Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
"Courage is not the lack of fear, but the ability to see it." – Lt. John B. Putnam, Jr.
o o o o
13 January, 2000
"C'mon, Baby Girl," Derek sighed as he and Sammie walked out of the United Center and into the cold. Sammie tugged her down coat around herself and shivered. Smiling, Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
"Oh my God, it's freezing," she said, tucking herself as close as possible to him so his body blocked the wind from stinging her face.
"The car's not that far. You need some new gloves. Thick, leather ones."
"I have some; I just can't find them," Sammie grimaced. "Watch, I'll find them in June or something."
Derek opened the door of the little green Bug and helped Sammie in before closing the door and walking around the front of the car. Turning the key in the ignition, he flipped on the defrosters and heat. He grabbed the ice scraper from the floorboard by Sammie's feet and got back out of the car to scrap the thin coat of ice from the windshield.
"I want the boys to stop failing at life," Sammie quipped when Derek was back in the car.
"Yeah, that was a pretty rough game, huh?"
"It was the worst," she shook her head. "I lost track of how many power plays we just gave away. Hooking, icing, cross-check, roughing, slashing, interference, boarding, netminder interference, high sticking, even delaying the game. I mean… ugh. It was just ridiculous. I think most of the game was spent five-on-four, even five-on-three! Some spent more time in the box than on the ice."
"Seatbelt, Sam," Derek pointed to the unused safety device. "Put on your seatbelt."
"It's like they had a bet!" Sammie continued grousing as she pulled on her seatbelt and Derek carefully navigated through the parking lot. "It's like they were like, 'Hey! I bet I can rack up ten penalties by the first intermission.' 'Oh yeah? You're totally on! I'm going for twenty!'"
Derek started to laugh and Sammie just huffed in annoyance at the entire situation. Holding her hands in front of the air vents, Sammie shivered again, mumbling about how the heater needed to work faster. When the traffic out of the lot came to a standstill, Derek tugged his gloves off and handed them to her.
"Derek, you're hands are going to freeze," she shook her head and tried to give them back, but he nudged her hands away.
"Put them on, Princess. Can't send you back to school with damaged fingers. You'd have to change your major. And that would be a tragedy."
"Are you sure?"
"As sure as I am that that game was the worst sport event I've ever seen in my entire life. Including my cousins peewee football game where the players kept scoring on themselves."
"Wow… that's pretty damn sure. Thanks, Der," Sammie tugged the too-big black gloves on over her fuzzy green ones. Awkwardly, she pushed the button on the stereo and turned the volume button down to a reasonable level, fumbling slightly over the leather gloves that extended about an inch beyond the ends of her fingertips. "My hands are too little."
"Naw, they're cute," Derek said without thinking as he turned onto West Madison Street.
"Too little," she shook her head ruefully. "It's hard to play the piano at times. I want my fingers to be about a quarter of an inch longer. But I don't think they're going to grow anymore."
"You seem to get along pretty well."
"I can barely span an octave. Any smaller and I would never be able to play difficult, octave spanning pieces. They're just barely big enough. My teacher wanted me to play a Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody Number Six for my recital last April. Good Lord, it took forever and a day to get the stupid piece down."
"I bet it was beautiful."
"I tripped up at the actual recital. Five minutes in I fumbled. I couldn't believe it. So embarrassing."
"It couldn't have been that bad," Derek shrugged and navigated onto the merge for I-Two-Ninety. "You probably just remember it worse than it was because you were embarrassed."
"I dunno, maybe. Dad kept saying if I'd practiced more…"
Derek thinned his lips and reached over to take her hand and squeeze. Sammie looked down at their hands and then up at him, watching him flip the turn signal on and try to move into the middle lane. Turning her head, she looked out the window, keeping her hand loosely in his.
"Who is this?" Derek asked after several minutes of uncomplicated silence.
"What?"
"The CD. What band is this?"
"Oh. The Goo Goo Dolls. They're my favourite. This is their fifth album. A Boy Named Goo. Their sixth album came out last year, Dizzy Up the Girl. I like Dizzy the best, but I don't think it's in the car. I don't really care for their first three tapes. I mean, I have them, of course, but they didn't make the top twenty."
