The night of Slughorn's Christmas party, Stacey and Hermione were fussing about Sharlen's gloves. She was only half-listening; she worried she'd been distant with her friends lately since finding out about Merope-or rather, finding out that she existed. She often found herself looking so far inward, trying to find her, that the outside world melted away completely. She knew now from Snape that they could not be present together, but the paranoia didn't stop there.
Slowly, she resurfaced into their conversation. Hermione, ever-prompt, was dressed and ready and had visited the Slytherin dorms to walk down with Sharlen. Stacey was insisting on lace gloves, which Sharlen had already half-heartedly vetoed; the point of the gloves was to avoid skin-to-skin contact. "I think the long velvet ones are really stunning," Hermione insisted, fingering them gently. "It will balance well. Really."
"I defer to you," Sharlen said simply.
"Where did you get them?" Hermione asked, genuinely curious. Sharlen's background was still a huge mystery to their group, but it was apparent, looking around the dorm room, that she had very little to her name.
"Who knows," she answered earnestly, rubbing her fingertips together. "I've lived in a few different houses and I think I found these in a closet in one of them and just… held on to them." The girls waited for more. Sharlen looked up at them innocently. "Gloves are particularly useful to me."
"But these ones…" Stacey prodded, dangling the lace pair close to her face.
"The lace is out, Stacey," Sharlen said, patting her gently on the shoulder. Stacey sighed.
"There are never parties here!" she whined, feet dangling off Sharlen's bed. "I wish this wasn't so exclusive."
"I actually agree," Hermione said smartly, handing Sharlen the gloves to put on. Silently she pulled them up past her elbows. "This Slug Club business is really uncouth. It's never a good idea to leave students out of things like this based on family or ability. It shows favoritism."
"Are we ready?" Sharlen interjected, standing. Hermione and Stacey took a step back to consider. The two weren't fast friends, but Hermione had been kind to get involved and seemed to enjoy doing more feminine things, since she primarily spent all her time with Ron and Harry. She'd insisted Sharlen borrow a black dress of hers when she said she had nothing to wear; after Harry invited her, she stared blankly at him for a full two minutes, attempting to figure out how she would acquire anything acceptable to wear. Hermione's dress was floor-length and came up to secure around her neck; Sharlen felt very exposed having her back and shoulders open, but upon Hermione asking, "Who do you expect to be touching you besides Harry?" she dropped it.
The two girls nodded their approval and as Hermione turned to gather her small beaded purse, Sharlen swung a large black cloak over her shoulders that fell to the floor.
"Oh but now you can't even see the back of the dress!" Hermione cried.
"I insist," Sharlen said with a smirk, securing the silver snake brooch.
"We hardly ever get to wear normal clothes, embrace it!" Stacey said excitedly. "Let me live vicariously through you. Show some skin."
"I get visions even when 'just Harry' touches me," she said sternly. "They are intrusive and I never know what I'm going to see. Sometimes they're quite disturbing. I will take my precautions."
The two parted ways on the third floor staircase, Sharlen off to meet Harry and Hermione off to find Cormac McLaggen-a choice that baffled Sharlen completely. Harry took her arm and kissed her cheek before they set off. Ginny, who had broken up with Dean, was opting to go with Luna.
"I just can't believe Ron and Hermione aren't speaking still," Sharlen mused as they made their way to the party. "This must be supremely awkward for you."
"It can be," he admitted with a shrug. "It's nothing like when Ron and I weren't speaking in fourth year."
"Now that I actually can't imagine," she said with a light laugh. She glanced over at Harry, who was beaming at her, and stopped walking. She cocked her head slightly, amused. "What's wrong?"
"You really do look beautiful. Remind me to thank Hermione for lending you that dress," he said quietly. "Some days I wake up and remember you're here in the castle and can't believe it's true until I see you again."
"Ah yes," she purred sarcastically, "A fine side-effect of my disappearing act."
"I'm grateful for whatever time I get with you," he said, kissing her lightly on the lips. Sharlen got a brief flash of a bedroom she had never seen. It may have been in the Dursley's house… although he lived under the stairs when she knew him. She was distracted by his statement-it sounded so incomplete. She stopped again, in front of him, and took one of his hands.
"Why would you say that?" she asked quietly, her eyes wide. "I promise I won't disappear on you again. I'm strong now. I'm not going anywhere."
