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Lothiriel stood upon the edge of the breaking wall, watching as Pippin and Gandalf rode away together on Shadowfax, headed towards the White City of Gondor to warn its Steward of the impending doom. Her blood boiled in her veins as she thought back on the last few hours. Gandalf and King Théoden, along with Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and even Pip and Merry had decided the course of action to take, forgetting conveniently that she should have a say as well.
Sometimes she hated being a woman.
"Lady Lothiriel?"
Lothiriel spun on her heel to watch as Eowyn came out of the shadows of the Great Hall, her golden hair catching the sun in the most beautiful way.
"Lady Eowyn." Lothiriel caught onto the formalities.
Eowyn gave her a thin lipped smile.
"Have you no empathy for the feelings of others?"
Lothiriel was stunned at the hostility in the princess's voice.
"My lady?"
"My brother is distraught, inconsolable, even though he does not cry."
Lothiriel nodded, understanding.
"Eowyn, your brother and I…I do care for him, please understand that."
"But you do not love him?"
Lothiriel turned back towards the great expanse of green hills before her, contemplating her answer.
"I do love him, but it is not my station to do so. Can you forget so easily, Lady Eowyn, what your brother is to now become? After Prince Theodred's passing he became the next in line to become king. I am nothing more than a general of an army of a dying queen. I am not worthy of your country's beloved son."
Eowyn scoffed at that, sounding scandalized.
"That is not for you to decide, should not my brother have a say in it? He loves you, my lady, I have seen it in his eyes, his smile, he sat beside your bed while you battled the fever, he neither ate nor slept, he thought he'd lose you. And now he has, and it breaks my heart to see him so, does that bother you to hear?" she questioned as Lothiriel blanched.
"Of course it does," the general spun on her heel, tears veiling her blue eyes, "I love your brother, and I do not wish him pain, but it cannot be. I cannot stay here. This is not my home, these are not my people, and I have an obligation to my queen, to my troops, to the memory of my family. I am a soldier, not a princess, not a steward or noble's daughter, my parents were farmers, soldiers, I am not worthy of your brother's love. Another time, another place, but not here, not now."
Eowyn straightened considerably, a fiery rage in her eyes.
"You would break his heart, for duty?"
"I would die for duty, my lady. I took an oath before my queen and God that I would serve my country and my Lady before all others. I will keep that oath as a truth in this world, as I will keep my love for your brother as a truth in my own heart."
With that said, Lothiriel started down the large stone steps that would lead her to the stables and her beloved steed, and a much needed ride to escape. She ignored Eowyn's stare piercing her shoulders.
"Good morning, lady." Nodded Resulde, the keeper of the horses.
"Good morning." Lothiriel nodded as she entered the stables and started to dress Breiseius in his saddle and bridle. Breiseius stood patiently as he was dressed and then waited as Lothiriel swung herself up onto his back, glad to be back in her tunic and leggings.
"Come along, dear heart; let us escape this place, at least for a little while." She dug her heels in and Breiseius took off, bursting through the doors of the stables like a streak from a comet, exploding into the light of day once more, running proudly. Lothiriel ignored the stares of the men, women and children of Rohan as she escaped their city and started out across the green hills that she admired. The wind whipped through her loose hair, the sun beat on her face and back, and Breiseius ran fluidly beneath her. All her worries, all her cares, her tears, her fears, her love and her hate were left behind as the freedom of her ride overtook her.
She halted Breiseius upon one of the far hills, and she looked out along the east, a dark shadow growing on the very edge of where her vision could reach. The sight struck fear into her heart, and she trembled upon her horse, praying with all her soul that the war they were about to fight would come out in their favor. She was glad that she would not be riding into war alone, but she felt more alone than she ever had. Her queen was dying, her troops scattered, order forgotten, and Eomer…his heart had closed off to her, and she knew that she must now close her heart off to him. If she was to concentrate in this war and be able to manage her newly acquired troops, then she must keep both her heart and head clear.
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"Lady Lothiriel?"
Lothiriel ignored the question of her name as she swept up the steps of the Great Hall, her heart pounding in perfect rhythm with her steps.
"I must speak with Théoden King."
The men guarding the door looked at her for a moment or two before stepping aside and opening the door for her. She stepped over the threshold and her heart skipped a beat as she saw Eomer's drawn face, he looked as sad as Eowyn had described him and it sent a shot of pain and regret into her heart, but she ignored it, there were more pressing matters.
"My lord, I must speak with you."
Théoden looked over his shoulder at her, but did not speak, instead he turned back towards the men he had been speaking with before and Lothiriel bristled at the ignorance.
