Blood Lust
Ch. 10 – Hello's and Goodbye's
We held a funeral for Marx. It was a simple ceremony, no wordy Baptist preacher or reception hall afterwards. We dressed in black, Donny built a sort of memorial cross for Marx and we buried the cross in the backyard of our house. (I had been living with Felicity and Donny since Ayden and I had broken up.) We leaned on each other and cried tearlessly as we dropped red roses on top of the makeshift grave, and then we went on a memorial hunt. Deer was always his favorite, so that's all we hunted. I missed my friend terribly, and I know that the others did too.
Later that night, I sat alone on the seat beneath the bay window in the back of the house, hugging my knees and staring out into the bright moonlight. A week ago today I had spoken with Edward. He hadn't left my mind since. It was hard to focus on anything that I had been doing, seeing as I only wanted to think about one thing continuously.
I wondered if he was thinking about me. I could never be sure, and I probably would never know. I missed him so much, but I couldn't help but think that if we tried to recover what we had lost so long ago it would only end in pain for the both of us.
Felix came into the living room before long, and sat opposite me on the window seat. We stared out the window together in silence for a while, before she said the one thing that I, for some reason unknown to me, had been dreading.
"The club has been closed for almost four months," she said, not taking her eyes off of the wooded area about a hundred feet away from where we sat.
"And?" I asked, obviously not wanting to talk about this right now.
"And I think that we should get back to work. I miss performing…I miss being on stage. I miss the crowds, the dancers, the excitement of the nightlife," Felix replied, sighing slightly as she thought about it.
I was silent as I, too, thought about it. I thought about it often, though none of us brought it up. I did miss it, even though I didn't admit it.
"Bells, I know you miss it too. How could you not? They loved us. No doubt we'd have an awesome grand opening too. The place would be packed," she continued, looking away from the outside world, her gaze falling on me.
"I do miss it Felix. I just don't think it'd feel right to go back. First there were six, and now there are three. There's no way we'd be as good as before," I said, shaking my head as I looked at her too.
"We'll never know until we try. We don't have to go crazy or anything…it could just be a little performance to start out with, you know what I mean? Three or four songs max. We could all pick them out together, too. Marx would never have wanted us to quit. He liked being on stage more than I did, and you know how much I like getting up in front of everybody," she said, smiling slightly.
I smiled too as she smiled, glad for the relief that she provided me. I sighed softly, stretching my legs out beside her.
"I guess one performance couldn't hurt. We could use the extra cash too. Have you talked to Donny about this yet?" I asked.
"Yes she has. We've just been waiting for you, Bells. We didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. And now that you're okay with it, we should get planning," Donny said as he entered the living room from the stairs.
"I should have known," I said with a grin, rolling my eyes.
"I have a few songs in mind that we should definitely think about doing…," Felix began, and I found myself caught up in the rip tide of planning a new show with only three of us, and the truth is…I couldn't be more excited about it.
xXxXxXxXxXxXx
Standing on the stage was very surreal to me. It was different, seeing as it was only me, Felix, and Donny, yet it was very much the same, seeing as I was on the same stage, with the same instruments, in the same building. Everything in part belonged to me, yet it was so alien. I glanced down at my outfit; a simple black strapless dress that hugged my curves and stopped a few inches above my knees. My hair was arranged in soft curls, my light brown eyes standing out in contrast with the smoky eye makeup, my feet adorned in bright red Jimmy Choo's.
I gripped the microphone and swallowed back a wave of fear that overtook me as I stepped out from the shadows into the spotlight, staring at the faces in the crowd, looking right through them. They all had a story, with highs and lows throughout their lives. Their stories would remain secrets to me, all of theirs, but tonight I would share mine with them.
"How are we doing tonight?" I said into the microphone, my voice sounding scared and shaky.
The crowd mumbled their appropriate responses, obviously not prepared to see the lively, vivacious Bella they were all so used to looking so…sad. Felix and Donny came out a few seconds later to give me support, and I smiled slightly in thanks. Donny wore black jeans and a black button-up shirt with a bright red tie. Felicity looked stunning in a black long-sleeved cocktail dress with a wide bright red belt around her tiny waist.
