Chapter 10

Toshiro took his time getting to Rangiku's, opting to walk instead of flash-stepping. The time between him leaving the office the night before, to his meeting with Shuhei minutes ago had left the young man with much to think about, mainly his feelings toward his lieutenant.

As he strolled through the streets; his haori billowing in the wind, Toshiro slowly snapped the pieces into place, finding it easy to do so when only a day or so before he couldn't.

First he had to admit that their time spent together was not just so he could forget or feel something other than guilt over Momo. Kicking a piece of rock with his Tabi, Toshiro knew he acknowledged to himself that by the third or fourth time he had gone to Rangiku- he was there for her and not himself. It was, after all, around the time he noticed her demeanor and mood change despite the fact that the woman swore up and down she was fine.

"You don't seem right to me." Toshiro noted with concern as they lie together face to face- his hands gripping the pillow his head rested on. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

Rangiku rolled onto her back, sighed and stared up at the dark ceiling for a few minutes before pursing her lips into a sly smile, blinking, and tackling Toshiro with a kiss that rolled his eyes into the back of his head..

He knew it was her way of being evasive because the young man would suddenly be preoccupied with *other* things, never bringing her mood up again for the remainder of the evening. He did notice, however that she would hold him tighter, kiss him softer and longer, and give more of herself to him afterward, as if thanking him for taking the time to care. While it was flattering, Toshiro was often hurt that she would think he *didn't* care at all.

He slit his eyes and pouted at the thought. Of course he cared; she was his lieutenant for over 100 years! It was not as if they had no former relationship before it got complicated with sex and awkwardness. As he rounded a corner of the third block, Toshiro realized that maybe their friendship could have been a little better outside of office duties, and that was maybe why Rangiku did not bother him with her troubles- because he had never opened up that door of concern to her.

It wasn't that he didn't want to- it was the fact that he didn't know how to. She always seemed so aloof and flighty around him, and shared very little with him aside from the trials and tribulations of having large breasts. He didn't want to pry into her life and offend her.

Several times after that particular night, Toshiro put just as much of an effort into their love making as she did for him, just to prove to her (and himself) that he was capable of caring, and he was not simply there taking advantage of her, but he didn't think she noticed or cared.

It wasn't until the very last night- Toshiro knew he was never going there again because he found he was no longer going there for support but out of his own selfish desire for Rangiku…he was addicted to her, and she was not interested in anything else with him other than helping him to forget. With one final thrust, his energy depleted, Toshiro fell into his lieutenant, wrapped his arms around her tight, buried his head into her neck, and while lost in the moment, said three words he shouldn't have-

"I love you"

He wasn't sure if she heard him because she didn't say anything after that, or if she did, she was not going to acknowledge it. When he left, it was all Toshiro could do to try and burn her face into his memory as she slept, and feeling of the way she fit in his arms. He thought if he cut out of there quickly that he had a better chance of getting over her.

Telling Rangiku the next day that (thanks to her) he was finally able to return to work was among the hardest things he felt he had to do in his entire career, and when she ran into his arms after seeing him in their office for the first time he almost changed his mind, opting not to say anything at all.

But he did not.

Toshiro was not surprised with Rangiku's reaction to his announcement, but could not help but wish someway, somehow she at least felt a little disappointed. It was a good thing though, because it made his decision to never seek her out again a little bit easier to deal with.

Only a little.

He had not counted on the next couple of days since then to be so hard. Having to work across from her, trying not to steal glances when she wasn't looking, and most of all, keeping the past feelings and memories of previous nights at bay took a lot more strength and resistance than he had imagined. When she left his office for the evening, he missed her company, and when he walked back to his lonely apartment it took even more of his will to not turn in the direction of hers.

Most of the time he wondered if Rangiku felt even the tiniest fraction for him that he felt for her. She was so difficult to read, and her reputation (although he did not like to acknowledge it) kept Toshiro from thinking that she was even capable of such feelings. He would curse her- angry at times for her just going on like nothing had changed while he suffered in silence, but take it back the instant he thought it, guilty for his misplaced anger and frustration.

That was another issue- her reputation.

After hearing her declare to Shuhei that Toshiro was the only one Rangiku had ever been intimate with, the young man was even more confused. How could she have this "reputation" if she had never actually slept around? He put another piece of the puzzle together- that this reputation was formed from rumors and gossip meant to make Rangiku seem easy because of her flirtatious manner and gorgeous body, and Toshiro wanted nothing more than to tear apart the people that started spreading these horrible lies, making a mental note to handle that as soon as he had the time.

With the realization that her reputation was pretty much non-existent, Toshiro thought more about the way she was with him and became suddenly hopeful that maybe she was feeling something too, and that scared him because the closer he got to her apartment, the more the barrier he had put up around his heart had started to crumble, and he was slowly allowing himself to truly fall for her with every step.

