The Bizarre Saga: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 10: Everybody Loves the Water Temple

Previously on The Bizarre Saga, nothing important happened. Seriously.

Now for Chapter Ten, where hopefully something will happen.

"Man, the last chapter was so boring!" Saria exclaimed. "I am so glad we're in a new one now."

"SO! CAN YOU DELIVER THE INGREDIENTS BEFORE THEY SPOIL?" King Zora asked dramatically.

"YES!"

Saria used the Prescription and received an Eyeball Frog!

"Be sure to deliver it while it's cold!" King Zora reminded her.

"While it's cold? This is a living thing!"

"GO DELIVER THEM!"

"Okay okay okay!"

At the Lakeside Laboratory…

"Here! Eyeball frog! Eyedrops now!" Saria yelled, shoving the frog in the ugly man's face.

"Oh, wow! I haven't seen an Eyeball Frog like this since Zora's Domain froze over!" the man exclaimed. "These eyeballs are so delicious! Tonight I will cook fried eyeballs for the first time in a long time! Uhoy hoy hoo houy hoy! Such great stuff! Please say thank you to King Zora!"

"I SAID EYEDROPS!"

"Eh? What? These are for making Biggoron's eyedrops? Oh, how disappointing! You should have said so in the first place!"

"I DID."

"Okay, I'll make it."

Five minutes later…

"Here it is. This medicine doesn't have any preservatives in it. So it won't last long at this temperature," the ugly man told them.

"I didn't know preservatives existed yet," Link stated.

"Can't we just put it in a Pack It or something?" Saria said.

"Those don't exist yet," the man replied.

"Okay, I'm officially confused," Link muttered. "Everything's all out of order… Seriously, like, phone booths exist, preservatives exist, soda exists, but this game takes place in like, 1101." (Note: I don't actually know, obviously)

"It's a parody, mah boi. A parody." The man took the eyedrops out of a refrigerator.

"There's another thing to add to my list…" Link took out a notepad and a pen.

"Run as fast as you can to Death Mountain. You're young-you can do it!"

Saria traded the Eyeball Frog for the World's Finest Eyedrops!

"ALL RIGHT! I CAN FINALLY GET MY SWORD!" Saria exclaimed. She snatched the eyedrops and dashed out of the room.

Once Saria finally got to the top of Death Mountain, there was only had 10 seconds left.

"MY EYEDROPS!" Biggoron yelled. He snatched the tiny bottle and dripped them into his eyes. The dripping echoed throughout all of Death Mountain.

Link pulled himself onto the top of the mountain, "How the heck did you get up here so quickly…?"

"I want my sword," Saria replied harshly.

"Okay, okay, sheesh…"

"Wow!" Biggoron exclaimed. "This is fantastic! It's working great! Now I can get back to my blade business! My work is not very consistent, so I'll give this to you so you won't forget."

Saria got a Claim Check for the Biggoron's Sword!

"Come back here in a few days. It'll be done then. Wait patiently."

"A few days?!" Saria yelled. "Time passes way slower in this story than in the actual game!"

"What about the Sun's Song?" Link suggested.

"No!" Navi told them. "We can't waste time like that. We should go complete the Water Temple while we wait."

"Are you sure?" Saria asked her. "The Water Temple sounds muito feroz."

"Saria, we've been waiting two chapters to go there. We are going now."

"Fine!"

"And also, I am not going to put up with you acting this way throughout the entire chapter. Maniac Saria completes the story!"

Link played the Serenade of Water and they appeared at Lake Hylia.

"Wait… Couldn't we have just used that to get here before?" Saria asked.

"No," the author told her. "They made the game so that if you use warping songs, your timer zooms down to 1 second so you don't cheat."

"Here! Saria! Coco-Cola!" Navi said, struggling to hold of a big bottle of soda.

"Where did you get that?" Saria questioned.

"I don't know. Take it already."

So Saria drank half the container of the Coco-Cola. Link drank the rest.

"It's time…" Navi paused. "… For the Water Temple."

Thunder rumbled fiercely in the background.

"Okay, now I'm scared," Link stated. "I hope we're not in there for a long time."

"Don't worry. All we need to do is get the item, break into the boss room and kill the boss and we're done," Navi said.

"I have a bad feeling the item is going to take forever to find," Saria muttered.

There were a few moments of silence.

"Sooo…" Link started. "Where's the temple?"

"I think it's at the bottom of the lake," Navi spoke.

"Now I see why King Zora gave us these clothes," Saria stated. "All right, let's just dive down. I'll climb up this tree to get a good start-"

"Saria…" Navi poked her a bit. "Swimming underwater won't exist until Twilight Princess."

"Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"

"That's why you got the Iron Boots."

"So in the game you have to keep pausing it and unpausing it constantly when moving around under the water?! That is such a waste of time."

"Be glad that you don't have to."

