Chapter 10

September 1977

Marlene stared out the window of her dorm as she attempted to write her essay on her career path for after she graduated, unsure of what she should say. She knew James and Sirius planned on graduating and having careers as Aurors, while Peter would probably attempt to tag along. Lily would most likely work in either a field involving Potions, or Charms, and Remus, well she supposed he would cross that bridge when he got to it.

But on the other hand, she had absolutely no idea what she pictured herself doing. She could see herself working alongside James and Sirius, and fighting to keep criminals away, but she fancied other career paths as well. Part of her was thinking about going into Healing, especially given the number of times she had cleaned up her friends when the Marauders just didn't feel bothered to go down to the hospital wing.

Except the fact that it would be a hard and tiring path. The training period was two years minimum, and then she would be thrown straight into a path with minimal time for herself or anything else she enjoyed. It wasn't a career path she could just decide on a whim and was one she knew she would have to spend much, much more time deliberating over.

Thankfully for her, McGonagall didn't expect a firm decision, as long as she listed several viable choices. It didn't solve her long term problems by any means, except for now it meant she wouldn't have to think about it.

"Ugh," Lily cried as she came into their room and flopped onto the bed. "Insufferable prat."

"What did James do now?" Marlene turned to her friend, and asked knowingly. Because when Lily said those two words, it usually referred to none other than her childhood friend.

"Nothing! That's the point!" Lily looked up at her, "Marlene, he's been pulling his weight perfectly as Head Boy. He hasn't hexed any students or misused his power what so ever. The only times he's taken points away from Slytherin is when they deserve it, and honestly, I'm not entirely sure what happened. Do you think someone is polyjuicing as him? What if this is the work of the Imperius curse? Should we do something to check?"

"I'm sure you already cast finite incantum on him and know your answer to that," Marlene said in an amused tone as she threw her blonde hair over her shoulder.

Lily gave her a sheepish grin and Marlene knew it meant she had been correct.

"I have yet to see the problem with what you're complaining about," Marlene noted, "Don't get me wrong, I love listening to you rant, but usually in terms of James, it involves him actually being a prat, and now being a good Head Boy."

Lily blinked and opened and shut her mouth a few times before looking thoughtful.

"You're right," she said slowly, "I don't know. Something seems off about it. Even with what pranks he's pulled with the boys, they've all been tame and humourous; not targeted towards a group of people deliberately. I just think he might be pulling an angle, and I'm constantly on edge as I wait for the other shoe to drop."

"What makes you think it will?" Marlene asked her softly.

"I-uh," Lily blushed, "He hasn't asked me out in the month we've been here already. Marlene, he's asked me out every day since fifth year. And every time I see him, I think he's going to ask again, but he hasn't. What if this is him pulling some sort of angle and as soon as I turn him down once more, he goes back to how he used to be?"

"Do you want him to keep asking you out?" Marlene asked, looking over her friend carefully. Lily was still lying in bed, and seemed slightly lost in her thoughts and Marlene grinned.

It seemed as if the talk she had had with James a few months ago seemed to have stuck. She had noticed it when she had spent a few weeks over at his place, and while she loved her friend to death, it was nice to see him acting like the person she knew he was all the time, as opposed to trying to put on a cool mask of nonchalance all the time. And apparently she wasn't the only one who noticed.

She had seen quite a few of the other students notice as well at the fact that James wasn't misusing his power to simply dock them of points for existing, and if anything, his popularity at the school had only grown over the last month. Anyone who had doubted why he had become Head Boy could grudgingly see why James Potter was the best person for the job.

"Has it occurred to you that he might have grown up?" Marlene asked her softly, "Not that he doesn't still care for you, but that he's trying to be a Head Boy you can rely on, instead of constantly having to worry about? One that can help you with all your duties and responsibilities and maybe genuinely be your friend as well?"

Lily blushed at the comment of him still liking her. She knew her friend found it hard to believe that it was anything more than a game whenever James asked her out, and in addition to the obvious reason of her turning him down for being a prat, it was one of the main reasons she kept rejecting him. But Marlene wondered if her friend's views towards James were starting to shift. And if maybe, just maybe, she was starting to fall for her friend as he had for her years ago.

