A/N: Well good afternoon, fanfiction! It is Saturday, so here's a little ditty I wrote, called Terminal Attraction. There's a bit of a surprise in this chapter, I won't reveal it until the end.
Just so you know, there are a ton of girls who celebrate their birthdays in July, me included. For that reason, tvgirl and Missus T created the "Let Them Eat Birthday Cake" writing challenge. It's become tradition to write ficlets for our favorite authors when their birthday rolls around. With the volume of July dates, we'd be writing til our fingers fell off. The challenge helps celebrate each of the birthday girls with just one fic. I've written a piece for the challenge called Muse Swap. You'll find a link to it in my profile. Check it out!
Nothing much to blabber about up here, so enjoy the chapter.
Thanks to chiisai-kitty, my beta extraordinaire.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
"Do you like the blue one better? Or should I stick to the gray one? The blue one would look better with Sookie's eyes, right? But the gray one has a nicer pattern to it. Fuck!"
"Eric, I know what will make the decision easier. Just give me your balls, since it's obvious you're not using them anyway. Oh right, Sookie's already holding on to them for you."
"Fuck you, Alcide. You're the one with a wedding ring. You signed off on your testicles long ago."
"Always ragging on my wedding ring. I see one in your future, so don't get too comfortable with the ball and chain jokes."
"Shut up for five minutes and solve my tie dilemma."
"Why the fuck are you wearing a tie, anyway? We're going to her Gran's house for chicken-fried steak, not some five star restaurant with a dress code."
I looked at him, dressed down in his Dockers and a tight, hunter green polo. Maria-Star was sitting in the living room watching some crap on the Food Network while we were arguing in the bedroom. I swear, I'm Alcide's second wife. We could star on one of those TLC polygamy specials. Fuck that, I had him first; I'm the favorite wife, Maria-Star is my second in command.
"But khakis and a polo are my go to casual look and I don't want to look matchy matchy with you on our day off. It's bad enough we're fly boy twins when we're working."
"Well, I'm not changing so suck it up. You look fine. Just ditch the tie, open the top two buttons, and roll up the sleeves. It looks more casual that way. It's just going to get covered in cat hair anyway."
"True. I knew having you meet me here was a good idea. I'm usually so suave when it comes to women. With Sookie, I'm a fucking wreck. I never know what the right thing to do is. I'm so worried about fucking up, I just want everything to be perfect."
"Holy shit, check you out, acting like a real grown up in a real relationship."
"Fuck you."
"Hey Maria! Come check out Eric having a nervous breakdown over his shirt. He's just discovered that being in love makes you a complete lunatic."
I ripped off the tie and fixed my shirt as Alcide had suggested, just as Maria-Star came into the room to "aw" at me. I shot them both a dirty look, and walked out of the room. I double checked my appearance in the mirror before rounding up the troops so we could head out. We were taking Alcide's new Hybrid Tahoe since the three of us wouldn't fit in the 'Vette. Maria-Star insisted on carpooling. They were going green. Barf. I like my toys with power, thank you very much.
"Give me the keys. Sookie's exit and driveway are easy to miss."
"Are you really questioning the navigation skills of your co-pilot? Are you that stupid? We'll be fine. I have an impeccable sense of direction. Besides, I got that truck three weeks ago. You're not touching her."
"Fine. It's easier to make fun of you for driving a hybrid truck when I'm not driving. Really, dude, a fucking hybrid? You fly a jet, for Christ's sakes. You stand no chance of removing your carbon footprint."
"Fuck that. The carbon footprint belongs to the assholes who pay us to fly. My conscience is clean."
"If they didn't need to fly private jets, you'd be out of work. Or back to flying commercial."
"Don't say the C-word. It makes me want to die."
"Can you two morons get in the fucking truck so we can go eat? I'm starving!"
"Jeez, Maria, when did you become my mother? Alc, I don't think you're fucking her properly if she's this cranky."
He laughed, which even with my limited relationship experience, I knew was the wrong thing to do. He was so screwed, and not in the happy horny housewife way. We drove down to Bon Temps, and much to my surprise, he actually caught the tiny turnoff for Hummingbird Lane. I did however mock him mercilessly for driving right past her driveway.
He threw the truck in reverse, cursing me out as he maneuvered down the narrow road. He pulled to a stop in front of the massive farmhouse, which he immediately fell in love with. Alcide had a thing for houses with "charm". I cringed every time I thought about her living in the decaying beast. God forbid it ever collapse, I don't know what I'd do with myself.
