Disclaimer: I do not own "How to Train Your Dragon"

Thanks to Shadowed Theatre for the suggestion!

Also, thanks to Irako of the Desert for the reviews!

Stoick was going to have a good talk with his son today. He had a basket of fish, bread, stew, meat pies and a 10 gallon barrel of mead. All the ingredients for a good father to son talk, or a drunken brawl.

He climbed the hill to his home with his supplies on his massive back. Stoick squeezed in and deposited the barrel of mead on a small shelf next to the table. Hiccup was still at work in the forge. He went to work setting the table and warming up the stew and fish.

Hiccup wiped his sweat drenched brow. He just need to finish this sword and he could go home. Toothless waited anxiously at the door for his to complete his job.

Hiccup pounded the last few dents out of the hot blade and dipped it in cool water. He quickly sharpened it and sighed. "I'm done boy." He walked over to Toothless and patter him on the head.

Together, they left the forge and began their trek towards home. They reached the doorstep just before the sun disappeared over the horizon.

Inside, Stoick was staring at the warm stew, wondering if it was warm enough. He heard the door open and and smiled. "Hiccup?"

"Yeah dad. I'm home" Hiccup walked into the kitchen/dining room. "What's all of this?" He gestured to the food.

"Yes, well, we need to talk Hiccup." Stoick put his hand on his son's shoulder. Toothless just stared hungrily at the fish.

"About?"

"Many things." Stoick smiled at his son. He ushered Hiccup into his chair and sat at his own chair across the table. As Hiccup and Stoick got deep into conversation, Toothless was inhaling fish.

Toothless had his head in the basket, chomping up everything in it. Once the basket was empty and his belly mostly full, he looked around for a drink. He inhaled deeply, catching the scent of something. It was a sweet smell, something unusual for a house whose occupants are all male. His put his snout to the floorboards, following the scent. Stoick and Hiccup didn't notice what toothless was doing due to there deep conversation. Toothless followed it the barrel of mead.

What was this? Why was it giving off a sweet smell? He checked it out up and down. It looked like any other barrel that would hold water or some other liquid. Something caught his at the bottom of the barrel. It was a faucet and it seemed to be dripping something. Toothless stuck his tongue out under the drops and tasted a few. They were good!

Toothless proceeded to latch his entire mouth around the faucet and began sucking. The roof of his mouth bumped into the valve of the faucet, releasing the mead into his throat. A warm feeling spread through his entire body. Instead of doing what normal beings would do and unlatch their mouths and back off, Toothless did the opposite. He kept his mouth latched on and swallowed. (that's what she said).

Toothless felt so warm and happy after drinking his fill. He did feel a bit dizzy, but he didn't care.

Stoick and Hiccup finally noticed Toothless's antics after he stumbled around on the floor, unable to walk straight.

"Son, what's wrong with your dragon?" Father and son watched as Toothless began chasing his tail.

"I don't know." Hiccup stood and walked over to Toothless. The obsidian dragon stopped and looked up at his rider with wide, glazed eyes. "Toothless?" Toothless gurbled and proceeded to vomit on Hiccup. "Aww gross!" Hiccup backed up.

"I can smell it from over here," Stoick stood to assist his son in wiping off the vomit. "That's dragon has had a bit to drink."

"Umm dad?"

"Yes Hiccup?"

"Toothless is gone."

"What?" Stoick looked at where he saw Toothless last. It was true, the black dragon was gone. Then they both heard the creak of the front door.

"SHIT!" They yelled simultaneously. The duo ran for the front door. Toothless was already almost at the village. For a drunk dragon, he ran pretty quickly.

Right after he left the house Toothless found some strange looking leaves and ate them, all of them. Now not only was he drunk, he was as high as a kite

Toothless was having the trippy-est night of his life. There were colors everywhere! He had to run from the evil warlock Archie and his henchman Kitty who wanted his dragon balls, and he wasn't talking about the balls you make a wish upon.

He sprinted as fast as he could towards the magical safe haven of Berk. He entered the gates and sighed in relief as he fell upon the pink marshmallow brick road.

Then Toothless heard a giggle. He looked up to the most amazing sight his eyes have ever seen. It was a golden dragon. It had long earfins and the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. It gave a giggle once it saw him. It was female! Toothless reared his hindquarters in the air and pounced at the dragon.

Tuffnut was alone tonight. He managed to get out of his house without his sister for once. He wanted to just have a walk around Berk by himself, to enjoy the night. He was walking down the deserted main street, whistling and playing with his long golden braids. Suddenly, he heard a thump behind him.

"Toothless?" He looked a the black lump. Toothless stirred and looked up at Tuffnut with a lopsided smile. The sight was so hilarious he giggled a little. Before he knew it, Toothless was pouncing at him, a hungry look in his eyes.

Toothless pounced on the golden dragon. He began licking and slobbering all over the dragon, drenching it.

"Yes Toothless! I love you!" The golden dragon howled.

Tuffnut put his hand on Toothless, trying to push the dragon off.

"Damn it Toothless! Get offa me!" Tuffnut tried punching Toothless, but to no avail. "Help! Help!" Tuffnut called for help.

Toothless was having the time off his life.

"Yes Toothless! I want you to mate me now!" Toothless got excited. Just when he was about to do the deed, he felt arms wrap around him and pull him away from the gold dragon. Archie and Kitty had captured him!

Stoick and Hiccup found Toothless after hearing Tuffnut's shouts. They quickly grabbed Toothless. After a quick apology to Tuffnut, The chief and his son ran home with the dragon in their arms.

That night, Tuffnut cried himself to sleep. Why? He was almost a victim of dragon rape.

If you guys haven't figured it out already, Toothless ate Marijuana. Yup. Do you think the semi-rape needs to bump the rating of this story up to M?

Thanks for the suggestions and I would love for more to come in. Thanks and remember to review!