Marlene grinned to herself at the prospect of James and Lily finally ending up together. She knew it wouldn't be that simple and that the two would still have a long way to go, but she knew they could get there eventually.

Hermione had been over at the Lupin home a few times already, but each time she went over, she couldn't help but feel slightly out of her depth. Which was how she currently was feeling while eating dinner with her new found father, his wife, and their son.

Of course, Teddy wasn't doing so much eating, as he was babbling. While her little brother didn't completely comprehend the concept of having a sister, he had changed his hair to match her own brown curls the moment he had seen her, and seemed to be rather happy with her presence.

Not that Remus or Tonks were unhappy.

If anything, the both of them were anything but; they were warm, welcoming, and kind.

While she wasn't able to tell them the full details of her case, or even the work she did as an Unspeakable, she talked a bit of her research with old runes and how old spells had been lost to the times and they were slowly working to bring back spells that could be useful, but had died out due to lack of knowledge, such as a spell to turn dirt to stone, something which could be helpful for poorer families who had difficulty affording upkeep on their older homes.

And while her father and Tonks were listening, Teddy seemed to be watching engagedly to anything she said and Hermione couldn't help but smile at her little brother.

She had always wanted siblings when she was a kid, and Harry was the closest thing she had to her own biological brother. And despite her newfound family, it didn't change the fact that she cared for her friend.

But it was slightly strange to have a brother that was nearly nineteen years younger than herself. Not that she had cared for the boy any less. Just that all of a sudden her family tree, despite none of them being related, seemed a lot more complicated, what with Harry also being the boy's godfather.

"Minee?" Teddy asked her expectantly as soon as the table has been cleared up of food. "Play?"

Hermione looked at Remus and Tonks to see if they were okay with it. And when her father gave her a shrug to indicate if she wanted to she could, and Tonks simply smiled, Hermione turned to the boy and picked him up carefully from his chair.

"What would you like to play, Teddy?" she asked him carefully as she took him to the room where all his toys were.

When she placed him down, the young boy toddled over to where his plush Quidditch toys were which had been a gift from Harry and picked them up and began to hand them to her so she could have some to play with as well.

The guilt began to slowly seep in once Remus and Tonks came into the room and sat down beside her. And as she watched the small family together, playing with toys as Teddy eventually switched to blocks, she felt it grow inside her. She felt out of place; which only grew as her father let Teddy lean into him ever so slightly as his small eyes began to droop from tiredness and exhaustion. And as Tonks put her brother to sleep, and Remus kissed Teddy good night, she felt it pang her heart.

But she kept a smile on her face as she stayed and chatted with Tonks and Remus for a while longer, talking about Harry and if he had any plans to propose to Ginny any time soon, or how Ron was doing in the romance department. And when Tonks asked her slyly how she was doing, and her father started coughing, Hermione blushed, knowing the answer but not wanting to respond.

She took her leave not long after that. It was late enough at that point where heading out would seem more due to time than because she needed to leave more than anything. She hugged her father and Tonks as she promised to come by for a visit soon.

As soon as Hermione apparated to Grimmauld place, she took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. Sirius was probably still out, and hopefully Harry was as well.

She brought in her knees to her chest as she attempted to make sense of her feelings. She was twenty one years old, for Merlin's sake. She should not have been feeling like this! It was absolutely ridiculous and if anything, she was being stupid. She knew better, so why did she feel like an utter child in that moment?

"Hermione?" she heard Harry's voice call out as he came into the room, "What's the matter?"

He looked concerned as he sat down on the couch beside her.

"I had dinner with Remus and his family," she said softly as she looked down.

"And?" Harry asked questioningly, "Is everything alright?"

"I don't know, Harry," she said softly, "I feel so out of place when I'm with all of them. And it's not because of anything they do; Remus and Tonks are so wonderful in trying to make me feel welcome, and Teddy is amazing, even if he has no idea what my relationship to him is. But I feel guilty; like a burden. I feel like I'm a reminder to Remus constantly of the woman he once loved and lost, but is proof he cared about her. And I feel guilty because I think I make him feel bad that he didn't know about me."