"Whether or not you will look at me will not stay my tongue, my lord, I have something to say and you will listen to me, I may not be a queen, but I am to take charge in my own queen's absence, therefore you will listen to me as you have once listened to her."
Théoden spun to look at her as the room stilled. Lothiriel stood before him, her back straight, her eyes sparking, she would not back down now, she had a duty to fulfill.
"You would speak to the King in such a manner?" Hama questioned. Lothiriel ignored him, her eyes locked on Théoden's face, awaiting his response.
"What is it you wish to say, my lady?"
"The shadow of the east grows larger, Gondor will need our help."
Théoden didn't even blink; he seemed bored with the situation.
"Yes, milady, we know this."
The men seemed amused, and Lothiriel bristled once more, glad she did not carry her sword, because she was unsure as to what she would have done in that moment if she had a weapon.
'Well, then perhaps you will do something about it." It was a challenge and the air of the room thickened.
"A challenge, my lady?"
"Yes, you preach to be a great king of men, and if you were you would not falter now."
A gasp resounded through the room at the woman who had the audacity to speak to a King in such a manner.
"You have a very sharp tongue, Lady Lothiriel; it may get you into trouble some day."
She nodded, a small smile gracing her features.
"Perhaps it will, but I feel that it is not this day."
Théoden looked at her for a long, uncomfortable moment, then, he laughed.
A shout echoed outside the doors and then Aragorn burst through the wood, his eyes wild with excitement and passion.
"The beacons of Minis Tirith!" he shouted as he ran across the stone floor, the entire hall being blanketed in silence as he reached King Théoden, "The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid."
The air seemed thick and unnaturally still. Every breath of every person in the hall was held as Théoden King looked at Aragorn as though he'd spoken another language that was beyond his own Kingly comprehension.
Lothiriel smiled as her heart constricted painfully. She had challenged the good King of Rohan, but the question was, would he rise to her call? He glanced at her slightly, if only for a moment, his hazel-green eyes locking with her pure blue ones and she gave him an imperceptible nod. He winked at her before looking back at Aragorn.
"And Rohan will answer. Muster the Rohhirim!" he shouted into the silence of the hall and Lothiriel watched as Eomer nodded, turning back, setting a gentle hand on his sister Eowyn's shoulder. For her part, Eowyn looked properly terrified. She knew what all of this meant. Open war in which the men that she loved might never come back from.
Lothiriel felt her heart constrict once more as Eomer turned his back on her, never once looking over his shoulder; they were square, and his walk held purpose. Dear God she'd been a fool to let him go; she knew that, but her head reminded her that this was no time to be worried about matters of the heart. This was war.
"I offer my troops." She turned to the king, who merely smiled at her.
"I had expected as much, dear lady, but I must question as to whether it is your call?"
She looked at him quizzically and bristled a bit with indignation.
"It is my duty in my queen's absence, my lord."
He smiled softly at her, his eyes warm and sweet. Lothiriel had the mildly ridiculous thought that if she weren't merely a soldier and he weren't a king, that they would have been great friends.
"She woke this morning while you were away."
A floodgate of emotion welled into Lothiriel's chest until she was sure her heart would burst from the pure weight of it. She took a shocked breath and stepped back as if the news had knocked her over.
"She did? Why wasn't I told?" she demanded, a little outraged. Théoden King chuckled.
"Because, dear lady, you came in with a challenge, and gave me no room to impart such wonderful news."
A slight blush tinged her cheeks as she bowed before the king and took her leave, running down the halls until she reached the Healing Chambers. She burst through the doors, walking straight to her friend. Arianna was sitting up, leaning heavily against the post of her bed, sipping from a mug. Lothiriel noticed the bitter smell of the tea that she herself had been made to drink and violently pushed away the memories that it evoked.
"My lady," she barely whispered, stopping at the foot of the bed, a little fearful now. Arianna slowly lowered her mug and shook her hair back, looking up at Lothiriel with a fondness in her sunken eyes. Lothiriel gasped, too shocked for words, or to look away, which was what she truly wanted to do.
Arianna looked like death, her face pale, bruised even still, but shockingly beautiful. She looked like Lothiriel had imagined the soldiers in the Dead Marshes. She'd been told such stories about them when she was a child, and it was as if her imagination for those noble dead had been brought to life in Arianna's features. She was cold, and fantastically frightening to look upon.
"Ari?" Lothiriel croaked, her voice getting away from her. Arianna smiled and it brought some warmth back to her face.
"Lothiriel." She managed, sounding as regal as ever, if not tired.
