Disclaimer: this chapter was written mainly by RUGoing2writethat with some imput from me for the Allison parts. Neither of us own Harry Potter or the song lyrics used for this chapter which were taken from West Side story. Do any of you actually read this?
Hello long time no see, though I never saw you in the first place but you catch my drift. This is the start of a prank war between the Marauders and Malfoy. Sorry bout the wait but school has been loading homework on me like I'm a N.E.W.T student and my brain was fried. I am going to take a little break from writing new chapters and revise some of my other stories until summer. Then we're back in business. Also I'm going to start replying to each review I get to show my appreciation for all you amazing people. I say I love you all but I know everyone loves to be addressed directly. Anyway review with new ideas and enjoy, love ya!
54. I am not allowed to put a potion in Draco Malfoy's Pumpkin Juice to make him sing "I Feel Pretty", especially not while wearing drag.
Malfoy had been relentless lately. After the incident with the "I love muggles" charm, he was pretty angry. He had been terrorizing the first and second year muggle born students from all houses. He was picking on one little girl who had tears streaming down her face when Allison stumbled across him.
"... You stupid little girl, you shouldn't even be here."
" Talking to your self again Malfoy?" interrupted Allison angrily.
"No," snapped Draco, wheeling around to face her. "I'm talking to this bit of Mugglescum who should go home to her stupid parents."
"Well so should you, but we don't say that to your face," replied Allison moving around to protect the little girl.
Allison loved kids, so having Malfoy attacking them made her angry. Like really angry. Like lasers shooting out of her eyes angry. If looks could kill Malfoy would have been dead and gone a long time ago. Unfortunately looks can't kill and murder is illegal. Allison would just have to settle for messing with the little prat.
"And you should learn to keep your nose out of other people's business," said Malfoy, as an attempt at a nasty retort.
"Is that the best you can do Malfoy," spat Allison right back in his face.
Malfoy cheeks flushed a dull pink, the closest to blushing the pale twit could get.
"You're such a bitch," hissed Draco.
"Thank you," Allison smiled annoyingly. "That's actually my animagus form."
It looked like Malfoy had run out of retorts. He hesitated for a moment then turned and stalked off pausing for a moment to shout at Allison once more,
"Don't think this is over, I will have my revenge. I'll get you, you ugly little mudblood!" Draco snarled at Allison.
"And your little dog too," Allison muttered under her breath as she led the sniffling girl away.
Allison was not amused to say the least. She began researching charms and potions until she found two potions she needed. One was an American version of the Gender Changing potion called the Gender Bender potion or the Ru Paul potion. It was created and used by American Wizard drag queens as it did not change the gender, just gave the drinker the appearance of a drag queen through some pretty complex magic. The second potion was also American. It was the song potion. It required some hair from the subject, which oddly enough, Allison did have, and it would cause them to sing any song put into the potion via parchment.
"What are you doing, Allison?" asked Ginny seeing the girl sitting on her bed surrounded by potion books and song lyrics.
"Working," stated Allison bluntly.
"On what?" asked Ginny curiously
"Work," replied Allison refusing to give her friend any information.
Ginny rolled her eyes. Why did Allison always have to be so difficult. She sat down on Allison's bed and picked up one of the potion books she was looking at.
"Why are you looking at potions for wizard drag queens?"
"Because," said Allison not looking up from the song lyrics she was writing out.
"For heavens sake, just answer the question properly!"
Allison looked up at her startled.
"There's no need to shout."
Ginny sighed. Allison loved to push people's buttons.
"To answer your question I'm going to feed it to Malfoy, as punishment."
"Punishment for what?"
Allison looked at Ginny disbelieving
"Are you questioning the fact that Malfoy needs to be punished?"
"No," said Ginny hastily."I was just wondering what he did this time."
"Well for your information, he has been terrorizing first-years again."
"Doesn't he always do that," asked Ginny wondering why Allison was only just now taking action on this.
"Yes but this time was particularly bad," said Allison quietly. "One little girl was crying when I came across him screaming at her."
"So you going to make him wear drag?"
"Yeah. All I need to do is slip him that potion," Allison gestured to the book Ginny was holding.
"So what's with the song lyrics?"
"Well I figured If we're going to do this we better do it all the way so I'm going to, via this song potion, make him sing the words to I feel pretty."
Ginny smiled.
"What if we got the house elves to sing back up?"
"Sounds excellent," said Allison grinning wickedly.
"Now all we need to do is brew the potions," Ginny rubbed her hands together.
"And figure out a way to slip Malfoy the potions."
