A/N: Okay, this is a disclaimer. I know nothing of the official railways and what railroads were where etc etc etc. I tried looking them up, but honestly, it's a lot more research than I'm willing to do for something that doesn't REALLY matter, lol. Just putting that out there for some of you more technically minded people. Sorry!
Jasper said little as he drove the wagon to the train station. His mouth, Edward noted, was set in a hard line. The tension Edward felt radiating from the other man's form made him anxious.
Edward almost wanted to apologize, feeling as if he was ripping a man's son and sister away from his arms.
At the station the blond man said nothing, but helped Edward unload the luggage. Bella and Peter were taking relatively little with them. Just three suitcases, a heavy chest, and a crate of books - that was all that two lives amounted to.
Edward hoped again that he could give them the life they both deserved.
They were all quiet. Edward supposed Bella was thinking the same as he was, about what their life together would be like. How frightening it must be for her. She was leaving everything she knew behind while he was going toward the home he'd been too long away from. He kept waiting for her to cry, but she didn't. She hadn't even cried when they visited her father's grave site the day before.
Peter, likely picking up on the heavy atmosphere around him, was also quiet. For much of the trip, he leaned against Jasper, clingy and whimpering softly. When they got to the train station, he held Bella's hand, stuffing the fingers of his other hand into his mouth.
"Peter," Jasper sighed, coming over to him when they'd finished dealing with the luggage. "How many times have I told you not to suck on your fingers like that? It's bad for you."
His lower lip trembling slightly, the little boy took his fingers out of his mouth, staring up at his father with big eyes.
Again Jasper sighed and turned first to Bella. He took her hand, pulling her toward him for a long, tight hug. "I wish you every happiness, Bella. Really."
Bella put a hand on his arm, and Edward took the hint, turning his back to give Jasper what little bit of privacy he could in this crowded station.
Out of the corner of his eye, Edward watched as Jasper knelt in front of his son, keeping his hands on the little boy's shoulders. The blond man took several deep breaths before he spoke. "You're going to be going with Bella and Edward for a little while Peter."
The baby whimpered in distress, and Jasper shushed him gently. "Hush now, baby boy. They're going to take very good care of you, and I expect that you will be on your very best behavior for them."
Peter bleated, his cries getting a little stronger.
"Don't cry," Jasper murmured gently to his son, and Edward could hear his voice getting tight. He swallowed hard, cupping the little boy's cheek. "I promise, I swear to you, I'll come get you as soon as I'm able." His breath stuttered for a moment as he spoke. "It's just better, Peter. It's better for you. Just for a little while."
Peter didn't seem convinced as he threw his arms around his father's neck, crying miserably now.
Jasper held his boy to him, rocking them both back and forth for a moment before he set him down again. He reached into the satchel at his side, drawing out what looked like a fine, gold colored sash.
"Look. Your Momma made this for me before I left for the war. I carried it always. I've never put it down." He tied the sash several times around Peter's waist. "You keep this safe for me, you hear?"
Sniffling, Peter nodded solemnly, and Jasper pulled him close again, hugging him tightly. His hand on the back of the boy's head, Jasper stood, and Edward could see his eyes were closed, his mouth and jaw set, like he was trying to keep his emotions in check. He kissed the side of his son's honey-blond hair, breathing raggedly.
Watching them, Edward's heart ached for his old friend.
Breathing out through his nose and in again deeply, Jasper stepped to Edward, meeting his eyes with a fierce intensity. He offered his hand, and Edward took it, shaking it firmly. "Take care of them," the blond man said, his voice gruff with barely contained emotion.
Edward clasped his other hand over Jasper's. "I swear on my life."
Nodding brusquely, Jasper stepped away from them. He waited until they were all three safely on the train and turned around, heading back home.
Whatever bad blood had existed between them seemed to have dissipated, however grudgingly on Jasper's part. For more than Peter's sake, Edward truly hoped he would see his old friend again.
~0~
Edward returned from his walk of the train to find Bella just coming awake in her room. She'd laid down with Peter and fallen asleep herself. Now, though, she was blinking blearily, looking around with a slightly confused expression.
Smiling, Edward sat on the edge of the bed, watching her wake. "Good afternoon, my sweet," he said quietly, not wanting to wake Peter.
"Afternoon?" she mumbled, sitting up.
"Just after, actually," he murmured, reaching out to smooth her hair back. The bun she'd had it in had long come undone.
"I'm sorry," she said, shifting to sit beside him. "I didn't mean to sleep that long."
