The masses have spoken! Spencer's point of view it is. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews! You make my heart go boom-boom with all the kind words.

So it still isn't mine and I've run out of ideas how to make it mine, so I'm just sulking about it now. Not very mature, but it feels pretty good!

Of to the story we go!

Senior Year

Chapter 10

Spencer's point of view.

By the time we get to Tony's party, I'm almost ready to just call it a night. Really, Kyla and Ashley ended up in a huge fight and I'm still not really sure what started it. I mean we were just deciding what to wear and all of a sudden world war three broke out. There were clothes hangers flying and insults slung, I mean they went all out!

Now I'm stuck uncomfortably between the two waring stepsisters. Ashley was driving in silence, her jaw clenched shut and giving me the evil eye on occasion, like I did something wrong. Kyla for her part was mumbling to herself about what I'm not sure, but she was at least not giving me accusing looks. Really, if we hadn't just stopped in front of the huge beach house, I would have just gone home.

I don't bother waiting for them as I open my door and head towards the house. What? I really hate when people fight, the tension it leaves in the air always upsets me. So most times in a situation like this I head for cover, alone.

Not that that plan seems to be working, because I can hear the 'bleep' of Ashley's car alarm and then her sandaled feet running to catch up with me.

"Hey, wait up!"

I turn and watch as she walks up to me and I almost forget I'm semi mad at her. Okay, not mad, but feeling left in the dark and confused by her and it's not a nice feeling. Still, her outfit has me forgetting all about that for a moment. She's in one of her midriff baring shirts and a hung low over the hips short skirt. Really, her stomach is a thing of beauty and I want to touch it badly right now. Like it's taking all my concentration and resolve to not just let my hand wander over her abs briefly with just a butterfly touch. I do that often in my dreams, just caress her stomach and tell her I love it almost as much as I love her. Gotta love dreams, you know? It's all some of us will have.

She's about to say something when I notice Kyla's not following her and as if on cue, the car alarm goes off. I peak past Ashley and now I don't know if I should laugh or be pissed off.

"Did you really go and lock her in the car?"

Ashley gives me a look that says 'yeah, so what?', like she doesn't really see the problem with that.

"She was being a bitch."

I sigh and suddenly realize how my mother feels when Glen and I get into it. Kids, geez!

"That doesn't mean you can lock her in your car, Ashley." She just wiggles her nose at me and I almost smile. "Where you planning on leaving her there the whole night?"

Ashley seems to ponder this question for awhile, her eyebrows knitted together as she bites the side of her mouth.

"Probably."

At least she's honest.

"Look, she's been getting into it with me the whole afternoon, can you really blame me for wanting some Kyla free time?"

I really want to point out that she's been mostly getting in Kyla's face, but I don't want to get her angry at me. At least not more so, which brings me to my next question.

"Are you mad at me?"

Her eyes go all big when I ask her that and I hate the fact that I just sounded like a ten year old, my voice all soft and scared.

"God no! Don't be stupid, Kid. I'm just pissed at Kyla."

I know I shouldn't push this, but it feels like she's just a little mad at me too and I can't bare that. The last while we've been getting along so well, we talk and joke and laugh and I might die if I lose that now. I'll really just die. I'm pathetic, aren't I?

"Well it kind of feels like it. You were giving me these looks all the way over here and I just want to know if I've gone and done something to make you angry." She just stares at me and I'm compelled to go on. "I mean we're friends now, right? At least...I mean...I think we are, right?"

Oh God please let her say yes, please! I really thought we were friends and if I'm wrong, talking to her like this would be bad. Just really really bad. She has boundary issues, remember.

She sighs and nods her head.

"Yeah, we're...friends."

Good, I can breathe again.

"Okay, so as a friend you can tell me if I'm doing something that's making you unhappy. I won't get mad, I promise."

I'm not sure that was the right thing to say, but she hasn't told me off yet and she's still standing here, so that's good if you ask me.

"Look, I'm really not mad at you. It's just that Kyla and I...well...you see...Ugh! We started fighting because I said she was making you look slutty with all the things she made you try on for the party and then you went and wore her outfit and I'm maybe taking it out on you a little." She finally paused to take a breath. "Sorry."

Well, I didn't expect that. So the fight was about my choice of outfit? Or at least Kyla's choice of outfit for me. That's just weird. Hey wait a minute, I look SLUTTY!?

