Chapter Nine
Hide and Seek

Izzy lie awake in bed. His mind was an unfinished jigsaw of the day's events and the preceding that almost made his dream a reality. 'What would I have done?' Izzy thought looking at the beige ceiling tiles.

The minutes crept along his clock and he dreaded the morning but couldn't wait until the sun poked through his windows. Morning wasn't coming- not for a while and Izzy was too restless to sleep but too tired to get out of bed. He tossed and turned in what seemed like an Amazon of blankets and sheets that suffocated him.

The moon that splashed light onto the carpet gave him shivers. It made him think about Tai's motionless body being bathed in it when he found him. Blue lips- red lights. Those two things circled his brain unreasonably tying knots.

Anytime he found a moment of sleep his mind would be flooded with what-ifs and false actions. He opened his eyes to the disorder of his wandering mind and decided he wasn't going to sleep well tonight. There was too much to think about and as hard as he tried it not to think about it- the thought of Tai dying seemed inevitable.

Izzy awoke to a bright stream of sun in his eyes. It felt as if the world around him was working with a metronome. The birds, traffic and people outside suddenly began to annoy him after living beside it for so long.

A bitter taste was in his mouth. He rose from his bed and walked down the unfamiliar house. It was strange to him, he knew where things were but it didn't seem right. After swallowing a mouthful of water Izzy placed the glass on the counter and stared at his minimal reflection in the window.

He needed to speak with Tai, he need to know he was alive. In the back of his mind somewhere he felt that Tai's mom was lying and Tai was dead but he kept shaking the thoughts and resided back into his normal life.

He turned without question and marched towards his phone table. Pulling out the drawer he began to rummage through stacks of paper, throwing the discarded and unwanted sheets off to the side. This type of organization was unlike Izzy but at the moment he wasn't concerned.

Finally he found what he was looking for; a paper napkin with a coffee ring on it displaying a number underneath- Kari's cell phone. He picked up his phone and dialled. He waited through one ring, then another, then another. On the fourth a tired voice answered.

'Kari... don't speak. It's Izzy and don't say my name. Are you alone just answer yes or no.' Izzy blurted. There was silence and he could hardly hear her breathing. He heard a door close.

'Yes...' she said quietly.

'I need to see Tai, but I think your mom blames me for what happened.'

'She does.' Kari said bluntly. It made Izzy angry to hear the truth but right now wasn't the time to defend himself.

'Can you get your mom out of the house? Please I really need to speak with Tai.' There was a long pause between the two once again and Kari finally reminded Izzy that she was there.

'I don't know. He's been sleeping for a long time and I doubt my mom will want to leave him alone. He's doing alight Izzy, you don't have to worry.'

'Kari, this is driving me crazy!' Izzy shouted at her through the phone and she was taken aback. 'I need to talk to him I need to know that he's alright...' he lowered his tone back to a normal conversational voice. 'I'm sorry, I'm- It's just- I have to talk to him. It's important.'

'I see...' Kari said quietly and felt a bitterness yet calming tug at her heart. 'Of course' she thought. 'I'll see what I can do ok...' Kari told him and then hung up the phone.

It was 20 minutes before his phone rang again. He answered it before the first ring depleted.

'Hello?'

'Hi, I'm getting the supplies. I'll be at your house after I get them ok? Talk to you soon.' Kari said over the phone. Before Izzy could say another word, she hung up.

Izzy hadn't changed since yesterday. He rushed out of his house, pulling his shoes on as he did so. His orange sweater still smelled like hospital, Kari and of Tai. He had no reason not to believe Kari or their mother or even his own ears. But if he saw it with his own eyes there was no way he would be this distressed.

He didn't stop moving until he reached Tai's house. Even when his shoe laces became untied and the danger of him tripping could cause him to be even later- he continued moving. The steps seemed to never end, he felt as if he would never get there. Out of breath he reached the door and grasped the golden knob turning hard.

The door squeaked open and an empty silence filled his ears. He wondered how long it actually took him to get there. Nothing was cleaned and it appeared that breakfast had been untouched.

His breath quickening and his heart racing he padded across the dusty floor towards Tai's bedroom. His hand reached the door knob and opened it. Before he could register what had happened the door slammed in his face. Shocked he stepped back but shook it off and attempted to open the door once more but each time it would open slightly before slamming back closed or wouldn't budge at all.

'Taichi?' Izzy asked quizzically.

'Go home.' He heard the mumbled voice through the door.

'No...' he said softly. He heard a sliding noise travel from his height to the floor and he knew that Tai sat on the floor. He did the same thing and sat upon the floor in the middle of his doorway. He rested the back of his head on the door.

There was no conversation between them. The silence was comforting to Izzy; even though he didn't see with his eyes he knew Tai was at least alive. Whether he was alright- that was to be seen.

Izzy let his arms fall to his side and crouched his knees slightly until he was comfortably sitting outside Tai's bedroom door. He knew Tai was in a weird place right now but he didn't want to leave him alone. He wasn't even sure if he could leave him.

'Are you ok?' Izzy whispered. It seemed wrong to break the silence but he wanted to know. He wanted to hear it now. Not a lie, not from someone else, but the truth falling from Tai's lips.

'Yes.' He shortly replied.

'I used to be happy...' Tai said with a small voice. It took a little while before he continued his sentence and before it made complete sense to Izzy. 'Before when you used to come to stupid parties with me and not drink I used to be happy. I had fun.' Izzy didn't know what to say. He just felt Tai's spirit through the door and held onto it to give him comfort.

