Shizuma lay on her bed, crying her eyes out. All her hopes and fantasies of a life with Miyuki had been crushed instantly with that phone call. Miyuki was right, Asuna would never let her leave. He was desperate for children. Maybe he would let his wife go after the child was born, but she could only leave alone, without her child. Miyuki had confessed to Shizuma that she was looking forward to having children, that they were the only advantage of being with a man. It would break her heart twice over to leave her child behind. She'd simply never do it.
'God, why was I so stupid?' Shizuma thought to herself. Why hadn't she seen back at school that Miyuki was the right girl for her, her soul mate, her…love. Well, if she was honest with herself, she knew the answer.
During their first years at , Miyuki had been unbelievable shy and timid, and had needed Shizuma to take care of her. She had been cute and sweet, but not terribly attractive.
By the time Miyuki had caught herself and had become the assured, poised young woman who went on to become student council president, Shizuma had made a name for herself as the 'player of Astrea'. Miyuki had strongly disapproved.
Then, Kaori had come into their lives. Maybe that would have been a chance for Miyuki's happiness, but Kaori had fallen for Shizuma from the start. And both older girls had fallen for Kaori.
Miyuki had helped them become Etoile, had stood by her friends and supported their happiness, pushing her own feeling aside.
And after Kaori's death…Shizuma had simply been a shell, functioning, without emotions, not perceiving anything in the world. The first few months, she had been a complete zombie. She had eaten when she'd been told to, had slept when she'd been put to bed, had sat in the classes, had taken care of her Etoile duties like a robot. Without Miyuki, she would never have made it. It was hard to imagine what her friend had felt through all of it. Well, maybe Shizuma's suffering now came close.
Miyuki was also the reason Shizuma had come out of her funk. One night, the Etoile had woken to find the other bed in their shared room empty. She had gotten up and walked over to the open bathroom door, where she heard Miyuki crying.
"God or whoever, please, please, please help me! I can't take it anymore! I love Shizuma with all my heart! I can't stand her suffering anymore, it's tearing me apart." Her sobbing continued.
"I…I loved Kaori, too. And I miss her so very much. I can understand how Shizuma feels. But…but why…why can't she see that there are still other people here who care about her?"
Shizuma had quietly tiptoed back to her bed. She had spent the next hours frantically thinking. Miyuki was right, she had finally decided. There were people who cared about her. And Kaori would have never wanted her to suffer, nor to cause Miyuki so much pain.
From that day on, Shizuma had tried very hard to live again. And she had started picking up girls, trying to fill the void that Kaori's death had left in her life. Miyuki had always been there, but…well, Shizuma had never honestly considered her best friend as a love candidate. Their friendship had been very deep, and Shizuma had been afraid that some romantic fling might corrode it.
And then, Nagisa had come along…and the rest was history. Shizuma and Nagisa had been a couple for a few months, until Nagisa realized that her feelings for Tamao were stronger. The young red haired girl broke up with Shizuma shortly before graduation. The silver haired woman had been crushed. Once again, Miyuki had been there to catch her, to comfort her, even though she had been dealing with the fact that her own wedding was coming up.
Shizuma sobbed. She picked up the photo lying next to her pillow. Hiro had taken it a few weeks ago, when the two women had gone to the beach with him. Miyuki looked so happy in that picture. Shizuma studied the familiar face, saw the smile and the sparkling eyes. She loved Miyuki. But she hadn't told her lover. They hadn't talked about feelings, or the future, or anything that would add weight to the light and easy relationship they shared. Maybe she should have told her. Maybe that would have been the security Miyuki needed to step away from her family, her wealth, and everything she'd known all her life. Maybe she would have come to live with Shizuma sooner…and maybe they could have kept the pregnancy a secret from Asuna and Miyuki's family.
But it was too late now. Shizuma's tears continued to fall as she wondered why love never came easy for her. And why it couldn't last. Kaori had died, Nagisa had chosen Tamao over her, and now Miyuki was lost to her simply because she had waited too long.
"I'm so sorry, Miyuki. I caused you so much pain…if I hadn't been too blind to see, maybe you wouldn't have married that idiot. I feel so awful that you're suffering because of my mistakes." she told the picture in a low voice.
Still wondering if there was anything left to do to minimize the damage, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.