"I thought I'd never see you again," Lothiriel murmured as she bent down to kneel at her lady's side and took her cold hand in her own. Arianna gripped her first general's hand as tightly as her weakened state would allow her and spoke again.
"I want you to lead the troops in my stead, Lothiriel, I have heard talk of the threat growing."
"Gondor has called for our aid my lady," was the reply and Arianna nodded.
"I had feared and anticipated that, but I'm afraid that I am far too weak to fight."
"We leave today, Ari."
"Then you must lead. Strong, swift, and terrible you must take over this shadow with all the goodness that we are."
Lothiriel could feel her throat tighten, knowing very well that this could be the last time she saw her best friend.
"Yes my Queen." She bowed her head in respect and Arianna mustered up the strength to kiss the crown of her hair softly.
"I will ride with you."
Lothiriel's head snapped up and she shook it vehemently.
"No, you are too weak to stand."
"Yes, but not to sit, I can ride with you, I should see my troops off to battle. I should fight with them, but I am too weak."
"My lady, please…"
"I will send you off, now go and ready my horse and your troops, dear Lothiriel and try not to be afraid."
Lothiriel blinked, once, twice, but did not dare refuse a direct order from her sovereign and nodded, standing, and heading out of the chamber, her mind spinning a thousand miles a second. In fact, she was so frazzled that she didn't notice the man coming down the hall and bumped right into him. Strong hands reached out, settling softly at her mid-back and held her upright until she regained her footing.
"Forgive me I…" she looked up and her voice was stolen. Eomer had captured her, and quite suddenly she was acutely aware of where his hands were and how they were so warm that it practically scorched her flesh through her black tunic. There was a soft sadness to his eyes as he released her and although his hands had taken back up their residence at his sides, Lothiriel's flesh still burned as though he'd never moved them.
"Careful, dear lady, you mustn't injure yourself."
She nodded, wanting so badly to smile at him, but knowing that it wasn't right to do so.
"Of course, thank you, my lord, and do please forgive me, Ari has just woken and I am a bit…preoccupied."
He nodded, his face brightening for a moment that Arianna was all right.
"I am happy that your queen is in better health." He told her, sounding impossibly polite and Lothiriel suddenly wished that he would yell at her, scream, do something other than be so wonderfully polite and sweet to her.
"Thank you, I am wonderfully relieved and I'm sure the rest of the troops will be as well."
He smiled slightly; looking very much like he wanted to ask her something and he hesitated before opening his mouth.
"How are you?" he asked her, his voice trembling slightly.
"I am very well, my lord," she replied, a little curious as to the question. Hadn't she told him that it wasn't their business to wonder if the other was all right? Or perhaps he was really just concerned as a friend, a fellow soldier, or whatever else he might be to her in this most strange of situations. Perhaps she was overreacting.
He visibly flinched at her formal address but otherwise ignored it. Lothiriel felt horrible now, her stomach wrenching. She had spoken to him formally just a few moments ago but did not realize how that made him feel. How seeing her must make him feel; although now that she thought about it she was pretty certain that she could guess at least somewhere close to how he was feeling. Because she knew that all she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around him and inhale the scent of his leather armor, his chainmail, the manly, earthly aroma that was all him. She wanted to kiss him; she wanted to tell him that she loved him. It broke her heart to see him and to know that she could never do those things.
"Why did you not come to speak to me in the Hall?" he asked, and Lothiriel winced, now knowing that he had seen her. She had been engaged talking to his uncle, but, she supposed she could have at least sent him a greeting. It was odd, though, that he would bring that up now. It seemed so odd, and yet, just maybe, he was unsure as to her feelings towards him.
"I did not wish to disturb you, as you seemed engaged, my lord." It was a lie, and they both knew it, but they also both ignored it.
"What have you been doing, as of late?" he asked, looking almost nervous, but not quite, as though he were at war with the emotion. It seemed an odd question to her but she answered it anyway.
"Nothing particular, my lord, taking care of my queen."
He nodded.
"And looking just as sick yourself, what is the matter?"
She looked a bit surprised at his summation of how she looked but shook it off, knowing that it was no longer her place to tell him how she truly felt about things.
"Nothing at all, my lord, I am quite content." It was a lie.
"Are you certain you did not obtain any sickness from our Healing Chambers?"
"Yes, I feel just fine."
He nodded.
"If you are certain."
"Yes, I suppose I am just a bit tired, my lord."
He looked at her for a moment and the slightest bit of hope and worry entered his eyes, rendering Lothiriel a helpless participant in the conversation that she had just intended to end.
"And a little sad," he said. "What about? I beg you to tell me, my lady."