"We have some unfortunate news to share with you," Donny said into his microphone.
Some members of the crowd looked annoyed, others very concerned. I wondered if my six biggest most supportive fans would be in that crowd tonight, listening to me talk like this. Alice, Jasper, Edward, Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett actually sounded comforting, especially one.
"You're probably wondering where the rest of the band is…," Felicity said, a pained look in her eye.
"The truth is…it's only us left. Ayden, our second lead vocals and my husband, was caught cheating with Zara, keyboardist and Marx's wife," I told them, my voice growing stronger slightly as Felicity slipped her arm around my waist and Donny gripped my hand.
The crowd was angry, yelling curses and horrible things about Ayden and Zara, and it seemed to me like they, too, felt betrayed by their actions. It was good to know that we had so many people backing up our decision to kick them the hell out of our lives after the way they turned our worlds upside down.
"Marx, our bassist, left the band to start a new life somewhere overseas," I finished, taking a cleansing breath as the words left my soul. They sounded believable, as the crowd took them and believed them, their faces ranging from apologetic to angry. It was silent in that room full of hundreds of people, everyone turning to face me and my best friends.
"We're going to play for you tonight. We've missed entertaining you guys, and we apologize for the months of break that we took," Donny finished up.
We all turned around and walked into the center of the stage, snapping our microphones into their respective holders. Donny went to the back of the stage and took his seat behind his giant drum kit. Felix picked up Marx's bass guitar and put the strap around her shoulders. I'm sure it felt like a right of passage for her as she stood in front of the microphone where Marx should have been, prepared to play his part and her own at the same time. I took my electric guitar and met Felix up at the front of the stage, standing in front of my microphone, half-prepared and half feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler.
(A/N: the songs listed below are all in my profile, at the very bottom of the page. I ask that you listen to them as you read, so you get more out of this part of the story.)
Strumming the first few notes of the song felt odd, but I gained courage from the beat of Donny's drum as his melody joined mine. Our first piece, 'Who Knew' by Pink, was chosen by me, obviously in light of Ayden's leaving, but I had someone else in my thoughts as I sang it.
You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
A huh, that's rightI took your words, and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right
If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?
Remember when we were such fools, and so convinced, and just too cool
Oh no, no no
I wish I touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now 'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew?
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
But I won't forget you my friend
What happened?
If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
And that last kiss, I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew?
My darling, my darling, who knew?
My darling, I miss you, my darling, who knew?
The people in the crowd were dancing, some of them, though they seemed to take on some of our feelings as we all three poured them out for them to hear. Now that we had put ourselves out there to them, we figured we'd play a song that they could all relate to. 'Everybody's Fool' by Evanescence was next.
Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world…
That never was and never will be
Have you no shame don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled
Look, here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh, how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she…
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask
Where will you hide?
Can't find yourself
Lost in your lies
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
And somehow now you're everybody's fool
'Closing Time' by Semisonic was our final piece. We all settled on this song for some reason, as it gave us an odd sense of closure for all three of our missing friends, two enemies now. It was like a strange goodbye, and singing it made it so much easier to help with letting go.
Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time
Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home
Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time
This room won't be open till your brothers or your sisters come
So gather up your jackets
Move into the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
Yeah
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home
Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
I smiled as the last chord rang out from my guitar, and I could feel the smiles from Donny and Felix right beside me.
"Thank you, have a good night," I said into the microphone. The lights over the stage turned off, and the DJ took over for us. As we put our instruments away and such, we were quiet, our minds so full of things that it seemed impossible to talk. This feeling lasted for only a few seconds, however, and soon we were all gathered in the back hugging.
"I feel so much better," Donny said, shaking his head.
"I know…that was so strange. I don't think we meant to say goodbye when we first got out there, but we did," I added.
"And it felt great," Felix finished for me.
I smiled at my friends and instead of going out to join the party we stayed by ourselves for a while in the back. We trickled out slowly, one by one, into the crowd that we had drawn to our club. Donny and Felix were dancing happily together, and I stood, alone, watching them with a slight smile on my face.
I was happy for the first time in what seemed like forever.