"That's not what I meant at all," he said, his voice suddenly heavier. He let out a brief sigh. "It's too good to be true that you're here now," he said finally, "and I'm just sorry we didn't have more time together."
"We do have more time together," she insisted, stepping closer. "We have all the time we want now."
"That's not realistic," he said softly, giving her hand a light squeeze. "But we have tonight. Come on, we're going to be late."
Sharlen swallowed her immediate reaction and continued walking with him. It occurred to her that his burden was weighing heavy on his shoulders, his aura a dense burnt sienna that relayed a consistent and deep-rooted anxiety-and a muddy gray: residual fear. "You mean because you're the Chosen One," she mumbled as they got closer.
Harry nodded, his eyes forward. He didn't question how she knew. "It's almost not fair to you that we're together now. I don't know what I have ahead of me."
Determined not to start having this conversation before a party, something she had never before experienced, Sharlen smirked and said, "Don't be such a martyr." She guided his hand to the small of her back and noted the surprise and grin the warmth of her skin provided him. "This is my first party ever and you are now officially one of two people here that knows I have an open-back dress. Let's have fun."
"So, where are we on that 'not being overwhelmed by visions when touched' thing?" he asked slyly, following her inside.
Upon entering, Sharlen insisted on keeping her cloak on. After a few greetings here and there, Harry reintroduced her to Slughorn, who Sharlen had not seen since Hogsmeade; she, like the rest of the Slytherins in her year, were with Snape for Potions class. The professor was extremely nervous around Sharlen, who was trying to smile pleasantly; it was difficult to be personable when someone's aura turned black as night when their eyes met yours. After Slughorn had successfully spilled two drinks while talking to them, Harry excused them and went to find Hermione, assuring the professor the two would speak alone later.
Sharlen grinned at him sheepishly, running a hand through her hair. "I swear I don't try to frighten people," she whined with a laugh. Harry shook his head.
"You have an odd effect on the teachers," he admitted. "Then again, you do have your quirks."
"People generally fear the unknown," she responded, peering around the party for familiar faces. She spotted Ginny and Luna talking to two Ravenclaw twins in green dresses and admired the decor; she had never celebrated Christmas.
"Or find it intriguing…" Harry muttered, both hands around her and running up her spine.
A grin fell across Sharlen's face. "Who made you the emerald sweater? With the 'H' on it?" she asked, staring past him at the vision his touch elicited.
Harry laughed. "Mrs. Weasley. I wear it every Christmas."
"Do you spend Christmas with them?" she asked, watching first-year Ron open his own, maroon sweater with an "R" on it. Harry nodded.
With a loud "PSSST" they turned to see Hermione beckoning them over. She was pointedly avoiding McLaggen and partially hiding behind some sheer curtains. Before Sharlen could follow Harry behind and join them, Snape gently but firmly grabbed her by the elbow.
"Your father wants to speak with you," Snape said urgently and firmly.
"What? No. Ridiculous," Sharlen replied simply, wrenching her arm from his grasp. She could feel Harry's eyes boring into her from behind. "In what world do you think-"
"This is not a question," Snape interrupted her, keeping his voice low.
Sharlen gritted her teeth. "I couldn't agree more. I have nothing to say to him and anything he wants to say to me, well, I have full confidence in you as the messenger." She straightened her robes self-consciously and glanced around the other partygoers, feeling alienated. "I want nothing to do with him."
She watched Snape's aura leap like a flame of gray and orange and smoulder deeper and deeper, closer to his body. It confused her immensely. How was this news? "Not an option," he snarled.
"Not my concern," she hissed. "When will you get that I'm not on your side? I'm not fraternizing with the enemy; I'm the creation of my enemy. His enemies are my enemies," she said finally, gesturing in Harry's direction. "Now if you'll excuse me-"
"Have you had your potion today?" he interrupted. The two stared each other down before Snape swept off to where she'd left Harry and Hermione, who was now replaced with McLaggen. Wanting distance from Snape but feeling guilty leaving Harry with him, she resolved to get them drinks to make amends.
Ginny was by the drink table too, with Luna gazing dreamily into the bowl of Butterbeer. Sharlen tried a smile and greeted the girls with a small hello; Luna was so unnerving and Sharlen didn't need auras to see Ginny's dislike of her. Giving them space, she stood at the end of the table. "Having fun?" she asked in a quiet, unsure voice.
