I can't concentrate. I squeeze my eyes shut as I press the tips of my fingers close together, trying to get the familiar waves of calm I usually get when I meditate roll over me and wash everything clean from my mind, but it just isn't working. I sigh as I realise I'm going to be denied my peace just when I need it most. My emotions feel all jumbled-up inside me and my stomach feels full of knots that keep shifting form, like snakes slithering all over each other. No matter how much I try, my thoughts keep returning to him. It's like he's taken root in my mind and I can't dig him back out. Whenever I close my eyes and let my mind wander it always goes back to the memory of his smile and it is so vivid, it feels like his presence is in the room. I sigh again, louder this time so the sound echoes in the room. What have I done to deserve this?

I open my eyes and they take a moment to adjust to the darkness. I have always kept my room in the perfect conditions to meditate so I can easily when I need to but I fear in my desperation for calm, I may have overdone it. I usually make my room dark but right now it is so pitch black I can't make out my hand when I hold it in front of my face. I normally burn some incense as the smell is so relaxing but today I have four plates of it smouldering around me and the smell is suffocating. I cough at its thickness, stirring the still air, and I uncross my legs from the lotus position I was in. My mind was so full, I couldn't even levitate and that is a worrying thought. How has he done this to me? I fumble around in the inky blackness and light some candles, guided only by feel. The flames welcomely flicker into life all around me and bathe the room in their comforting glow. My eyes go to my bookcases and I smile at my collection of leather-bound volumes. Maybe I should read some of my books to distract myself. I'm sure the words will chase away any thoughts of him.

I take one randomly and open it and, for a while, it works. It's a book of old myths and legends, one I haven't read for a long time, and I let myself be transported to its world, where hideous monsters are slain by brave warriors in the name of their loves, where everything is clear-cut over who the good guys and the bad guys are. Then I get to one legend near the end of the book, one that had completely escaped my mind.

In this story, a man went to pursue a monster, just like in all the other stories but the monster found his village first and destroyed it whilst he was gone. When he came back, he begged to die with them but instead he was given a power, a power that would allow him to finally destroy the monster but it came at a deadly price for it meant that he too created destruction where ever he went. There was an illustration, beautifully done in dark inks, that showed this man walking with death and decay at his heels and it makes me sick. The hollow eyes, the drawn-out limbs…it all strikes too close to home and I slam the book shut and press my face into the cover. The leather has a comforting smell and feel but I'm on the verge of weeping. This was the last thing I wanted to do yet I know it is already too late. Why did I have to go back and talk to him when he was in that cell? I lament in my own mind. Maybe if I hadn't I wouldn't be in this mess.

He's unlike anyone I've ever known because he is such an enigma. I'm so drawn to him, like a moth to a flame, yet at the same time my instincts tell me to back away. He's a murderer, he does nothing to hide that fact and he killed four people right before my eyes, yet he still has a sense of justice and there is nothing wrong with his morals-he just deals with it differently. Am I just making excuses for him? I don't know anymore but I do know I stuck up for him so I can't believe he is all bad. He's not bad, he just comes from a bad situation. Kind of how I did. We're the same but different. There's a bitter taste in my mouth and I toss the book away. It's just like he said-we have one foot in one world and one foot in another. We're both in the same boat but at the same time on other sides of the ocean. Fate can be twisted at times.

I hear a sudden knock at the door and it jolts me out of my miserable state. It's probably Beast Boy with a message from Robin about the case or maybe Cyborg 'forgot' that I didn't want waffles. I admit, I wouldn't mind one right now. I do love them a lot, more than life itself at times.

"Hold on." I call out as I get to my feet and step over to the door. My legs feel stiff, they haven't quite recovered from their numbness so my steps are a little uneven as I gain my composure. I open the door and I almost spring back like I had been electrocuted. Standing there, without his mask on and his soft brown eyes staring into mine, is Kain. He looks at me sheepishly and my hand suddenly grips the doorway. This was the last thing I needed, why did it have to be him…

"Hey," He says and I can see this is just as awkward for him as it is for me. "Is…is this a bad time? Beast Boy said you don't usually like to be disturbed when you're in your room but this is an emergency."

