A/N: with thanks to Dee and JannyB for their feedback and suggestions.

oOoOoOo

The Usual Mayhem

Chapter 10: Floral tribute

Morelli's eyes scanned the table and his shoulders relaxed when he saw there would be only the five of us for dinner. My sister Val, Albert and their three girls were skipping Friday dinners lately because Val was on a diet and she couldn't resist gravy and dessert. I felt a guilty sense of relief that the Klougns wouldn't be joining the three-ringed circus for our big announcement. My gut had felt on the verge of queasy all day at the thought of what was coming.

Morelli had his charm gauge on high. "Dinner smells good, Helen. Do you need a hand to bring things out?"

He pulled out my chair for me and seated himself, knowing before he'd even asked that my mother would rather plunge a knife in her chest than admit she needed a hand in her kitchen. I prodded him in the ribs and he flashed me a grin.

"No, no, I'm coming out now," my mother called. "Joseph, you can pour the wine and I'll bring out the gravy."

Mom came through the swing door, gravy jug in one hand and a basket of warm dinner rolls in the other. She cast a critical eye over the table. "Okay, we have everything. Where's your grandmother? Mother! Dinner's on the table."

"Keep your shirt on! I was waiting until everyone was sitting down so I could make my entrance." Grandma stuck her head around the corner to check she had our full attention.

"Are you ready?"

Mom sighed and slipped on her long-suffering martyr face. Morelli's mouth twitched in anticipation and he flicked his eyes to me before turning to the door.

Grandma strutted in and we shifted from apprehension, through shock, and deep into utter stupefaction.

A black leather bustier hung askew on her chicken carcass ribcage and red fishnets were pulled up above the band of the barely there low-rider shorts to where her waist used to be. Mom let out a hysterical squawk somewhere between a sob and a giggle then slapped both hands over her mouth. Morelli and I gaped, our mouths working in unison like guppies.

Morelli couldn't look away, mesmerized by the blinding expanse of white, old lady blubber wobbling like blancmange through the red weave of the tights. My mother grasped hold of her knife and fork, possibly to stab out both her eyes. Dad, of course, stoically maintained his gravitas, pouring gravy over his roast chicken and vegetables, head down and lips pressed tight. Years of experience had taught him it was better not to watch Grandma's entrance.

"What do you think? Does it work?" She attempted a little pirouette so we could see the back of the ensemble and nearly toppled over on thigh-high spike-heeled boots. Morelli clapped his hands over his eyes but it was too late; the image of Grandma's ass cheeks sagging below the short shorts was indelibly burned onto his eyeballs.

"I bought it as part of my costume for the calendar but I've changed my mind. It's a little tame for what we've got in mind."

Dad paused with his fork halfway to his mouth and threw a fleeting glance at Grandma. I saw his lips move and thought I caught a mutter of "old fruitcake", before he continued chewing.

My mother shook her fork at me. "You promised me. That's why I sent you shopping with her. Where did you take her? This isn't from Macy's."

"I took her to Macy's first but the floor staff wouldn't serve us. I think Grandma's been blackballed from Macy's."

Morelli leaned toward my ear. "What the fuck does she have in mind for that outfit? No, on second thoughts, don't tell me."

"Just deal. You know you'll hear about it."

Grandma sat, adjusted herself to refill the bustier where her boobs had dribbled under the band and served herself potatoes and green beans. "Helen, you have such a stick up your –"

My mom interrupted with a shriek. "Can you watch your mouth at the table? We're having a nice family dinner here!" She had tossed back her wine and was refilling her glass.

"Okay, okay. Sorry. Can you pass the chicken?" Morelli passed the chicken. "I've got great news! I called Paco Lopez and he's going to do it! He wasn't going to at first, he said he was fully booked with some designer collection, but I turned on the charm and got him talking and when he realized I'm your grandmother he agreed right away."

"Who's Paco Lopez?" Morelli asked, keeping his eyes averted from Grandma. He tore off some of his bread roll to mop gravy from his plate.

"He was the client on the beach job last weekend. His ex-wife kidnapped their son and we got him back. He's a very successful photographer."

"Yeah, and he says he's never done a theme calendar before. It's going to be great! I've been practicing in front of the mirror, trying some of the poses those supermodels use. Why didn't you tell me you two are good friends? It would have saved me a lot of time."

"We're not such good friends. I mean, he's a nice guy but I only met him last Saturday."

"Well, he's coming down to Trenton to meet the girls. We're going to get dressed in our costumes so he'll get the full impact." Grandma reached across the table for the gravy.

Morelli draped his arm over the back of my chair and leaned close. "If your grandma leans over the table any more, the full impact of her spillover will cause me to run screaming from the house. Just so you know."

"Does this Paco Lopez know what kind of calendar you've got in mind?" Mom asked.

Grandma looked shifty-eyed. "Not exactly. I told him it was to raise funds for a big project to make life better for seniors. I thought we'd explain it to him when he comes for the meeting. It's hard to explain about a nudie calendar on the phone without sounding cheap." Right.