Toshiro stopped walking just a block away from his lieutenant's home and stood in the middle of the street. A huge blast of wind almost toppled him but felt good against his skin and hair. His nerves were shot; it should not be so difficult for him to tell her how he felt, not after how intimate in other ways they had been, and he felt so raw emotionally that he was not sure if he could handle Rangiku rejecting him. Closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath, Toshiro closed the gap between himself and the door to Rangiku's apartment; his hand curled into a fist as he attempted to knock.

"It's now or never..." He thought as his hand froze in place, his heart beating louder in his chest than his fist would banging on the door.

~X~

Rangiku herself was going through her own kaleidoscope of emotions as she rest on her living room couch. She felt bad for Shuhei because he was locked away despite the fact that it was because of her he was there. If she would have been honest with him in the first place he could have been better equipped to deal with them no longer seeing one another. Rangiku cursed herself for even thinking the man would never find out about her and her captain and how much she messed things up between them. Sure, Shuhei said it was all right, but things will always be awkward for her; of that she was certain.

She wondered if her captain was going to come by, and came to the conclusion that he wasn't, especially how she had been letting him down constantly every time they met in the last few hours. First he had to save her from Shuhei and find out they were together, then he scolded her at the prison for going to see him despite what he did.

"Haven't you learned your lesson yet, woman?"

Toshiro had spoken coarsely to her before, but never had he not called her Matsumoto while doing so. Woman seemed like something a complete stranger would say, not someone you knew over a time span of 50 to 100 years, and Rangiku felt bad for that too.

She knuckled away a stray tear from her eye, resisting the urge to just bawl even though she knew she needed to. "This is a fine mess I've gotten myself into." she said, glancing over at a photo of her and her captain that sat on a side table in her living room. "Will I ever get his respect back? I know he can't love me now even if he did once...not after what I've done, but if he didn't think of me as a dumb tramp I could get by everyday on that."

"So you heard me then...that night?" She heard a voice from behind her say nervously and turned her head to find Toshiro standing in her entryway. "I'm sorry- I couldn't bring myself to knock so I came in. You should really start locking that door, by the way." He chuckled uneasily with his fists clenched at his sides. Shaking off the nervousness, he made his way over to the couch where Rangiku was sitting and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in his trembling ones. "I'm sorry." Was all Toshiro could say, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

"For what, Taicho?" Rangiku asked, embarrassed that he had caught her crying and her hands weren't free to wipe her face.

"For being so harsh to you after all you've been through, and for making you feel like I didn't care." Toshiro reached his hand up to Rangiku's face and wiped her tears away with his thumb; she leaned her cheek into his hand, closing her eyes. "I was trying to protect myself, so I came off as apathetic, but in reality..." He rose up from his spot to sit beside her and pulled her into his chest. "...I have fallen in love with you, Rangiku."

Her eyes went wide- "You called me Rangiku." She said surprised, lifting her head. Blue eyes met teal, and a smile slowly made its way to her face. "I love you, Toshiro...I didn't think you felt the same way either so I protected myself too."

They stared at one another for a brief moment before a giggle from Rangiku caused them both to laugh hysterically, eventually resting their foreheads against one another to catch their breath.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." Rangiku said sincerely, her hands holding his. "It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you what was bothering me, but I didn't know how to tell you about Shuhei...and as for leading you on about my reputation- I just didn't want you to feel bad, so your thinking I did this type of thing all the time let me help you. Momo's death was destroying you enough."

"Rangiku..." Toshiro said seriously, reclaiming his hands and putting them back over hers. "...what you gave me wasn't something a woman takes lightly...you didn't have to do that."

"I don't regret it." She smiled assuredly. "I would have done whatever it took to help you...you're my captain- my friend. I've always got your back, remember?"

"And from now on, for all you've done for me, I'll be the one that looks after you, Rangiku." Toshiro replied, putting his hands to her face as he pressed her lips to his. Rangiku smiled into his mouth, melted in his arms and they both fell back onto the couch.

~X~

From that moment on, Toshiro stayed true to his word, because if it weren't for the love and support from Rangiku, the man would have never learned to forgive himself for something that wasn't his fault.

Things between Shuhei and Rangiku were awkward at first as she expected, but eventually as she and Toshiro got into a better working routine, the woman was able to go out with her fellow lieutenants for drinks on occasion and slowly mend their friendship. Pretty soon things between them had gone back to normal-or as normal as they could be. More than anything Shuhei wanted Rangiku to be happy, and if Toshiro was what made her so then he was content. He still held onto the promise that he would make Toshiro regret hurting her if he did, and Toshiro was all right with that knowing he never would.

And one day, in a simple-but-elegant ceremony among the remaining members of the Gotei 13 and their friends from Karakura Town, the 10th Division Captain made his intentions official, declaring his ever growing love and devotion to his lieutenant for the rest of his life as he slipped a gold band onto her finger.

~END~

A/N: Thanks so much to my readers and reviewers, for sticking around and going on this adventure with me. I hope you liked reading as much as I loved writing it!