Adele met us out on the porch with a round of rib cracking hugs for everyone. I snuck away from the introductions so I could greet Sookie properly. I found her in the kitchen, tending to a pot of what appeared to be macaroni and cheese. I wrapped my arms around her waist, planting kisses along the column of her neck. I could taste the sweat on her skin and knew she'd be working hard all day. It didn't bother me one bit, in fact, I loved the way she tasted.
"You knock that out. Gran will be back inside any minute and I won't have her bear witness to you molesting her granddaughter."
"Hush up. You love it." I kissed behind her ear, nipping her earlobe just how she liked.
"Young man, I appreciate how much you care for Sookie, but we keep our hands to ourselves in this house."
Totally busted by Granny. Shit. How was I supposed to go all night without touching my Sookie? Oh well, the old lady had to go to bed sometime.
"Of course, Adele, where are my manners. I'd never disrespect Sookie like that in your home."
"I appreciate that. Now what you two do under your own roof is none of my business, but I can tell by the way Sookie's been smiling recently, that you do it well."
"Gran!" Sookie was mortified. She dropped the spoon to the floor as she turned beet red and brought her hands up to cover her face. I tried so hard not to laugh, but failed miserably. Alcide joined in with me but a quick dirty look from Sookie stopped our giggle fits pretty fast.
"Oh, Sookie, relax. I'm sure Eric has heard far worse."
"Yes, but not from my grandmother. That's just gross!"
Alcide's stomach and utter lack of will power broke the awkward moment. He was caught trying to sneak a taste of the cornbread that was cooling on the counter. Adele whacked him on the back of the hand, telling him that dinner was almost ready and he'd have to wait just like the rest of us.
Sookie grabbed a clean serving spoon and dished out the macaroni into a casserole dish, sprinkled it with breadcrumbs and put it under the broiler to crisp. I was drooling already; that was my favorite way to have mac and cheese. Although I was incapable of making anything fancier than boxed garbage, I could eat baked mac and cheese seven nights a week. Sookie needed to start living with me so she could cook for me. I could deal with gaining a thousand pounds.
Sookie chased the three of us out of the kitchen so she could finish preparing the meal with Gran uninterrupted. We sat down in the living room where my lap was immediately claimed by Bubba. He flipped over, demanding a belly rub. Maria came over to fawn over him, which got him purring like a motorboat.
Sookie came in a few minutes later, tossed a lint roller at me, and announced it was dinnertime. As I attempted to get the black hair off my shirt and slacks, Bubba started doing figure eights around my ankles. I would never be free of the cat hair, it seems. I washed my hands afterward, and then joined everyone else in the kitchen. It was such a perfectly homey environment, I couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy with them.
Gran said a quick grace over the food and we all dug in. Everything on the table looked delicious, this was a true meal with all the Southern fixings. I never ate like this before and regretted not growing up in the South. Besides the chicken-fried steak, which was way better than the one from Texas, there were collard greens, green bean casserole, sweet potato fries, plus the aforementioned mac and cheese and cornbread. There were enough calories on the table to satisfy an army base for a week.
Sure enough, between the five of us, we cleared a good portion of the food. While opening the top button of his pants and complaining about how full he was, Alcide was still picking at the cornbread, which was to die for. I couldn't imagine eating another bite, but when Adele came out with a pecan pie, my stomach magically grew two sizes. My mouth was watering as she cut the first slice. She set the plate in front of me, giving it a healthy dollop of whipped cream which she literally just whipped at the table. This woman was amazing. If it wouldn't make things weird between me and Sookie, I'd beg her to adopt me. Did being Sookie's boyfriend mean I could drop by for dinner whenever I wanted? As in, every night of the week?
We wiped out that pie as if it never existed in the first place. We picked every forgotten pecan out from the dish, didn't even leave a crumb behind. I'm pretty sure Alcide wanted to lick it clean, with the way he was eyeing the pie plate. If he tried for it, I'd fight him to the death for the right to bathe that dish with my tongue. If I found the energy.
Our wonderful women helped us to our feet and pushed us towards the living room where we could enjoy our food comas on the couch instead of the hard backed chairs. Sookie even rubbed my stomach, helping everything settle into place. I wouldn't have to eat again for a month.
