Haruka: Rin…What's wrong?

Rin: *looks at the ground* Haru…I-I…killed Makoto…

Haruka: It's not funny.

Rin: …

Haruka: Say something.

Rin: …

Haruka: It's not true, right…?

Rei: I can understand why you are upset, Haruka-senpai! But Rin-san has his reasons. Makoto-senpai is definitely in a much better place now. Yes! He must have become a beautiful angel to watch over us!

Haruka: And what kind of reasons are they!? *grabs Rin's collar angrily and sends Rei a glare too*

Makoto: Stop it, Haru! I'm okay. *smiles gently*

Haruka: Makoto! ...What are those wings?

Nagisa: It's the all-new Iwatobi-chan wings to attract new members! They can be used as kickboards! Don't they look pretty?

Rin and Rei laughs at Haruka's dumbfounded expression. But soon Haruka's eyes begin to sparkle in excitement as he takes out his phone and starts snapping photos of Makoto from different angles.

Rin, Rei, Nagisa and Makoto: *shock* (Haru(-chan/senpai) is using his cell phone!)

Haruka: You look good, Makoto.

Makoto: It's embarrassing, Haru… *covers his red face*

Sorry, I just had to include this in :P

Anyways, time to shift gears! :D

Chapter 10

*Doot…doot…doot*

Finally, Haruka slides his hand with the phone down, away from his ear. Although his body is aching from not moving an inch for the past few hours, he refuses to move. Not even to wipe the tears that have now dried on his face, as new ones keep forming and falling. He just stares blankly at his house that looks so empty, slumped on the floor while leaning against the wall, not even noticing that the sun has already long set.

"We're not best friends…"

"Don't group me with you!"

"Don't touch me!"

"It's disgusting…"

Talking to Rin helped put those words that keep plaguing him, at bay. But now they are back in full-force, playing in his mind like a broken record. For the first time, he didn't want to hear Makoto's voice. He didn't want to listen to those hurtful words spoken by the one who stayed by his side for so long, through thick and thin. The one he was most comfortable with, the one he trusted the most…

Since when?

Since when did Makoto stop considering him as a best friend? What did he do? Why haven't he noticed? These questions whirl around his head continuously.

"It's meaningless to swim without you, Haru."

Didn't he always tell him that? Then why…? Was it because of the accident? No, Makoto is not that weak of a person.

"Haru, I have something to tell you…I just wanted to tell you how glad I am to have you as my best friend!"

That's when he noticed that there is something amiss with Makoto. Was it then? No…he still doesn't know the reason why though. Then he remembers the conflicted look that Makoto had when he first heard about the relationship between him and Rin. Did he not like gays? No, Makoto is not that kind of person. But…if your best friend turned out to be gay, anyone would be taken aback…right? That's the only thing that Haruka can think of which would make Makoto say those words. Though somehow he feels that there must be something more…

Would a best friend be having the time of his life with his partner while his friend is in a coma in the hospital, gravely injured from protecting him?

Guilt and dread crashes over Haruka again with the reminder. Sure, Makoto gave them his blessings, but how must he have felt when his closest friends all formed couples, too busy and occupied to pay him more attention? How lonely and insignificant must he have felt then…and now? How selfless can he be, to be happy for his friends, despite his own feelings?

So much for being a best friend…

Haruka closes his eyes, letting a last tear slide off his cheek, as he falls into darkness.

"…Why?" Makoto croaks after a series of choking coughs, "Why didn't you kill me?"

Rin looks at Makoto incredulously. It frightens him how Makoto suddenly looked so calm and…retired, just a breath away from death, even to the point where he stopped resisting. He has heard that when people try to commit suicide, they become scared at the very last second before their death. But Makoto…he is like the opposite. It is as though he was welcoming death. Just how much does a person have to hate living to be able to embrace death like that?

Makoto dry laughs.

