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The Great Lina Inverse In:

How Harry Found out His Past Life Was Female

or

Lina Inverse Rides Again

A.K.A.

FATE SUCKS

Fred and George Weasley would have liked to tell themselves, and indeed eachother, that they didn't have a crush on the same person, or that that person is Harry James Potter. They would love to, but they aren't sure. They thought he was cute, but he was two years younger than they were. It wasn't as though they were actually sure anyway. For now they would content themselves to glare at the other menacingly in hopes of having Harry all for the victor.

Harry knew something was up with the twins. They were glaring at eachother, not speaking twinspeak, and attempting to wandlessly jinx eachother. The sorcerer had twice had to levitate the two to the ceiling to get across a room. Hermione and Ron seemed to think it was funny, at least until the twins had succeeded in learning wandless jinxing. Now Hermione's hair was down to her knees and Ron's was maroon.

They were all leaving for Hogwarts today and all Harry could do was wish the twins had used all that determination in learning wandless magic on their homework. 'Great now I sound like a maudlin Hermione.'

Ron and Hermione knew Harry was oblivious, but it was getting ridiculous. How many times did one person have to attempt to jinx the other for looking at you until the person gets it? Ron was going crazy, and Hermione wasn't far behind.

Arthur Weasley looked at his twin sons. So alike it was frightening. They even got a crush on the same person, and were now all but dueling eachother. If this was what happened here, without a wand, what would happen in Hogwarts where they could use their wands and the library to look up new and creative curses.

"Percy," Mrs. Weasley started, "make sure Fred and George don't kill eachother, or anyone else interested in Harry."

Percy sighed, but had to admit it was a good rule to follow. The twins had become vicious in their duels, and Percy had been caught in the crossfire several times. Who knew they could use wandless color charms that wouldn't wear off for days. His hair was still blue as he walked to the car, as neither of his parents could remove it. 'Fuck my life,' He thought as he desperately hoped his mother wasn't a legilimense.

The students of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry boarded the train, surprisingly without any problems. Sure the barrier got sealed but Harry unsealed it rather easily. Ron and Harry got on with seconds to spare and sat in a compartment with the twins, and Lee Jordan, who for some reason yelped every few minutes.

I'm not cruel, I just have no patience for kindness. :)