Thanks to Brelaina, my patient Beta.

Dangerous Thing

The journey through the forest back to the main road to Denerim was not as pleasant as the journey there, and it was all Airam's fault.

The being Airam set free in the ruins did not lie, and the boy suddenly knew how to fight with daggers – in theory. But seeing in your mind how something should be done and actually being able to do it were two very different things. He promised to train the crazy kid, but only if he saw an improvement in the basic drills he and Alistair had shown him. And Airam was determined to achieve that as soon as possible. He definitely wasn't complaining about that. As a trainer, he was required to watch his trainee closely… and what a view that was...

Unfortunately, it gave their fearless leader the craziest idea so far – that they all needed to improve their skills, so from then on, they were to spend hours in the morning and in the evening training.

"But I'm perfect. What should I train?" he protested, but Airam didn't relent.

"Lock picking, for example. So that the next time you don't, ah, run out of lock picks."

"Tsk, tsk. Your suspicion wounds me so. I really ran out of lock picks there."

"As you wish Zev, but next time we come across a chest with complicated lock, you'll have to pick it." He grinned. "But if you can't unlock it – oh, don't worry, I'll make sure you have as many lock picks as necessary – then hmm… let me see… then you'll do all the washing up until we defeat the Archdemon."

He stared at Airam and realised there was no chance to talk him out of it. "You truly want me to spend an hour every evening picking locks? When did you turn into such a tyrant?"

Airam just chuckled, looking very satisfied with himself.

Neither of them were happy about it, but Airam remained adamant. The only ones who didn't have to do any extra training were Shale and Sten. Shale because she was, well, a rock. And Sten didn't even let Airam finish saying what he should train.

"No."

Airam was quite unnerved with that answer. "What do you mean, no? Everybody has to improve, including you."

"It would be against the Qun."

"What? Why would be training some new fighting style be against the Qun?"

"My role is to be a swordfighter."

"A role?"

"Everyone who follows the Qun has a role. A purpose."

"So you can't learn anything new? That sucks!"

Both Sten and Airam looked equally shocked. The expressions on their faces were hilarious – even Wynne couldn't suppress a giggle. It was understandable, he thought – for someone like Airam, for whom learning new things was actually a hobby, it had to seem like the most stupid thing ever; but for Sten, saying such a blatant offence against the Qun was probably the final proof of Airam's ignorance.

"It would be against the Qun," repeated Sten firmly, and that was the end of discussion.

There was no escape for the rest of them. One hour every morning before breaking camp, and one hour every evening after dinner. None of them were exactly thrilled about it, but Morrigan was the worst. She disliked the idea of spending so much time learning complex healing magic – and from Wynne, too – she didn't stop complaining for a whole day.

"Healing magic is useless. 'Tis for weaklings. If you were strong enough to quickly dispose of your enemies, you wouldn't need it at all."

"As you wish, Morrigan. I promise I will not spend my energy on you, next time you are injured," sighed Wynne.

"You can always convert to the Qun," suggested Alistair. "Then you could say being an aggressive unfriendly hag is the purpose of your life."

Had he known how much trouble his next words would cause, he would never have said them. "Ah, I would not recommend that. Tempting as it is, to see our dear friend mute and pacified for a while –"

Everyone stopped and turned to him. "What do you mean, mute and pacified?" demanded Airam, and he immediately knew he shouldn't have brought it up.

"Qunari control their mages even more than the Chantry does," he explained as vaguely as he could.

"Yes, but – mute and pacified? How could they possibly do that?" Airam didn't intend to let it go.

"I am not sure. They use collars… or so I heard."

Airam was not convinced, but didn't push it further. For the rest of the day he was lost in his thoughts, and when they set up camp, Airam immediately retreated into his tent, saying only that he needed to urgently check something. They were just going to call him for dinner, when he stormed out of the tent, holding a big book and marched up to Sten.