"Nothing, I am fine, my lord."
"Of course, if you say it is so then it must be," he looked unsure even as he said it, "I suppose I will leave you now to ready my troops."
She nodded, "Of course."
He passed her in the hall and then turned back.
"Lothiriel, I know that you wished this subject closed, but I fear that I cannot let it rest yet."
She turned to look at him and upon looking into his eyes wished reverently that she would be struck blind.
"Oh?" was all she could manage in a response and he nodded, stepping close again.
"I love you, Lothiriel, and I do not wish to pretend that I don't."
She fought the urge to break down into tears and shook her head.
"No my lord, you must forget. You simply must."
"What are you talking about? Why?" he questioned her, and she sighed deeply, knowing that what she had to say would pain her heart greatly.
"You will live on in Rohan, become King someday, and when you do you will find a wife, of this I am certain and you will you marry the woman of your choice, the people will love her, and you will rule as a wonderful King for decades to come. I will go back to the Barazinbar, continue to fight in the Lady Riders, continue to aid my queen, I will never marry, my lord, and as you laugh in these great halls with your family, I will be alone in the Barazinbar. You will forget me, long before I forget you."
He stared at her for a long, heated moment, and she stared equally back, certain that what she was saying was the truth of their unstoppable futures.
"I will never forget you, Lothiriel." He gripped her hands in his own and Lothiriel felt the smallest of whimpers rise in her throat at the contact.
"You mustn't say such things, my lord."
He pulled her closer, their arms the only thing separating them from full body contact. He bent down and brushed the softest of kisses to her lips. She didn't move forward but she also didn't move back. He took that as a slight encouragement and swept another kiss to her jaw, then to the curve of the neck.
"Lothiriel…" he trailed off, unsure as to what he had been attempting to say and Lothiriel almost collapsed on the spot. Everything about his touch felt absolutely wonderful.
Her logic took back over and she pushed against his chest, hard. He took several steps back and dropped her hands.
"No, no my lord. I have nothing to offer you, and I would only cause you pain. I will ride into battle with you in these terrifying times, but when they are over I will flee."
He looked wounded and took a step closer to her, looking very much like he wanted to reach out to her. He didn't.
"My lady…"
"I have nothing, Eomer; don't waste your time on me, for I shan't be wasting mine on you."
It was unnecessarily cruel, but she needed him to understand that they could not be, that they would never last like she knew they both wanted them to. Why? Because he was the Crown Prince now and she…she was a soldier. She needed him to forget his feelings before either of them were hurt anymore deeply.
He looked very much as though he were torn between crumpling into tears and extreme violence.
"Of course, dear lady, as you wish." He turned sharply on his heel and left her alone in the hall, her heart shattering as her guilt washed over her in waves.
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Lothiriel sat atop Breiseius and swallowed the lump in her throat, she had managed to go through the motions of getting ready and rounding her troops before going back to her queen. Eothain had even been so wonderful as to lift Ari out of bed and secretly bring her to the stables and placed her upon her horse so that no one was any the wiser to how weak she really was. Lothiriel would ride by her side the entire way to make sure that she did not fall.
"Lothiriel?" Arianna questioned as she sat beside her brooding friend.
"Yes, my lady?" Lothiriel replied, looking over at the redheaded beauty.
"You seem troubled."
Lothiriel shrugged.
"I am merely thinking strategy, dear Queen."
It was a lie and Arianna knew that, Lothiriel's eyes sparkled when she thought strategy; she loved the planning stages of war. But it was let go for now as Eomer's strong voice boomed across the hillsides.
"Riders of Rohan, oaths you have taken! Now, fulfill them all, to Lord and land!"
The entire company charged forward, the Lady Riders situated directly in the middle. Arianna watched Lothiriel's reaction to Eomer's voice and decided that when they reached camp, or the next time that they stopped, she was going to speak to her friend and general about what had been going on while she was sleeping.
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Phew! Another chapter up and a nice and long one. I know it's a bit angsty, but it was due, some things can't be resolved so quickly. He loves her, she loves him, and he's trying to get her to admit to it and to be with him. She's resisting. Ugh, sometimes your characters put you in places you didn't expect.
Please read and review, let me know how I'm doing.
*******SPOILER ALERT SENSITIVE INFO ABOUT THE ENDING************
Also, question, do we want some chapters at the end of Lothiriel and Eomer's life together as King and Queen? Or no?
~Andrew's Slinky
Also I know the spoiler is probably weird since this is under the Lothiriel/Eomer pairing in romance and you kinda expect that they'll end up together, but hey, you never know. So I just thought I'd give the heads up to people.