The Banana Slug: Well, here is the fucking murder mystery episode that I was hoping to do since Kindergarten, or was it preschool? At first, I was a little worried because after this was a bunch of fuckin' Japanese-only episodes, but now, no thanks to you, readers, I can now watch in English and NOT in a fucking other channel…
…Some fucking help you guys are.
NOTE: THE AUTHOR DOES NOT HATE HIS AUDIENCE, HE MASTURBATES AT THE THOUGHT OF THE TEAMING MASSES READING HIS CRACKFIC.
P.S. Expect a special guest star that I used without permission yet claiming no usage for profit because this is fanfiction and we can do anything we want as long as it follows the rules the higher-ups for some reason gave to us even though it is kinda contradictory but we follow it anyway because we don't wanna be banned and being a rebel doesn't do any good now why are you still reading this, get a life, you homeless masturbator, FUCK YOU!
THE MELANCHOLY OF KRATOS
By the Banana Slug
CHAPTER 10: Arkham Asylum Syndrome Part…1?
AKA Yeah, I'm sure it's one…or maybe four…ah, fuck it.
"Okay, I wanna know what you got up your sleeve," I asked Mentok as we watched a woman litter while we were on a ferry heading out in the Indian Ocean…why the Indian Ocean?
"Calm down, Squidward, we are just going on a retreat," replied Mentok happily, "We're just going on vacation."
"Why again?" I asked cautiously.
"It was my organization's idea, really, but I personally would like to go somewhere and not keep on working for a psychopathic Spartan."
"Yeah, so why are we bringing him along?"
"Yeah, well, he heard me mention it to a friend, and said if I didn't bring him along, he was going to use my skull as a toilet, as I was still alive. Naturally, I had to agree to his threatening threat."
Threatening threat? "Why would he care about all this hoopla?" I asked out of the blue.
"Well, he said it was a closed space, where you are cut-off from society, like a cabin in a blizzard, or a house in a volcano, or an asylum where an inmate takes control and you have to stop him from making an army of mutants."
Well, isn't that freakin' coincidental, we are heading to an asylum…Arkham Asylum…you may now play a scary song from YouTube to get the feel!
Also, you may ask, how the hell did this situation escalated from another? I will tell you, in a flashback!
"So, anyone late will now have to suck Dalek Yuki's lenses, understand?" announced Kratos back in the past, about five days ago.
"OOOOOH YEAAAAAAAH!" screamed Dale Yuki back in the past, about five weeks ago.
"Anywho, I have decided that the SOS Brigade will go on their very first retreat!" announced Kratos.
"Wait, why are we going on a retreat?" I asked in lethargy.
"Oh, gee, I don't know, Squidward!" snapped Azula sarcastically, "Maybe because school was so fun, but I think we should torture our fun by NOT going to school."
"…You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" I asked defensively.
"No," lied Azula blankly.
"We will be going to a…" Kratos started, he then nudged Mentok and said, "You say the rest."
"Yeah, yeah, I already know, mind-taking and all," sighed Mentok, he then explained with gusto, "We are going to this place a relative of mine owns, it's an asylum/summer beach-house, it's called Arkham Asylum!"
Suddenly, lightning flashed from outside, even when it was sunny and without a friggin' cloud in the sky.
"Arkham Asylum?" asked Azula curiously. LIGHTNING!
"Yes, Arkham Asylum," repeated Mentok. LIGHTNING!
"Arkham Asylum," acknowledge Kratos. LIGHTNING!
"…Blackgate?" I asked, tempting fate. CHILDREN!
Flashback is over…that wasn't all that happened, there was evil demonic children, Kratos killed Ryoko back from the grave, Mentok found enlightenment, and I had sex with Dalek Yuki…there isn't much to tell.
As Mentok and I sat down on one of the tables, drinking Mojitos, he then explained something else, "Now, let's think about detective's for a minute."
"Okay," I replied apathetically.
…Sherlock Holmes…
…Batman…
…Jimmy Kudo…
Yep, that was a minute in my time. "So, what's your point?"
"Yeah, well, in great detective stories, there is always a conflict, because if there wasn't it would be worse than Twilight…well, not that bad, but still pretty bad," explained Mentok, waving his arms around due to Parkinson's, "And there isn't any more conflict than an asylum, in an island, isolated from everybody. Sure none of that shit happens in real life, but in real life, there is no such thing as crazy god-Spartans, fire-bending time travelers, evil trashcans, green people, and green wookies."