"No…it's fine." I answer, waving his concerns away. There wasn't really going to be a better one any time soon. "What's happened?"

"It's just… we've figured out what Zane's plan is and it's bad. Like really, really bad." He said and I almost eye roll at how childish he sounds but his expression makes me stop. "We were going through the hotel bookings the hotel has on the night of its grand opening-every room has somebody from the Jump City elite in there. Celebrities, politicians, every single room has at least one. Plus, Cyborg was looking at the blueprints. The mistakes on there…" He sucked his breath in and I feel a pang of his pain; I can only imagine what this is doing to him. "They aren't accidental. Nothing like that could be a mistake, no decent architect could make something like that. You know what that means, don't you?" I shake my head, even though I do know and it sends a chill running down my spine. "That place was built to fall and it's going to take a lot of people with it. And that's not even the worst part. The place the Brotherhood was going to stay at? It's across the street in one of Zane's personal apartments. The Brotherhood…they are going to come and watch."

"What?" My voice comes out as a strangled squeak and my hand is gripping the door so tightly, my knuckles are white. "That can't be true…"

"I'm sorry to say it is." His words are short and anger flashes in his eyes. I reach out and put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him, causing me to step just out of the safety of my room. He doesn't flinch but he still looked surprised at the touch. He looks me in the eyes and it suddenly feels too close, too intimate. I drop my hand just before I speak.

"So what's going to happen now?"

"We're going to bring it down. Tonight, before anyone can get hurt." He tells me. "Robin's still working out the kinks but I know he'll do it. The guy certainly isn't a bird brain, I'll give him that. And I'm sure Cyborg has something up his sleeve or robot armour…does he wear clothes? I'd ask him but that might sound weird."

"Just a little bit." I chuckle and for a brief moment, the awkwardness goes away. He's smiling at me now and the return of his beaming face makes my heart jump a little. I need to find a way out of this right now...

"I'm sorry." He says and I'm taken aback.

"What? Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything."

"I know I was the last person you wanted to see after…you know…all that stuff at the hotel. I did recommend sending someone else but Robin insisted."

Stuff. He's calling it stuff. His hand has gone to the back of his neck and he's rubbing at it like it is a magic lamp. I bite my lip to force back a retort. I want to be angry at him but how can I when he saved me?

"Listen, I know it wasn't the right thing to do and I'm sorry for it. I don't want you to be angry at me Raven. I promise I won't do it again, especially now that I'm a Titan."

"All of it?" I say suddenly and I instantly want to slap my hand over my mouth. What possessed me to say that? I can feel my face going red and I can see his pale cheeks have gone crimson too. That is the problem with both of us being pale; our faces light up like beacons when we are embarrassed and there is no way to hide it. I want to run away now but my feet are rooted to the spot. "I'm sorry, I-"

"What?" he says and his voice is so soft and quiet I have to strain to hear it. "You mean…this?"

Then he leans forwards and his lips are on mine again, softer and gentler than the first time, like he's testing me. They linger there for barely a moment but it's enough to make the world around me stand still. As he leans back, his eyes seem to be glowing and I can see every speck of gold in them.

"Yes…that." I stutter out, my head feeling dizzy. I have to stop this, I have to put an end to it. Me and emotions don't go well, I know that, what if he ends up getting hurt? I can't risk it. "We have to stop this Kain. It can't go on like this. We won't speak of it again."

My voice is cold and blunt, my tone heartless. He keeps a blank face but his eyes have the look of somebody who has just been trampled on and I can't take it. I can't even call him by his name, his real name and that feels like a final blow.

"Raven…"

"I'm sorry." I say before I retreat to the safety and darkness of my room. "Goodbye."

The door closes and I'm encased in my room again, the glow of the candles now feeling almost cold. I slump against the door, my forehead pressed against it as I hear him knock again and call my name. He stops after a few minutes and I can feel water on my face as his footsteps fade down the corridor. I'm shaking as I press my weight against the door as small sobs try to escape me. You did the right thing, I try to tell myself, you did what was best for him and for your team. The only problem is, I don't think it was best for me.