A/N There was a delay on updating, as my Beta, KH, read my first two drafts of this chapter and said "No - this needs to be better - you're not explaining anything." And she was so right. I guess good things come to those who wait - because this version of Chapter 10 is a million times better than what I started with.

So thank you KH for the awesome ideas and I hope you feel better :)

As ever... Alice helps Edward put the pieces together.

On with the show...

We still sat together, her in my embrace, where she belonged.

"Are you tired?"

"No, not yet. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I don't have to leave yet. I'll wait as long as you want."

"No, it's okay. You can go. Really Edward, I'll be fine."

Ugh… here goes… I had to be honest with her.

"Y'know Bella, we need to talk. I don't want to upset you, but I know that when you use that word you really aren't. Is there anything you want to talk about?" I gently asked while I stroked her hair.

Silence was the only thing that followed my question. And that might have been worse than her using the word 'fine'.

I wasn't going to push. I didn't want to force it out of her. That kind of behavior would break the ice that I felt we were suddenly treading on.

"Oh Bella, I really wish I could I listen in."

"Hmmph."

It was the only thing she uttered. What was that? What did it mean? Maybe she was thinking about what Emmett said. Maybe she was upset I wasn't there. Despair flooded through me. I had to know what was going through her mind, fueling the silence in the room.

"Please talk to me." I whispered.

"I'm worried…"

Worried?

"The Buss Brothers are locked up, sweetheart, nobody can hurt you. That shouldn't even be a worry. You know that we would never let them near you. And Alice would see…"

"I know Edward." She sighed, as if I was stating the obvious.

Maybe I was.

"Tell me, Bella, what are you worried about, please?"

"Deep down inside, Edward, I feel used."

"Bella, you were assaulted. I know you feel that way now, but in time…"

"No Edward! You're not getting it!"

No, I wasn't.

"God, Bella, tell me, talk to me." I whispered urgently.

"I feel like I don't deserve the attention everyone has been giving me."

Of course she didn't. Bella didn't like people making a fuss about her. I knew that. That wouldn't change, though. We were all concerned for her. After all, everyone knew that she was the missing link to our family. Her presence made us whole.

Made me whole.

"Is this about my family?"

"No, not just that, but you."

"Me?"

Bella gingerly moved out of my embrace to look me in the face.

"Edward, I'm damaged goods. Why do you still want me?" She asked me sincerely as if she truly believed what she just said.

"What?" I was flabbergasted. How could she even pose that question to me? How could she even doubt our love? I've been there with her every step of the way, comforting her.

Her question left me… wounded.

"Bella, how could you even ask me that?" I said incredulously.

"Well – look at me! You're not exactly going to get first dibs, if you know what I mean."

I couldn't have her talking that way about herself. She was the center of my universe. In no way, in light of what had happened, would that change.

"Have you not been listening to me at all, Bella? Don't you understand my feelings for you? Do I really need to spell this out for you?"

"Maybe you should, because I'm going to have a hard time believing that you've waited some 100 years to be with someone who's tainted."

"Nothing that happened was your fault."

"Yes! I know that! That's what everyone tells me! But do you have any idea what I'm feeling inside? I feel used, abused, tossed aside!" Her heartbeat was increasing, following suit to her emotions, and I was afraid she was overexerting herself.

She stood still, head bowed, staring at the blanket on the bed, trying to control her breathing.

"I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better." She moved off the bed, away from me, to distance herself, validating her statement.

"Bella, come back here." I demanded, reaching my arms out to her.

"Maybe you should go hunting now." She said, sitting on the opposite corner of the bed with her back to me.

"No, I'm not leaving yet, not like this, not a chance."

I rose from the bed and went to kneel before her. She had her hands planted on her forehead with her elbows resting on her thighs and was breathing hard, through her sobs.

"I'm no good for you… I'm no good for you… I'm no good for you…" She was chanting over and over again while she rocked back and forth.

I heard Carlisle's thoughts as he rushed up the stairs. He had stopped outside my bedroom door.

Edward, let me come in.

"No, I can handle it." I answered so quietly Bella wouldn't hear.

He stayed outside my door and I knew he was ready at any second to come and calm down Bella, if needed. Her racing heartbeat was a siren that I'm sure echoed through the house for my whole family to hear.