And talking cephalopods. "And your point?"
"Well, detectives are always in the situation were a case is always thrown on their lap with such force that it breaks their legs, like as if they have a supranatural power that attracts all the weird and freaky crudoliolioly, always following them."
So, Batman is a super powered superhero. "You're crazy."
"No…No, I'm noT!" replied Mentok creepily, he then said normally and with his cheerful mood, "You see, Kratos is a person we all know would want that for himself, in other words, he wants be one."
"A Batman…"
"I summon…three Blue-Eyes White Dragons!" shouted Kratos as we played street Yu-Gi-Oh, or the Yu-Gi-Oh that does not summon monsters from your ass.
"Wait, that's against the…" I let out, but quickly shut myself up knowing of what I might bring, "Never mind."
"I summon Beaver Warrior!" announced Mentok.
"Play something other than Beaver Warrior!" ordered Kratos angrily.
"My deck is nothing but Beaver Warrior!" defended Mentok.
"Your deck is crap!" taunted Kratos.
Playing the game was Mentok, Kratos, Azula, Dalek Yuki, me, and Heavy, even though Yu-Gi-Oh is a two-way card game, but Kratos said it would be as if we are all trying to kill each other, which sounds really confusing but is actually factually possible if done right.
"Hey, small lady!" yelled Heavy to Azula, "Big brother tried to leave without Heavy! Does he hate Heavy! If so, I hate brother!"
I never intended to bring you in the first effin' place! Let's see, which flashback was it? Boca? No. The time I was beaten up by Rammstein. Oh, hell no. The first time I ever had sex? No, that was five days ago.
Oh, there it is!
Just this morning ago, I had all my gear ready, and as I was brushing my hair, I heard grunting and shouts. I just thought Heavy was running with scissors again, but I looked out the bathroom and saw Heavy on his stomach, with his head in my bag.
"Um, Heavy?" I let out in confusion.
"I am not in bag!" yelled Heavy.
I stomped over there and unzipped the bag from Heavy's fat neck and opened it to see Heavy's face, attempting to be cutesy.
After I pulled his head from the bag, he started to let out his patented cry of misery, which goes by the following, "WAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" as he tugged my hand like a big baby with soiled diaper…oh god, now I am sounding like him.
"You are not coming with me!" I angrily shouted.
"NO!" roared Heavy, and he punched me in the face.
"Well, we are glad to have you know," replied Azula with a smile, just right now, after I started the flashback, but I don't remember a pink ape giving me the bird from the second level.
"He won't be a problem," I added nervously.
"Promise?" asked Azula.
"No," I replied blankly. Thanks to Azula's sigh of annoyance, Heavy was off the hook.
"So, how long will it take for us to get to the destination?" Kratos asked Mentok.
"Well," replied Mentok, ready to explain to us about the destination time, "We are leaving from Japan to Gotham City, which is all the way in the east-coast of USA, which is in North America, and we will have to cross Asia and Africa, so…six hours."
That…is the worst mathematics in miles I have ever ever ever heard in the history of this entire fanfic, why won't the author stop, everyone wants him to write more lemons, can't he ever take a hint!
"And then we will take a boat from Gotham to Arkham Asylum (LIGHTNING) driven by people that I know of, who will take us to Arkham Asylum (LIGHTNING)," added Mentok, as his Beaver Warrior was destroyed.
Great, we are going to an asylum were one of our students once stayed in…you know, Spongebob.
After losing to Mentok's Beaver Warrior, and by the way, never have Millennium Shield up on offense as it will not work, I had to go and buy everyone a drink, all of them alcoholic.
"Hey, Azula, Heavy, let's go up the sky deck, we might see a giant squid!" drunkenly announced Kratos, they all left with him in a drunken glee.
As I was about to fall asleep, I heard a slurred and very loud, "There's one!"
…
"Squidward!"
…
"Squidward! Get up! Now!"
As I woke up, a camera took my picture, causing me to scream out, "Give me back my soul!"
"Not until you give me back my taco!" argued Azula, holding the camera.
"I made Azula our official photographer for the trip," revealed Kratos, picking up Azula and putting her on his shoulders like a fur boa, "And you are the prime example of a slacking slacker!"