"Don't apologize. I'm glad you got some rest." Propping his fingers under her chin, he gently tilted her face up, leaning down to kiss her softly. "I'm happy you're awake now, though. There are some things I wish to discuss."
Bella sat up straighter, looking at him questioningly.
Taking her hands, he looked at her steadily. "Are you positive you don't wish to have a ceremony? I'm in no rush, Bella. My mother would throw us the wedding of the decade. You may have a fine gown... anything you'd like."
Looking down, Bella pursed her lips for a moment before she spoke. "Is that what you want?"
He squeezed her fingers. "I want you to be happy. I know this must be jarring, moving away from all you've known."
"Thank you for your kindness," she murmured. "But I have no desire to be the talk of the town." She frowned slightly. "Will your mother be upset?"
Cocking his head, Edward thought about this possibility. "I don't believe so. There is no shortage of parties in my world. She would want you to be comfortable." He brushed the back of his knuckles over her cheek tenderly. "Frankly, if she did not approve, it would not matter. What I care about is your happiness."
Her tight smile seemed to relax infinitesimally at that, and she put her hand over his against her cheek. "I thought we would be married before we left Houston, honestly."
Edward's lips twitched downward, and he sighed. "Would that I could have arranged it. I tried three different churches when I was in town two days ago. The priests were not very receptive." He did not tell her he'd stopped looking when one man politely suggested he get the hell out of his church before he had time to reload his gun. "If you really don't wish to wait, I think it's best that we try in St. Louis. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."
"Yes?" Bella asked, cocking her head.
"I was thinking it might be nice, rather than continue on by train from St. Louis, to travel by boat. It would be a little slower, but, as I am assuming you haven't seen that part of the country..."
"I haven't," she said with a smile. "We actually came from the west via wagon. I don't recall ever being on a boat longer than to cross the river." She tapped her finger against her lips. "You've already told your family you would be coming by the end of the week," she pointed out.
Grinning impishly at her, he kissed her nose playfully. "So I misjudged by a number of days. Perhaps my mathematics skills suffered these last years." He kissed her again, more seriously now. "Besides, it is the only honeymoon we shall have for the time being."
Her eyes found his, and he could see a flutter of nerves there, but also, they seemed a shade darker, deepening with the red flush of her cheeks. Her breath stuttered, warm on his lips just before she leaned in to kiss him.
In so many ways, Edward felt tangled up and foolish during these intimate moments with Bella. With her, he found the stage he seemed to have missed from his teenage years, the new, giddy exhilaration of being allowed to touch soft, feminine skin. Her mouth moving with his made him outrageously, perhaps unreasonably, happy.
He felt not unlike an idiot, and yet he was ecstatic. For four years he'd lived in a world that vacillated between back and white - not unlike photographs where everyone looked still and dour, their lives caught and captured in an uncomfortably stiff pose - and angry shades of violence - rivers of blood run crimson, flashes of fire, and black, billowing smoke from the cannons. Bella was all the colors in between, their vivid hues varied, vibrant, and full of life. The titillation made him excited.
Finding his hands had placed themselves splayed flat against her back, pulling her up against him, Edward thought perhaps he was a little too excited. He broke their kiss, ducking his head as he tried to catch his breath.
"Ah," he clucked, chagrined. He let his hands drop to her waist, holding her in a loose grip. "Forgive me. I forget myself."
"We are promised," she said gently. "You have no need to worry about Jasper's reaction now."
Smirking slightly, Edward raised his head to look at her. "Why, Miss Swan. How scandalous."
Shy, she bowed her head slightly and looked up at him from under her eyelashes. "I don't mean to speak out of turn," she murmured quietly. "What I mean is that, though we may pledge ourselves before God in a few days, I am yours today as much as then."
Edward's breath wheezed in his throat and dissipated. At the center of his chest an emotion welled so tender and consuming that it caught him completely by surprise.
As yet inexperienced in such things, Edward didn't know if he could call what he felt for Bella love. Certainly there was a great fondness that seemed to reside in the very core of his being, as if she'd carved out a niche and rested very near his heart. More than proud, the idea that she'd consented to be his wife made him incredibly joyous - more happy than he knew how to articulate. He genuinely enjoyed her company. As was becoming, yet again, painfully obvious, his body longed for hers as well.
But did he love her?
When she spoke those words, so soft and shy, yet earnest, the words, "I love you" hovered on the tip of Edward's tongue. They didn't feel uncomfortable, but he wondered if it was a silly thing to think.
Bella was above all, a logical woman. She hadn't used flowery words with him. She had already given over her property and home to him as her husband. Her body was a foregone conclusion - just part of the deal.