I put my cold hand on her back and started to move it up and down. No part of me believed she wasn't good for me, when in fact, I knew it was quite the opposite.

After a minute, her racing beat hadn't slowed down and my hand on her back, repeatedly going back and forth, was trying to remedy that.

Finally, calm started to fall over her.

Her rocking stopped.

For two minutes and seventeen seconds, silence once again filled the room.

"I'm so confused."

"I know, sweetheart."

I knew she was scared and what happened to her would be hard for anyone to overcome. But I wouldn't let her falter; I wouldn't let her give up on us. I made that decision before without her and it was almost the end of me. At that time, she believed in me and was willing to risk her life for my own.

I would make that up to her now and I would remind her that we loved each other, even if she was confused. And this would be another thing that we would survive together.

"I can't figure it out, Edward."

"Can't figure what out?"

"Why I feel I should go… but the thought of leaving you is so… unbearable."

"Why do you feel the need to go?"

"Because I need to remember who I am, who we are, what we are, what we will experience together. I feel like all of that has been stolen from me."

"And you think you can do that without me around?"

"Yes."

She looked up at me through wet eyes and my beatless heart fell to my feet. I didn't want to let her go, for fear that maybe she would never return. While she looked at me I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

What if she was thinking of Jacob? He did heal her before. What if I did lose her to him?

I couldn't bear the thought.

Maybe she just needed to be closer to Charlie. I could handle that. Maybe she should go back to Charlie's. I would have to let her out of my sight then, but what if something happened and I wasn't there… again?

We looked at each other and I could see the anguish in her eyes. Our souls still felt like they were aligned, but teetered on the possibility that hers could veer off course.

Then finally, she spoke.

"I'm afraid to leave, but at the same time I know I can't stay."

Here we were – a tough road.

I could only make it simple and trust in her. In us.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then that's all I need to hear."

I put my arms around her and she didn't move. Tears continued to fall from her onto my shirt. I wanted them there. I would take them with me when I left to hunt so a piece of her would be with me.

I picked her up from the corner of the bed and tucked her back in under the covers. I laid next to her and started to hum her lullaby.

No more words were spoken.

The night moved on and Bella fell asleep in my arms. I relished in the feel of her there. I would never get sick of her, no matter what she might think. I would never tire of it.

I could hear Alice's anxious thoughts downstairs of wanting to get our hunt on. I couldn't put this off any longer.

I extracted my cold body from Bella's warm one. She stayed on her side as if she still felt me around her. I moved to the other side of the bed and knelt down so I could say goodbye.

I touched her cheek and brushed a hair out of her closed eyes so I could look at her face for the millionth time. I could stare at it all night. I leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss on her lips. In that moment I craved to kiss her more, deeper. I feared my chances of kissing her that way would lessen after the conversation we had tonight.

This would be the first time I wouldn't be within earshot of her after everything that's happened, and I knew I had to do so. For a moment I wondered if I should take her with me. Would she get much rest on my back while I tackled a deer? No. I thought to myself, she needs to rest. With that thought, I lowered my head, sighed and before exiting the room, I looked back on her face from the doorway, "I love you, Bella."

I walked down the stairs to meet my family.

Alice was waiting for me by the door with a very blank mind.

Hmmm…

There was no horrible singing, no memories of her and Jasper in compromising situations, that one always kept me out, no Korean sign language, no lists, no chanting, nothing of any kind.

I had to admit. I was worried. I almost turned around and went back to the safety of Bella's side and the natural instinct to care for her.

But before I had to face the music that Alice had planned for me, I had a couple things to tell my family about my life upstairs.

"Will someone stay with her in our room? I'd feel better if one of you were there if she wakes up. The thought of her opening her eyes and realizing she's alone scares me. She usually wakes around 3 a.m. or so and it's my goal to make it home by then, but if she wakes up before that and she's in pain, please give her-"

"We've got it Edward. Do you really doubt our ability to take care of her?" Carlisle asked me.

"Geesh… he's like a mom leaving his kid for the first time." Emmett added.

"I just-"

Carlisle finished, "are worried. We know. Go. Hunt. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll-"

"Be back." I finished.