"Look at this, Sten. Is this picture correct?" His voice was level, and it seemed he was trying hard to remain calm.

Sten shot just a brief look at the book and averted his eyes again. "Yes."

"It is? You truly do that? You keep your mages like animals, always on a leash? You stitch their lips together, put a visor over their eyes and an anti-magic collar on their neck? Is it true?" Airam's voice was still without any emotion.

"I already answered that."

"And is it true that you call your mages 'dangerous thing"? Is that really what this word… 'sa-reeb-as' means?"

"Saarebas. Yes."

"You call them a thing? Isn't that bit too extreme?" Alistair got up and took the book from the boy. "Maker! This – that's the cruellest thing I've ever seen."

Morrigan and Leliana moved to see it as well and gasped in horror at the picture. Wynne just closed her eyes and sighed. He didn't need to see it, either – he had seen a few Qunari mages before, in Antiva.

Airam ignored them.

"But you said everyone has a purpose in the Qun. How can you treat your mages like that? How can you block their powers? Isn't it their purpose to be mages and use spells?"

"Their purpose is to use their power when necessary for the common good. But mages are dangerous. They can be infested with demons. They are broken tools and need to be controlled."

"Tools? They are living –"

"Every Qunari is a tool, used for the well being of the whole community."

"But mages are broken tools?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because they are unnatural."

"Unnatural? I'm unnatural? Because I have magic?"

"Yes."

"Maybe it's you who's unnatural. Magic is in everyone, but most people lose their connection to it and can't use it. Still, not using magic is unnatural. What do you say to that?"

"It's against the Qun."

"And it's against the Maker's –" started Leliana, but quickly shut up when Airam turned to glare at her.

"Is that why you don't want to follow me? You're scared of me, because I'm not a mindless puppet on a leash?"

"I follow you."

"Answer me, Sten. Are you afraid of me because I'm not collared and on a leash? Am I also a 'dangerous thing'?"

"Mages are dangerous."

The sound Airam made could have been a hysterical chuckle or a hysterical sob. "What about the rest of you?"

"Magic is dangerous and should be controlled, but this is unnecessarily cruel," said Alistair hesistantly.

Leliana nodded. "I agree. Magic can be dangerous and should be controlled, in order to protect both mages and others, but mages are still the Maker's children, and should be treated with respect…"

Morrigan just laughed. "What is so bad about fools being afraid of us? Let them! We are dangerous and they better not forget it."

"That is a very foolish thing to say, child. Magic should be used to help people, not to threaten them. Mages need to learn to control their powers. If they do and are disciplined, they can do much good."

"'Tis no use to try this Chantry brainwashing on me, Wynne…"

Those two started another one of their arguments about freedom for the mages and the necessity of the Circle; they were too used to that already and just ignored them.

"What about you, Zev? Are you afraid of me?"

"No," he answered immediately. But was it really true? Airam could be scary… he once froze Alistair just because a bit of teasing about his hair… and when he remembered the ruins…

There was a knowing smile on Airam's lips. "If you'll excuse me. I need to be alone for a while." He went back into his tent and didn't come out until it was his turn for his watch.

oOo

He knew he should go to Airam and apologise, but he wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't really scared of Airam, but he was aware of how dangerous the boy could be. But to Airam it would probably sound the same. Sten went to him the very next day and they had a talk, though it was a rather short one. Before he could find some proper excuse to get closer to listen, it was already over. And as Sten never was the communicative type, it was difficult to say if they were on speaking terms again.

That evening, when they set up camp, he went to talk to the boy, but the crazy kid wasn't in his tent. He found him sitting alone under one big tree, covered from the sight of the others, reading one of those big thick books.

"You really shouldn't wander around all alone, Airam. What if there were some enemies nearby?"

Airam didn't even lift his eyes. "Well I'm a monster, right? Chances are they would run away at the mere sight of me. And if not, I can cast some terrible magic on them and send them to oblivion."