"Right, I'm not worth to get your hands dirty for," he says bitterly, voice cracking as he dusts himself off, signalling that he is leaving, "I'm sorry…"

"Wait! Where do you think you're going!?" Rin grabs Makoto's forearm, feeling some sticky liquid slowly seeping through the thin fabric of Makoto's shirt. He freezes when he sees crimson red.

"Where…? I wonder… A tall building, a cliff…the sea sounds good too."

Without commenting on anything despite all the things he wants to say, Rin concludes that getting Makoto's injuries treated is more important. He rolls up Makoto's sleeve to inspect the severity of the wounds, which reveals numerous ugly gashes and…teeth marks...? Once again, staying silent, he drags Makoto by the hand quickly to that one obvious destination.

"Wait, Rin! Where are we going? Let go!" says Makoto as he struggles to keep up with Rin's fast pace while trying to free himself from Rin's strong grip.

"The hospital, of course. Now, just shut up and follow me."

"Wha-! No way! There's no way I'm going to the hospital! The cuts aren't that deep anyway. Who knows what they'll think of me. No! I'm fine! So let go!"

"You're not fine! A normal person wouldn't cut themselves and would definitely not chew on themselves! You need to get help."

"I…It's not like I don't want to be normal…!" mutters Makoto under his breath before he snaps, "Why do you care!? You even hate me enough to try and kill me, right!? Leave me alone…"

"How can I leave you alone!? Do you know how much Haru is worried about you!? You're the one who understands him best, so you should know that more than anyone. Also, you're in love with him too, right? Then why-!?"

"It's because I love him!" Makoto shouts with his head hung low, fists clenching so hard that crescent marks are forming in his palm. "Haru looked so happy when I saw him with you today. He was laughing. That Haru! Even after being his best friend for so many years, I've never seen him laugh like that! Haru is kind. That's why he's been considerate to someone like me. But I'm just a bother, a burden to him. I have even hurt him and made him cry! If I'm gone, Haru can be happy!

"Even you, Rin…You hate me, right? I'm just an eyesore to you that is interfering with your relationship with Haru. You'd be happy too if I'm gone, right?"

"Ah. That's right. I hate you, alright. I hate you for being able to influence Haru so much! And it pisses me off even more when it sounds like you don't seem to realize this yourself! You probably don't know how much Haru thinks of you every day. Ever since you were hospitalized, Haru had been beating himself up for getting you hurt. He looked like an empty shell that had lost his soul. He didn't respond to anything, refused to eat anything, wouldn't even sleep…he basically looked dead.

"It's not until he heard that you were in stable condition did he start to look more like a living person. But dreams about you dying haunted him every night. He would scream out your name in the middle of the night, sweating and shaking. He looked so lost and broken…that's when I decided to transfer to your high school, to make sure Haru's okay.

"But really, I haven't seen Haru laughing like that either. Not until when you came back to school today. He looked so relieved and happy. Then you…YOU!" Rin starts to raise his voice again, but he just sighs deeply as the rational side of him kicks in. Knowing Makoto, he probably didn't mean any of those things. There must be some reasons behind all these strange behaviours of Makoto as of late. After they had stopped and shared their thoughts, Rin pulls on Makoto's hand again, "Putting that aside, we need to get you to the hospital. We've wasted enough time."

"Stop, Rin! Like I said, I'm ok. I don't need to go to the hospital."

"We both know you're not okay. You're sick, and so you need to get treated."

"…What if there's no cure?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying there isn't a way to treat my sickness! There's none…"

…

Rin is speechless after hearing the story that sounds too unreal, but at the same time, sounds too real to be false. Different parts of the puzzle are finally piecing together. If Makoto's story is true, then it will explain his sudden change in behaviour and strange actions. He stares down at the main character of that story on the ground, whose legs have given out in despair as the story is told, hands grabbing at his hair so hard that his knuckles turn white. Kneeling down to get a better look at the shaking figure, his heart wrenches as he notices how the eyes that were once filled with gentleness and warmth, are now filled with fear, weariness, confusion, angst…not a single light of hope in them.

