Hello dears! The next chapter is ready! Have in mind that it's a M rated fanfic ;) Just saying...
Chapter 10. Don't expect, only hope
The next morning…
"… The most important thing to remember is that you can't do anything that involves moving his head. Even when you have to change his neck brace, you have to make sure he doesn't move it."
"Okay."
"So now we will move onto the positioning of the condom catheter."
"What?"
"Blaine should only get out of bed if it's really necessary. There is this device called condom catheter which he, or more probably you, put on like a normal condom to collect the urine in a bag. I suppose you know how to put a condom on?"
"I…uh… guess so." Kurt whished the ground would open and swallow him up.
Blaine notices that. "I… uhm… chose this method because changing diapers would be more uncomfortable. But I think I can change that by my own. Don't worry."
"You better not do that, sir."
"No,no, that's fine. I'll do it. Of course… I… yeah… I'll do that." Kurt stutters.
"Great. So what we're going to do is that we carefully pull his pants down. Be sure to dress him light clothing to make it easier. Once we have done this, it's not entirely necessary to pull his underwear down too. You can just take his member out of…"
Before the nurse could even finish what she was doing, Kurt ran out of the room. "I need a second… sorry… I-"
In the hallway…
"Geez…"
"Is everything alright, Kurt?" James, Blaine's dad, asked.
"Yeah… yeah… Everything's just fine…"
"Did they finish showing you everything?"
"No, they don't. I just needed a second. Too much information at once…"
James pats his shoulder. "Take your time."
Back in Blaine's hospital room.
Kurt comes in. "Sorry… I think I'm ready now."
"No Kurt. It's fine. You don't have to do it. They showed me how I could do it by myself."
"Oh really?"
"Yes." Blaine said showing him an understanding smile.
"Good… what's next then?" he tried to behave as if nothing had happened.
"Blaine obviously needs to go to the toilet at one point because he refuses to take laxatives and diapers, so you are given a wheelchair for those cases to carry him to the toilet. But… only if it's deeply necessary."
"So why does he needs to have the catheter if he can go to the toilet?"
"Because with the medication he is given, he would need to get out of bed every now and then, and that would be too dangerous."
"All right."
"I showed you how to wash him, how to change his neck brace and changing the catheter will be his job but you have to empty the urine bag. You can use an old plastic bottle or when he has to go to the toilet anyway. No getting out of bed if it's not for the reason explained. That's a strict rule you both have to follow. When eating, he can sit up but only for the minimum amount of time. And that's actually all… Do you have any more questions? Do you think you can do this?"
"We will make it, right Blaine?"
"Sure we will."
"Nice to hear that. You are given some pamphlets for when you have to reread something, especially for the catheter, Blaine."
"Good."
"Great… then we're finished here."
"When will I get out of here?"
"Your doctor needs to decide that, but it's a matter of hours."
In the ambulance on the way to Blaine's apartment…
"I'm sorry I ran out of the room this morning. I just… I don't know… I guess when I offered my help I wasn't thinking of that particularly, and that is really something intimate. It came unprepared."
"Kurt, don't work yourself up because of that. It's fine… I'm actually glad you left because it was very uncomfortable for me too. If my legs would have been working properly, I would have been the one leaving the room. It's not because of you, it's exposing to people in general... I'm not very good at that. I'm probably not good at anything. I'm not even good at maintaining a relationship…" A tear starts to roll down into his hair and Blaine tries to catch it. "Sorry…"
"Blaine, don't say that. You are an amazing person and you are good at many things."
"Like what?"
"Like… being a friend to me. One amazing friend… and… and… at being you. Just the way you are is good enough for many people and it's sad that you don't see that by yourself."
Blaine sighs. "Do I even deserve your friendship?"
"That, and so much more."
In Blaine's room back in the apartment…
Kurt is sitting on the edge of Blaine's bed pulling the sheets over his body.
"It's getting chilly, isn't it?", he said in a British tone.
"Chilly?"
"Ah… cold"
"Oh yeah. It's getting cold again but it doesn't really get too cold in LA."
"I know. So do you need anything? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Anything at all?"