"Nobody said you are a monster."

"But you think so. You're scared of me. And don't say it's not true! I'm not an idiot, you know. I noticed it long ago."

"That is not quite true."

"Don't worry about it. It's all right. I'm used to it. People are always afraid of me. It's my looks, or something. I thought perhaps… but never mind. As I said, it's fine. I'm better alone, anyway." Airam still stubbornly kept his eyes fixed on the book, but it was clear he was not reading any more and there was a hint of bitter disappointment in his voice.

It made him feel even more guilty. "Please, listen to me. I'm not afraid of you – only when your eyes turn black and there is this menacing aura around you…"

That finally caught Airam's attention. "My eyes turn black?"

"You didn't know about it?"

"This might come as a surprise you, but even mages can't see their own eyes."

He chuckled. "Ah, how cruel of you to destroy my dream and illusions so."

"Zevran…"

"No need to glare at me like that, my dear friend. I just assumed you knew about it, yes? When you are really angry, your lovely eyes turn black and there is this terrible icy aura around you."

"When I'm angry…" Airam sighed. "I – I know I have terrible temperament –"

"Very mildly speaking, yes."

"And if you know it, you shouldn't provoke me, right? But I know about it. It is true, I've already lost control a few times, and I did things of which I'm not proud… but I don't regret it, either. Those people I hurt deserved it, they'd deserve ten times more. I have never hurt any friends, any bystanders, or innocents. Neither have I lost control so completely that I wouldn't know what I was doing and killed everyone around me. And I was even tested against Rage, and I passed, you know."

Airam looked directly in his eyes. "So why am I bigger threat than you or Sten?"

What Airam said made sense, but still… he couldn't freeze all the people within a perimeter of twenty meters. "You were tested against rage? How?"

"Harrowing. The final test, you know. If you pass, you become a full mage."

"And if you fail?"

"Then you die." Airam chuckled. "The look on your face… Come on, don't tell me it's worse than in the Crows."

"No, but I thought – I did not know – so what is the test about?"

"Well… first, the apprentice is drugged. So he wouldn't put up much of fight in case of trouble. Then he must drink a strong potion, a mixture of lyrium and some other things, I don't know the recipe. It helps him to enter the Fade."

"Like when Jowan saved Connor?"

"Yes, almost. Only with the Harrowing, it's actually the Circle Mages who summon demons. They promise them the living body… if they overwhelm the apprentice. Of course, they don't intend to keep that promise. If the apprentice fails and becomes possessed, the Templars kill his body."

"But why would they do such a thing? Making deals with demons is a bad thing, no?"

"The demons they summon always represent the flaws of the apprentice… those who would be able to offer the strongest temptation. If the apprentice can resist them – which means he can defeat them in a fight – it is assumed he can resist any temptation. Funny thing is, the apprentice doesn't even have a weapon…"

No weapon? The Crows tests were very hard, often cruel, but even the Crows wouldn't require an apprentice to fight a hopeless fight without any weapon. "And yours was rage?"

"In fact, there were three. I guess I'm very flawed person. Sloth, rage, pride."

"Sloth? That does not make any sense. You are the least lazy person I have ever seen."

"And yet it was there. But, as you can see, I survived and became a full mage. So there's no need to be so worried – even if I get angry, I'm not going to give in and burst into an abomination."

"Burst into an abomination? That is possible?"

"Were you not in the Tower with us? Didn't you see it?"

"Yes, but you know I don't understand magic at all."

"Then trust me. You really don't have to be so afraid. I'm not going to go on a killing rampage any time soon."

"I do trust you… I know you would never hurt me or any of us… but sometimes, when you are angry, your power is so overwhelming I forget it. I am sorry."