We then heard the horn blow the loud sound so loud that I can hear it, meaning we have finally entered…wait, Mentok said it would take six hours to get to Gotham…yet we entered in two and a half…
…Math sucks…
We then exited the ferry with the one woman littering…who is she? Who is this mysterious woman? What is her story? What is she doing here? Is she here just to cause a sign of ambiance? Maybe, just maybe we cannot control fate. Maybe I must accept the fact that I am only created to be the cynical bastard that makes everything go on. I mean, who is this women, if not a plot device? Perhaps our lives are nothing but stories. Perhaps we…
"Squidward, stop being philosophical!"
Fine, Mentok, I'll stop! I just hope this island doesn't have any clowns, scarecrows, penguins, or leather mask-wearing muchachos.
"They will," replied Mentok with a smile. Fuck you very much, bastard.
As we exited the building, we saw three figures waiting near a speedboat, my guess is that it is for us.
"Ah, Phil, long time no see, how long has it been!" greeted Mentok happily.
"HAHA! Memories! Of a time we left behind!" laughed Phil, "A long time, my good-chum, not since Birdman's funeral!"
"So, you are now a butler?" asked Mentok, "What happened to Sebben & Sebben?"
"I sold it to Burger Warchief, made a quick $3.50," answered Phil with a hearty laugh, "And now I am fully realizing my dream of being a butler, something I have always dreamed about! Ever since I was a little girl!"
Wait, wasn't that the taxi driver?
"And this is Rukia Kuchiki, the maid of the house," introduced Phil Ken Sebben, revealing an angry little woman with black hair and purple eyes, "Rukia, say something to our guests!"
"…He puts me in a pornographic fanfic, and now THIS?" grumbled Rukia.
I then focused my attention to the large muscular green-scaled monster wearing a blue jacket, blue jeans, and a realistic mask of a ripped off face with pale skin, long yellow spike-like bangs and behind it was black hair with red outlines, with a long chain around his neck with a license plate attached to it saying, "NOT KILLER CROC!"
"Oh, and this is my ward, Not Killer Croc," announced Phil, "HAHAAA! Pseudonym!"
"Please to meet you!" growled Not Killer Croc in a gravely and beastly voice.
"So, um, Not Killer Croc, how long have you been Phil's ward?" asked Azula suspiciously.
"He's been my ward for three minutes!" announced Phil proudly, patting Not Killer Croc's back, "Right when I found him devouring some trading card geek's intestines!"
Something tells me that Not Killer Croc is actually Killer Croc…but I have been wrong before.
"Well, I want you all to meet the micro brains that I mind-take in a day-by-day basis!" announced Mentok, pointing to us, "They are the SOS Brigade!"
"Rrrrrrrrrrmmmmm, they look tasty," growled Not Killer Croc hungrily.
"Mmmm, they sure do!" laughed Phil, he then whispered into Not Killer Croc's ear, "Get the Cayenne Pepper."
We followed Phil, Rukia, and Not Killer Croc to the boat, which was not the speedboat they were in front of, but it was a speedboat nonetheless.
"We shall travel to Arkham Asylum (LIGHTNING) in Not Killer Croc's boat, would you believe that some kids tried to steal it, claiming it belonged to a Yugi Moto," explained Phil, who cursed under his breath, "The nerve!"
Kratos then turned to us and yelled, "Why are you not all excited!"
"Because we aren't," I replied in a snark attitude.
Kratos looked at me, which slowly turned to a glare, which he then whispered out loud, "I saw what you did there…"
After we all entered the boat, Phil sped it up to the maximum speed, running over fish, seals, dolphins (they deserve it, by the way), kids in the water (they deserve it, by the way), and the Penguin (who did not deserve it).
As Heavy sat next to Phil, laughing like a madman, and Not Killer Croc, shaking Dalek Yuki over Kratos and Mentok with nothing coming out, I saw Azula stare at Rukia so intensely, maybe she's angry that she is no longer the only hot female character in this fanfic…that is maximum lulz.
"So, does the summer house near the asylum have a funky name?" asked Kratos.
"No, it doesn't," replied Rukia in boredom.
"Does the mansion have a dark history, like the owner went insane and killed himself?" asked Kratos.
"No, it doesn't," replied Rukia in the same tone of boredom.
"You're no fun!" roared Kratos.
"I don't wanna be here!" yelled Rukia, "I got drunk and had sex with Ichigo in another fanfic because of the writer!"
"Rukia Cooch-town!" yelled Phil, "One more word, and I will hit you in the face with my manhood!"
"Fine!" yelled Rukia, "I'll shut up!"