"Sure," Ginny said, her voice cutting. "Luna was kind enough to take the place of the date I should have had."
"You mean Dean?" Sharlen asked, equally as biting. They both knew she meant Harry.
"That mouth will always get you in trouble," came Draco's voice, suddenly, very close to her ear. He had a tight grip on one of her arms and around her waist, his forearm right against her skin under the cloak. Immediately the visions came, sharply-he knew exactly what he was doing.
"Get off of me," Sharlen hissed, trying not to make a scene. His father was hitting him with a belt. She winced with a sharp intake of breath, sickened by the sight of it. "I can't see," she continued after a couple seconds, knowing some amount of panic definitely showed on her face. She watched Draco turning black and blue. And red.
"Piss off, Malfoy," Ginny said sternly, one hand ready for her wand although she was clearly unsure what to make of the situation. She was torn by her dislike and distrust of Sharlen, her hatred of Draco, and her hope that something was going on between them that would end her relationship with Harry. "Who let you in?"
"No one, Weasley," he sneered, too close to Sharlen's face, his grip on her tight. She was starting to struggle as he wrenched off one of her long gloves and grasped her bare wrist, completely overwhelming her.
"Give me my glove, now!" she hissed loudly, trying blindly to grab for it. Ginny and Luna watched, unsure of what to do, extremely concerned that Sharlen didn't appear to be able to see well though her eyes were wide open, her pupils very small. With her recent blackout, she was frightened of being overwhelmed again-what if Merope found a passage through to appear again? "I'm warning you, stop!"
"You've been avoiding me," he whispered. "I have a job for you."
"Draco, stop touching me," Sharlen warned, breathing hard.
"I'm sorry," he drawled, lips against her neck, "Afraid your boyfriend Potter will have a fit?"
Sharlen closed her eyes tightly and straightened up in one motion and Draco leapt back with a sharp yelp, falling into the curtains he'd been sneaking behind. Ginny and Luna stared, dumbstruck, as Sharlen twirled to face him. "You bloody shocked me!"
"Electrocuted," she corrected, furious as she snatched her glove back from him. "When will you learn I'm stronger than you?"
Draco jumped up, the skin of his hands and forearm bright red where he'd been touching her, snarling with fury. "You think because your father-"
Filch grabbed Draco by the neck of his collar and pulled him away to present him to Slughorn as an intruder, having seen the whole thing from across the room, and Sharlen stared horrified as the blond boy was lugged away. She turned to Ginny and Luna, worry etched all over her face.
"Wow Sharlen, that seemed very useful," Luna mused, mild shock on her face. "What was that spell?"
"Fu...Fulguro…" she breathed, straightening her cloak and gloves.
Ginny's wand was in her hand, her grip tight though it was aimed at the floor. She searched Sharlen's eyes, trying to keep up with what had just happened. "Your father… Is Snape...?"
"I have no father. Please excuse me," she muttered quickly, breathlessly, anxious to escape the mention of her parentage. She couldn't believe Malfoy would be so open about it… She swept after him as he was being escorted out by Snape.
Several feet behind them, Sharlen picked her dress up about a foot off the ground so she could quicken her pace. They were walking quickly and disappeared around a corner when she heard Malfoy speaking. Coming around the corner after them, she saw Snape had him against the wall and was hissing, "I swore to protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow."
Someone grabbed Sharlen's wrist, pulling her back and she whipped around to see it was Harry. He put a finger to his lips and crouched next to her, listening. Heart pounding, Sharlen worried what they were about to reveal and her mind reeled to learn about the Vow. Harry whispered, "He basically just admitted to hexing Katie. Did you hear that?"
Sharlen nodded, listening hard. At the mention of making an Unbreakable Vow, Harry's eyebrows furrowed; Sharlen swallowed hard, not believing what she was hearing. Over the summer, Narcissa and Bellatrix had visited their house and she had been locked up and hidden away for it-none of the Death Eaters were to know she existed. Now she knew what they were there for.
"I was chosen for this. Out of all others, me!" Draco whispered loudly, his words echoing off the stones. Harry's fingers tightened around her wrist.
"Let me assist you," Snape hissed.
