RAGE

Chapter Ten – Cross My Heart

I am fading to and from sleep as bright light streams in the window. I close my eyes in vain when there is a knock on the door.

"Who would be here at this hour?" I hear Sarah ask.

"What are you talking about?" Les asks her. "It's the middle of the day."

"Some people…" she mutters, throwing the door open. "Jack!" she exclaims.

I lean over the edge of the bed, trying not to vomit. Some people indeed.

I hear someone stomping closer and closer to where I am. I gulp and wonder to myself if I am too weak to beat someone.

I decide that, no, I am never too weak to beat someone.

Jacky-boy storms into the room and I jump out of bed in excitement. "Jacky!"

I wrap my arms around his middle but he shakes me off.

"RAGE!" he shouts. "What's the matter with you!?"

I look down at my bare feet and wiggle my toes. How come you can't move that one in the middle?

"Why would you try to kill yourself? What were you thinkin'?"

I still don't say anything. Dude. Toes are weird lookin'.

"You have no idea what I woulda done if you had died! Or what David woulda done! Don't ya care about anyone other than yourself!?" he rages at me.

They're like tiny fingers except all stubby—

"ANSWER ME!" he screams.

I look at up at him angrily. "Shut up, Jack," I say quietly.

"Don't shut me up!"

"Jack!" I yell. "I'm okay now, alright? Me and Dave already talked, so leave me the hell alone."

He throws down his arms in anger. "How could you," he whispers.

"How could I what?" I ask, crossing my uncovered arms over my chest, a cool breeze from the windows playing over my skin.

He looks up at me, tormented. "I thought…"

"What?" I demand harshly.

"I thought I was going to lose you."

I look at him and laugh. "You're jokin' right?"

He looks at me and his tortured face tells me clearly, no.

"Jacky," I say, touching his shoulder cautiously. "I wasn't really gonna jump, baby."

Just then Sarah bursts in, as if she has been waiting outside the door. "What did you just call him?" she demands, a I-caught-you-in-the-act look on her ugly face.

"Stop it, Sarah, please. She didn't mean it. She calls everyone that."

"Sure she does!" she accuses.

"Sarah," says Jack. "We'll talk later."

She bursts into tears and storms out the door, calling, "I know when I'm not wanted!"

Jack looks annoyed now when he turns back to me. I snicker. "Why do you put up with her?"

"Sometimes," he says. "I just don't know."

I smirk. "I don't wanna say 'I told you so,'—"

"Then don't. Smart ass. Don't try to distract me."

"Distract you? What ever are you talking about, my dearest Jack?" I say the last part really loud.

"Rage," he says. "Listen to me." He takes a deep breath. "It's hard for me to say all this mushy-gushy stuff alright?"

Les pops his head in. "Real mushy-gushy!" he exclaims and ducks out.

"But I'm gonna say in anyways," he continues, ignoring Les, taking a deep breath. I look around nervously. Mushy-gushy people annoy me. "My life would suck without you."

I exhale, thinking that he's done. That wasn't so bad. "Thanks—"

"And," he continues. "You're my best friend. If it wasn't for you…and, um, Sarah," he says pointedly. "then I wouldn't bother hangin' around this worthless city no more."

"Thanks, Jack," I say, trying to get him to stop talking all this nonsense.

"Hold on, I ain't done. You're like a sister to me, Rage. I…I can't live without you. There, I'm done now."

"I'll have you know that I wasn't trying to kill myself," I tell him.

He stares at me. "Davey said you didn't need a doctor, but I'm starting to wonder…"

"What's a doctor going to do?" I ask. "Lock me up in some loony-bin?"

He shakes his head. "Well," he says. "I'd better go console Sarah. She probably thinks that I'm like engaged to you or something."

I clear my throat. "About that…"

"Hm?"

"Oh, nothing," I say dismissively.

"Okay…Well, now that you're awake, I'll send David in." He is halfway through the door.

"No," I groan but he doesn't hear me.

I try to prepare myself. I sit down on the edge of the bed, conscious of the sleeveless shirt that I have on.

Davey walks in. "Hi," I say weakly.

"How do you feel?" he asks.

"Better," I say.

"Good." He pauses. "Not to impose, but, are you going back to the Lodging House?"

"Do you want me to?"

He closes his eyes. "Not particularly. But you should."

I exhale heavily. "David," I say. "You know this still ain't gonna work, right?"

He looks at me longingly. "Why not?"

I look at him. "You shouldn't see me," I say stiffly. "I'm no good. I'll just hurt you. Just find yourself a nice girl, okay, Davey?"

"So, basically," he says. "You just want me to get over you?"

"Yeah," I lie.

He looks down and nods. "Guess I will then. But, Rage?"

"Hm?"

He walks over to me and sits down next to me. His leg brushes mine as he turns to face me. "Could I? Just one more time?"

I blink furiously, trying not to cry. I nod. "Yes," I say quietly, and he kisses me so gently that I almost black out again.

I don't realize that I'm crying until he stops. "What's wrong?" he whispers. I don't answer and he stands up.

"You better get dressed if you wanna walk back home with Cowboy," he says. "I'll leave."

He exits the room, I keep thinking about his question. What's wrong?

What is wrong?

"I am," I say out loud to nobody.

~Author's Note:

So. Thank you to Adalia King and MushSpotgoil for the lovely reviews. I'm not going to delete my stories, FYI, at least not right now. I appreciate the support. X)

Please continue to R&R.


lovelovelove, Julianna.~