Top Gear X
Author's note: Been awhile. Spending what little writing time I have on Cat's Cradle and Scary things (Anita Blake crossover). Interesting, what started out as a pure attempt at comedy story now also has more serious tones.
Part 13: The Ball Part 1
Thirty minutes later we find our complaining and sniping trio once again in the Silver Lilly's open air plaza. Darkness has fallen and the plaza is now illuminated by candles and lanterns. Our trio are all dressed in their assigned finery. Jeremy and James are pretending to sword fight with their walking sticks while Richard is complaining about the look of his getup.
"I feel like a gilded fool" Richard whined while fiddling with his buttons.
Clarkson opined just as he got past James's guard and poked him in the ribs.
"Well not to be helped. We're truly stuck. Ah-ah and so is James! Be thankful you're not dressed as James here. Shall we start calling you Liberace now James? You really do look very poncey. As I recall Liberace also played the piano and likely would love what you're wearing. Perhaps they acquired your costume from his closet"?
"Ha ha you insufferable clot" James replied while rubbing his ribs.
Clarkson now turned his attentions to Richard. "I think you actually look quite good Hammond. Like a little miniature French sun king. All you need to do to make the impression complete is start hitting the underlings with your stick and yelling at them with an outrageous accent".
Hammond proceeded to start yelling at Clarkson while James watched and snickered.
Bickering aside, the three middle aged men actually looked rather good in the getup. Not dashing, but the look was good. Somehow having the three Top Gear presenters dressed up as the three musketeers worked.
Yana was over by one of the trees watching the squabble. She was wearing a tight deep blue evening gown with a plunging neckline with an exposed back. In addition, the gown has a slit up the side that shows a lot of leg. The dress showed her figure quite well. She was also wearing a pair of black dress shoes with two inch heels.
At this point one of the Silver Lilly male staff members came in from the front and announced that the carriage had arrived. With a sigh from all three presenters, the trio, plus Yana, walked out front.
The carriage was a gold and silver gilded construct that would have looked right at home in seventieth century France; apart from being pulled by two large, and I do mean large, dogs; six foot at the shoulder. One dog was white haired, the other was black haired. There were two attendants with the carriage. One was driving and the other was currently holding the door open.
Clarkson briefly stuck his head inside the carriage and declared. "Looks a bit small for four. Yana and I shall take the Aston".
This of course resulted in some dismay from the two attendants, but their protests were ignored as Clarkson and Yana got into the car. After closing the doors Clarkson turns to the camera.
"We really could all have fit, but then we'd be on our own. Instead, the chaps and I have placed some... well extra ordnance in the boot. Insurance as it were".
Richard and May got into a bit of a "After you. No after you. No I must insist, after you" bicker before Richard gave up and got in first. With that the little two vehicle convoy set off. The carriage in front and the Aston Martin following. The carriage could move surprisingly fast, roughly forty miles an hour (much to the verbal complaints from Richard and James on the ride quality). "Feels like the suspension is made of leather and bone. Ahhh my back"! It was as rather bumpy ride.
It was quite dark by now. The three moons were waning in the west, only a quarter of the sky above the horizon.
The journey took roughly twenty five minutes. At one point they drove though a dense grove of trees, only to emerge into a vast circular clearing in which a well lit two story stone manor was to be found, again looking quite French. Guards were patrolling the clearing, each with two dogs; the dogs in this case looking like sleek normal sized greyhounds.
There was a large pond off to one side of the manor. The pond was decorated with little glowing paper constructs (like a circular lamp shade). The colors were blue, red, green, yellow, and orange. The contrast with the dark waters and the little bobbing glowing bulbs were lovely.
In addition the same paper globs were also floating around the clearing, helping to give the scene a very unearthly look.
Clarkson slowed down and commented. "Stunning! Now that's a sight. Yana have you ever seen something like this before"?
The beauty of the landscape appeared lost on Yana, but she did have a comment.
"Yes. I've just realized I've been to this locality before. Well... before is not quite the correct way of saying it. I was here in a potential future that is now likely no more. Funny, it was nighttime as well, although the situation was not as pleasant as now. The forest and manor was burning and a battle was raging. I had come to ask a favor of Odi... Well safer to say a favor of a god who tends to know many things that he does not share. He did not like me much, or my kind in general; and spent a completely unnecessary quantity of time telling me that. To summarize a rather... interesting discussion we reached an accommodation of sorts".
"Oh..." Clarkson stated, He was not sure what else to say.
Yan continued. "I can see why they built the manor here. This is an intersection of three Lay lines; which means it is a place where magic is plentiful and strong".
Various carriages are parked in front of the manor, and some vintage MG cars as well. A fantastic black and red NB Magnette Airline coupé. Two MG WAs, which are sporting saloon (4 doors), one silver and one green. A black MG L-type sports car, and a MG T-type done in brilliant Lavender (Liberace would have loved it).
The carriage stopped by the main entrance to let Richard and James out while Clarkson looked for a parking space.
