I know, I know: FINALLY an update. sorry guys, I've gotten very slack about my stories, but I hope now that I have the story fresh in my mind that I can get updating faster.

just a short little diddy for Jake. mostly just a place holder, sorry, but I also feel like Jake got kicked out of the picture, and I wanted him to get a chance to get his story out. so, here you are.

more about babies and Bella and Paul soon. hopefully something will happen soon. xD

Chapter 9: Break Away

Jacob Black

"Tell me a story," she says.

I look away from the window, away from the rain, and gaze into her face. Shadows hang beneath her eyes and along her cheekbones, and her long hair sticks to her forehead with sweat. She smiles at me, and I look down, my eyes finding her huge belly amongst the piles of blankets. Her arms curl protectively around it; her fingers rub at a sore spot.

"A story?" I repeat, glancing away. My eyes search the room; their room. "What kind of story?"

"Tell me about you," she whispers.

My eyes flash to her face. "A story about me?" I ask, confused. She nods. "Well, what about me?"

Again, that playful smile flickers over her face. A hint of a blush lightens her cheeks, and for a moment she is the girl I walked with on the beach; the girl I fell in love with. It fades so quickly that I almost miss it: that flash of Bella. Before I know it, her face falls back into lines of exhaustion, and her eyelids droop.

My hands shake, the beast growling low in my chest. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and force myself to relax.

"Jake?" I hear her whisper. "Jake, are you okay? Are you mad at me?"

I want to laugh. God, how could I ever me mad at her? If I'm mad at all, it's at him. "I'm fine," I finally whisper. I open my eyes to find her watching me worriedly.

"No you're not," she says, gazing at me. She bites her lip, glancing at her belly. "I know this is hard for you..."

"Yeah, you're right!" I hear myself yell; it just bursts out. "It's really hard. Hard for me to understand, hard for me to deal with! How could you, Bella?"

"How could I what?" She frowns at me, confused.

I can't speak. I just shake my head, biting my lip, and standing; turning away so she won't see that I'm fighting tears. If only she knew how much this all hurts. If only she could hear my thoughts; feel what I am feeling, then she might begin to understand. I hear her shifting on the bed; she's trying to get up, or maybe just sit up.

"Jake," she whispers, and I can hear the pain in her voice. It makes me wince and then silently scold myself; if I am ever to let go, I need to stop feeling this strongly for her, I need to stop feeling her pain as well as my own. "Jake," she repeats. "Please, just talk to me."

I take a deep breath and speak, but I don't turn around; I can't face her. "You have no idea how much it hurts, Bella," I whisper. "You have no idea how much I've suffered, seeing you with him."

"Jake..."

"I know, I know. Poor Jacob, always wallowing away, always pining after someone he can never have, always hanging on the sidelines, pouting." I sigh, looking out the window again. I close my eyes. "But, god, Bella. Why him? I understood with the bloodsucker - he was all perfect and special. But why Paul? Why him?"

"He imprinted on me, Jake," she whispers after a moment. "He loves me."

"No, see, that's it, Bella. He imprinted on you. He loves you. Just because he imprinted on you doesn't me that you have to love him back, Bella. You could say no."

"It's not that simple, Jake..."

"No! It is that simple, Bella!" I turn and gaze at her, my eyes pleading. "Just tell him you don't love him, Bella!"

"But I do love him, Jake," she whispers.

My body wilts, my gaze drops to the floor. I'd known it all along, of course, but I could pretend that it wasn't true if I didn't hear it. Now there's no pretending. I close my eyes again, turning my head away.

"Jake..." she whispers again. "Please, look at me. Please..."

"Why, Bella?" I whisper, ignoring her pleas. "Why could you love him, but not me? I was there, the whole time - even before Paul. I loved you; I really loved you, Bella. Even when you told me not to; even when you loved the bloodsucker, I was always there for you." My eyes burn with tears and I fight to hold them back, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I just thought that after all this time; after all that we've been through, that you loved me back. But I guess you don't."

"No!" she exclaims. "No! Jake, no! Of course I love you, Jake!"

"Then, again, why him? Why not me? I was there; I saved you when the bloodsucker hurt you. I sat by your bedside. I did everything for you, Bella. I guess it just wasn't enough, was it." I sigh. "I was never going to be good enough for you, was I? I always thought I just wasn't the right kind of monster for you, but I realize now that I just wasn't the right werewolf for you."

"Jake, you know I love you. I'll always love you. I just..."

"You just love him more. I get it." I glance at her, my eyes swimming with moisture. "I just wanted to tell you my side, so you would understand that I might not be around for a while. I'm not going anywhere," I add at her anxious face. "I'm just not going to be stopping in every week to say hi. I just...need some space, okay? To figure things out; to clear my head."

"Okay," she mutters, her eyes sad. "I understand. Just don't go anywhere, okay?" She smiles tentatively. "Last time you left you really scared me. I didn't know where you were."

I force a smile for her. "I promise not to leave again; or rather, I promise the next time I run off in a whirlwind of teenage-werewolf angst that I will call you and let you know where I am. Okay?"

"Good." She reaches out her hand to me, and I take it in mine. The palm of her hand is sweaty, and her fingers are warm against mine. She smiles at me again; smiles her Bella smile, and I realize that my Bella never left, I just didn't want to see her in Paul's Bella. "And Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"About the baby..." her free hand strays to the lump beneath the blankets.

I smile and try to keep the pain out of my voice. "Put me down as godfather." She laughs, and I pull my hand free. The laugh was what I needed; it was I needed to be able to pull myself away from her, to finally break away. I turn away from her before I can beg her to choose me instead of him. "Goodbye, Bells," I whisper as I walk away from her.

"Bye, Jake," I hear her call after me.

I break into a run at the bottom of the stairs; bolting out the door and into the frigid rain that I no longer feel. I run, not knowing where I'm going, not caring. I run, away from her, away from my feelings. I run, not knowing anything except that I will keep my promise: I won't leave.

I run through the rain, letting it wash away my sorrows.

I run, and let the rain wash away the tears that finally spill over and slide down my cheeks.

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xD