Disclaimer: I own NONE OF THIS! DON'T SUE ME! There's lots of other things in this chapter besides Sirius that I don't own.

Hey everyone! So sad, the story's almost over! I may do an epilogue (or two, the wedding and a reunion). Oh, and I started another humor fic the other day, and you should check it out! Yeah, that's right, shameless self-promotion!

Again, this story may have errors in it, because I can't see them too well in my own writing, but point them out if you do see any!

Chapter Nine— Sweater Vests and Other Turn-Ons

It was getting harder and harder for Sirius to eliminate people every week. Now that there were so few episodes left of the show, he was getting closer and closer to finding a wife. He was having fun on the dates, though. The private dates were getting more and more fun for him. This week, however—

"How many other T.V. shows are we going to rip off?"

"Would you chill, Honey?" FH asked him. Sirius jumped back a bit. "It's getting kind of boring and repetitive…many of our key demographics don't want to watch you snog the same five girls for hours!"

"Well, screw the key demowhatever!" Sirius said.

Behind him, Steve the director/'ho magnet cleared his throat uncomfortably and leaned forward into Sirius' ear. "Our key demographic is boys between the ages of 18 and 21..."

Sirius really had no clue what a key demothingy was, but seeing as to how FH was a fruit and Steve was a pervert, he made a face for the camera.

"Wait…honey, how do you know what "The Dating Game" is?" FH asked him.

Sirius shrugged. "I studied Muggle pop culture before I came on the show," he said.

"Okay, then…this week, it's a kind of variation. You know how it goes…five bachelorettes, three questions, you pick the one who answers best and go on a date with them afterwards."

"Okay, let's get to it!" FH clapped his hands brightly. Sirius resisted the urge to laugh. Badly.

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The set for this week was assembled in about five minutes, using magic, of course. It consisted of a bunch of bright flashing lights that had to be turned down because three of the set assistants had a seizure. Oopsie daisy.

Anyway, on one side of the room was one chair, separated by a seizure-inducing wall from five other chairs. The rest of the room was a sickening pink color, and Sirius watched as FH cringed at the décor, which he described as post-chic.

Right. Who was wearing leather pants made for a woman half his size?

I thought so.

Sirius sat in his chair, waiting for the girls to come in. He grinned at all of them when they did, laughing at Liza. She had clearly snuck a peek at the room beforehand, because she had dyed her sheets to match, and was wearing them, toga-style.

The five of them disappeared from view on the other side of the wall.

A stack of five questions sat in front of Sirius. He knew that the girls' voices would be disguised, so he had no idea about who was who.

He picked up the first card, reading it aloud. "You are stranded on a desert island, and you can somehow magically get three items to help you get back to civilization. What are they?" Sirius read.

"Bachelorette #1?" FH asked.

"Well, I guess I'd want a broomstick, so I could fly home. And I'd want a raft, in case I crashed…I never was good at flying. And another broom, possibly, because knowing me, a shark would eat the first one, or something," said the first girl, in Lily's voice.

Bachelorette #2 spoke up. "Well…I'd wish for a sweater-vest, first of all…everyone digs sweater-vests…and then I'd wish for Ringo Starr."

FH stared blankly at whoever, who also had Lily's voice. "Your third thing?" he said, like he was afraid to ask.

"I'd want a sweater-vest for Ringo."

"Okay, then…you?" he pointed to the third girl, Sirius guessed.

"Well, I mean, I could apparate home, right?" FH nodded. "Well, then I'd throw a bitchin' island party. My three things would be Sirius, some food, and one of those dudes who eats fire," the third girl said. Sirius laughed. "Then I'd apparate home in the morning."

"I'd want…a helicopter, Sirius, and cruise tickets," the fourth Bachelorette said. "So we could go on a vacation afterwards."