"Not to mention the swingers' club at the beach they're planning to spend the money on." I muttered in Morelli's ear.

Morelli snorted and red wine spurted onto the tablecloth. My mother jumped up to get some baking soda from the kitchen to soak it up and came back with a glass of scotch.

Grandma leaned across the table to stage whisper to Morelli. "Thanks for the distraction, hotstuff. Helen's been giving me an earful all day."

We had started on the chocolate cream pie when Morelli cleared his throat and threw me a meaningful look. My stomach rolled over.

"Stephanie and I have an announcement we'd like to share with you."

Jaws stopped moving and three sets of eyes swivelled to his face. I fought the urge to dive across to cover his mouth with my hand so he couldn't say anything. Instead, I clasped my hands tightly and focussed on breathing away the spots in front of my eyes. I felt like throwing up but that was unthinkable at my mother's dinner table.

"Steph has decided to give up her apartment and move in with me."

The only response was a resigned sigh from my mother. Dad dropped his eyes back on his plate and poured fudge sauce over his slice of pie. I guess they were so used to me moving in and out of Morelli's house every few months it seemed normal. My heart was pounding so hard at the thought of what was coming next I could hear the thump of my pulse in my ears.

"And we've decided we're going to get married. We want to have the wedding next spring."

There were ten seconds of complete silence before my mother shrieked and threw herself across the table onto Morelli's neck like he was the messiah reborn, weeping with joy. My dad looked up and shifted his gaze to me, his eyes narrowing to study my face. I wondered what he was seeing and scrambled to look calm.

"Thank God! Joseph Anthony Morelli, God bless you! I'd just about given up hope!" My mother had Morelli in a death grip around his neck and his face showed early signs of asphixiation. He patted her back awkwardly with one hand and worked to loosen her elbow lock with the other.

"I always knew you were the right man for my Stephanie. Even when you were a little boy – oh, you might have been a little wild but I knew your heart was in the right place." Huh. She must have forgotten the time she'd chased him off the porch with a broom. Morelli cut his eyes to me and flashed his wolf grin.

"So, where's the ring?" Grandma wanted to know. "You better have got my granddaughter a really big rock. It's like a wedding insurance policy, you know, because she gets to keep it even if you call it off."

Mom had unravelled her arms from Morelli's neck, came over to kiss me liberally then sat in her place, mopping her eyes.

"I'm not calling it off, Mrs Mazur. It's taken me years to get her to say yes and I'm keeping her. And yes, I did get her a diamond."

He dug into his pocket and removed a small, blue velvet jewellery box. He flipped it open to reveal a gold engagement ring with a solitaire diamond in a high, elaborate setting. We all stared at the ring.

My mother started sobbing again, holding a tea towel to her mouth. Morelli took it out of the box and reached across to take my left hand, which was still white-knuckled from tension. He slipped the ring onto my ring finger and kissed my hand. We all stared at my finger.

I hadn't worn any jewellery on my hands since I divorced Dickie and the ring felt awkward. I twiddled my fingers, trying to get the feel of it.

"When did you get this?" I asked. "We only decided this morning."

"I've had my eye on it for a while. I went in and picked it up at lunch."

"How about we open another bottle of wine to celebrate?" Mom turned to my dad. "Frank, do we have any champagne? We had some left from Valerie's wedding."

Dad sent a sour, knowing look towards Grandma. "I had two bottles left in the basement but they disappeared."

Morelli shook his head. "I won't be drinking any more anyway. I have to work tonight. My partner will be picking me up pretty soon."

In addition to his regular departmental work, Morelli had been invited onto a long-term joint taskforce on a hush-hush project. He hadn't been able to tell me much about it beyond the barest facts that it involved the Mob and the Sicilian Mafia and he'd sworn me to secrecy. For the last six months or so he'd been partnered with Gina Parrino, one of two detectives seconded from the Sicilian police for the duration of the taskforce investigation.

The wedding talk between my mom and grandma was in full swing so I didn't need to participate. Morelli and I shared conspiratorial glances as we listened to their plans for a seven-tier wedding cake and the argument about whether the bridesmaids' dresses should be pale blue chiffon to show up my eyes or hot pink leather. It would come to nothing in less than five weeks at our housewarming surprise. I felt a little guilty, but only the tiniest little bit.

Morelli draped his arm over my shoulder, leaning across to speak into my ear. "See what you're missing? Hot pink leather bridesmaids and you could wear a form-fitting white leather." I rolled my eyes at him and he kissed my cheek, grinning.

Around eight there was a knock at the door and Morelli got up. "I'll get it. It's probably Gina."

I heard murmuring in the hall and a woman's low laughter and then they appeared at the dining room door. My family all knew about Morelli's temporary partner but this was the first time they'd met her.

Gina's eyes quickly scanned the table to find me and she threw me a movie star smile. "Congratulations, Stephanie! He give you the ring, si? He worry you won't like." She shoved Morelli's shoulder. "I tell him he is crazy. Ring is very nice but more important that he put on your finger, no?"