"Whatever!" Saria climbed the tree.

"WAIT! The lake only has 10 feet of water!"

"What the crap! Ugh." Saria put the Iron Boots on, jumped off the tree and sank to the bottom of the remaining water in the lake.

Link put the Iron Boots on, "I don't know if I want to do this or not…"

"Come on, Link!" Navi yelled. She pushed him into the lake and he fell into the water.

"How are you breathing underwater?" Link asked Navi.

"Better question: How are you talking underwater?"

"Must be these tunics."

"Well, I'm magical."

"Dude, there's a gate over the door," Saria complained. "How did Ruto get in?"

"She must have locked the door behind her, just like Darunia."

"Look! A switch!" Link exclaimed. He took out the Hookshot and fired at the switch. It came out and the door opened.

"… Well. That was sudden."

So they entered into the (evil) Water Temple…

"Oh crappy derp muffins," Saria muttered once they entered the main room.

Yes, the horribleness. A main room with many entrances to other rooms everywhere.

"This is horrifying," Navi stated.

"And I can't believe we're just going to be left behind as the author skips all of the horribleness of us getting lost over and over again," Saria said.

One room later…

"! You people!" Ruto gasped.

"How long have you been here…?" Saria asked.

"I don't know. Whatever, that doesn't matter. But now that you're here, I can go get captured so you have to do all the work!" Ruto swam up and was gone.

"What the crap…"

So after many, many horrible puzzles, and I'm being serious, this temple is hard, they all got to the mini boss room.

"SEE! I knew it! Skipped us right over!" Saria yelled.

"Are there no walls here?" Link wondered, walking as far as he could. "The air is hard here." He followed it all the way across the room.

"Dude, your shadow just disappeared when you walked past that tree," Navi stated.

"Really?" Link turned around. "Are we in a different dimension all of a sudden?"

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh…" a laughing came out of no where. A dark figure popped out of the ground.

"What are you?"

"Seriously? What are you? Wouldn't who be a little more polite?" A dark-looking version of Link was near the tree, sitting in a fancy chair.

"Excuse me, I didn't know that you were a person."

"But monsters can't talk, anyway, so what would be the point of asking what they are?"

"… Yes they can," Saria told him. "Most of the ones we've run into can talk…"

"Huh. Strange, I never thought that they could talk… They were always quiet around me…"

"So, mind answering the question we asked before?"

The person stood up, "Oh, I'm just a shadow of Link sent out to kill you guys. The dark version of the girl would've been sent too, but she was too pathetic and was too scared to even hold a sword. In fact, she got fired yesterday!"

Saria raised an eyebrow, "So she's the exact opposite of me? Huh."

"Wait a minute, if you're supposed to be my dark side or whatever…" Link started, walking over to Dark Link, "How are you taller than me?"

There was a long pause.

"Um, no comment…" he answered.

"But it doesn't make sense! You can't just say no comment!" Link yelled.

"LET'S DO SOMETHING RECKLESS!" a black fairy shouted, flying out from behind Dark Link's chair.

"Shut up," Dark ordered, swatting the fairy away.

"Oh, I see!" Navi exclaimed. "So that fairy is reckless and stupid, right? That sounds like the exact opposite of me!"

"Well, she still seems to be the same when it comes to levels of annoying…" Saria muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Well, are you going to fight me or decide that I'm a character so this doesn't become more violent than it already is?" Dark asked.

"Okay, I have one question."

"What?"

"Why the heck were you on a chair?"

"To make me look awesome, duh. Now why is that guy still standing over there? I could attack him at any moment…" Dark eyed Link, who was standing right next to him.

"Aw, but he seems like a nice person, I don't wanna defeat him!" Link stated. Dark raised an eyebrow. "And he looks way to much like a person, not a mini boss!"

"Is Link having another idiotic moment?" Navi wondered. "Link, hurry up and get away from him before the author gets some funny ideas!"

"Hahaha! Like what?"

"Oh, right, Link probably doesn't know what I'm talking about…"

"What are you talking about-"

"Hehe," Dark laughed, shoving Link to the floor forward and jumping onto him. "I got you, Hero of Time!"

"OH GODDESSES! MY DARK SIDE IS DESTROYING ME SLOWLY BY THE POWER OF AWKWARD HUGS!"

O_o

"Wow, he's stupider than I thought…" Dark stated.

"Trust me, he used to be much worse than this," Navi told him. "Now get off him before the parody police arrest you for breaking the rule of this story."

"Rules? There were never any rules."

"Yeah, Navi," Saria said.

"Oh come on, guys! Look at the position their in!" Navi shouted.

Insert awkward position on the ground here.

"I don't see the problem," Dark said, wrapping his arms around Link.

"Get off…" Link mumbled, twitching. "Saria, do something!"

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna watch and see what he does," Saria stated.