'When you drank with us it was fun and I thought it was your first time. It was funny...' Tai paused and waited for Izzy to get mad but he didn't. 'I thought you would keep doing it and then hang out with me more and not make me feel like the odd one out like I do.'

Izzy was shocked to hear these things. 'I'm funny when I'm drunk?' he thought and then turned his ear towards the door as if to better hear the words that were tumbling from his mouth.

'It was fun walking you home and taking care of you for once...' Izzy blushed at the recollection and waited for Tai to continue. 'When Kari told me you were drunk the night before it made me so crazy and I don't know why...'

'I'm sorry...' Koushiro apologized sadly, hoping that it wasn't too late.

'I guess I was jealous of my sister...' Tai's voice was getting smaller and smaller as if the words he was saying were not meant for Izzy's ears.

'Is all this my fault?' Izzy asked and there was a resounding calm.

'No... It's mine...'

Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

'You could have told me... instead of punching me.' He said in a joking yet serious tone.

'I'm sorry... I told you I was... resentful of my sister. I saw her having fun with my friend and I knew somewhere in my head that you guys weren't even hanging out... Kari told me all the time it was for my benefit but...' Even though they could not see each other Izzy could see that Tai was upset. 'I don't know where it went wrong. I had this glorious idea of you drunk in my head and when it happened- it was just stupid... I – I'm so stupid. I've wasted my life.'

'You haven't Tai; you're a good person...' Izzy was beginning to get confused. He had never seen this side of Tai, the side that was on the inside and not the facade of a leader. 'So you wanted to see what I would be like drunk, everyone did. It wasn't just you and guess what? It was funny because it's me. Your reaction was the same as everyone's.' Izzy attempted to comfort him.

'Tai, I never thank you... for stupid things. But I have to thank you. You made me feel human and less like a robot. I opened up in front of you Tai... more than I should have...' he was glad there was a door there because a blush quickly spread across his face.

'And when I said that the alcohol made me do something that night...' he waited with his heart beating. Izzy wasn't sure if he should continue with the words he was about to say but he did. 'I did it on purpose.'

'And Kari?' Tai asked after a moment of brief reflection for the both of them.

'Well, that was a different case. That was purely something else- as from what I hear I fell asleep. Alcohol impairs your frontal lobe, which scientifically speaking is the part of your brain that holds your short-term memory. You blackout because alcohol numbs the frontal lobe, so I don't remember because of that...I guess. But I know... it was different, it wasn't me.' Izzy finished and waited for the answer through the wooden slab dividing them.

'I really didn't remember would suffice...' Tai paused and Izzy wondered if he was upset. 'Brainiac' he said simply with a light tone and Izzy grinned slightly at the comment. It was sudden and unexpected when the sour silence fell upon them. A once lightened conversation turned dark.

'How do you want to look at me when I amount to nothing?' Tai said with a bitter taste in his mouth.

'You don't amount to nothing...'

'My mom wants to ship me off to some place so that I can learn to take care of myself better... is how she put it.' Tai finished with a dull thud on the door between them.

'Maybe it's for the better. If you really feel that way, Tai you have to do what people are telling you. No one wants to see you beat yourself up over something like this. You know how to please people and you were and still are a great leader. You just...' Izzy waited for Tai to erupt in an argument but nothing came, just the presence of the silence. 'You're just sidetracked right now...'

'I don't want to be alone... I... need you to help me... I ... its just dumb. Never mind that I asked.'

'It's not dumb Tai. It's hard what you're doing; you're admitting that you need help. I don't condone you for it. I-'

Izzy clenched his fists. He wanted to stand up and push the door open and hold Tai until he felt better. Izzy was surprised with the way he was thinking and feeling- it wasn't him at all, but until last night he never paid attention to what he was feeling; with the exception of that one night.

There was a strange exhilaration running through his veins but he wanted Tai to talk because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated to. Izzy's heart was thumping against his chest as he listened to the quiet breathing of Tai on the other side of the bedroom door.

Koushiro was actually content hearing nothing more. He felt that nothing else needed to be said, yet words were forming at his lips.

'I almost died...' Tai said painfully. 'I almost died because I'm selfish and I didn't care about myself or anyone else. You two... are giving me a second chance and I don't want to ever put you or anyone else through that again.'

'Tai I know you care about us, I can see it in your eyes. And if you don't believe me I'm willing to sit here in this same spot until you.' Izzy finished his sentence with a distinct tone and crossed his arms waiting for Tai to reply though the barrier separating them.

'You don't want to wait for me. Trust me...' Tai said and then added, 'I'm not worth it.'

Frustrated and out of ideas Izzy stood, and taking one swift shove he pushed his way through the doorway. Tai was tossed aside and Izzy stood between Tai's world as his in bewilderment not really knowing where that strength came from.

'If you weren't worth it,' Izzy bent down and stared into Tai's brown eyes. 'Would I be here right now?'

'...' it looked as though Tai was going to say something but he remained quiet. Izzy closed the door and leaned against it. This time he was face to face with Tai instead of being back to back.

'I promise you I'll be everything you need...' Koushiro told Tai quietly, who shuffled up beside Izzy on the door. Both stared at the wall opposite them and didn't say another word. Izzy and Tai both heard the front door open but neither was worried. Izzy felt a hand grasp his and he knew things were going to be different.

-- So many nights
I've cried myself to sleep.
Now that you love me
I love myself.
I never thought I would say that
I never thought there'd be you--

The end... finished... FINALLY complete. Well please review and tell me what you thought of my (cheesy) ending ha ha... anyway. Thanks to those who stuck with me through the whole story and... Well... the others :)

Peace

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