"Oh man, I told Kyla I couldn't pull this look off. I knew I should have just kept my jeans on. This does just make me look slutty."

I can't help but try to tug the skirt as well as the top down to cover as much skin as possible. Kyla made me wear a short, blue skirt with a white top that left my stomach mostly exposed and clung rather snugly around my breasts. The only reason I wore it was because she told me it looked fine and that I should stop being so old fashioned. I thought it would make me fit in at the party more, make me more acceptable to be around.

Fine, I didn't want to look like a lost nun and make Ashley ashamed to be seen in public with me. Now it turns out I look like some slutty 'ho that she's embarrassed to be seen with. Wonderful!

Suddenly her hand is warm on my hip and she's standing right in front of me, her eyes deeply boring into mine. I don't think my heart was prepared for that, because it's having a panic attic in my chest.

"No, don't worry about it. You look really...you look beautiful, okay? I just meant that it's not your usual style and I didn't want her to try and like change you or anything and make you uncomfortable. I just said it made you look slutty to try and dissuade her. I didn't really mean it."

I can feel her fingers tugging the shirt down over my stomach and I can't help but shiver when the back of her knuckles brush against my skin.

"I get it. That was actually pretty sweet of you...in a rather warped way. I mean I am a little uncomfortable in this, but I don't always want to be geeky Spencer, you know? So I thought I'd try the outfit she picked for me and see how it goes."

Her one hand is still resting on my hip and she's absentmindedly now playing with the shirt in her other hand, leading to more subtle brushes of her skin against mine. I'm so glad I wore this shirt right now.

"I've told you before, Spencer, you're not just the geeky kid who gets good marks in class. If people can't see that without you having to change everything that makes you you, then they don't deserve to know you. Besides, do you really want a bunch of guys hanging around you know that they can see you're a hottie, with only one thing on their minds? And that thing will have nothing to do with the fact that you're a pretty great person. People like that will only end up hurting you."

With a final tug on my shirt she steps away and kind of shakes her head at the few shirtless guys on the front porch already eyeing us. I know they're not even seeing me, because who would notice me when Ashley Davies was standing right there looking hot, but I guess she doesn't see it that way. As delusional as I think she is for thinking that, I love her all the more for it. She thinks I look beautiful and that's pretty much the greatest thing to happen to me in ages.

"Thank you, Ashley."

She stops glaring at the guys on the porch and gives me a questioning look.

"For what?"

"For caring."

She looks startled at that and then she pulls away. Not physically, but I can see it clearly in her body language. Her eyes grow cold and her shoulders straighten. I don't know why, but me simply thanking her for caring about me seems to have been the wrong thing to say.

"Care about you? Fine, I know we said we're friends and all, but I barely know you and the only reason I said what I said was because I felt an obligation of sorts to do so. Don't be making assumptions about my feelings again, because the only person I really care about is myself. The only thing anyone really cares about in my experience is themselves and you'd do well to learn that fact quickly. Life is less painful that way. Trust me."

Okay, that hurt. That really, really just hurt. I never in a million years would have expected that from her. She's friends with me, but she doesn't really care. She says the sweetest things and almost makes me feel completely good about myself, but she only did it out of some sort of obligation.

Guess that's what I am to her, really. An obligation. I'm just Kyla's best friend who she's forced to hang out with lately so she tolerates me, probably feels sorry for me more then anything else. Feels she has to warn Spencer against the big evil world, because I obviously know nothing about it. I live in books and grades and dreams where I get to stroke her stomach. Maybe she's right then.

In the real world, people care about themselves. Or maybe Ashley just cares about herself and no one else. The thing that hurts the most about this is that I don't think Ashley is who I thought she was. Who I thought I loved. Maybe I don't know her at all and I just love this fantasy I built up around her. God, how sad is that?

I turn around and see she's still lingering on the steps and I harden myself, because if I don't she might see my heart breaking a little bit, before I speak.

"Ashley?"

I'm surprised to hear my voice sounds normal, because inside normal is something that I fear I won't be able to recognize again for a very long time. I guess that's what happens when the small shred of hope I've always harbored is taken away from me. I'll never have her and maybe that's a good thing, because if this is her, the real her, maybe I don't want her.