"Can I touch you…?" After a few seconds of pondering, Makoto finally gives a tiny nod.

Upon approval, Rin wraps his arms around Makoto's broad shoulders that seem so small now. Gently, as if Makoto is made out of glass. Not minding one bit, the patch of his shirt that is getting damp from tears and his eardrums that are hurting from all the anguish screams and cries. Despite his hate for Makoto due to his jealousy, now he just wants to make the person in his arms to stop shaking and smile like he once did. It is true that he wanted to see the mortified look on Makoto's face after knowing that his beloved Haru has been snatched away while he wasn't paying attention. But this… This is too much…

How long has it been…? That he had seen Makoto so frightened, so vulnerable and so desperate to find any glimpse of hope. They were young. Rin didn't know what to do as he could only watch the trembling form of Makoto holding onto Haru, calling out the name of his unconscious best friend like some kind of mantra. Now that they have grown, Rin has gained the courage to at least comfort his distressed friend.

Once Makoto has stopped shaking and has quietened down, Rin begins to ask in a deep, soothing tone, "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Makoto stiffens at the question but doesn't pull away, "I was scared…So scared when I heard that there is no cure, but even more so when I found out my case was unheard of! What would they do to me if they knew…I don't even want to imagine it! I just want to return to my family and you guys, and the normal life that I once had. But if you all start to look at me differently…I'll really be alone! I don't want that to happen!"

"…Idiot, we're still your friends no matter what. Have some faith in us," grins Rin as he punches lightly into Makoto's chest, where his heart is.

Makoto blinks at Rin then looks down and stares at his hands.

Faith, eh?

…

"Are you sure you're okay without getting your injuries treated?" asks Rin after he has walked Makoto back home.

"Really, I'm fine. There's a first aid kit at home so," Makoto shrugs with a gentle smile. "Are you going to Haru's place now?"

"Yeah, I've got to check on him. 'Cause he sounded really depressed when he phoned me," says Rin as he scratches the back of his head.

"Can you tell Haru that I'm sorry? That I didn't mean to say all those mean things."

"Tell him that yourself."

"I don't think he even wants to see my face or hear my voice," says Makoto with a troubled smile.

"Have faith, didn't I just tell you that?"

Makoto chuckles and replies, "Yes, you did."

"Finally, you laughed. A smile definitely suits you best."

Awkward silence fills the air as they both look away from each other, faces tinted red. Luckily, a strong gust of wind clears the weird mood.

"Seems like it's going to rain…" Rin says as he looks up at the cloudy sky, shivering slightly from the cold air, "you should go in before it starts pouring."

Makoto nods then smiles widely. "Thank you, Rin." For being my friend, for encouraging me…for everything.

Feeling warmth swelling in his chest, Rin just replies with a simple 'yeah'. Before he turns around, he tells Makoto to give him a call whenever he needs help.

Makoto just nods again, staring at Rin who is walking up the stairs to Haru's house, with mixed emotions. Rin is a nice guy, yet Makoto cannot suppress the feeling of envy. However, there is nothing he can say or do now. He was given many chances to confess to Haru, but he didn't. Instead he said hurtful things to Haru, the worst thing he could have done. Having seen how concerned Rin was over Haru, he feels reassured. As painful as it is to see Haru together with someone else, he is willing to let Rin have Haru. If it is Rin, Haru can definitely be happy.

Take good care of Haru, Rin.

After a final glance at Rin's retreating form, Makoto enters his house.

…

Makoto seems to have said the last sentence of his thoughts out loud, as the wind has carried those words to the ears of Rin. They are meant for him anyway. Rin lips tug upwards, grinning.

Of course I will, Ba~ka.

"Taidaima," greets Makoto once he has entered the house.

While taking off his shoes, his mother comes rushing to him, looking dishevelled but still smiling as she greets back with a 'welcome home'. Before she can ask why he had been out for so long, she notices the forming bruises and swelling on Makoto's face as well as the redness on his neck.