"No!" Draco said, pushing him off. "This is my moment!" Sharlen closed her eyes hard, remembering the vision of his beating, hating Lucius, hating Draco's pride, hating the peers she grew into. She knew they were talking about killing Dumbledore.
When she opened her eyes, Harry was watching her carefully. "You okay?" he asked quietly. She nodded. "Any ideas what that was?"
She shook her head. A lie she hated telling, but he wasn't ready for the truth yet. She had to find out what Draco was planning. "We'll discuss with Ron and Hermione later," she promised. "I need to catch my breath. You head back inside, I'll meet you soon." Harry nodded, giving her hand a squeeze before heading back to the party, rubbing his scar.
Watching him go, Sharlen slid down the wall, trying to trace her thoughts. Somehow she thought parties were supposed to be more fun… She wrung her hands and tried to trace her lies, her secrets-who knew what about her, when to tell who what, how to gain the trust of the people she needed to help enough to reveal the truth about her. She was keeping too much from Harry; he and Dumbledore were piecing the mystery of her father's attempt at immortality together, she knew they were, and yet the two of them hadn't broached the subject-she was too afraid to talk about her father with him for fear he'd find out who and what she was.
She wasn't ready for him to know. He couldn't trust her yet.
After Christmas, I'll ask him how far they've gotten, she conceded, and then I'll show them how useful I can be.
With ten steadying breaths, staring hard at the stones beneath her feet, Sharlen stood and walked back to Slughorn's party. Looking around to find Harry, she got caught up in the details again; the lights and candles, the colors, the giant fir tree on the east wall strung with burlap and gold ribbons. She found Harry not far from it, talking to Ginny. They leaned against the wall, talking animatedly-most likely about Quidditch.
Watching them, Sharlen's hands began to shake. Maybe she's the one he's meant to be with, she thought miserably. From across the room, Harry tucked Ginny's hair back behind her ear as it had been shaken free by laughter. They belong to this world. She would do anything to help him win this fight. There was a fire in Ginny always burning through her aura; she was purposeful, loyal. A true Gryffindor. Sharlen realized she was clutching the front of her robes and thought back to Merope. I might be very dangerous to him.
Sharlen took one last look at Ginny and Harry laughing in the corner and fled Slughorn's party.
Lupin was so startled to see Sharlen in his doorway in her long black robes that he instinctively whipped out his wand and fell into a defensive stance. She narrowed her eyes very, very slightly but didn't move; Lupin dropped his arms, and his wand, when he saw she'd been crying. "Miss Down," he said, slightly out of breath with shock, "What's happened? Where's Harry?"
At the sound of his name, Sharlen angrily wiped her eyes and felt foolish for even coming to see him. She barely knew this man and had always been taught to hate him; it was a blind association she was trying to shake, but something inside her just couldn't flip the switch just yet. "He's fine. He's with Ginny."
"I see…" Lupin said softly, the corners of his lips pricking up slightly. She bristled at the look of quiet amusement on his face.
"Do you have something to say about that?" Sharlen growled at him, fists clenched.
Lupin chuckled softly, despite himself. "I'm sorry," he said in earnest, "It's just bizarre for the daughter of the Dark Lord to be concerned with such things."
Sharlen strode past him briskly and fell onto a stair, facing away from him. "I am mostly human, you know," she muttered, glancing over her shoulder at him. "Like you."
Lupin's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"That potion Snape brews for you," Sharlen muttered, pulling her knees to her chest, "He brews one for me, too."
For several seconds, perhaps several too long, Lupin was silent, his mind racing. Matters with Sharlen were very sensitive in this castle, and he wished Dumbledore were in the room with him to assess whatever was about to come to light. "How long has he brewed it for you?"
"My whole life. Although I've taken to making it myself now, thanks to Hermione." Sharlen sighed, distracted. "She really is a genius."
"Sharlen," he said firmly, which made her turn at the hips to look him in the eye. "What's the potion called?"
Her bottom lip visibly quivered in the moonlit classroom. "Ancora Exspiravit." The still air between them dropped a few degrees while Sharlen watched Lupin's aura jump to the bright lemon-yellow of fear with a muddy gray overlay. "You know it, then."
"Anchors are few and far between," Lupin said quietly. He stood a safe distance from her while she sat on the stair, facing away from him.