Kratos then stomped to Phil, driving the ship into a flock of geese, blood splattering everywhere, Not Killer Croc catching a dead goose flailing in the sky and eating it.
"So, does the master of the house wear a hat, does he have a gun, and does he have an insane arch nemesis?" interrogated Kratos.
"Yes to all!" replied Phil with his finger in the air and looking into the sky, with the speedboat narrowly missing a reef, "But I could be wrong."
"Is that the mansion?" asked Kratos, pointing at a large evil scary castle, belonging to Darkorath, who will not be appearing in this chapter.
"No," replied Phil.
"What about that one?" asked Kratos, pointing at a creepy Victorian-Era mansion near a large dark rotting high-security insane asylum.
"No," replied Phil, we were all silent for a minute.
…
…
"Yes," replied Phil.
"It looks so normal," sighed Kratos in anger. Yeah, everything is normal with Arkham Asylum. LIGHTNING!
As we were getting to the docks, we saw a large figure waving his hands at us, it was an incredibly muscular pale man with pure-white eyes, yellow green-tinted hair, and a psychotic laugh.
"Oh, look, it's the new warden, Broly," announced Phil.
"KAKAROOOOOOOT!" roared Broly, "AAAAAHA HAHA HAAAAA!"
"Um, is he sane?" I asked nervously.
"He seems sane to me!" Heavy roared with glee.
We docked the boat, and for some reason, I decided to watch him tie up the boat, fail a couple of times, and then throw a harpoon in the ship in anger, muttering to himself about carrots or something.
We walked along the pathway to the mansion, stopping in front of it as Phil knocked on it loudly.
The door opened to reveal…Linkara?
Yes, Internet Reviewer of bad comics in the web show, Atop the Fourth Wall, had made enough money to make an effin' mansion near a crazy asylum, what next will you tell me? That Dane Cook isn't funny? Or that the Green Lantern movie sucked? Oh, I know, that the Endless Eight series will be more open and more different because the author is a dick?
…You like the foreshadowing?
"Hello, I'm Linkara, and welcome to my mansion, where good comics rest and bad comics are not invited," welcomed Linkara.
Kratos then approached him and bowed, "Hello, good sir, thank you for letting us stay here, me and the SOS Brigade thank you from the bottom of our hearts."
"Um, thanks, but you don't need to be so courteous," replied a confused Linkara, "Nothing you can do would offend me."
Kratos then rushed over to the door and shoved Linkara out of the way, pushing him onto the dirt ground. "Outta my way, you virgin freak!" yelled Kratos, running into the house.
I helped Linkara to his feet as he sighed and said, "Boy, maybe I should have rethought my words…"
As Linkara showed us around the western-style mansion, I looked to see many different pictures of him shaking hands with Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, the Joker, the Nostalgia Critic, and GIGANTOOOOR!
"So, how's Auntok?" Mentok asked Linkara with a smile.
"Yeah, didn't you know, diabetes finally got to her," replied Linkara grimly, "She died peacefully…death by monster truck."
Mentok sighed and spoke as he looked at the ceiling, "Just how she always wanted."
Kratos then smashed through a door and roared triumelephantly as he ran into the room. Linkara paused for a moment and sighed, then forcing a smile and saying, "I see you have found your room, it's a good thing you all have different ones, or you'd all have to share with the Youngblood reject here."
"Hey!" yelled Kratos, pausing, then saying, "I can see very well, thank you!"
"Noted," sighed Linkara, he then turned to me and gave me a set of keycards, then saying politely, "Here are the keycards, you can throw Kratos' in the fire, just make sure you don't lose yours, as I have no replacements, due to the fact a nutty might escape from Arkham (LIGHTNING) and use them to…well…"
"Kill us?" I asked hesitantly.
"Oh, hell yes," replied Linkara blankly.
"If it is alright, you can stay in my room," Azula cooed to a lost Heavy.
"Only if you behave," I ordered.
"NO!" yelled Heavy, then staring into space again.
After Linkara left, the SOS Brigade were all in one room as Kratos laid his back on the bed with his arms out. "I hate it here, it's so suspicious, because it is not suspicious."
"And if it was suspicious?" I asked.
"Then there must be a logical and simple outcome to the situation," replied Kratos blankly. Okay.
Kratos then got up and growled, "I know who did it! I know who murdered Azula!"
"Huh?" I let out.
"It was me! In the Dining Room! With the Chainsaw!" yelled Kratos. Azula looked fearfully at Kratos, who was giving the most terrifying rape face in the world.