"They did that song 'I'll Be,' right?"
"Actually, no. Everyone thinks they did that song, but they didn't. That was Edwin McCain on his CD Misguided Roses. It peaked at number five and, unfortunately, his only top ten so far. I'm sure he'll get more. He's got so much talent. He just released a new single from the new CD that came out last June. 'I Could Not Ask for More.' Oh my goodness, the song's so beautiful. I hope it does well in the charts. That's a really good CD too. They both are. You can borrow them if you want."
"Why don't you just make a list of all the music I have to listen to?" Derek half joked. "I'll never remember all the random music you bring up. You're like a music encyclopedia or something."
"I'm sorry, I just love music so much," Sammie's voice was suddenly quiet and he could tell without looking at her that her face was flushed red. "I don't mean to babble."
"I didn't mean it in a bad way, Baby Girl," he smiled.
"I love music."
"I know."
"Music's always there for you. No matter what happens or who leaves or… hurts you. Music's always there. Music's always safe. No matter what. Music's there when you don't know what to do or what to say."
Derek squeezed her hand.
ooo ooo ooo ooo
"You don't have to feed me," Sammie told him from where she sat at his table.
"Neither one of us could eat during that game. I'm starving. There's no way you're not at least a little hungry. And you feed me all the time. It's not going to be as good as your cooking, but I can hold my own on a burger, so just sit down and chill. You stress out too much, Sammie. I have a decent collection of movies. You could put something in if you want."
Getting up, Sammie wandered over to the television in the living room and studied the bookcase. Derek could hear her pick up movies and put them back before deciding on one and turning on the television.
"What'd you pick?"
"Silence of the Lambs. Anthony Hopkins was so creepy in it. I had nightmares about it for months. Granted, I was eleven at the time."
"You were allowed to watch a rated R movie when you were eleven?" Derek stopped in surprise and nearly dropped the burger he'd been in the middle of flipping.
"Allowed… snuck into my backpack and smuggled to a friends house… same thing, right?" Derek started laughing and turned back to the stove. "Yeah… Mum grounded me for a week after that one. Apparently, my nightmares gave me away."
"I never would have pegged you as liking horror movies."
"Love them. I don't know why. We should watch Se7en later. That movie was so brilliant. The vanity death really grossed me out though. Who would rather be dead than disfigured? Seriously?"
"Someone really, really vain? Ketchup?"
"And mustard."
Derek plated the food and carried it over into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to Sammie after she took her plate. He noticed she still picked over the plate a little before actually beginning to eat, but had to be happy with the fact that she didn't put off eating nearly as long as she had been two weeks ago.
"There are some people who should just be locked away," Derek commented after one of Hopkin's rather long pieces of dialogue to Jodi Foster. The man truly was exceedingly creepy as Hannibal Lecter.
"No kidding. Who wants Charles Manson running around?"
"Farese was released on bail until he's officially charged," Derek picked up the empty plates and stood up to take them to the pictures. "He'll be back in jail as soon as the charges are filed."
"I… I… I'm not pressing charges," Sammie whispered, staring at her hands. Derek dropped the plates into the sink in surprise that seamlessly morphed straight to furious anger.
"What the hell do you mean you're not pressing charges?" he demanded. "How can you not press charges? Sam, he could have fucking killed you! He raped you! He beat you! You're just going to let him get away with it?"
Sammie was gone when he walked back out into the living room. Jodi Foster's uncertain face filled the television screen and Derek groaned. Taking a few deep breaths, he calmed himself down before going to look for her. She was somewhere in the apartment. He would have heard the front door close if she'd left.
"Sammie?" Derek pulled the closet door in his bedroom open and saw her hiding in the corner partially blocked by a few pairs of slacks he had hanging up. "Can I come in, Baby Girl?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered and Derek smiled sadly. Getting down in the most non-threatening position he could think of, he crawled into the closet on his hands and knees and sat next to her. He felt her tense when he pulled her into his arms. Derek kissed her temple and held her quietly, willing her to relax.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Baby," he reassured her, but she didn't relax against him like he hoped she would. She stayed stiff and anxious. "I'm sorry I yelled, Sammie. I promise you, Baby, I will never, ever hurt you.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again.