I was amazed how comfortable the conversation carried. I normally don't relate that well to older people, but Adele most certainly did not act her age. She was definitely young at heart. Even so, she bid us good night around ten o'clock, reminding us youngin's to keep it down. Bubba followed her dutifully into the back bedroom. Sookie said that he starts his bedtime cuddles early with Adele and sneaks his way into her room when Gran gets up around six. Bubba did not discriminate on who he cuddled with. I did notice that my lap felt empty when he left, so I grabbed Sookie and held her closer.
Alcide reminded us a little while later that we had an hour drive back to Shreveport and an early flight the next morning. I realized I didn't want to leave. The thought of having to remove myself from the house made me feel hollow inside, as if something that I never knew existed was missing. My parents were not the most affectionate people, which would probably explain my past treatment of women. I'm sure a therapist would say my mommy never hugged me enough so now I needed lots of women to make up for it. Whatever. I was satisfied with Sookie now. Spending the night here with her and Gran made me feel as if I was part of the family. It was strange how easily I fit into their routine.
Sappy moment aside, I gave Alcide a gentle nudge that told him I would meet him and Maria Star in the car. He laughed, and they both stopped for hugs from Sookie on the way out. We made out like teenagers for a few minutes on the couch before she pulled away, reminding me it would be rude to leave the happy couple waiting.
"What? It's not like they're not doing the same thing in the car as we speak. They won't mind a minute of privacy either. They're newlyweds, remember? And we know from past experience they have no problem getting busy in a car."
She laughed, but gave me a serious look a moment after. "Good night, Eric. I'll see you in the morning at work."
"How about a quickie? We can be quiet enough to not wake your gran."
"Good night, Eric."
I kissed her hard, cradling her face in my hands as my lips caressed hers. I stopped kissing her, but didn't pull away, leaving our foreheads and noses pressed together.
"I love you."
"I know. Tell Alcide to drive safely, he has someone I care for very deeply in his back seat. Good night, sweet dreams."
After a few more kisses on our way to the front door, I was out and trekking down her driveway to Alcide's truck. Sure enough, the windows were fogged up and the cab was rocking ever so slightly. I pounded on the hood, not hard enough to dent it, just hard enough to get their attention. Alc blasted me with the horn in retaliation. Asshole could have woken Adele up with that shitty move. I'd kick his ass if he did. Something happened tonight that made me as possessive of Adele as I was of Sookie.
The door opened a few seconds later, and they were both fumbling to right their clothes. Alcide cursed me out yet again, calling me a cock block.
"Now we're even. You've interrupted me more times than I can count. Shut up and drive, you fucking hippie."
The next few days flew by in a blur of short trips and amazing sex. Sookie still hadn't said those three little words, but she more than made up for it with her actions. That woman never failed to surprise me in the bedroom. When she confessed to looking at dirty pictures online for new ideas, I literally could not speak. Sure, they weren't necessarily new to me, but sharing the experience with Sookie made it fresh all over again.
I was officially freaked out over Sookie meeting Pam. After feeling the love with Gran, I was afraid that Pam might be a little too much for Sookie to handle. I knew my girl was tough, but my sister was a force to be reckoned with. She made a living out of making some of the most powerful men in the business world crumble and submit to her will. It would be a battle for sure. I just hoped Sookie didn't run screaming from the restaurant after getting a glimpse into my gene pool. What did it say for our future babies when I was the normal one?
Sookie came out of the bathroom and took my breath away. We were heading to Ernest's Orleans, another fancy schmancy restaurant that Pam chose. Only the finest of fine dining was good enough for her tastes. This, of course, meant that Sookie was dressing up in her finest, hence my inability to breathe at the moment. She was in a high waisted pencil skirt that hugged her body like a second skin. She was wearing a button down blouse, with ample cleavage showing for my enjoyment. Hell, for Pam's enjoyment, too. But what really drew my attention were the pumps. My girl was back in her patent leather fuck me pumps, this time in a deep purple that reminded me of grape Jolly Ranchers. Mouth-wateringly delicious.
"We're so not making it to dinner. I need you, right fucking now."
"You just had me not even an hour ago."
"You know how insatiable I am. I need to be buried inside of you so badly, Sookie. I need to feel you all around me, hear you scream my name."
"Enough of that. You know my weakness for your dirty talk. We need to be at the restaurant in fifteen minutes and you don't even have a tie or jacket on yet."
"I suck at picking out ties. Go in my closet and choose one for me, please? Make it a good one, one that I can use to tie to you to the bed later."
