Summary: What if Paige hadn't walked in on Emily and Nate kissing?
A car door slams shut and she realizes what she's doing, pulling back as fast as she can. Nate's rough lips follow her, so she turns her head and closes her eyes. What did she just do? And why did it feel right for a second? Her eyes focus on the bag on the floor. The bag with Maya's stuff.
"I've wanted to kiss you for awhile."
She feels sick. Glancing at him she opens her mouth but there is nothing she can say, so she doesn't and starts staring at her shoes instead.
"I haven't felt this close to someone in a long time." Swallowing heavily, she tries to think of something to say again but she can't, her mind going over the same things again and again. Paige, Maya, the second it felt right and how wrong it feels now. How wrong it was.
"You need to leave." She doesn't know where it came from, but it doesn't really matter because Nate gets up and she can feel him looking at her. "See you, Emily," he says and not knowing what to do, she nods, her eyes locked on something behind him.
He leaves and she buries her face in her hands, trying not cry, her stomach turning at the thought of everything that just happened and everything that is about to come. Wiping the back of her hand over her lips, she wants to get rid of the taste, the feeling of Nate's lips, everything.
Again, her eyes find the bag and her heart twists with pain. She doesn't know anything anymore. She has no idea what she feels or what she is even supposed to feel like. The one thing she feels is the sickness that settles inside her.
"Are you alright, Em?" Paige's voice reaches her and something inside her stirs, the queasy feeling lifting, only to fall down twice as strong. What is she going to do? Deciding on forcing a small smile. "Hey! Uh, yeah, I was just... waiting. Have you got the food? I'm starving."
Paige frowns at her, and Emily is sure she knows that something is up, but Paige doesn't say anything, just holds the bag up and takes a step closer to her. Reaching her hand out for Emily to take it, she gives her a smile. "All of your favorites."
She takes Paige's hand, letting herself be pulled up, and she finally knows what the sickness is. It's guilt. Guilt that grows even more when Paige laces their fingers together as they go inside.
They are sitting on the couch, watching a movie about people with guns running around and she pokes around in her noodles. "What's wrong, Em? You just told me you were starving, but you barely touched your food."
Setting the carton down, she swallows before glancing at Paige's worried face. "Nate and I... we kissed." She sees Paige opening her mouth, a small "Oh." falling out and she can't bear to look at her. "I'm sorry, I don't know how it happened. One second I was comforting him and the next we are kissing. I'm so sorry."
She glances at Paige again, noticing her knuckles, white from clenching her hands into fists and her pale face. "Do you know why it happened?" She shakes her head, her hands awkwardly resting in her lap. "I don't. I don't know anything anymore. I'm just so sorry."
Neither of them says anything and she keeps stealing glances at Paige, scared of what is going to happen, scared of what Paige is going to do now. She doesn't want this to be over.
"We were talking about Maya and then, for a moment, it felt right," she hears herself whisper and she could slap herself for it. "Does it still feel right?"
Burying her face in her hands again, she closes her eyes. "I don't know. I'm sorry." Paige shifts a tiny bit closer to her. "Maybe it was about Maya. You still miss her. You both do." She lets her hands sink and looks at the bag that is now lying under the table, a bit of Maya's shirt peaking out and has to swallow the lump in her throat. Maybe she is right. She feels close to Maya when she talks to Nate.
"I don't want to miss Maya anymore." It just slips out, along with all the air in her lungs and a few tears. Paige takes her hand, carefully covering it with her own. "You're allowed to miss her. Yes, I am a little upset that you kissed someone else, but you told me and I'm glad you did."
She takes a deep breath and turns her head to look at Paige, the sickness lessening a bit. "I'm so sorry," she whispers again and Paige squeezes her hand, letting her know that it won't break them.
Still, her only thought is that she doesn't want to miss Maya. Not if it makes her lose Paige.