"Don't apologize, Sam. You didn't do anything wrong," Derek said into her hair.
"I didn't mean to make you angry."
"Princess, look at me. Please?" Derek waited until she raised her head the tiniest bit and he reached up to tuck her hair out of her eyes. She jerked away from his hand and looked so completely terrified that Derek wanted to kick himself all the way to Tokyo and back. He had scared her. Hell, he hadn't scared her. He'd petrified her. "Angel, I will never lay a hand on you in anger. I swear to God, I will never hurt you in any way. Yes, I was angry, I am angry that you don't want to press charges. But that doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you.
"Not all men hurt women, Sammie," Derek shook his head. "Your dad and Nick… They… Sammie, not every man's like them. I'm not like them. You're safe with me. You're always safe with me. No matter how angry or upset I might be."
Sammie didn't respond, but after a half hour of tense silence, she leaned against his chest and relaxed. Relieved beyond words, Derek wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm scared," she finally admitted. Derek's heart broke and he waited, worried she'd say she was scared of him. "I… I don't want to press charges because I'm scared."
"You're scared of Nick?" Derek couldn't help but be a little relieved when she nodded. "Oh, Baby Girl, he's never going to come near you again. But he might try if he's not in jail. He needs to pay for what he's done, Sammie. He can't be allowed to hurt you and get away with it."
"What if he's not found guilty?"
"There isn't a jury in the world that would find him 'not guilty,'" Derek shook his head, unwillingly thinking about the pictures in the case file Carlos had 'left' on his desk while he went for coffee last week. No, not a single person could possibly entertain the idea of a 'not guilty' verdict.
"You really think I should press charges?"
"I really do, Angel."
"I'd have to testify, wouldn't I?" Sammie's voice was muffled by his shirt and Derek kissed her hair.
"Yes," he answered simply.
"I don't know if I can get up there a-and tell people what he did. Especially not with him staring at me while I talk."
"I'd be right there, Baby Girl. You wouldn't be alone, Sammie."
Sammie nodded noncommittally and they lapsed into silence again. The silence wasn't exactly comfortable, but nor was it uncomfortable. It sat awkwardly in the middle and Derek felt her lean more and more against him until he was almost sure she'd fallen asleep from exhaustion.
Sammie, she scared him. Her existence scared him. Every moment he knew he cared about her more than the second before and that scared him. She was becoming such a large part of his world and he found himself caring about her more than he'd meant to, if not more than he'd really expected. And, to be honest, it scared him.
He was getting in over his head.
Derek wasn't sure what time it was when he finally moved, carefully standing up with Sammie in his arms and walked out of the closet. He put her into his bed and pulled the covers up over her. Grabbing a spare pillow from the floor, he closed the door behind him and padded over to the couch. The dishes could wait. He needed to sleep.
o o o o
"Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and stretching the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and, in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy." – Marguerite De Valois
A/N:
Oh, shit. What's happening now?
Well... BrilliantDarkness and I can be friends again. The Red Wings won in Detroit and the Maple Leafs won in Toronto and it's Sunday, so we're officially friends again. Ya know... Until the next time the Wings play either the Leafs or the Canucks. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Little Brother and the Bonus Brothers won their football game Thursday night so that was fun. They almost lost cause they went in all crazy over confident and were like, "Duuuude. We have this one in the bag!" and started making stupid mistakes and giving away points. But they won in the end, so I guess that's all the matters, right?
I got to spend time with my BFFisle, Kaff on Saturday. That was so much fun. She and her mum, my Ema, are as addicted to CM as me and my mum. So funny. I love it.
Anyways, I have to go drive back up to school and take Uncle Numero Ocho back up with me because his truck broke down. So that's gonna be fun. ish. maybe. I NEED CAFFEINE. And food. I'm really hungry. Anyways, I'm outtie! Thanks for reading and, please, tell me what you think, good or bad!
Love, Thalia