fingers flowing deftly over the moving parts as she worked towards solving it. Despite her concentration, there were signs of distress around Leia's eyes and mouth, the very image of a woman struggling to keep herself together. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week.
Valara hooked her thumbs in the pockets of her trousers and waited patiently for Leia to acknowledge her, feeling rather like she was intruding on a private moment. The rumors were scant of course - capture by Vader, torture, Han Solo gone and Luke severely injured. She could see it all in Leia's face, that which she kept so carefully concealed. But Valara knew what to look for, knew what it felt like to have your soul fractured and perhaps damaged beyond repair.
"My mother used to give me these," Leia spoke without looking up from her puzzle box, her voice was characteristically cool and measured "I was always a fidgety child, and so rather than tell me to sit still she would hand me one to keep my mind occupied. She always used to say that any problem could be overcome, if one looked at it like a puzzle box. The solution is always there, one just needs to find it."
Leia's fingers shifted two pieces of the box at once, letting out a satisfied puff of air as they snapped into place. "Often she and I would work on them together, even in her throne room, and people would always say how much I looked like her." The final pieces slid into their respective slots and the puzzle was solved. "Of course, I knew how silly that was," Leia added as she placed the box down on the table and looked up at Valara. "I was adopted, you know."
"I know," Valara said carefully. It had never been a secret, at least on Coruscant. In fact, there had often been sneers among the Imperial Court that Bail Organa had not been able to provide his Queen with a natural-born daughter, and they had resorted to adopting a war orphan. Of course, Valara had been a war orphan too, although several years older than Leia and dumped into one of Coruscant's many orphanages rather than taken in by royalty.
People would say Leia was the lucky one, but Valara had never watched her entire planet be blown up before her eyes, and she had lost her family before she had ever known them. That made things easier.
"Luke's resting," Leia said, folding her hands in front of her on the table and nodding to the chair opposite her. Valara slid into the seat and mimicked Leia's posture, still not quite sure whether she was being tested or not. How much did Leia know about her and Luke?
"I came as soon as I heard," Valara told her, unsure of why she wanted Leia's approval. Luke had disappeared after the evacuation from Hoth, or so the rumors went. She'd had to swallow her pride and ask Wedge Antilles what he knew, and after a few drinks he spilled that he'd spoken briefly to Luke before they'd all left for the rendezvous point.
"Something about he had something he needed to do, and he wanted me to take control of the squad," Wedge had told her, his casual disregard an obvious front. "I asked if it was a Force thing and he did that little funny smile of his, you know? Didn't say when he'd be back."
Evidently Leia, Han Solo and Chewbacca had also failed to check in at the rendezvous, but even after being plied with a few more glasses of whiskey Wedge hadn't been able to give her any information about where they were, or whether Luke was with them. Then he'd called her a void spider and a hypocrite for coming to him for information, and Valara had taken her leave.
Several weeks had gone by before word reached her of their return - in pretty bad shape, sans Solo and with some smuggler named Calrissian in tow. She'd applied for clearance immediately to hop over to the medical frigate from Allied Flight, an easy enough task now that the fleet had reassembled.
Leia stared at her from across the table, her eyes clear and head held high, and yet Valara noticed the slight tremor at the side of her mouth, the slight movement of her clasped hands trying to keep her grip. Something had changed irreparably in the past few weeks, and the Alliance rumor mill had been flooded with whispers as to what.
"I'm sorry," Valara said lightly. "About Solo."
Leia laughed coldly. "Is it around the fleet already?"
Valara shrugged, Leia's reaction giving her the confirmation she required. "You know what gossips pilots are." In fact they'd been talking far longer than Leia would like to know; Valara hearing snatches of gleeful conversation among the fleet about the Princess and the Smuggler. They argued often, apparently, in a way that made it clear to everyone that their barbed and pointed words indicated not their distaste for one another, but quite the opposite. It was certainly none of her business what Leia did, but Valara couldn't help but feel almost proprietary over Luke, as if the idea that he could get hurt made the whole situation her business.
"So where does that leave Luke?" she couldn't help but ask. Leia's eyes flashed angrily, and Valara felt a strange pressure in her head but it dissipated as quickly as it had come, and she dismissed it as one of her sight-headaches. Leia composed herself, and gave Valara a long, intense look, as if deciding whether or not she warranted an explanation.
"Luke and I..."
"It's different," Valara nodded. "That's what he said."
Leia looked anguished, her gaze slipping away. "I told him as if I was confessing," she said softly. Perhaps she forgot who Valara was, perhaps she'd decided she could be trusted - or more likely Leia was hurting and just needed to say it out loud. "Because there's this connection between Luke and I, something deeper that I've never been able to define. I told him…" Leia swallowed heavily, as if the words simply could not be physically spoken. "Luke just sort of smiled and said of course you do. Almost like a..." But Leia checked herself again, shaking her head and letting out a strange little laugh. "But that's silly."
Valara had no idea what she was talking about, still shocked that Leia had shared with her so much. Evidently Leia was too, because she looked back it was with obvious regret, her implacable mask falling back into place.
"Is it true that Vader captured you?" she asked, hoping she still had some advantage left.
"Perhaps you should ask Luke," Leia said, her voice distinctly cooler.
"How is he?"
Leia gave her a grave look. "Different."
Valara rubbed the skin of her throat, tracing scars that could not be seen.
"I should have killed him," Leia said viciously. "I should have taken that blaster and hunted him down, even though he deflected fire with nothing but his hands. But if I'd gone after Luke instead of Han we could have fought him together, defeated him." Leia's entire body shivered with white-hot rage, and Valara felt her throat inexplicably closing over.
"I didn't save Han anyway," she continued, her lips curled into a snarl. "I was blinded by this stupid, nonsensical, infuriating-"
"Leia." It was Luke's voice, and Valara looked up to see him standing in the doorway which led to his bedroom. He wore a white medrobe and pants, his right hand held at a noticeably strange angle. He slowly crossed the room and put his left hand gently on Leia's shoulder, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She calmed almost immediately, her hand coming to rest over his and squeeze it gratefully.
In that moment Valara knew there was nothing to be jealous over - they'd been right, what they had was different. She didn't know how, and couldn't even begin to understand it, but theirs was a connection that went deeper than friends or lovers.
"You did the right thing," Luke said softly. "I was the stupid one, going after Vader, thinking I could win. They warned me, but I didn't listen - but they were wrong too, I think. They didn't want me to know, and now everything's different."
Valara wondered how much pain medication he'd had, because his words were nonsense to her. It was clear from her expression that Leia didn't understand either, getting up from the table and taking Luke's hand in hers.
"Yes, Luke," she said as if humouring a babbling child, patting his hand. "Of course. Valara's come to visit, you see?"
Luke seemed to notice her for the first time and a smile split his face, although she noted it was not quite so large as usual. "Hey, V."
Anyone else, she would have told them not to call her that, but he'd picked up the habit in the past few months and Valara found she didn't hate it when it came from his lips. "Hey, Red Five."
"I'll let you two...catch up," Leia said somewhat mischievously, and Valara felt her face flush. Luke looked surprised as well as he accepted Leia's kiss on his cheek, so Valara knew he'd not told her. Perhaps she'd been as blind to people talking about her and Luke as Leia had been about her and Han? But she decided it didn't matter, not when Luke smiled at her shyly, and she noticed the similar look of fatigue and agony etched into his features.
Leia paused and touched Valara briefly on the shoulder, looking as if she wanted to say something. But she simply sighed, patted Valara's shoulder again and left the room, although her meaning was clear enough.
Look after him.