Airam laughed at that, softly and bitterly. "No, it's fine. As I said, I'm used to it."

oOo

Later he that evening he couldn't stop thinking about it. He never gave much thought about what the life of mages was like. It was an easy and safe life, he thought – free bed, meals three times a day without having to do anything to deserve it, without having to fight for it; many Crow apprentices wished they had magic and lived in such luxury.

The life of a mage seemed the exact opposite to the life of a Crow. With the Crows, one always had to fight his best if he wanted to survive. Nothing was for free. Now, however, he was ready to admit – even the exact opposite, that the life of mages was just another form of slavery.

Besides, what the boy said was true. He was just as big a threat… no, he was a much bigger threat than Airam. Even though he normally tried to avoid it, there were also innocents among his victims. Sure, most of them were accidents, but there were a few that he had killed deliberately, in order to save his skin. He doubted Airam would do something like that… So what reason, what right did he have to treat him with suspicion and distrust?

oOo

Under a thick crown of trees it was easy to forget it was already Solace; when they got out of the forest, the heat struck them like a mallet. It was like walking straight into a heated stove. It was much more terrible than in Antiva, where the air smelled of the sea, where he could always have a siesta for an hour or two during the worst heat and where it was so easy to get some refreshment. Here there was nothing except long miles of dusty road ahead of them.

"Where is Bodahn and his cart when we need it." Alistair was breathing heavily, and it seemed he was going to collapse any moment now. Looking at that heavy metal armour, he was secretly very glad that the Crows trained assassins, not warriors. The poor Chantry boy had to be half baked already in it. No wonder he'd like to hide in the shadow of the cart.

Bodahn had left for Denerim with Jowan and Carroll to sell the goods "collected" during the travels with their group. The Wardens were going to get sixty-five percent of the profit, as they provided involuntary suppliers of the goods – darkspawn, bandits and other fools that tried to attack them. He thought it was still pure robbery from the dwarf's side, but both Airam and Alistair were still too naïve and idealistic to understand that.

But right now it didn't matter; the collapsing Alistair was more important, because he was sure neither Sten nor Shale would be willing to carry him… and as Airam was too weak for it and he was too much of a gentleman to let the women do it, it was quite clear whose task it would be in the end.

"If I may suggest… I think we should set up camp now, and walk after the sun sets down and the temperature drops a bit."

"I agree with the silly assassin," agreed Morrigan. "Unless you want to carry the big oaf after he collapses."

"All right, then. We will set the camp at the first good place. Somewhere near water would be nice… you've got the map, Leli? Is there some water round here?"

"Let me see… yes, but we will have to go off the road… some two miles from here there should be a small lake..."

"But walking in the dark might not be –"

"Ah, my dear Wynne, you worry too much. Should you have problems walking in the dark, I will gladly carry you in my arms, yes?"

Wynne was opening her mouth to say something, but thought better of it – it was clear she was the only one against. So they left the dust of the road; the vision of the lake with cool water inspiring them to pick up pace and they reached the place in surprisingly short time.

Alistair didn't even wait till the tents were propped and quickly took off his armour and jumped into the lake; Leliana soon followed, though in bit more dignified manner. Wynne watched them wistfully for a moment, then decided to let them have free time and went to prepare a late lunch – which was very good news, as she was the best cook of all of them. Alistair called Sten too, but he just said his favourite answer – "No" – and started patrolling in circles, to be sure nobody would creep up on them while they were naked and unarmed.

"Are you coming for a swim, Airam?" he asked hopefully.

This could be a perfect chance to finally make things up. Even after their little talk, Airam kept his distance from everyone – he was as nice and sweet as ever, but he spent all his free time reading. And he had to admit, he was missing their talks, Airam's endless questions and the sound of his laughter.

"I can't swim."

"I could teach you."

"No, thanks. I'm too tired for learning anything now. I'd like to just relax. Perhaps some other time."

"Oh come on Air, it will be fun, stop sulking!" Leliana grabbed his right arm, trying to pull him up. "Alistair, some help, please!"

