Daddy, I'm in love.
And with a boy too!
Who would have thought?!
I haven't dreamed of true love since I was a child but look at me now.
I'm so energised from today that even as I write my hands are shaking. This is even worse than the day I met Emma! It's as if I had caffeine pumped straight into my heart. I may possibly need to exercise more to strengthen my heart muscles because it has been through more this year than it's use to. Like any muscle that's suddenly getting used more, it ends up sore for days after. It is the most pleasant ache in the world though.
As I'm sure you have guessed, this wonderful ache in my heart is due to Henry. I met him today. The whole experience was nerve-wrackingly wonderful.
Regina pulls up to the old, faded-yellow, stucco house at exactly 1 o'clock. The neighborhood isn't the best, but it doesn't necessarily seem unsafe. Still, she triple checks that she has the correct address before exiting the car and making her way toward the front door. She sees Diana's hatchback in the driveway and it confirms that she has the right house. She takes a deep breath and pats down her red blazer before she knocks on the door. Once she does, she immediatedly hears a dog barking and the pattering of little feet.
"Hello." A woman, about Regina's age, with blonde hair, faded jeans, and a heavy accent greets her as the door is opened.
"Hi. I'm Regina Mills." She holds out a hand.
"Muffet Patterson." She responds as she quickly shakes the hand. "Come on in. Miss Hart is already here."
Regina is then led through a fairly messy front hall and into a living room. It didn't appear dirty, just littered with toys and knick knacks. The living room was larger than Regina's but felt small as it too was overcrowded with things. There were two young boys, around 8 years old, showing Diana their toys when Regina walked in.
"Hello." Regina greets.
Diana looks up from the couch and smiles at Regina. She then looks down at her watch.
"I knew you would be punctual so I made sure to arrive early." The bold red-head greets her.
"Aren't you clever." Regina smirks.
"Howard." Muffet addresses one of the little boys. "Can you go get Amy and Henry?"
He nods his head quickly and runs from the room. He comes back with a little girl, who also looked to be about 8, and a much smaller little boy.
Seeing the three blonde children together it was clear that they were triplets. But only a slight part of my mind registered them as my eyes were set on Henry.
The most precious little brunette boy I had ever seen in my life was standing before me. He was half hidden behind the other children but was staring up at me.
Muffet gathers the other children and takes them into another room and Diana stands up.
"Henry." The red head calls his attention away from Regina for the first time. "This is Regina."
Regina crouches down to the little boys level. "It's very nice to meet you Henry." She says softly and sincerely.
"Hi." He says in small voice.
He didn't appear nervous. (Much less nervous than I was, at least.) He only seemed curious. He even quickly stuck out his hand for me to shake. What a little gentleman!
"You have very good manners Henry." Regina compliments as she shakes the hand.
"Grandma taught me." He answered in a slight southern accent of his own.
"Well she did a very good job."
He blushes a little at the compliment and sits down on the couch. Regina follows him over but makes sure not to sit too close.
"Are you going to be my mommy?" He then asks out of the blue.
Regina's head whips around to look at Diana who is smiling but clearly not willing to help unless she has to.
"Would you like that?" Regina decides to ask.
"I've never had a mommy." He explains as if this answers her question. Which, it did in it's own way.
"I would be honored to be your mommy Henry."
This makes the little boy smile.
"You're like Miss Honey in Matilda."
I hardly remembered the book at all but I assumed he was talking about the teacher who adopted Matilda at the end of the story.
"Do you like to read?"
"Yeah, I got lots of books. I can show you!" He says excitedly and grabs her hand to drag her into one of the bedrooms.
I was startled by the sudden contact but excited that he was warming up to me so quickly.
The bedroom had boxes stacked everywhere which I could only assume were filled with his things by the way he was tearing through them to find his books.
For the next half an hour Henry showed Regina all the books he could find. Regina would ask questions to prompt the little boy into sharing more about himself. When they came across two books about the pixar movie Cars, Regina asked if he liked racing.
"Yeah!" He nodded his head enthusiastically. "Grandpa use to watch it all the time."
"I have a friend who helps fix race cars." She informs him.
His eyes go wide. "Cool!"
He began to question me on all manner of Nascar related things and I was thanking any higher being out there that I had done some research on the subject.
When it was time to leave I wanted to cry. I knew it would be a challenge raising a boy who had been through so much already, but I wanted to be the one to protect him from anymore heartache. I never wanted to leave that little boy again and I had to promise him that I would see him again soon or else I may not have been able to let myself go.
Now, I can only hope that everything goes well with the adoption process. If it falls through I will be beyond devastated.
I don't know what it is with me lately and forming such strong attachments to people so quickly. I'm not even really trying to form bonds. But maybe that is the key. I'm not trying so hard to find "suitable" people to fill the void in my life. I'm not constantly judging people based on what mother would think when she inevitably finds out who I'm spending time with.
I know this is the part where you would half-heartdly try and defend her. You would tell me that she would never forbid me from spending time with someone. Which may be true. But you also know how passive aggressive she could be about her disapproval. And she had a way of making me simultaneously crave her approval and yearn to rebel. This usually led me to doing nothing at all. I wouldn't attend her fancy parties or go on set-ups but I also would stop myself from going after the things I truly wanted.
Truthfully I am so conflicted. A sick part of me is happy that she is not here to control my life, and now (hopefully) Henry's. Without her I feel this weight has been lifted off my shoulders. However I feel guilty and terrible because I truly never wished harm on her. She loved me and wanted what was best for me. And without her I wouldn't be the determined and hard-working person I am.