"We could always get Dobby to put it in his pumpkin juice."
"I like the way you think,"said Allison grinning wickedly.
Draco took a long gulp of his pumpkin juice. It seemed like his bacon was extra salty today. It had nothing to do with Dobby adding twice the normal amount of salt to his bacon and eggs, nothing to do with that at all.
All of a sudden there was a large puff of smoke and Draco was dressed in…drag. Yep, he was dressed in make-up, a wig, female clothes including a copper bra that looked Amazonian. He looked down and looked around, furious. As he stood up to yell at Allison, he started singing instead.
"I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.
I feel charming,
Oh, so charming -
It's alarming how charming I feel,
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile.
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing.
Feel like running and dancing for joy.
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!" which he ended the verse twirling by Harry Potter and batting his eyes at the poor teenager who blushed a bright red, redder than the Weasley hair.
55. I am not allowed to recruit the House Elves to sing the chorus.
All of a sudden the house elves appeared in dresses and they started singing, quite loudly.
"Have you met my good friend Maria.
The craziest girl on the block?
You'll know her the minute you see her,
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.
She thinks she's in love,
She thinks she's in Spain,
She isn't in love,
She's merely insane!
It must be the heat,
Or some rare disease
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it's fleas
Keep away from her.
Send for Chino!
This is not the
Maria we know
Modest and pure.
Polite and refined.
Well-bred and mature
And out of her mind!"
They did manage to finish the whole song:
Draco:
I feel pretty.
Oh, so pretty!
That the city should give me its key
A committee
Should be organized to honor me!
Elves:
La, la, la, la...
Draco:
I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel dizzy and funny and fine
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!
Elves:
La, la, la, la...
Draco:
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Elves:
What mirror, where?
A mirror appeared on top of the Hufflepuff table and Draco jumped up to admire his image.
Draco:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Elves:
Which? What? Where? Whom?
Such a pretty face,
Such pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile.
Such s pretty me!
Elves:
Whom-mmm?
Such s pretty me!
ALL (Like all the students in the whole great hall, as the words had appeared above the Teacher's table):
"I feel stunning
And entrancing.
Feel like running and dancing for joy.
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!" and once again Draco ended his 'dance' somehow laying across Gryffindor Table, again batting his long eyelashes at Harry Potter, who blushed an even brighter red, which had nothing to do with the twins adding a special blushing potion to Harry's pumpkin juice when he wasn't looking, nothing to do with that at all.
After a few minutes, Draco blinked and his drag clothes disappeared. One unfortunate side effect of this particular potion is that it destroyed the clothes because they could not be changed back and the change was not permanent so they ended up disintegrating into dust. This left Draco Malfoy lying quite naked, except for his boxers with the flying brooms and snitches, lying across the Gryffindor table in front of Harry Potter of all people. He had no idea how he got there but that did not stop McGongall's fury. Poor Draco (well, not really). McGonagall had been in the Hospital wing tending to a few first year muggle born students. They always got Wizard Chicken Pox, a harmless rash that caused feathers to sprout on one's arms; Professor Snape was in the hospital wing, administering the cure. She walked in to inform Dumbledore that the outbreak would be gone in a day or two, and that they should keep some extra potion on hand, as it had a shelf life of 8 months. She saw Draco Malfoy, laying on her table, in his boxers, in front of Harry Potter.
"DRACO MALFOY. HOW DARE YOU LAY ACROSS GRYFFINDOR TABLE IN YOUR BOXERS! ONE HUNDRED POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND TWO WEEKS OF DETENTION WITH SNAPE!" she shouted at him while dragging him, by his ear, from the table.
As soon as she left the Great Hall, because Professor Snape was in the Hospital wing attending to a sick first year, the entire Great Hall burst into a massive applause with cheers and whistles and even a polite round of applause from Slytherin table.
Professor Dumbledore stood up and let off several fire crackers from his wand. "Ahem, that was a very interesting morning show, now, off to class. Oh and … twenty five points to Slytherin for being such good sports and another twenty five points to Mr. Malfoy for an excellent singing voice. Off to class, chop chop," said Dumbledore, clapping his hands.
The students stood up and slowly left the Great Hall for their first classes. Allison smiled. This was only the beginning.
NOTE (from RUGoing2writethat): The Lyrics are real from West Side story which I do not own and neither does RiverHolly. They are the actual unaltered lyrics borrowed for this chapter. Thank you!
Yay, new chapter! And a prank war. Thanks to RUGoing2writethat for writing most of the chapter and beta reading my parts. Please review, cause it makes my day and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Love ya!
Amy, out.