Harry had been listening silently, and after, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him tightly. She leaned into him, as she heard him say, "Don't, Hermione. I'm not going to tell you that this should be easy. That you should just fall into routine with this and that it won't be hard. Merlin knows you've taken this so well so far. Hermione, you might have always known you were adopted, but it doesn't change the fact that you saw your mother's memories and that your father, whom we had known for years, had no idea who you were. It doesn't change the fact that you grew up without knowing where you came from and what the circumstances behind your adoption were."

"It doesn't make it any easier," she said quietly, "It doesn't make it easier to see Remus happy with his new family, without wondering if there even is a place for me. It doesn't make it any easier wondering if you're a burden to your father, because now he feels responsible towards you. It doesn't make it easier that I feel so guilty bonding with Remus without wondering what it could have been like if he raised me, or if my mother was still alive, but knowing that could mean Tonks wasn't in his life and they never had Teddy. How can I eat a meal with them without wondering how things could have been like in a different life?"

"I'm sure none of them would blame you for that," Harry told her fiercely. "I still wonder at times when I'm with Sirius and Remus about how differently my life could have been if Peter didn't sell them out. If my parents raised me and Remus and Sirius came over all the time with presents and such. The war took our families from us, Hermione. I am so grateful you had the Grangers to raise you. But I think about I and I wonder too, Hermione. And now more than ever, with you learning about your father. In another life, you and I could have grown up together, as friends. Your father and mother could have brought you over, and you probably would have been bossing me around from the first moment you saw me, and I would have probably been trying to corrupt me from that moment onwards. In another life, the two of us could have been like siblings, well at least could have been siblings for longer than we already have been. But either way, the two of us were always destined to meet and be friends. Even if we had a rough start in the beginning."

She felt a tear slip down her face at the what-if scenario Harry presented to her, and in that moment she hated Peter Pettigrew for so many reasons; for what he had done to both their families, and what it meant for their futures.

"But what I'm trying to get at, Hermione, is that you shouldn't feel guilty for thinking of how it could have been if things worked out slightly differently. You are allowed to feel that way. I'm sure Remus has spent a lot of time over the years thinking about it in terms of your mother, and probably even more so now with you. It's a natural human instinct. It doesn't change the fact that you care about Tonks and Teddy, and that you're glad Remus found happiness once more," Harry told her softly.

She nodded, "I am," she said to him, "He deserves that much."

"But it also doesn't mean that there isn't a place for you at their table. Sure, it's not a nice typical family, but at the same time, that doesn't matter. Both of them love and care about you, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Neither of them view you as a burden, Hermione, because if they did, they wouldn't invite you into their homes. So you need to stop feeling guilty for something which is definitely not your fault."

She took his words in, and let them calm her. "You're right," she said in response. "Of course you're right. I'm sorry, Harry, for sitting here and letting my insecurities get to me."

He grinned as he kissed her forehead, "Of course, Hermione. It doesn't matter who your parents are; you're my sister and I love you more than anything. And never apologise for being sad, or having insecurities. It's what I'm here for."

She smiled at him, and changed the subject, "Well, you'll be glad to know your godson already is showing an interest in Quidditch, even at barely two years old."

And just like that, the conversation shifted to a lighter note.

Hermione looked over at Draco, who seemed lost to the world. His head was buried deep in a book about Morgana, and his usually well-kept hair was ruffled and there were several strands out of place. And Merlin did he look attractive in that moment, with his hair like that.

It was getting ridiculous really; the fact that she was so attracted to Draco Malfoy and that it was hindering her work to the point where she wasn't able to function properly. So pretending it didn't exist, whatever it was she felt towards him, was irresponsible really.

She sighed softly towards herself, as she attempted to bury herself back in her book, and missed the longing look he gave her completely.

Hermione didn't know how to explain it, but there was something about working alongside Draco Malfoy that she really enjoyed. She liked bantering with him over meaningless things, like where they should pick up dinner from, or where Bill wandered off to now. Because Bill did end up leaving a lot, in an effort to gain more resources, consult other experts in the field without giving away what they were working on, talk to Kingsley to keep him updated, and so on.

She didn't know how to fight it any longer, and honestly, she wasn't all that sure she wanted to fight it any longer. Clearly she wanted the man, and if anything, not doing anything about it was completely obstructing her ability to work. So she took a sudden breath as she came to the realization that the only way to go forward was to do something about the feelings she had towards Draco Malfoy, because clearly pretending they didn't exist, wasn't working very well for her.