Will you stop saying stuff like that? Were there guests, you can't just shove Linkara like a dead fish, only if he asks for it…
…Wait, what? Oh, a seagull flew by the window, how nice.
"never mind, I'll just murder Dalek Yuki," sighed Kratos.
"TRY IT, BIIIITCH!" screeched Dalek Yuki.
"Let's go swimming, I wanna go swimming, I can't wait to go swimming, let's go swimming," said Kratos, all as he jumped from the window and stabbed a Killer Whale in the neck.
…So random.
We all went to the beach to go swimming like Kratos said. Ah, it was nice, Heavy was making a sand-castle out of mud, Kratos was attempting to drown Azula, Azula was desperately clinging to dear life as blue flames jutted from her hands, Dalek Yuki was floating around chasing a hermit crab, and me and Mentok were watching like perverts at the towels and umbrellas.
"Parasols."
Whatever.
"Mind-taking."
Bite me…GAH!
"Yummy."
After rubbing my bite wound, a crab hit my head as Kratos yelled, 'Hey, Squidward, get your ass over here and bring a ball!"
I looked at the crab, which looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "…Get back to work, Mr. Squidward!"
We all threw a ball at each other, playing a one-ball dodge ball game at each other, well, except Yuki, for she was an anti-social freak...like a psychopath.
Kratos leapt into the air as he hit the ball, he trousers accidentally falling down and GAH! TOO MANY BEACH BALLS!
Azula looked away, and saw something in the distance…I don't know why I know this, maybe because I had to look away from Kratos' divine sack.
"Oh, look, Azula, we're in the dining room!" loudly announced Kratos as we sat at the table of the dining room.
"Oh, joy," sighed Azula, not taking her eyes from Kratos.
Kratos then ate a dead wild boar, chewing loudly as blood-stained his lips. "This is good!" roared Kratos.
"I'm glad you liked it, Phil made it," replied Linkara, spitting out a bullet from his steak.
"Don't thank me, thank my apprentice, Not Killer Croc!" loudly announced Phil as he patted the back of Not Killer Croc, who was eating a dead arm of a nerdy card-playing teenager.
"Mhm," hissed Not Killer Croc.
"Say, do I know you?" interrogated Linkara.
"Uh, no, no, no," replied Not Killer Croc quietly.
"No, I never forget a face, I definitely know you from somewhere," replied Linkara, determined to get the poop from the disguised psycho.
"I used to do a lot of hardcore porn," replied Not Killer Croc.
"Oh…I…sure…" replied a confused Linkara, continuing to eat his badly-cooked steak.
Me and Broly watched as Dalek Yuki sucked in food from her plunger, like a large vacuum.
"Kakarot…" groaned Broly, playing with his food. Boy, what a fan for carrots.
Heavy the groaned, throwing a bell pepper at Dalek Yuki's eyepiece, who began to shake the stalk violently to get it off.
"I hate bell peppers!" yelled Heavy.
"If you want to grow up like Azula, then you have to eat them," I told him.
The room then went silent, everyone was looking at me strangely, even Phil Ken Sebben. Kratos shook his head in disappointment, Mentok snickered to himself, and Heavy looked like he was about to cry. It feels like Kindergarten all over again.
"Sicko," whispered Linkara negatively.
Dalek Yuki then finally got rid of the bell peppers, landing on my bulging eyes. Not one person helped me in my time of agony.
Afterwards, we then played fireworks out on the beach, where a Roman Candle shot into my eye, then into my mouth as I screamed in pain, then into my armpit as I yelled madly, and finally, my soul, crushed by the laughter of my so-called friends.
If only the story ended there, it would've been the greatest thing in the world, hell, even if it was the end of the whole goddamn fanfic.
I was completely and utterly wrong! Godammit…
The next day, a storm of biblical proportions appeared out of the blue, by biblical proportions, I mean that two of the four horsemen were surfing outside during said storm…on their horses.
As we all ate at the table for breakfast, I noticed Linkara was not there, which made me wonder, why are two of the four horsemen outside surfing?
Well, Kratos got his wish, something happened, something you'd never find on ordinary life, a storm, yep, never see those things on a regular basis, no way, not at all.
Since we couldn't go outside, we decided to go to the game room to play. We first played Candyland, but I got bored and walked away, Mentok was displeased.