"Holy Toledo! Steph was right. You look just like Gina Lollobrigida." Grandma left her chair to check out our guest up close. "Except you've got green eyes. And you've got that same sexy Italian accent she had, too. I bet it pulls in the men. You think I could learn to speak with an accent like that?"

Gina blinked at Grandma, totally discombobulated by the shrunken senior citizen with scarlet sausage curls in a leather pole-dancer outfit. Grandma can do that to most people. Morelli stepped in, working hard to smother a smile.

"Mr and Mrs Plum – Frank, Helen – and Edna Mazur, Stephanie's parents and her grandmother. This is my partner, Gina Parrino. Gina's on an exchange from Sicily to build trans-national cooperation." The department had worked out an acceptable explanation for her presence in Trenton.

Gina recovered her senses and moved smoothly to my mother, holding out both hands. Mom held hers out by reflex and Gina clasped them to pull her in close to kiss her Roman-style on both cheeks. She congratulated Mom on the engagement and moved on to repeat the performance with my grandma and dad. My mom and dad looked dazed in her wake, and dad's cheeks were a little pink.

Mom remembered her 'burg manners. "Please sit! We were just having dessert. Would you like some fudge sauce with the pie? How do you have your coffee?"

Gina's whole body expressed regret. "Oh! I would like very much but is not possible. We are late for a meeting. Is very rude, no? I would like very much to come another time?"

Everyone went through the kissy-kissy routine in reverse, Dad actually stepping forward for his share, and we headed for the door. I grabbed my bag to escape at the same time as Morelli and Gina. For the first time in living memory I didn't have the stomach for dessert and I didn't want to risk being questioned about wedding plans without Morelli there as a buffer.

Out on the footpath, Gina kissed me on both cheeks and stepped back to warmly congratulate me again. "Joe is very lucky man, Stephanie. He is very happy. You are both very happy, si? I wish you have long, good life together and many bambini."

I unravelled myself from her well-meaning embrace and nodded. Gina seemed awfully well-informed about Morelli's state of happiness, and she'd known about the ring before I did. I'd collar him about that later.

Morelli wrapped me in his arms to kiss me and I leaned into him, my arms loose around his waist. "You going back to the house?" he asked. "I don't think the team meeting will take long."

"No, I think I'll go back to my apartment. I'm beat."

He kissed the top of my head and drove off in the rust-bucket, police issue car Gina had arrived in. I said my own good nights, impatient to get away. Dad walked me to Morelli's SUV and helped me in, then stood in front of the open car door, studying me again just as he had at the dinner table.

"What is it, Dad?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to ask...Well...you're sure about this, pumpkin? You love him, right? I mean, I think he's okay but I'm not the one marrying him. You and Morelli did this engagement thing once before. You're not doing this because your mother wore you down, are you? You're happy?"

My father keeps his head down and his mouth shut so I tend to forget that he sees much more than he lets on. I didn't expect this level of astuteness and I bit my lip.

"I love him, Dad. It's not because Mom wore me down." It's because superheroes have deep, dark secrets and they don't do commitment. I tamped down that thought before it got a grip. I'd finally made a responsible decision and I was going to see it through.

"Okay, pumpkin. Just make sure you make decisions based on what you want." He leaned in to kiss my cheek then shuffled back to shut the door. My throat was tight and I took a moment to swallow past it before starting the car.

I parked Morelli's SUV next to my Mustang and took the stairs up – I'd had a week of junk food overload and my jeans were straining at the seams. I stepped into my apartment and the quiet solitude felt so good after the rapturous chaos of my parents' house. I felt a stab of regret at the thought of giving it up. At giving it all up; my privacy, my independence, my daydreams. Ranger. Back up, Stephanie.

I looked down at the diamond ring on my finger, wondering how the hell it had got there. It weighed down my hand like lead.

I walked into the kitchen to get some water and check on Rex. "So, what do you think, Rex? I'm getting married. You're gonna have a daddy." Rex was too busy running his New York marathon to answer. Life was so simple for a hamster.

My answering machine was blinking and I leaned over it to see the number six flashing at me. All the messages were from my mother's friends, congratulating me on my engagement. I sighed and pulled the phone plug out of the wall. I'd left my parents' house only fifteen minutes ago and the 'burg grapevine was already on it.

I headed to the bathroom to wash off the day and stared into the mirror. I looked normal but I felt like I'd been turned inside out. This getting married business was stressful, even more stressful than with Dickie, maybe because I was less ignorant this time around.

I stripped off and slipped the ring from my finger, leaving it next to the sink before getting in the shower. Tomorrow I'd have to field calls from everyone I knew. I stood under the shower, washing away the weight of the day. I dried off, wrapped the towel around me and walked into my bedroom, flipping the light on. I stopped in my tracks.

On my pillow lay one perfect, long-stemmed, deep red rose.