A hint of disquiet permeated his happiness, and he wished yet again that his father were still alive so that he might discuss the magic of love versus the business of marriage. Carlisle had been fond of his books, often lamenting that neither of his boys had much patience for prose and poetry.
Cupping Bella's cheek, Edward sorely wished for a sonnet or a pretty line. This was, he imagined, what came of skipping the courtship part of a relationship. Still, her words warmed him, and he knew he cared for and wanted her. What he felt for her was a soft, tender thing, and he had no trouble expressing physically what he didn't yet have the words to define.
He kissed her lips softly, his fingers moving through her hair, gently loosing it from the remnants of the pins that held it loosely gathered together. He sighed against her mouth, breathing her in even as he moved his lips with hers. Her fingers were light against the back of his neck, her other hand cupped around his elbow.
Breaking their kiss, he brushed his lips across the bridge of her nose, and then ran the tip of his nose along her cheek-line, breathing in her scent.
Opening his eyes, he chuckled, startled when he looked over her shoulder to find little Peter had awoken and was staring at them curiously, ever silent.
"You are mine as I am yours," he promised, twining their hands together and bringing her fingers to his lips. "However, the point is moot, it seems," he said, nodding over her shoulder.
Bella twisted and laughed a little breathlessly when she saw Peter climbing to his knees. "Hey, sugar. You're awake."
He cocked his head and patted his tummy indicating he was hungry. Edward didn't blame him. The poor little boy had only picked at breakfast.
Edward offered Peter his hand. "Come on, buddy. Let's see what there is to eat."
~0~
Though Edward worried endlessly about how good a husband he would be, at least he knew for certain he could provide for his new family. That was the best part, he supposed, of coming from old money. The train ride had been more than comfortable, as they had a car to themselves. Now, they enjoyed a first class cabin on a rather grand steamboat headed north on the Mississippi.
Edward approached the master suite slowly, wondering what the decorum was in the situation. There were plenty of superstitions that revolved around weddings. He thought they were nonsense, but how could he be sure Bella didn't abide by some or all of them?
He knocked on the door before he entered, and when he did not hear a protest, he stepped into the room.
Bella sat at the room's vanity, her long hair loose and flowing down her back. Edward felt a smile spread across his face. She was so lovely.
It took him a moment to realize she was staring at the mirror with what appeared to be disdain.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked softly, stepping to her side. He spared a smile for Peter, chuckling lightly because the boy was picking through hair bobs and studying pins. He tilted his head, watching Bella for a moment before trying to skewer his own hair with a pin.
Bella blew out a long, slow breath. "Nothing. I just feel very out of place here, among all these fine things."
"Out of place?" Edward repeated, perplexed.
Seeming self conscious, Bella tugged at the sleeves of the simple but lovely dress she wore. "Everything I own is so frayed. I didn't realize before."
Edward pursed his lips. The world was frayed and shabby, but he knew enough about women not to make such remarks when they were feeling less than beautiful. Instead, he took her hair in his hands, gathering it up first into a tail before winding it on her head. He knew nothing of women's hairstyles. He doubted he could manage to do anything with it, but he liked being able to touch her like this.
"There was a woman in port who wore her hair just so," he murmured. "I thought the style might look quite lovely on you." Ducking his head, he kissed first her neck and then a trail up to her ear, his lips turning up when her breath stuttered. "Though, to be honest, Bella, when I walked in here you had me breathless. Your beauty, it seems, is inherent."
Bella bowed her head, but he could see she was smiling.
"When we get to Chicago, I'm sure my mother and sister will know more than I about the latest women's fashions. They will help you update your wardrobe." He let her hair drop back down her back, pressing the back of his knuckles to her cheek. "But never forget, your husband thinks you beautiful no matter what you wear."
"You're too kind to me," Bella said in a whisper, and Edward laughed.
"The captain is ready, but take your time." He stood straight and went to Peter, sweeping the little boy up into his arms. "Come, Peter. Would you like to see the wheelhouse? That's where the captain steers the ship."
Peter nodded enthusiastically, reaching down to place the pin in his hand haphazardly in Bella's hair. She chuckled and thanked him.
"Bella," Edward said before he left. "Are you sure you won't accept help from one of the ladies' servants?"
She quirked an eyebrow at him. "I will manage on my own," she said softly. "I'm almost ready."
"As you wish," he said with a smile. He knew she still found it odd - the idea of people waiting on her. Though she'd grown up with a nanny, her father had never employed as many servants as most of his neighbors.