And with that Alice and I flew out the door.

Unexpectedly, after I took off running, I didn't realize how much I needed this, how much I needed to let go. I didn't want to be away from Bella, but this proved to relieve my frustration, my anger, my tension of what had happened over the last couple of days. Not to mention the conversation we had a short time ago.

I tried to brace myself for what was to come.

"Okay, Alice, spill it."

"Edward, let's have this conversation on a full stomach."

"Agreed."

Alice and I ran for about an hour which put me at a good distance from Bella. I stopped. I didn't want to be any further away. Alice came to a halt next to me. A strong smell of an unsuspecting mountain lion was a mere 15 seconds away from us to the east.

"It's all yours." Alice said, gesturing her hand towards the animal.

I didn't think twice, by this time I had become very hungry.

I followed its scent and crouched up behind it expertly. My many years of hunting allowed me to be swift and efficient, and I drained every last drop of blood the mountain lion could offer me.

As I drank I thought about Bella, about her first hunt. Will she be clumsy? Will her human traits follow her into her immortality? It was doubtful. But anything was possible when it came to her. She was an anomaly. Will she acquire a gift? It was possible; she does have special qualities about her: the inability for me to read her mind, her exceptional acceptance of the "freaks" in her life, and most importantly, her ability to look past our inhumanity, and see the goodness in all of us. I firmly believe that these traits would make her an extra-special vampire.

But would we make it that far? Our vow to the Volturri would have to happen. But is that what she still wanted? Would she marry me? Would what happened ruin us?

The mountain lion succumbed to its unfortunate fate and I awaited Alice's presence next to me and the dreaded conversation to come.

"Feel better?" She asked as she took up a patch of cold earth next to me.

"Yes, I do. And you?"

"I bagged a couple of deer and a turkey."

I jerked my head at her.

"A turkey?"

Alice chuckled.

"I'm kidding!"

"I wasn't sure."

"Aren't you lurking around up here, right now?" Alice pointed to her head.

"No, your blank mind scared me. I've been tuning you out since."

"Ahh… worked like a charm. I'll have to file that away and use it again if I need to."

"Spill it Alice. Let's get this over with."

"Are you still hungry?"

"I'm good for now. But depending on what you have to tell me, maybe I'll have to grab something on the way back."

"Okay Edward. I'm going to tell you what I see happening for certain. And that's it."

I trusted Alice, and since I knew this conversation was going to be about Bella and me, I had to trust in her advice even more.

"Before I say anything else, I need to tell you this. Everything will be okay."

Relief consumed me. The last time I felt relief like this was when Bella jumped into my arms in Italy and I realized that both of us were still alive. The mountain lion I held in my arms dropped to the ground, and I, along with it.

"But Edward, you are going to have to let her go."

The calm I felt was still prevalent but I had to know what she meant.

"What?"

"Settle down. The two of you aren't breaking up, you are just going to have to let her go."

"Alice- define letting go!" I asked, desperately. If I wasn't with her she may get hurt, something could happen. Like something that already happened…

"From what I can see, she's going to want to go back to Charlie's."

I was a bit relieved.

"So physically I have to let her go? Emotionally…?"

"Everything will be okay."

"Alice you keep telling me that everything will be okay. But just okay? Not great? Not better? Not… back to normal?"

"Normal will be restored, but you'll just have to be careful with her in the meantime."

"Please… Alice, explain."

Once again, I was desperate.

"Edward, listen to me."

"I'm listening, Alice. I'm depending on every word you tell me."

"Wow, do I have a calendar with me? I need to get this down."

"Hilarious. Get on with it."

"You've got smart instincts and you know Bella. Especially after the conversation you had with her tonight."

A part of me was wishing my whole family didn't hear it, but I knew better.

"You know, deep down inside what this is about. Let me ask you this, because it is clearly my job to bring it to your attention. How do you think she is feeling right now?"

"I know that she is scared and confused."

"Yes, she is, but why?"

It was so hard for me to admit this to Alice, because it wasn't the truth.

"She's afraid I don't want her anymore."

"And?"

Alice was pushing me to admit it. I got it. Here goes.

"I think she might be upset that I wasn't there to stop this. But above all, she's confused as to why I would want to be with her. She now thinks she's not enough for me."