"Dammit, Eric, now I'm going to be thinking about that all night. I'm nervous about meeting Pam and you're so not helping."
"I'm distracting you, making you think about something else other than the ice queen that is my sister."
"Yeah, well, it's not working. Here, put this on, then your jacket, and let's get going. I don't want to be late."
I fixed the blue paisley tie around my neck, slid on my suit's jacket and led her out the door, spewing innuendo the entire time. I made sure to cue my iPod to play my sexy time playlist, and "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails came on first, one of her favorites to fuck to. She laughed, rolling her eyes at me, as she started to sing along, running her hands along the tight fabric of her skirt.
I took a minute once we were in the parking lot to calm my nerves down since hugging my sister with a raging hard on was not on my to do list for the evening. I handed the car off to the valet, and escorted Sookie inside, once I had things under control. I spotted Pam immediately; it wasn't that hard, I just needed to find the most terrified looking waiter. She rose from the table to properly size up Sookie. For her scary as fuck persona, my sister is a petite stunner, standing about five foot even while barefoot, but right now she was either five foot five or six depending on which heels she was wearing. She looked Sookie over a few times without smiling, quirking an eyebrow once she realized Sookie was doing the same thing.
"So you're the piece of tail my big brother fell in love with. Interesting. I expected you to have bigger tits and a tinier waist."
"And I expected you to be a hideous dragon lady who could breathe fire with the way Eric described you."
Pam smiled. Pam never smiles. I didn't know what that meant, so I held Sookie a little closer for safe keeping. Pam turned to me once we sat down.
"I like her. She's spunky. You need someone with spunk and I'm not talking about what comes shooting out of your cock when you're super excited."
It took all of Sookie's self control not to spit her mouthful of water across the table. From the look on Pam's face, I could tell that's exactly the reaction she wanted.
"Pam, for fuck's sake, can you be nice to this one? I haven't brought home a girl since senior prom, I don't ask you to behave very often."
"Fine, I'll bite my tongue if something sounds snarky in my head."
"You mean you actually think before you speak? I wasn't aware you had a filter or a conscience."
"I have both, but they're usually turned off. Pesky little things get in the way. So, Sookie, I want to know everything about you."
Sookie indulged her, giving Pam the short version of her life story. Pam gave some relatively snark-free comments during, which surprised the hell out of me. Maybe she realized how much I'm actually trying to make it work with Sookie. It earned her serious brownie points with me.
But then she made the biggest mistake possible. She reached into her massive purse and starting scrolling through her iPhone at the dinner table, one of Sookie's pet peeves. I was certain Sookie would have a shit fit and threaten to flush the damn thing down the toilet, like she did to me the one and only time I answered my phone while out to dinner with her. Instead, she smiled while my sister scanned through her messages. Fucking Southern manners apply only to guests and not boyfriends who love you, apparently.
"Pam, please don't use your phone at the table. It offends Sookie."
"She doesn't seemed bothered to me."
"She's Southern and you're a guest. She'd never speak poorly of you to your face."
She turned to Sookie, a challenge brewing behind her steel blue eyes. "Is this true? Be honest with me."
"Pam, I'd love nothing more than to rip that overpriced piece of garbage out of your hands and bury it in the garden for the squirrels to find next winter."
She smiled and put the phone back in her purse. My girlfriend tamed my sister. I've been trying to do that for years. She was so getting something special in the bedroom later tonight. Maybe I'd let her tie me up, she's been dying to do that for a while.
"Before I was so rudely asked to put my phone away, dear brother, I got an alert on my calendar that Nana's birthday is next week. If my math is correct, and it always is, it's her ninetieth. We should do something special."
"Any suggestions? I'm not good with gift ideas."
"I think the whole family should fly to Sweden and surprise her. Funny, I know someone who can fly and has access to private jets."
"A surprise party for a ninety year old? Is that really a good idea?"
"Shut up. Fine, we'll call her and tell her we're coming. Have Papa do it, he's the only one of us who speaks proper Swedish."
"That probably has something to do with him being raised in Stockholm."
"I don't like In Love Eric. You're a snarky bitch. I'm supposed to be the snarky sibling. Anyway, just steal one of the jets and fly us out there."
"It doesn't work that way. I can't just commandeer a plane. I'll lose my job."
"He speaks from experience, Pam. We kinda stole one of the planes last week, flying from Vegas to St. Maarten for two weeks without getting approval from our boss first. Terry threatened to fire Eric and Alcide if they do that again."