"I'd really not give a rat's ass about getting off he island…I'd want…Sirius, some seeds to grow food with, and a house. That way, we could live on the island together. Might be fun." Sirius could tell by her tone of voice that she was winking…it was weird, because that voice was Lily's.

"Okay. Next question: How would you spend $100 on me?"

"I'd buy you some decent literature."

"I'd buy you a sweater-vest!"

"I guess I'd go with…some of that stuff Dumbledore uses to grow his beard…yeah…the we could turn you into Cousin It and scare away those crazy bitches that congregate on the lawn naked to try and win you over."

"I'd take you out for a romantic dinner."

"I'd get you a sweater-vest," #5 said, sarcastically.

"Okay…last question. What is your life's motto?"

Bachelorette #1 said, "One fire burns out another's burning,
one pain is lessen'd by another's anguish."

"Never Trick-or-Treat on a highway dressed as a deer."

"Wow...how do I top that?" #3 said. "Well, I guess mine would be this, old, old, OLD Chinese proverb: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time!" Sirius burst out laughing.

"Mine is: Soul meets soul on lover's lips."

"I think the best one is…after the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

"Okay, ladies, thank you, now…Sirius…which one would you like to pick?"

He thought about it. He had no idea who was who, but number three had made him laugh…a lot. And that was important to him.

"Bachelorette #3."

Liza stepped around the corner, smiling at him, though she got her toga caught on a chair and it sort of…fell down.

One of Lily's other voices laughed, but Liza just stood there, caught between laughter and tears. Finally, she just smiled and laughed along with everyone. "Don't act like you're not impressed, she said, picking up her toga again. Sirius smiled encouragingly at her.

She kissed him. Behind her, Lily's voice grumbled angrily four times. "Let me just get changed, Okay?"

She caught Sirius' eye, and must have know the million "Getting you into the bed sheets" jokes that were flashing through his brain, so she ran for the door.

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Sirius' date with Liza was amazing, though he couldn't help but think about who he was going to eliminate this week. He just had no idea.

"Kristin."

Sirius looked into Liza's golden-green eyes. Prongs was wrong, really. Her hair was brown, not red. It fell to halfway down her back in floppy layers, a look that, strangely enough, worked on her. "What?"

"Who you should eliminate, honey."

"OH, Merlin, don't call me that!"

"Shit, he says it to you, too? At least I don't have to worry about Anastasia…my friend, who thinks he's hot…" she said. Sirius laughed.

"Let's try not to think about it, okay, Ly?" he said.

"Well, I could take your mind off everything, if you want," she said. He looked at her, where she was nonchalantly picking at her fingernails. Without warning, she grabbed him by his tie, pulling him towards him and kissing him. A second later, she broke away, and ran form him. "You'll have to catch me first, though!" she squealed.

He chased after her. This was one of the great things about Liza. No matter that they were in a restaurant, if Liza wants to play hide and seek, they play hide and seek. She was just so much fun to be around.

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"Liza."

He held out the first rose to her. She took it, and gave him a kiss on the cheek along with it. Sirius picked up the next rose.

"Jade."

She took the rose, tucking it behind her ear so that a few of her black curls fell over the stem. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, as well.

"Michelle," he said, handing her the next rose. She grinned at him, taking the rose, and planting her kiss right on his lips.

He picked up the last rose, twirling it between his fingers.

"Daphne."

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A/N- See? Told you, number of votes!

Just a few things:

Just so you know, Liza's leading in votes, and that's why she wins this one. I'm also having a lot of fun with her character )

It's a very close contest though! Jade's in second, down by, like, only three or four votes!

But, as for which one is out next time, it's anyone's game.

SO VOTE!

For voting purposes, and because you probably know anyway…

Bachelorette #1—Daphne

Bachelorette #2—Kristin

Bachelorette #3—Liza

Bachelorette #4—Jade

Bachelorette #5—Michelle

Anyway, vote to save your favorite! I can't stress it enough. Your votes count AGAIN every chapter, too!