Clarkson parked the Aston Martin next to an elegant carriage that was drawn by a single gryphon (creature with the head, talons, and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion). Two sharply dressed attendants open both his and Yana's doors. Clarkson steps out of the car while the other attendant holds out his hand to help Yana out.
May and Hammond were waiting by the main entrance. As Clarkson and Yana approached Clarkson remembered to set the car alarm. He hits the arm button on the key fob and the car lights flashed twice and the car made that car alarm chirping sound.
All the dogs in the clearing froze and turned as one and growled at the car, the hair standing up on the back of their necks. The dogs closest to the car slowly backed away. The gryphon also now looks very concerned and is trying to edge away from the car.
"Well that's odd" Hammond comments as he observes the dogs and gryphon's behaviors.
"I guess they've never seen a car security system before" Yana commented as they all walk though the manor's main entrance on the way to the ball room. May briefly wondered about Yana's choice of words ?seen?. Shouldn't that have been heard? Hmm she must be referring to the head lights he decided after further reflection.
They walked through wide hallways before coming to the doorway to the ball room. Guests stood before the doorway and then entered as you were announced.
It was one of those kinds of balls. The one's you see in period piece films. The guests enter via an opening, in this case a grand doorway that opens onto an elegant staircase that descends into a vast subterranean ballroom floor. The doorman (doorelf in this case) announcing the guests as they arrived, thereby allowing the already present guests to know who the latest arrival was, and as they were above the floor, to be seen as well.
For the ball all three Top Gear announcers had been awarded honorary titles.
May passed through the doorway first.
"Lord May, bringer of passion to a minor people and tinkerer of automotive obscure".
May enters looking dashing and descends down the stairway. He is immediately surrounded by several individuals, including one fellow who had the head of a goat instead of a normal elf head (wearing a tuxedo I might add). They started asking James about antique British sports cars (they were restoring an old Triumph, yes you meet petrol heads in the oldest places. The cars out front were theirs).
Hammond passed through the doorway next.
"Lord Hammond, master of the beast of iron and runner of great lengths"
Hammond enters looking mildly panicked (he hated big formal events, always felt out of sorts). He was quickly surrounded by several busty and scantily clad female elves (now he felt extra unconformable).
Clarkson and Yana passed through the doorway next. Yana hesitated but for the slightest moment as if she had run into some kind of obstacle. There was a cracking sound, like stone cracking. She continued but now the doorway had little cracks in the corners (the kind you get in a material when you force something through an opening that is too small for it).
"Lord Clarkson, presenter of things automotive and the tallest man in BBC television, and... " there was but the slightest delay "Yana, the Dar..." the doorman's voice trailed off upon receiving a sharp glance from Yana. The doorman tried again "Magnu..." again a sharp glance, finally a lame "Traveling companion to Clarkson and the two".
The two sweep in and down the staircase.
At the far end of the ballroom is a raised platform with two silver chairs. One is occupied by a female elf (the residing elf lord, Lady Felinda) the other is empty. It would have been occupied by her consort if she had one. Felinda gets to her feet and walks over to meet the two, who have paused at the bottom of the staircase to observe the crowd.
It is an interesting mix of... well elves , some gnomes (hanging out by one of the bars), animal based creatures (a lion based man was busy extolling the benefits of an all meat diet to a disbelieving cow headed woman) and lots of dancing. The music was violin based Vivaldi being played by unseen musicians.
"Lord Clarkson" Lady Felinda greeted him with a slight bow of her head. "Would you like to dance"?
Lady Felinda was a middle aged elf woman, which meant she was several thousand years old. She was about a foot smaller then Clarkson. She was dressed in a graceful, and tight, white gown that generously showed her cleavage.
Clarkson glanced at Yana "Umm" as he tried to come up with a way to explain that a gentlemen always dances first with the lady he's brought. Rather more difficult to explain when you are at the host's house and they are noble. It was almost as if Lady Felinda did not consider Yana present or even a lady.
Yana cut short Clarkson's slightly panicked attempts by answering for him and defusing the situation. "I believe Lord Clarkson would love to". Yana smiled at the both of them and then started wandering across the dance floor over to one of the bars (she was off to get a small glass of white wine).
Lady Felinda eyed Yana as she left. It was not a look of a woman assessing her competition. No... It was a look of... of somebody who was looking at your new car and taking in the details. The look of somebody assessing a possession, not a person.
She turned back to Clarkson and held out her hand, which he took and they began to dance. The dance was one of those formal period piece dances you see in old films about European nobility. Needless to say the other dances gave the two of them a large amount of space, not for any concern over Clarkson, but Lady Felinda could get... annoyed easily over such things.
A little unknown factoid was that Clarkson was a rather skilled formal ballroom dancer. This in part from his mother who loved formal dancing, and the selection of now ex spouses who also loved formal dancing. All and all Clarkson was not a big fan, but doing what the spouse loves is very important to a relationship.
They talked as they danced. Lady Felinda started the conversation.
"I'm surprised that you did not dress her in the garb I provided. I would have thought that you would have wanted to emphasize your dominance over one such as her".