Pam rolled her eyes. "You just love to make my life difficult, don't you. Okay, I'll hire your company to fly us out to Stockholm. You can get me a good rate since I'm family, right?"
"Probably. I'll chip in, and I'm sure Mom and Pop would, too. God, we haven't been to Stockholm in ages."
"Since Grandpa's funeral."
"Right."
That trip down memory lane sucked the life out of the conversation. I took a deep breath, waiting for Pam to come up with some embarrassing detail to share with Sookie that would, no doubt, mortify me.
"Sookie, did Eric ever tell you the story of how he got his cherry popped?" Bingo.
"No! That's one I haven't heard. Share!"
"It was sickeningly adorable. He was the star lacrosse player and she was the captain of the cheerleading squad. Our school didn't believe in football so the lacrosse boys were the top of the jock pecking order. What was her name again?"
"Jannalynn Hopper."
"Yes! She was such a whore, I'm pretty sure she slept with the entire male student body by graduation. Anyway, Eric was a senior..."
"Junior. If you want to tell the story, at least tell it right."
"What the fuck ever. So anyway, Eric was a junior so I was still in middle school. I heard these weird noises coming from the basement so I go to investigate and there they are, stark naked, humping on the couch! Eric paid me twenty bucks not to tell Mom and Dad. It was amazing."
"On the couch in the basement, Eric? That's not really romantic."
"I was fifteen, what do you expect? I wasn't so suave back then."
"So, Sookie, since you're stuck on romance, how did my big brother charm his way into your panties and where?"
She blushed and I knew she wasn't really into sharing. "It's fine, Sook, you don't have to tell her if you don't want to."
"No, it's okay, we're all sharing embarrassing stories. It was in the unclaimed baggage room at JFK in New York. It was a spur of the moment sort of thing when we were snowed in this past winter."
"How romantic, indeed."
The rest of the night went on shockingly well. I'd never seen Pam so relaxed before, it was nice to see her let her hair down for a while. I even saw that smile crack her face again. Sure, the laughter was at my expense, but I usually saw her wound tight from the pressure of her job. I give full credit to Sookie's sunny disposition. Tonight was proof that my girl could even make the ice queen melt.
I promised Pam we'd meet up for breakfast at her favorite bakery after she took care of the bill, thanks to her expense account. She hugged us both good bye and drove off in her rental, still smiling from dinner. Sookie and I climbed into the 'Vette and headed back towards my apartment, where she was spending the night. We held hands the entire way and I realized that I was smiling wider than normal, too.
"What's got you so happy?"
"You broke my sister. You turned her into this warm, kind, interesting person over the course of one meal. I'm actually looking forward to flying the family out to Sweden. You're coming, right?"
"Only in an official capacity. I'd feel awkward sharing a family moment like that since we've only been dating a short while."
"I'll change your mind about that. I want you to be there. You mean a lot to me. And if Pam likes you, that's got to mean something. Pam doesn't like anybody. For a while, I was convinced she didn't even like me all that much."
"Shut up. You're sister is a fabulous woman once you get past the intimidating exterior. I guess I'll be meeting the rest of your family real fast then, huh?"
"Is it too much, too soon for you? You don't have to come if you don't want to, I wouldn't force my huge, Swedish family on you."
"No, you know what, I want to go. That's what couples do, they meet each other's families. But if I'm going in the girlfriend role, I don't think I should be in the flight attendant position, too. That would be weird, having to do a beverage service for your parents."
"Whatever makes you happy."
We pulled up into the parking lot of my building and made our way inside, still hand in hand. I know for a fact that I was what was making her happy that night.
A/N: So surprise, this was the first TA chapter to NOT feature a lemon! After writing the somewhat emotional meetings with the respective family members, I felt like adding a lemon here would make it almost too dirty. I reread the chapter and loved it just the way it was. Sure, this story started out being all about pure zest, but I'd like to think we evolved past that point.
The next chapter is going to be a doozy, I assure you. Not sure which of my muses will pop into my brain next, but I have a feeling Cat and Bones are going to be begging for some attention.
Oh! And before I forget... the other night, Co-pilot Alcide curled up next to me for a little while, feeling plenty chatty. So, I started a TA outtake for him, that'll post whenever he fights his way through the Eric and Bones muses to have a little more one on one time with me.
Ciao kids, leave a little review love to brighten up my weekend :)