"Do you doubt me?" Sharlen hissed at him. Her skin was covered in goose bumps.
"It's just extremely dark magic and Anchors don't historically have the longest lifespans," he continued. "It takes a lot of energy to give life to two spirits, and if there's a ghost anchored inside of you, that potion keeps it out of the forefront but your life is sustaining it to some degree." He waited for her to say something but her jaw was locked and her eyes looked wet. "Do you have any clues as to who it might be?"
Sharlen sighed and faced forward. "Hermione seems to think it's a Divine, whoever it is. She's been reading up on auras and says it's likely I can see them because she could. Can't use a wand because the wand doesn't know who to obey, etcetera."
"Then there's a possibility some of your other abilities can be attributed to it as well," Lupin mused. She could feel him pacing slowly behind her. "Perhaps you can see the Thestrals because she could."
"I've seen plenty of people die," she said darkly, glowering at him over her shoulder. "So it's irrelevant."
"I apologize," Lupin said, hands up. He was always so cautious with her, as if she were the werewolf. "I'm just drawing parallels."
"I don't even know why I came to you," she said, the edge in her voice folding over, her shoulders following suit. She was suddenly exhausted. She looked at Lupin with apologetic eyes. "I guess I thought you might be able to commiserate with something else living inside you. I just can't stop thinking about this. I'm supposed to be focusing on Harry and being useful to him, and all I can think about is this spirit I'm caging. I don't know anything about her but she's been with me my entire life. Is she conscious? Is she watching my life through me like a movie? What she must think of me… Of my life…"
"Firstly, I do understand," Lupin assured her, sitting beside her on the stair and looking forward. She watched him carefully. "But imagine instead that the 'other' is a part of you that you have no control over."
"I have no idea how this works," she admitted, looking at her hands. "It could be exactly the same!"
"Do you have blackouts?" he asked, leaning forward. She nodded.
"I've had two this year already," she admitted. "The first time I was in the hospital for three days. The second time Harry and Ron carried me to Hagrid's hut after I had been found by the lake, unconscious." She couldn't help but laugh, defeated. "It had been pouring rain. There's no way I went outside myself."
"And before Hogwarts?" he pressed her.
"I really don't know," she admitted. "I don't remember. Probably not. I only typically black out when the auras overwhelm me. That's why I fly to classes."
"It does seem to be starting to form shape…" he mused, standing and slowly pacing. "If this ghost had that divine power and you are able to access it through her being anchored inside of you, it could be that she is able to find passages to consciousness when you are overwhelmed by that element."
"Professor Lupin, what if I can't help Harry?" she asked, her voice full of tears. "I'm frightened to learn this about myself but knowing my father… what if this is someone who means Harry harm? What if that's the reason my father let me come here this year, where I'm close to him?" Lupin watched her carefully as the tears streamed down her face. "I shouldn't have come back into his life," she said with a sigh. "I'm not good for him."
"You keep saying you want to help Harry," Lupin said, leaning in further, staring at her hard. "What do you mean by that?"
"Help him defeat my father," Sharlen said with a long exhale. "I thought he could use me to defeat him. 'Neither can live while the other survives.'"
Lupin was quiet for a long time. Finally, he said, "I don't think the ghost inside you means Harry any harm. I think it means your father harm." Sharlen looked at him bewildered. "It's quite difficult to get rid of a ghost," he continued, "and your father wouldn't have anchored a ghost inside of you if it possibly meant Harry harm; he would want it to be free to hurt him." Sharlen considered this quietly. "You anchor a ghost you can't bare to have wandering the Earth anymore."
"You think so?" Sharlen's eyes were wide.
Lupin gave her a reassuring smile and put a hand on her shoulder. His aura smoldered baby blue. "I do. And you are good for Harry." Lupin stood and strode to the window with his hands in his pockets. The moon was almost full and she could tell the cycle was wearing on him. "He was very close with Sirius and you being back in his life has brought some of the weight off his shoulders. I can't tell you much about what he has ahead of him, although I trust you said we're on the same side… but please, don't disappear on him again. He will need all the friends he has close to him before this is over."
Sharlen wiped her eyes and nodded. "I know he will."