"Ummm..." Clarkson eloquently mumbled, then replied. "I have to say the view would have looked... nice but Yana was not exactly keen on the idea".
"And you let her have a say in such things? My my, such kindness to one's..." Clarkson holds her hand up high and she twirls. "Servants".
"You are misinformed my Lady (Clarkson knew that you never told a noble that they were wrong) Yana is not my servant but my companion on this trip".
"Companion. A... polite word for it I suppose".
Clarkson had the feeling that two different conversations were going on. There was the one where he answered and the one where she was completely interpreting his responses into different meanings. Well, think of it as a BBC board meeting was his internal comment to himself.
"What oaths is she bound by? Don't worry, I have no thought of trying to bind her myself. She... wouldn't fit in well here and would cause all kinds of trouble".
"Bound"? Was Clarkson's had a brief recollection of a few days ago of Yana and silk scarves being used to tie her down while he... oh not that kind of bind. Never mind.
"She is unbound" was his strong declarative. "She is with me by choice and not by oath".
Lady Felinda actually stopped dancing for a moment and stared at Clarkson as if he was mad.
"Unbound? A tone of disbelief. "She is unbound? An unbound dem...". A pause as she collected herself. "She travels willing with you unbound"?
"Yes. She rather fancied the idea of a road trip".
Again an apprising look from Lady Felinda, first at Yana who was over by the bar sipping a glass of wine and watching Hammond and his developing... difficulties. And then at Clarkson.
"You are stronger then you try to appear Lord Clarkson. But your potency is reveled to the knowing by playing such games. You are a strong one, I can feel it. But I suppose it amuses you to hide it". Again Clarkson was rather sure they were not on the same wavelength.
Meanwhile, things were getting rather heated between the five elvish lasses and Hammond. Heated in that they were all over him and he was diligently fending off their advances.
"Ladies please I'm a happily married man. Leave off you. No touching! That belongs to Mrs. Hammond only"!
Hammond was dismayed to find that his declaratives not only had no effect, but were not apparently even noticed as the girls chattered amongst themselves while they... well let's just say groped him.
"Let's take him to the Blue room".
"No, the Red room, more appropriate".
"I've already sent for extra wine".
"Oh this will be such fun. He looks just like one of those grownup boy band members".
"I hope all of him is grown up".
"It is dearest, it is"!
"Such nice white teeth".
"I can't wait to unwrap him, he looks so delicious and fit".
Things were looking dire for our hamster when he was boldly rescued by... well nobody boldly rescued him (May was to later reflect that he wished cocker spaniel hair style was the in thing with elvish lasses) . Yana did wander over behind Hammond and offer a mild objection.
"Ladies, I believe this one is already spoken for by another who is absent".
As one the elvish lasses glared at Yana. One hissed a dismissal. "Off with you or we'll play with you as well and won't be as nice".
Hammond heard but could not see Yana's reply. It was out of character for her. Scared, meek, and pleading. He somehow got a mental image of Yana with large tearful eyes.
"Oh no, please don't harm me. Do you promise that you'll only attempt such things if I continue to interfere"?
The girls looked each other in the eye, while having their arms, and other... body parts, draped around Hammond preventing his departure.
"We do" all five replied.
Yana's voice changed. Now it was... gloating, a bit harsh and gleeful. "Works for me. I accept".
Hammond swore he heard a chime ring out a single note. The elvish ladies hesitated in confusion as Yana continued.
"Release him dears, you have far more worrisome things to contend with now. Tsk tsk, one should be more carful about oaths in such places of power".
One of the more brazen of the lasses started to rebuke Yana with words of scorn.
"You've had you're chance mortal cow. Now we shall...". Her words trailed off as Hammond noticed their eyes widening in surprise over something he could not see behind him. As if one they let him go and started to back away in a panic.
"See you later Flecka, Dorina, Blossom, Florish, and Catlin" Yana chuckled evilly. "Don't worry, I'll catch up later. Run all you want, your paths all now lead to the... Red room I believe it was? How... appropriate".
The girls now turned and fled, much to Hammond's relief. He turned to thank Yana. Funny from this angle he could have sworn her incisures were extra long for just a second, and she was smiling a smile that really wasn't very nice.
"Thank you Yana. What set them off, not that I'm complaining".
"I know a few... tricks for the likes of them. Are you hungry Mr. Hammond"?
"Famished".
"Then let's go see what is on the refreshment tables".
As they walked over to the tables Hammond could swear that everybody was getting out of their way as fast as they could.
Lady Felinda had observed the little spat while Clarkson and she danced. Clarkson had had his backed turned to Yana when the elf maidens had gotten panicked so he did not see what had happened.
"Oh dear, she's already binding some of my guests to her. Well... they are rather witless trollops. Time for them to learn that oaths should not be taken lightly. But please Lord Clarkson, if you would after this dance, kindly request that your... traveling companion refrain from such activity while in my house".
The dance continued and now Clarkson could see that Hammond and Yana were walking over to the far wall where there were some tables laden with food.
"Consider it done my Lady" he declared with no idea what she was on about.