"What? Wait, no –"Alistair grabbed his left arm. He joined them, grasping the boy's legs, and together they lifted him and took him right into the lake.

"Put me down – I can't swim! – murderers! – no don't, stop, not in my rooooooo-!" The rest of the word was cut off as he hit the water with loud 'splash'. He got up, spluttering and coughing and there was a tense moment when they waited for his reaction – and then relief when he started laughing.

"Damn, you fools. Look at what you've done! You ruined my favourite robes!"

"I will gladly help you take them off, if you wish," he offered with sleazy grin.

"Too late. I'm going to drown you, all of you, you disrespectful murderers… Is this any way to treat your leader?"

"No, but it is the perfect way to treat a sulking, crazy kid," he laughed, which resulted in a short but fierce water fight that left them all breathless.

Morrigan watched them with scornful smirk. "'Tis funny how few minutes in a lake can wash away your remaining brains."

"Yet another disrespectful underling. Al, Zev, as your commander I order you to bring her here, the same way you brought me!"

"It will be my pleasure," smirked Alistair, and they immediately got out of the water.

"Don't you dare, dimwits! I'm warning you! Stay away from me!"

It was useless, of course. Though truthfully, Morrigan's resistance seemed bit half-hearted – as if she was secretly happy she wasn't left out.

"Excellent! Now that we're all in the same pot, so to say, the real war can start. Mages against the rest of the world!"

"What makes you think I am going to help you, Warden?"

"You would rather help Templar, then? I am so disappointed in you."

"Fine! Can I at least drown him?"

"No! Who will carry my books, if you do?"

They didn't stop fooling in the lake until Wynne called them for a lunch. As they were drying themselves – with a bit of help from magic it was rather quick – he realised it was the first time in many years he was completely relaxed, without that constant wariness of potential backstabbing.

"So this is how normal people have fun at the lakes?"

For a moment, he was almost sure it was him who said that, before he realised it was Airam.

"You never did it before?"

"Why are you so surprised? You know we were not allowed to go outside the Tower… too big risk that we would run away and blow up a Chantry or two, or massacre a few villages. And we didn't have any lakes inside."

"So you're still angry about that?"

"I'm not angry, Al. I'm just… fed up with it, you know." Airam sighed and looked away. "It's... I need to know. Are you really afraid that I would hurt you – any of you? If yes… I will… try not to…" Airam gulped and turned away. There was so much hurt and loneliness, and longing somewhere in those words… He recognised it, an echo of his own past.

"And you ask me this after all we went through together? Maker's breath, Air, but you can be really dumb sometimes. I know I said that mages need to be controlled… Mages have power that must be used carefully, but the same is true for Templar, or even Grey Wardens, you know. I didn't mean that I'm afraid of you. None of us are. Right?"

Alistair glared at them, as if daring them to disagree, but no one did. He grinned, satisfied, then offered his hand to Airam. "So. Friends again?"

Airam hesitated for a moment. "Only if you wish," he said warily, before accepting it.

"Don't be silly. You're like a little brother to me –"

"What do you mean, little brother? You might be three years older, but mentally, you're five years younger! Everybody knows that."

"So I'm thirteen now? Wow, I'm amazing. I'm the youngest Grey Warden ever!"

Morrigan scowled. "And you really want to make this fool the king of Ferelden? If you do so, I think I will emigrate."

"That might be actually a reason to look forward to it, you know…"

Leliana giggled. "When will you two admit that you're actually in love with each other?"

He watched those three quarrelling and couldn't suppress a chuckle. Yes, this was how it should be; this was their normal, routine craziness. That afternoon, trainings were real fun, full of friendly teasing and jokes.

It seemed the rest of the trip to Denerim would be much more pleasant.

Harrowing - it doesn't make sense to me, that all that is needed to send a mage to the Fade is lyrium... wouldn't they travel to the Fade every time they drink a lyrium potion? So I decided there must be something else added...