"How does it feel, Edward?"

"How does what feel?"

"To finally admit everything she's been trying to tell you?"

"Not great."

When I first learned about what happened to her I vowed I would make it right and would continue to make her feel the way I always wanted her to. She was the center of me. I would never let her or anything that happened make her think otherwise.

As for what happened, I did blame myself, but the hard part was admitting that deep down inside, Bella blamed me too.

"I know your mind is running in circles right now. Stop!" Alice shouted at me. "Listen to me."

"I'm listening."

"Let's look at what the two of you have been doing. Every time you and Bella have entered into intimate territory and you stopped, she was upset you stopped, wasn't she?"

"Yes, but that's not new."

Suddenly I felt a slam against the back of my head.

"Ow!" I yelped.

"That didn't hurt."

"Why didn't I see that coming?"

Alice just smiled. My sister had more talents that I wasn't aware of.

"When the two of you are close she's trying even harder to help you erase what happened to her."

"She hasn't really acted any different than normal in that department."

Alice hit me again.

"Ow!" I exclaimed.

Gosh… why didn't I see that coming?

"I need you to look at the bigger picture. Has she been short with you at times?"

"Yes."

"She's frustrated with her feelings. Everything that she's relied on has been based on you and now that's been taken from her. So her reactions to things are coming out… well… not in the best 'Bella fashion'" Alice said, using air quotes. "She truly doesn't want to alarm you, because she loves you. She's lost a very large part of herself she knew she would always give to you. And now that it's gone and can't give it to you, she's… well… very disappointed."

"I get it. I know, but one fact still remains. She's upset I didn't save her, isn't she?"

"She is. You've told her time and time again that you are her ultimate protector. When the whole thing was happening she was envisioning you to come to her rescue – just because you always had."

"And I didn't… I could've…"

"Stop it – don't blame yourself. She's alive. And Edward…" Alice grabbed me and made me look into her eyes, "She still loves you. I promise."

"You do?" I had to make sure, my confident demeanor that existed before Bella had been long gone before now.

"Yes." She stated simply, easily… truthfully.

"She's worried she'll lose you, her perfect boyfriend… fiancée… husband-to-be."

"She thinks I'm perfect?"

"According to this day's standards, yes, you are. No one else would have this kind of patience, compassion."

Perfect? Didn't matter… Bella only deserved the best and that was what I always vowed to give her.

"Bear with her, Edward. She'll get over this. It may not seem like it now, but she is as desperate for things to fall back into place as you are. You just need to remember her world has been shattered. She feels like her wedding night that she imagined with you is gone and while processing all of this, her human emotions are making her less than… well… patient."

"Wow Alice, how did you-"

"Jasper helped a bit too." She smirked at me.

My vampire thought-process where Bella was concerned made me slow down to a human's pace. I thought I knew how everyone thought. Hell, I'd been listening in on human thoughts for as long as I could remember. Why were Bella's such a mystery to me? I should have know this. I should have planned it.

"Did he help you come to this conclusion?"

"Yes and no. The conversation you had with Bella tonight helped us put the pieces together."

Alice and I sat for a moment listening to the wind in the trees, while I let our conversation set in. The last thing I wanted was to be away from her, to let her go. I would always feel the need to keep her from harm. It's hard for me to accept that the one thing she wants right now is less of me.

I would do it though. I wouldn't like it, but I would do it, we had to get back on track.

"Any last words for me, Alice?"

"Yes, just love her."

Of course, that wouldn't change.

"Are we done here?" Alice asked, breaking me from thought.

"We are. Thanks Alice for delivering the worst news."

"It may be the worst news, Edward, but it is the most important."

She ended her statement in such a fashion that I knew Bella and I would find a way, happily, to each other again.

We both stood up from where we were and starting running back home without a word.

"Do you need more?" She asked, halfway back home, halfway to Bella.

"I smell a deer."

"It's all yours."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes, you are going to need your strength."

"I'll be right back, are you going to wait?"

"Yes."

I took off… that deer was mine. In no time, I had a poor unsuspecting animal in my arms.

I drank it dry, returned to Alice and continued running towards home.

We were almost there and I heard it.

"EDWARD!"

I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading.