Chapter 10: Thy Will "Not Mine" Be Done

I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I didn't think I could write a chapter so quickly, but the muse was in full force. Thanks again for all of your feedback and comments. I have a clearer picture of this story's ending, and I'm hoping to wrap it up about 4 or 5 more chapters. As always, check out David Darling's music.

Jareth hated voice mail. He hated it with a passion that rivaled the smell of the Bog of Eternal Stench. After he reached Sarah's voice mail for the eighth time that day, he knew something was wrong. She was not one to blatantly ignore him. He even went so far as to call the school she worked at, but learned from the secretary that she took half the day off. He thought he heard something about an illness.

He put his worries aside, figuring he would have a chance to gain some clarity later on that day. She didn't invite him over yet, but he was worried. That day she looked perfectly fine, physically, as she opened the door for him. Sarah didn't welcome him. She didn't even speak to him; instead, she went back to her sofa and retreated into herself.

"What's wrong? I called your school because I was worried." Jareth said.

"I'm not feeling well." Sarah said, refusing to look at Jareth who now crouched down in front of her.

"You seem kind of off today." Jareth asked, placing his hand on her shoulder as a sign of reassurance.

"I've got a lot of my mind." Sarah said, shimmying his hand off of her shoulder.

Yes, something was wrong.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Why don't I know that much about you?" Sarah asked.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that question."

"Try for me."

"I don't think I'm that interesting."

"I think you're interesting. You never talk about work."

"I find humans tend to be obsessed with their careers."

"Humans?"

Shit, he slipped up a bit.

"People." Jareth said, hoping that his nerves weren't giving him away.

"What's going on? Why the inquisition?" Jareth gently asked as he removed his jacket and laid it on the back of her sofa. He was beginning to feel like the room was suffocating him.

"I called Lowell and Associates today."

Jareth stopped in his tracks, and he knew Sarah saw him do it.

"Oh really?"

"Apparently they don't know you work for them."

"Well, we did have a temp today in for the secretary. It was an honest mistake."

"Then why can't you look at me right now." Sarah stated.

"Why the sudden suspicion?" Jareth asked, finally turning to Sarah.

"You know all about me, and you've met my family. I've done things with you I've never done with anyone else before, but I really don't know anything about you. You don't see how troubling this is to me?"

"Yes, I do, but I suppose I've enjoyed our time together so much that I feel my own history is rather irrelevant."

"Irrelevant!" Sarah was getting upset.

"I see I've upset you."

"What are you not telling me Seth? I'm a grown up; I can handle it."

Truth was, Jareth was afraid she couldn't. He weighed continuing the charade, but he knew that would anger her even more in the long run. Jareth sat down, knowing that it was time to tell all. He put it off long enough, and it was only fair that the charade end and their new life began, that was if she wanted to pursue such a thing. Feeling his heartbeat quicken, Jareth noticed his hands were suddenly freezing. If truth was supposed to be such a great liberator, then why did he feel like he was imprisoning himself?

"Oh shit, you're married aren't you?" Sarah said. "I'm the damn cliched homewrecker."

"No, I'm not! I assure you that I'm not." Jareth replied.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm not a lawyer. I don't have some secret family waiting back home in London. I do, though, have a family of sorts."

"Oh, great." Sarah whispered, the stress of the news evident on her face.

"It's not what you think. I'm in charge of this 'family.' They are my subjects."

Now Sarah sighed with disbelief.

"So you're telling me that you're royalty."

"In a way."

Sarah wasn't buying it.

"What's next? You're a spy for her majesty? There's no 'in a way' with these kinds of things. Just tell me! Don't cover up one lie with another one. If I can't trust you and your word, then I'm afraid I can't have you in my life Seth. At least, not in the way you want me to be."

"Seth Carrington is not my name." Jareth quickly said.

"What's your name, then?" Sarah said calmly. She was too calm.

"It's not as simple as a name. I've been wanting to tell you the truth, but it's become rather complicated because now I fully understand everything. I lied because I thought I was protecting you."

"Protecting me from what?"

"I don't really know anymore. Me? Yourself? The truth? What if I told you that all of those memories that you were forced to deny, forget even, were real?"

Sarah didn't say anything for a few seconds before responding, "I'm afraid I don't understand you."

"What if you really did run the labyrinth? What if you truly did defeat it and win Toby back? What if you were given a choice, but you turned it down? What if you turned me and my love down?"

Jareth looked into Sarah's eyes, and he knew, truly knew that what she didn't see in them some time ago was now becoming all too clear. Realization dawned on Sarah and it crippled her to a point where she had to look away from him. She began to hyperventilate and grasped her knees as she took in heavy breaths of oxygen. Jareth could hear her whispering, but he could't understand a word of it until he knelt down in front of her.

"No. No. No. No. No." Sarah's eyes were closed as she continued her chant.

"Suddenly, she ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Jareth wanted to follow her in, but he knew that it wouldn't help his cause.

"Are you okay?" He asked outside of the door.

"No, this isn't happening. You're not him. You can't be him. I'm seeing things again." Sarah spoke to herself.

"Yes, it's real." Jareth said, gently placing his hands on her shoulders. He didn't realize that he was now in her bathroom.

Sarah quickly pulled away and moved the opposite end of the small room. He could feel the anger radiating off of her.

"So, all this time you've been here?"

There was more anger in her eyes than hurt.

"Yes."

"But how?"

"I've been here for almost a year, watching over you."

"Watching over me? Why?"

Jareth realized he could have lied, but if he truly wanted her love, he couldn't earn it on deception.

"I wanted revenge."

He saw her heart begin to break in front of his eyes. She nearly collapsed onto the floor, but the wall held her up. The thought of doctors drugging Sarah was the worst kind of heartbreak, but seeing her reaction to his truth was far worse.

"I wanted to make you feel the ache that I felt all those years ago, but I had no idea that you were sent away. Believe me, I thought you willingly chose to forget about me. I swear..."

"You allowed my parents to send me away? You could have stopped all of it by proving that you were REAL!"

Jareth dug his nails into his skin as he took in her words. The pain caused him to bite the skin inside of his mouth. He deserved to feel the pain. He deserved to taste the metallic tinge that was his blood.

"I swear I didn't know, Sarah. I could never be that cruel."

"Fuck you." Sarah said as she pushed past him and walked into the living room.

"I love you Sarah."

"BULLSHIT! You're not in love with me! You're in love with this game which you've obviously spent years building up. What kind of man spends his life trying to break someone's will? Oh wait, you're not even a man!"

"You have to believe that I didn't know all of those things were happening to you. These past few weeks have been so glorious to me, but I've also carried the burden of guilt. It's my fault you were tortured! It's my fault your parents sent you away! That fog you don't ever want to experience again – it's MY FAULT you were in that state! Please understand that I would have taken you away from all that if I could have."

"And what? Make me a slave?"

"No, my queen."

Sarah laughed through her tears.

"No, you would have waved the twisted victory over my head!"

"I would not!" Jareth said, his emotions getting the better of him.

Jareth felt the tears slide down his face. He didn't have to taste them to know the saltiness of them. He could tell that she was just now beginning to process the revelation. He kept silent, waiting for her to talk.

"Oh god, what have I done? I let you in. I let you touch me!"

There was disgust on her face with the knowledge that she allowed him to know her in such a carnal way.

"So what was the endgame? Meet me. Woo me. Make me feel something for you? Make me fall for you? I bet I know the ending. Fuck me? Then fuck me over, right? Make me want to open up my scar – a scar that you're in a way to blame for." Sarah said as she rolled up the sleeve of her sweater and pushed the two inch mark in front of his face, a reminder that he somehow contributed to it being there.

"NO! Never that! If you die, then I will too."

Sarah slapped him and he knew his left cheek would be red for a few hours. He wasn't prepared for the onslaught of her fists as she began to pound into his chest. She wasn't trying to assault him, only make him feel a shred of the pain and torture that she felt all those years ago. He could hear her crying between her repeated, "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, you bastard. I hate you. I hate you so much."

It was only when she clutched the lapels of his jacket that she admitted, "I hate you because your plan worked."

Jareth pulled her into his arms and held her as tightly as he could. He could take her abuse – he deserved it. Then, as if Sarah came to her senses, she pushed him away from her as viciously as she could.

"I need you to go."

"Sarah,"

"I need you to go!" She said more forcefully this time.

"Can we just talk about it?" Jareth asked, knowing that the feeling of dread in his stomach wasn't going to disappear any time soon.

"I'm not asking you to leave. I'm telling you to."

Jareth nodded and quietly stepped towards her door. It was only when he opened it that he heard her ask,

"Is this why we never...?"

"I couldn't take that step without you knowing everything. It wouldn't have been right." Jareth said, looking down.

"Since when have you grown a conscience?"

"Since I understood what happened." Jareth whispered, truth dripping from his lips.

"I can't believe you when I see this façade in front of me."

"I've wanted to tell you for weeks now, but I was afraid. I know my methods were wrong, but now that I've seen you, now that I've gotten to spend all of this time with you, I can't imagine a life without you."

"Just go." Sarah said, defeat dripped from her lips.

Jareth respected her request. As soon as he closed the door, he could hear something shatter against the door. It felt as if a knife was being plunged into his heart.

Jareth expected not to hear anything from Sarah for at least two or three days. When it became five to seven, he began to worry. He easily resorted to his old ways: hanging around The Strand, visiting their usual coffee spots, shopping at the grocery store she frequented. She appeared to disappear again, but the emptiness only filled him with more longing.

On day nine he decided enough was enough. Jareth decided to be the creep that would wait for her outside of the school she taught at. The days had been torture, and New York City just wasn't the same without her showing it off to him. There was a slight drizzle as he waited, thankful that he brought an umbrella.

Like clockwork, she walked out of the school at her usual time.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked.

She didn't have an umbrella handy.

"I was worried about you. These last few days have been hell on Earth for me."

"Try eight years."

"I'm not here to try and explain myself any more than I already have. Please, get out of this rain. There's room enough for the both of us under here. We can stand here and talk. All I want is a few minutes with you."

Hesitation marked Sarah's features and she looked around, weighing the pros and cons of Jareth's offer.

"Talk." Sarah said, not budging one inch towards him.

"I just…" Now he was the speechless one. "I just..."

Sarah began to walk in the opposite direction.

"Sarah, I just wanted to make sure that you're alright."

It was the truth. Apparently, that was the best policy with humans.

"I'm fine. I'm still alive." Sarah responded, throwing her arms to the side before having them limply fall.

"That's not what I meant! This is torture for me, knowing all that I know now. I can't expect you to understand my reasoning behind this charade."

"I do understand Seth! Or wait, is it Jareth? Have you adopted another name since last week?"

Her will was back in full force.

"I'm Jareth, your Jareth." He said solemnly.

This appeared to pain Sarah. She didn't look as if she was ready to call him by his given name.

"You decimated my world, you know."

"I know." He whispered, guilt on his features.

"No, I don't think you do."

"I can only ask for your forgiveness. I know you think I allowed your torture to happen, but…"

Sarah cut him off by placing her hand in the air to stop him.

"I understand your motives. I at least have to thank you for not allowing us to consummate whatever this was between us. It says a lot that you have some sort of moral compass."

"I won't promise you the world because I know such words are now useless. You deserve more than that."

"I don't want the world! I don't need you to show up with flowers and false promises. It's all bull shit anyway. You rule a kingdom, and I don't fit into that world. What you've manufactured up here is all a fantasy."

"My fantasies haven't involved the underground in a very long time."

"Meaning what? I know enough to understand that you would never give everything up for this world. Give up a kingdom for a place where you would be considered insignificant and easily forgotten? Give up a world where you had everyone at your beck and call? You're living in a dream world if you think the eventual resentment wouldn't be directed towards me."

"What if I would?" Jareth spoke defiantly.

"Just stop it! What do you want from me?" Sarah implored, her eyes on the verge of tears.

Or was it the drizzling rain?

"I want you. I want your love. It's all I ever wanted."

If he was going to be honest, then Jareth figured he would continue from there as he approached her, but he still kept a safe distance.

"I have this reoccurring fantasy where we wake up every morning, cook breakfast and drink coffee. We visit The Strand a lot and discuss Tennyson. I get to see you play Mischa. We walk the streets of this city, your hand in mine. Nothing delights me more than when you come home from work. I imagine us cooking meals together while talking about our day, and it all ends with me worshiping you as we make love. It's a fantasy, I get it, but it has nothing to do with my kingdom. Your kingdom, after all, is just as great."

Sarah wiped her nose and tried to avoid his eyes.

"I don't blame you for what happened to me. I was angry when I said those things. I don't think you abandoned me, even though you feel that way. Those years ago you had no power over me, but now you have so much, and it kills me to acknowledge that. I don't hate you; I can't hate you, and that's what scares me most of all." Sarah admitted, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"How shall I reach my atonement then?" Jareth asked.

"By waiting. I just need some time. It could be days. It could be weeks. It could even be months. Look, I have to go. My family's coming in this weekend, and I've got some cleaning to do."

"You know I could fix that with a snap of my fingers." Jareth said, smiling.

Sarah smiled back, but it wasn't strong enough to reassure the man standing five feet away from her.

"I'll tell them you said hello."

And that was it. Sarah walked towards the closest subway station. Her hands were stuffed in her pockets, and she didn't appear to be fazed by the water falling from the sky.