"No. Just tired."
"Okay, I'm leaving you then. Just shout if you need anything."
He was about to stand up when Blaine takes his hand. "Thank you again."
"It's okay."
"Could you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Anything?" He smirked.
He rolled his eyes. "Well… anything so you don't move your head."
"It's just… I'd like to call Dean."
"Weren't you tired?"
"I want to ask him something. It's just a minute."
"Fine then…", he opens the bedside drawer and takes the phone out.
"I still have high hopes that we will get together again. I feel like this isn't the end yet. There is so much left unsaid and I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it that way."
Without saying anything at all, Kurt gives him the phone and leaves the room.
A little later…
"Kuuuurt," Blaine shouts from his room.
The younger boy leaves everything he was doing and walks to the end of the hallway.
"Hey. Are you done talking?"
"Yes! He's coming in half an hour," he said enthusiastically.
"Good," Kurt states with no spirit in his voice.
Why am I feeling that way? My heart grows heavy every time he speaks of him. The worst part is that he has hopes in something that is hopeless and he doesn't get it. But still, I have no right to feel like this. Maybe they do get together again in the end, and maybe they will live happily ever after…
Kurt takes the phone out of Blaine's hand and placed it on the bedside table.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to continue working on that essay."
"Sure."
A key turns in the lock…
The first thing that Dean sees as he enters the apartment is Kurt sitting at the table with a lot of paperwork in front of him. "Sorry… I should have been ringing instead of using the key. It's the old habit…"
"Oh hi, I didn't even hear you coming. It's better that you didn't ring the doorbell because he's sleeping right now."
"Do you mind if I look after him?"
"Go ahead. He's waiting for you though."
Dean places his jacket on a chair and starts to walk through to Blaine's room.
"Oh… Dean?"
"Yes?" He turns around and walks back to Kurt.
"I thought about not telling you, but I guess I better should."
"What's it?"
"Before he called you, he told me that he still has high hopes in getting back together with you. I don't know what you told him at the hospital when you supposedly broke up with him, but one thing for sure is that it didn't convince him at all."
Dean and Blaine at the hospital room…
"I think we should end it here, Blaine…"
"No, please. Give it one last chance. I understand you with all my heart but please, don't let those people be the reason of your decision."
"I gave it many chances and it didn't change anything. It just took me further and further away from you."
"Please."
Dean shook his head. "No, I don't think so." He leaves the room.
Back in Blaine's apartment…
"That's what I told him. I thought it was clear…"
"It wasn't clear enough though."
He nods. "I guess I will set it straight then."
"You need to have a clear decision to be able to convince him. If you want to break up, then don't give him false hopes."
"Okay. Thanks Kurt for telling me."
Dean knocks on Blaine's door.
"Come in."
"Hello dear. How are you feeling?"
"Great! And even better now that you're here."
Don't give him false hopes.
Dean says nothing.
"Can you help me up?"
"Are you sure you're allowed to?"
Blaine says "Yes", so Dean takes his two hands and pulls him up. "Wait, I'm going to put a pillow behind you."
When both were settled, Dean starts to talk. "Blaine… first of all I want to set something straight. I think I didn't make it clear the other day. I want you to understand that-,"
"Sorry guys," Kurt came in. "I need to meet up with a classmate. Is it okay if I leave you alone for half an hour?"
"No problem on my side," Dean said.
"No problem with me either. Dean's going to take care of me."
Dean looks at Kurt pressing his lips together.
"Okay. Have fun. Oh and Blaine? You better lay down." He leaves.
"Uhm… what I was going to say is that I want you to understand that the other day was really a break up on my side. It's not working anymore as you may have noticed."
"But you said you didn't know at all and then you just left."
"I didn't want you to give false hopes. That wasn't my intention."
"So… this is real then…"
"I'm afraid yes. But I don't want you out of my life at all. We can still be friends."
"Get out."
"Uhm… okay. Good bye Blaine."
"Get the fuck out of my apartment."
Dean was about to open the front door when he remembered that Kurt wasn't here and that it would be irresponsible to leave the man alone, so he sat down on the couch and waited.