We then played Ping-Pong, a decent game, except Kratos kept on hitting us with the balls, PING-PONG balls! They would continuously hit us in the face, the ping-pong balls just kept on coming and coming. I could not keep up, but Mentok was able to take his balls and use them to their full-potential, hitting the balls over and over again."I just realized you didn't correct that when I was mentioned," Mentok said in a monotone voice. Yeah, I know.
Mentok then played Pool, holding the long shaft and released the force as balls hit each other over and over again, each going into the hole.
"Okay, Squidward, it isn't funny anymore," said Mentok, glaring at me, "Stop it." Nope.
Later, Linkara and Broly came into the room to play games with us. Broly beat me in arm wrestling, breaking my "bones", and he almost beat Kratos, but Kratos then glared at him, causing Broly to wimp out.
Mentok then played, he sure was man-handled by Broly and…
"MIND-TAKE!"
…It's so beautiful…
Linkara read a book the whole time, it was a comic book by the name of Youngblood, he then put it into his shirt pocket and moaned, "I'm going to my room, I got to wash my mind of this bad comic!"
Damn, he didn't say the line!
We then entered Yuki's room and played some weird game, yelling who is the king as we drew straws, apparently, Kratos is the king…mah boi.
"Number one!" yelled Kratos, "Turn around and say I love you to all of us, or I'll kill you with a battering ram!"
"IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WIIIISH!" screeched Dalek Yuki.
Dalek Yuki turned around and quickly turned back, screeching, "I LOVE YOOOUUU!"
"No!" yelled Kratos, "More feeling, you bitch!"
Dalek Yuki then turned around again, quickly turned back and screeched, "I AM GOING TO RAPE YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"
"Too much emotion, Dalek Yuki," sighed Kratos.
We continued to play stupid games, along with children's card games. Not Killer Croc entered my room as he folded our laundry, for a second I thought I saw his face fall off…then again, I am drunk as hell.
…
You're pretty.
The next morning…I think. Well, anyway, the storm was still going on, and the two horsemen had to go home, supper was ready.
I walked to Kratos' room, I greeted, "Hey, Kratos!" I was replied with a vase to the face. Hey, that rhymed, sort of.
"You are weak!" yelled Kratos.
"Anyone would fall down from a vase to the face!" I yelled.
"Hey!" yelled Kratos, then saying softly, "That rhymed."
"Hey!" yelled Mentok, peeking from the door, "I heard you were hosting a vase to the face fight! Can I join?"
Phil then entered the room, who was then hit by a vase on the face, not even flinching. He then grabbed another vase and threw it at Kratos, hitting him in the face and making him a bit dazed, as it was filled with rocks.
"I am the true king of vase face off!" laughed Phil, "HAHAAAA, dramatic turn point! I have tried to enter Linkara's room, he has my shed keys, but he isn't answering, maybe he didn't accept my love letter…"
"Have yo tried talking to that walking mass of muscle Broly?" asked Mentok.
"He has disappeared, like the wind!" announced Phil, "He likes to hide, like the wind.""I have a bad feeling about this, Squidward! My jedI senses are off the charts!" growled Kratos, determined as hell, "Let's investigate!"
"Pass," I quickly replied, but I was grabbed by the tentacle and dragged across the hallway by Kratos, king of muscle-heads.
We all quickly ran to the front door of Linkara, internet reviewer, Mentok knocking wildly on the door.
"Linkara! Answer! Now!" yelled Mentok, "Look, Phil didn't mean it, no homo!"
"I only gave out my brotherly looooove!" cooed Phil.
He turned to us, with a dramatic glare, saying "We have to break down the door! We need something hard and squishy!"
"Okay!" growled Kratos, grabbing me and throwing me at the door, I didn't go in, just impacted on the surface.
"Let me have another try!" growled Kratos, he then grabbed my broken body again and threw me at the door, this time, I went through.
What I saw, was something horrific. It was the dead body of Linkara, his eyes wide open, a knife in his chest, the words "FUCK PIG" on the wall written in feces, and Not Killer Croc in the corner with a dinner knife and fork.
"…I know what this looks like," reassured Not Killer Croc quickly.
This can't be happening to me…I'M A FUCKING CHILDREN'S SHOW CHARACTER!
The Banana Slug: DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUM!
Who murdered Linkara? Was it Not Killer Croc, who is so obviously not Killer Croc.
Was it Squidward? Was it the Nostalgia Critic? Was it the author of this story?
Or maybe it was YOU!
…
…
…
I just blew your mind, huh…Joe.