His own home was never lacking for servants. It was something she would have to get used to, he mused.
~0~
It was only a half an hour later that they were both ready.
Bella seemed as nervous as he felt. That was natural, he suspected, but he thought he also saw a hint of sadness. Gesturing to the captain to give them a moment, he led Bella off to a quiet corner.
"If you are unsure -" he began, but she cut him off.
"No. I've never been more certain of anything in my life, strangely," she said with a small laugh. "It's just that this is a little surreal. How could I have ever planned for this?" She looked down at their joined hands, running her thumb over his fingers. "I wish I understood why you chose me."
"For so many reasons," he murmured intently. "You are the only part of my life that makes sense, and I wish to see to it that I will never lose you." He cupped her cheek, smiling at her so she could see that he was indeed content - happy. Then he stepped to the side, offering his arm. "Shall we?"
Bella took a deep breath and threaded her arm through his, smiling back at him. "Yes. I'm ready."
~0~
Edward sat on the bed, waiting for Bella to come back from settling Peter in his room.
He was a married man.
As much peace as the title gave him, he was also very nervous. It was his wedding night. He knew what was expected of him.
It went without saying that he wanted her. Since the time during the storms when he stumbled across her, half nude in the moonlight, not a night went by that he didn't imagine what it would be like to touch her, to have her under him and around him.
Obviously, he knew the mechanics of sex, but he'd only been with women who earned a living from spreading their legs. He couldn't think of Bella so crassly. It may have been her duty, but Edward wanted to believe that it could be at least pleasant for her.
He'd never made love to a woman, only used one toward his own selfish gain.
He wanted to know he wouldn't come off as the brute Bella feared, but as much as he knew he would die before he would hurt her, he also knew if she was a virgin, it was inevitable. The thought both displeased and scared him a bit, if he was being honest.
The door to their room opening distracted Edward from his thoughts.
"Hello," Bella murmured, standing at the door briefly. Her voice was a little thin, and he could see her chest was rising and falling faster than normal.
"Peter's asleep?" he verified.
She nodded, stepping behind a screen. He could hear the rustle of clothes being removed and felt the familiar stirrings below waist. He swallowed hard.
"Yes, he's fast asleep. Poor baby. He still cries for his father at night," Bella said as she came out from behind the partition, clothed now in only a nightgown. She seemed to hesitated for a moment before she sat at the vanity, beginning to take her hair down.
For a moment, Edward just watched her, his heart pounding fast and hard against his ribs. Standing, he crossed to her, not oblivious to the fact her hand wavered in its task as he got closer. He stood behind her, his hand against her neck, feeling the thrum of her pulse beneath his fingertips.
It almost felt as though their hearts were beating in unison, but he thought he must have been imagining it.
Stooping, he kissed her tenderly at the corner of her forehead, letting his lips linger.
Setting down her brush, she turned to him, her trembling hand cupping his cheek as her lips found his. They were both slightly breathless though their kiss had just begun.
His hands on her arms, he tugged lightly and she stood, wrapping her arms around his waist.
It struck him then, the power of what was happening. She had already entrusted him with her life and happiness. Now, she was giving over her body with absolute faith in him.
He could see in her eyes. She was nervous, but she wasn't afraid.
He was. Afraid that he couldn't be the husband she deserved. It seemed only minutes ago this had all been a beautiful dream. It hadn't been so long ago, he remembered watching Bella with Peter and thinking it would be nice if she were his wife, and the child in her arms was theirs.
Now, half of that vision had come to pass, and soon, as it had been since the beginning of time, the other half would follow. His throat closed, the enormity of the journey he'd just begun hitting him hard. It well could be that they could spark a life that very night.
With a long, slow breath, he drew her up against him, holding her close as they both sat on the bed. "Bella," he began, stroking her cheek. "Would it... I..." He huffed and laid back, bringing her with him. "I would like to hold you. Is that alright?"
She looked at him, seeming a little perplexed in the low light from the dying candles. "Of course," she murmured, slipping her hand into his hair.
Relieved, and a little embarrassed, he gathered her in his arms, pulling her body against his and burying his nose at her neck. For long minutes, he simply breathed her in, feeling her heart begin to slow from its erratic pace. He too felt calmer with her arms wrapped around him and her body tucked against his. She said nothing, but stroked the hair at the back of his neck.
That was how they spent their first night, tangled tightly together, hands moving slowly over their backs and necks until they fell asleep.
A/N: Thank you to my lovely girls. I love you. Mwah
As for y'all, of course I wasn't gonna leave it at the last chapter. Much to do, much to do.