A little later…
Kurt finds a tired looking Dean sitting on the couch.
"What are you doing here?"
"He wanted me to 'get the fuck out of his apartment'."
"Oh… that bad?"
"Yeah, that bad."
"Thank you for staying though."
"It's okay. Do you need help?"
"No, I guess it's better for you to leave now. I'll call you if I need something, okay?"
"Fine."
They hug and he leaves.
Kurt knocks on Blaine's door…
"Can I come in?"
No answer. Kurt opens the door to find a still sitting Blaine.
"Blaine… were you sitting for the whole time?" He asked scandalized.
"Who cares?"
"I do."
Blaine sneered at that answer. "Pfft…"
"Now that you're already sitting, let me get you washed and changed. Is that okay with you?"
"No, I want to be alone."
"You can have that after getting you ready for bed."
"No, now."
"You also need to change your catheter. Or do you want an infection? I've read those pamphlets…"
"I don't care anymore. It's all senseless. I could be dying and I wouldn't mind."
Kurt takes place on his bed and looks straight into Blaine's eyes. His eyes start to get wet and tears start to form very slowly without breaking the eye contact. "You don't mean that."
"…no… I guess I don't, now that I look into your eyes… sorry. I'm not myself right now."
"Put your hand on your heart."
"What?"
"Do it."
Blaine does so.
"Do you feel your heartbeat?"
"Yes."
"That's called purpose. You're here for a reason, don't leave without one. Or at least with a reason that won't change who you are. Even if he broke up, you're still going to be you, you're alive. It won't kill you just because of it. It hurts for a while and you might think that you're dying from the inside, but it will go away eventually."
"Have you ever been heartbroken?"
"No."
"Then how are you so certain that that's the way it's going to be?"
"I just know. And I can derive that feeling from other feelings I have experienced. You're going to be okay, Blaine. And even though it may not be comforting right now, but there is someone out there who will take you as you are and with all it takes to be with you."
"Can you make me ready for bed now?"
"Of course… Let's change your neck brace first."
Kurt exits the room and before he starts to walk any further, he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He then walks over to the bathroom and prepares everything he needs. Hot water, a new brace, a sponge and towels.
"I'm back." He then sits again on the edge of his bed. "I'll take off the brace. Make sure not to move your neck while it's gone."
He did as he told, very carefully. He starts to dip the sponge into the hot water and starts to wash his neck. He wasn't aware that Blaine moved his upper body closer to him.
"Kurt…" Blaine whispers and leans closer in and before Kurt could even understand what's happening, he felt a pair of the softest lips on his own lips. There was no movement at all, but it felt like the time has stopped ticking for a while. Kurt eventually came back to his sense and after having realized what he was actually doing, he pulled away being careful not to move his head.
"Blaine… what are you doing?"
"It… it just overcame me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"No, you really shouldn't have. I'm not a replacement for Dean, Blaine."
"I know that. I wasn't really thinking."
"I noticed that you're not doing that at all today. Let's just finish, okay?"
Kurt took his shirt off and washed him, not saying a thing. Same when he took his pants off. Only when he was finished. "I'm leaving the water and the sponge here for when you change the catheter. You should wash yourself before you put the new one, okay?"
"I want you to do it."
"No, definitely not if you can do it by yourself."
"I trust you enough to allow you to do it. Besides, I can't see what I'm supposed to do. I only feel it with my hands. Please."
"Not in that condition, Blaine. You just kissed me. I… I don't know what to think anymore let alone what you think. We can't let that happen. You're confused and that's totally normal, but don't take it out on me. I'm not a second choice or a pain killer. I think I'm more worth than that."
"Please let us be two adults and let us handle the situation as you said: you are a nurse, and I'm your patient. Let's put what happened aside and help me, please."
Without further comment, Kurt placed his hands on each side of Blaine's hips and digs his fingers under the waistband of his boxer briefs. "Are you sure?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then I'm too," Blaine states.
I hope it did not turn out to be too weird haha
The next chapter is already in the making so expect it to be sooner!
Thank you for reading and reviewing :3