"Are you alright!? What happened!?" she says worriedly, touching his face lightly. Makoto winces and just says that he is fine, however she has had enough of those lies.

"No, you're not fine! Look at all these injuries!" she says while checking her son all over and finding more bruises and scrapes. Then, she finally lays her eyes on the blood stains on the sleeve of Makoto's shirt.

Noticing this, Makoto immediately tries to hide his arm from his mother, but she is having none of it.

"Stop hiding things from us, Makoto! You hurting yourself, your room…we just want to help-…!"

The rest of the family hurries to the scene, shocked by sudden shouts from the normally mild-mannered woman.

"You went into my room…?" asks Makoto in a dangerously deep voice then yells, "I told you not to enter my room, didn't I!?"

"Don't shout at your mother like that!" scolds Makoto's father for the first time at his usually well-mannered eldest son.

Makoto flinches at his father's raised voice, feeling extremely guilty for being disrespectful towards his mother few seconds ago. He looks at the eyes of his parents apologetically. However what he sees in them is not forgiveness but pity, uncertainty, distrust and disappointment. Unable to bear the gazes from his parents, he tries to avoid them and then he meets those of his younger siblings, who duck behind the door to the living room. His eyes widen, his heart sinks.

Dread and the sense of betrayal are overwhelming Makoto.

Why are you looking at me with those eyes…?

Those eyes that used to be filled with love and adoration are now filled with fear and wariness.

It's over…

His lips quiver, a huge lump forms in his throat, hands wet with cold sweat. They all know now that he is not normal. They probably think he is mad or insane, considering what he did to his room and how he tried to kill himself. Or maybe he is… Tears are welling up in his eyes as he feels the tenseness in the house, and realizing the reason for it is none other than him.

"I-I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

Sorry for making you all feel so agitated and uncomfortable.

Sorry for wreaking the room.

Sorry for not being the good son and brother that I'm supposed to be.

Sorry for coming back home and causing so much trouble.

Sorry for being so selfish.

I should have died in that accident. If so, none of this would have happened. Everyone would be happier.

Sorry for being alive…

Makoto dashes out the house and into the pouring rain. Paying no heed to the stinging pain from the raging raindrops, or the freezing chill of the howling wind, or where he is going…He just wants to run away from those eyes that look so foreign, even though they are supposed to be familiar to him. The warmth and trust that he once knew is now gone.

He just wanted to go back to his normal life that he once had before the accident. Even with his weird case of agnosia, he wanted to be with his close ones – his family and friends – because by being near them, he can experience that life again. To achieve that, he figured that he had to act normal himself; this was the hardest task. If the people around him can smile and be happy like they did, then even if he had to hide and lie, it would still be worth it. That is what he had thought. But seems like this was all just his act of selfishness…

It's over.

His family has found out, it will not be long before the rest of his friends find out. What he had feared the most has happened. What faith? How can one have faith in someone who doesn't trust them? He trusted his family to respect his privacy, by not going into his room. If only they didn't find out, it would've been fine. He would be happily eating dinner with them by now, instead of running in the rain with no destination in mind. No, that's not it. He didn't have faith in his family to be able to help him or understand him, so it is only certain that they don't trust him now. This has turned into a vicious cycle. Perhaps this is what he deserves.

He has lost everything. His daily life, his family, his friends…

It's over…Everything's over.

To be continued…

Hahaha sorry for teasing you guys with the previous chapter~! XP

Yay! Makoto is still alive! But not for long, jks :P Or maybe…? (I don't want to spoil the ending~ X3)

Sorry for bombarding this chapter with dialogue, I just didn't know how to do it another way. Writing is just not my forte. My writing skills are obviously lacking and my limited vocab… *sigh* OTZ :'(

Thank you so much for the reviews! Thank you for the favs and follows! Thanks for all the other readers who like this story, too! :D

Thanks for reading! :D