"As for these blackouts," Lupin started, turning back to her, "Try to keep a log of their frequency and how often you take the potion. It could be that you're underdosing. It took me quite a long time to get mine right, as well…" he trailed off with a little humor in his tired face. "If you're consistent with it rather than taking an inordinate amount whenever you're feeling a little incorporeal, the blackouts may stop altogether."
Lupin saw her out not long after that and Sharlen made her way down the hallway back toward Slughorn's Christmas Party, brow furrowed and head buzzing. When she returned, she saw Harry and went to him with a weak smile.
"There you are," he said quietly, pulling her close. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear gently, careful to avoid her skin. "I was getting worried. You look tired."
"I'm okay, Harry," she assured him. "You know how I get in crowds."
He nodded knowingly and ran his hands up her gloved arms reassuringly. They were beside the giant tree now and Ginny was nowhere to be found, nor were Hermione and McLaggen. "Did everyone leave?"
"Not quite," he answered. Harry watched her eyes drift around the room, to the decorations and the dresses and the chatter and smiled faintly. "You're very distracted tonight."
"I'm sorry," she said, forehead in her hand. "I've just never seen… any of this." Harry waited for more and she ran her hand gently over a large fir branch, loving the smell. "I've never celebrated holidays or anything. I don't really understand all of this. The decoration, the togetherness. It's really lovely."
She watched Harry's mind working over her words, trying to imagine what her life must have been like with so many limited experiences. Finally, he said, "When I found out I belonged to this world, there were so many standard things in the wizarding world that I just knew nothing about. Quidditch," he began, making her laugh, "simple repair spells, magical creatures, things wizards consider second-nature. There was so much I had to learn, and I'm still learning how to… navigate…" Sharlen cuffed him lightly under the chin. "But you… there's so much of life you've never experienced. It's actually quite beautiful watching you discover things that have become second-nature to us."
"There's a lot you could show me," she said with a grin, hands resting on his chest, pressed against him.
"Well, to start, this is mistletoe…" he said slyly, wand over his head as he transfigured golden bells above them into leafy sprigs sprouting with white berries, and he kissed her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Then he led her to the dance floor where they swayed to a slow song playing.
Sharlen listened to the Christmases of Harry's past pre-Hogwarts and they laughed at the caricature of Dudley he painted for her with his stories. She could see the distance from that life in his eyes and knew he didn't think his future would reflect that life whatsoever. She didn't contribute-she had no experiences to compare.
"I really love that tree," she whispered, looking back to the giant fir. "I've never seen a tree like that."
"Want to come to the Burrow with us for Christmas?" Harry asked suddenly, his eyes bright as he held her waist. "I don't want to be apart from you for your first holiday."
Cold dread washed over her and seeped down her shoulders; she tried to control her face and estrange the worry to her eyes. "Did you say the Burrow?"
Harry laughed. "Well, that's what we call where the Weasley's live. Hermione and I have spent many holidays there—although, I doubt she'll come this year, considering her row with Ron."
Sharlen tried to appear good-natured, considering her disappearance earlier, but her mind was racing over the dream she'd had about the Burrow. She would never have guessed it was Ron and Ginny's house. She tried to shake what was definitely a premonition out of her head but she couldn't. She'd seen the Burrow go up in flames. She didn't know when it would happen, but she didn't want to find out. "I see."
"You really could come," he assured her. "Mrs. Weasley is wonderful and she is very welcoming. She, well… she's been very motherly to me."
Sharlen couldn't help but smile sweetly at the thought and be grateful to this woman she was likely to never meet. "I don't believe Snape will allow me to go, but I'll be here when you need me. I must admit, I'll be pretty jealous of Ginny having you all to herself." She tried a sly smile as Harry's cheeks visibly reddened. Inside she tried not the quake. She kept telling herself he had a life before she resurfaced, and Ginny was part of that—and he would need to have a life after her, too. She did not anticipate surviving this war.
"It's nothing like that…" he said quietly, but she stopped him with a smile, leaning up to kiss him. She held his face in her gloved hands and he gripped her a little tighter.
The two of them danced until only a few stragglers remained, and when Harry walked her back to the Slytherin dorms and went to kiss her goodnight the visions were him with Sirius and Lupin, talking at a long table with a girl with purple hair and he looked happy and content. When he pulled away she pulled him back and brought him to sleep on a nearby couch with her, wanting to keep him safe there with her always.