"Seriously?!"

"GUYS! You know that this doesn't even make sense in the first place!" Navi yelled.

"Says who?" Dark asked.

"ME! NOW BE A MINI BOSS AND FIGHT!"

"You said it girl!" the Navi shadow from before said.

"Aw, but this is hilarious!" Saria stated, laughing. "I don't want him to die! For once!"

"All right then, how about we just pass on through here instead, then?" Link suggested, trying to get Dark off him.

"Aw, but it's so comfortable here," Dark said, clinging to him some more.

"CREEP!"

"Wow! Link has common sense for once!" Saria exclaimed. "I would write this down, but I don't have anything to write on or with…"

"All right, fine," Dark spoke, sighing and standing up. Link jumped up and hid behind Saria. "Just go pass already. Regardless of the fact that I'm evil and I was sent to kill you by Ganondorf, you guys are pretty cool so you can live. I'm not scared of him anyway."

The door of the opposite side of the room opened.

"Later people, I'll find you at some point!" Dark snapped his fingers and he and the chair disappeared.

"Find us…?" Link asked with a scared look on his face. "That doesn't sound good…"

"Ah, let's just go get the item already," Navi said.

"I would've preferred it if he actually was a mini boss and I got to fight him, though, rather than him being some creep…"

"Don't worry Link, you can kill the boss!" Saria said, snickering.

"THAT DOESN'T HELP. BUT I'LL STILL DO IT."

Suddenly the endless looking room transformed into a normal room.

"AH HA! It was an illusion," Navi stated.

In the next room, there was a treasure chest.

"Oh goody!" Link exclaimed, completely changing moods. He ran over to it and flipped the lid open.

Link got the Longshot!

"I think it's a lengthened version of the Hookshot." Link fired it across the room. It went twice as far as the Hookshot.

"Gimme that," Saria told him, snatching it. "I have better aim and you already have the Hookshot."

"But that one is longer!"

"As I said, I have better aim."

Once they were right in front of the door that lead to the boss door…

"All right, knowing this temple, there is going to be something horribly annoying past this point," Navi stated.

"How do you know that? There's never been anything before a boss door," Saria said. They went through the door. "Oh crap muffins."

Yes. Behind the door was an incline with three spike traps going over it.

"Oh my freakin' Din…" Navi muttered.

"Naaaaavvviii…" Link complained. "Can't you fly us up?"

"Heck no! I can't even hold a bottle of soda!"

"Oh Nayru, I wish that peacock from Chapter Two would come back."

"Baaa," the peacock said, appearing out of no where. It turned into an airplane and lifted them all up.

"Thanks Kevin!" Link waved as the plane as it broke the door and flew out.

"Kevin?" Saria and Navi asked at the same time.

"Is that really the situation right now? It was the first name I thought of."

They sighed.

Saria started picking the lock. It fell on top of Link again.

"Link, stop standing wherever the lock happens to fall," Navi told him.

"Well excuuuuu-" Link started.

"Please do not bring that up." Navi pulled him into the boss room with Saria following.

"Muahahahahaha! I am evil!" Morpha, the boss, laughed. He was a red ball in a big blob of water. It shaped into Barney the purple dinosaur. "Hey, kids!"

"NOO! Barney! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!" Link screamed, falling to his knees.

Saria used the Longshot to pull the red ball out of the water and stabbed it. Morpha died.

"That was quick," Navi stated.

They then went into the blue light and appeared in the Chamber of Sages.

"Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm the Sage of Water," Ruto said. "Whatever. I have to guard the Water Temple, blah blah blah, as the Sage of Water… And you're searching for Princess Zelda, right?"

"No," Saria replied.

"Whatever. Take the medallion."

Link got the Water Medallion!

"So I'm guessing there's some kind of addition to this one too?" Navi asked. "Like the Forest Medallion being minty and the Fire Medallion being warm?"

"If you put this one in the washing machine, it makes sure all your clothes come out sparkling clean," Ruto stated.

"Hey! They're supposed to be pretty much useless!" Rauru yelled.

"I know. Washing machines don't exist yet."

"Oh, I see where you're going."

"What's down that really deep pit?" Link questioned, looking down from the platform they were on.

"Invisible floor."

"How come Darunia is still here?"

"Because the Sages have to stay here until their time has come."

"I'm booooooorrrrred," Darunia complained. "Can someone get me a DS or something?"

"The Light Medallion doesn't do anything," Link said, holding it out.

"That's because I couldn't think of anything to do with it to make it useless. If I made it glow, than you could use it to help you see in dark places. Now get out. You've been here long enough."

"Why does my script in the game say stuff about marriage and proposal?" Ruto asked, holding a piece of paper.

"SHUT UP AND LET THE CHAPTER END ALREADY!"

"Well sorry."

And Link, Navi and Saria were teleported out of the Chamber of Sages.