She doesn't say anything, just looks at me so I continue.

"You still have to unlock the car for Kyla."

I walk past her and into the beach house without a second glance, sure that if I do I might just cry. Cry because I've been an idiot, because I've been in love with a fantasy for the better part of two years and because...because...Oh man I can't cry in front of all these people. I can't be hurt that Ashley, who is essentially a stranger to me, doesn't love me. That as much as I wish it was a fantasy a small voice inside my head is still telling me that I do love her. That I always will. Even if she clearly can't even care for me in the most basic of ways, as a friend.

I'm relieved when I spot a table lined with drinks of various colors. I'm not much of a drinker and I've maybe only ever been drunk a grand total of two times in my life, but tonight I want to forget. So without thinking about it further I gulp down two of the little glasses with shooters in and grimace as it burns it's path down towards my stomach. I grab a glass and fill it with a generous amount of vodka and touch it up with some lemonade. Tonight I drink.

"Are my eyes deceiving me, or is it really little miss perfect chugging back drinks I see?"

I turn around to face the voice, even though I know who it is. Carmen Garcia. Great, the universe really just wants to rub all my failures in my face tonight.

"Carmen, not tonight. You can gloat all you want Monday at school, but tonight I just don't want to fucking hear it!"

As a rule I don't swear much. Or ever really, but it felt like the thing to do, you know? I mean I'm heartbroken here, I'm pretty much shattered over what probably seems to you as such a small thing, but to me? To me it meant so much. I just lost Ashley, or the small bit of her I thought I could have and here comes Carmen Garcia reminding me that I might just loose the one other thing of importance in my life. The valedictorian position.

"Uhm...are you okay?"

I don't think I've ever heard that exact tone in Carmen's voice. Granted, our conversations are limited to 'Ha, I got better marks then you' and me replying 'whatever', so I guess any other tone but smug would be new to me.

"Like you care."

Then she says the one thing in the one tone I never expected to hear from Carmen Garcia.

"I do care."

She said it so quietly, like she was afraid if she spoke louder or something I might yell at her again. The most surprising thing though was the tone of sincerity I could clearly hear in her words. She does care, so Ashley was wrong. Not everyone is so selfish that they can't care about other people too. All this time I've been resentful of Carmen and basically wished her presence away and she can scrounge up some sincere concern for me. I feel like a complete jerk now.

"Then you care more then some of my friends do."

I wanted it to come out hard and sarcastic, like I was just making a bad joke, but even I could hear I failed miserably. I just sounded sad and hurt. I shake my head and take a long sip of my too strong drink, I really do need to get on the whole drinking my worries away bit.

"Put that down and dance with me."

It's not so much a question as it is a demand and I find myself following it. Well, not before I take another huge gulp at least.

"Okay."

I spot Kyla standing with Aiden and Ashley and I can see she's arguing with Ashley about something. Aiden's obviously not interested in their argument, because his eyes are roaming around the room vacantly. Then when he spots me being led by the hand to the dance floor his eyebrows shoot up and a rather calculating look enters his eyes as he takes it all in. Me and Carmen and the hands held tightly between us and I'm reminded of what he said at lunch the other day, about Carmen liking me.

Before I can follow that thought further, I'm lead outside to where a good hundred or more people are already drunk and dancing wildly to the music. Without another word being said Carmen starts to dance and I follow, wondering what the hell I was doing as she smiled tentatively at me.

I can finally feel the alcohol start to work it's magic as my muscles relax and I sway to the music. For a few minutes we circle each other like that, both just swaying near but not touching. By the beginning of the fourth song I'm only semi surprised when she casually leans into me and cups her hand around my hip.

I let her, even as I fight down the realization that it feels wrong, that no ones hand but Ashley's would feel right there, because I just want someone to care right now.

And looking into Carmen Garcia's startling blue eyes, I know she cares. She cares a hell of a lot and that's enough for me.

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Okay, please no one kill me for doing this. In my defense I never said everything would be easy right from the get go for Ashley and Spencer, they both have issues they need to work through first, you know? So please tell me what you thought of this and what you thought of Carmen. Not that there was a lot of Carmen in this chapter, but the next one is from her point of view, so anything will be helpful. Do you want her to be the villain, or may she actually have a heart in this one? You tell me. So review, please?