"Just don't give up

I'm working it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

There might have been a time

Where I would let you slip away

I wouldn't even try but I think

You could save my life."

xxx

Beth awoke slowly the next morning, yawning and stretching. She opened her eyes and immediately slammed them shut again as they were assaulted by the harsh morning sunshine. Janice had forgotten to close curtains, as usual. She grumbled under her breath, rolling onto her side, and burying her head in the other woman's back. Janice mumbled something in her sleep, throwing an arm over her face.

"Ugh, how come you never close your blinds?" Beth groaned, poking her ribs gently.

Janice was silent, her breathing deep and even.

Beth cracked open her eyes again, squinting at the offensive light, and fixed her gaze on the taller woman's shoulder, watching it rise and fall with each breath. She reached out to run her hand softly down the back of Janice's sleep shirt, surprised she was wearing anything. She traced her fingers up and down her spine, actually finding herself missing the other woman, even though she was right beside her. She wanted to Janice to wake up and talk to her. Or wake up and do other things.

She had been dreaming again, right before she had awakened, but this time they were good dreams, with no trace of Ray or Perry, just the beautiful woman sleeping beside her. She found herself looking forward to going back to the city, so she and Janice could spend some time alone, without the chance of being interrupted by their friends. Not that she hadn't enjoyed spending the last several days with Tracy and Amanda, but she really needed some time with just Janice, especially considering everything that had changed since arriving in Lake Tahoe. Less than a week at the cottage, and so much had happened between them already, much more than in the past several months combined. Even though there had been some terrible times there as well, Beth would always be grateful to her friends for including her in their trip. It had been just the push she needed to allow Janice back into her life again, on a personal level.

Her heart ached when she thought of all the time lost between them, when she hadn't been able to stop pushing her away. When she had been pushing everyone away. She realized how much she had missed them all over the past while, the girls and Jack and Ben. Things were going to change when they got back to Los Angeles, of that she was certain. She was determined to try to go forward with her life, to claw herself out of this black hole, to be as proactive with getting help as Tracy had been. She was so sick of living with all this darkness inside her. She wanted a life, a happy life, with Janice.

Beth felt better this morning than she had for awhile, a glimmer of hope shining its way through the darkness. She knew it was because of the woman lying next to her, and she reached out again to touch her gently, finding it odd that she couldn't seem to keep her hands off of her, especially after spending so much time being repulsed by any touch at all. She figured that in itself was progress, and she smiled, running her hands through the strawberry blonde tresses tumbling over Janice's shoulders.

"Mmm, that feels nice," Janice murmured, her voice gravelly with sleep.

"Good morning," Beth whispered, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the side of her neck.

"Good morning," Janice replied, and Beth could hear the smile in her voice. "Anymore nightmares?"

"Nightmares, no. Dreams, yes. Good dreams." Beth kissed her neck again.

Janice rolled over to look at her, one eyebrow arched. "What kind of dreams?"

Beth smiled coyly. "I think you know."

Janice stared at her for a moment as if trying to gauge what her reaction would be, and then leaned over to kiss her. Beth deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around the taller woman's neck, and pulling Janice down to lay on top of her.

"What's gotten into you this morning?" Janice asked with a giggle, her hands tangled in Beth's hair.

"Just realizing how lucky I am," Beth said softly, reaching up to stroke Janice's cheek. "And I'm just really-"

"Horny?" Janice supplied, and Beth laughed.

"Well, yes, that too."

Janice grinned at her and was leaning down to kiss her again, when there was a sudden knock on the door. ""Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," she muttered. "Let's take a guess at who's at the door, shall we? I'm gonna say her name begins with T."

"Hey, guys!"

"Ding, ding, ding," Janice said, as Tracy's voice floated into the room.

Beth snorted and pressed a hand to her mouth. "Yeah, her timing has been pretty stellar on this trip, hasn't it?"

Janice sighed and rolled off of Beth, laying beside her on the bed with her arms flung out dramatically. "What is it, Tracy?"

"Sorry, are you guys busy?"

"Apparently not," Janice replied, a hint of a snarl in her voice.

"What's up, Trace?" Beth asked, putting a hand on Janice's arm.

"Amanda wants to treat us to brunch at this diner in town. She says the food is fabulous." Tracy sounded slightly apologetic as she spoke.

"I'd tell them we're still sick, but they seem to see through all our excuses," Janice whispered.

Beth snickered. "Well, they're smart ladies, our friends. Sure, Tracy!" she called. "We'll be down shortly."

"Okay, great!" Tracy's voice was bubbling with enthusiasm. "See you downstairs."

They listened as Tracy's footsteps faded away, and then Janice groaned and pulled Beth against her, burying her head in her chest. "No, I wanna stay here."

"Aww, you're cute when you pout," Beth said with a smile, running her hands through Janice's hair again. "We'll be on the road back to Los Angeles in 48 hours, and then we have all the time in the world to be alone."

"Yeah, all the time in the world until Monday," Janice grumbled. "Then it's back to work. Hmm, maybe we should call in sick next week."

"That's not happening," Beth replied, giggling at the mock glare she received from the other woman.

"Oh yeah, I forgot my boss is a hard ass," Janice teased, and Beth dug her fingers into her ribs, making her shriek.

They wrestled in the bed for a minutes, tickling each other and laughing, and Beth figured Tracy and Amanda could hear them, but she didn't care. It was nice to be so carefree for once, just having a lazy morning with the love of her life, and not being plagued by nightmares and anxiety and PTSD. She figured her usual issues would make another appearance at some point soon, since she never seemed to be able to go too long without them, but for now she just wanted to enjoy herself.

When they met their friends downstairs a little while later, Beth was surprised and concerned at how burnt both Amanda and Tracy were. It was no wonder they had had trouble sleeping the night before. Janice expressed concern as well, but they were assured by both women that while they were certainly uncomfortable, they were okay to go out.

As soon as they walked out onto the porch, they were immediately swamped in heat. The humidity was the worst it had been since they had arrived in Lake Tahoe, and it wrapped around them like a heavy, wet blanket.

"Oh wow, this is a bit nasty," Amanda said as they all climbed into her SUV and she cranked the air conditioning. "I bet we're in for a monster storm if this continues. You should have seen the storm we got here last summer. We sat in the great room and watched it through those gigantic windows. I've never seen anything like it."

Beth felt the color drain from her face and she turned her head to look out the window at the haze hanging like curtains in the sky. The sun was out, but off in the distance there was a leaden darkness. She could feel her happy mood evaporating and a sense of foreboding take over. She tried to shake it off but couldn't help remembering the last time Los Angeles had had a big storm. It was the day before she had been taken by Ray, and Janice had been staying with her at her house. The storm had been a wild, wicked one, and she had completely shut down, experiencing one of the worst panic attacks she'd ever had.

She had been away at college and it had been storming there the night her family was killed, and ever since, she had had trouble when lightening flashed or thunder rumbled. But the anxiety had been exacerbated by everything that had been going on with Ray and Perry at the time. She'd never had a reaction that bad before, and Janice had been there to witness the entire thing. Although Beth had been humiliated by the way she had behaved, she was grateful the other woman had been there, as she had been the one to bring Beth through it. It only made her love Janice more when she thought of the way she had cared for her during that storm and the entire time she had stayed with her all those months ago.

Beth hoped they could make it through the rest of the trip without bad weather, as she didn't want to experience another meltdown in front of everyone. She considered possibly asking Tracy for an anti-anxiety pill when they got back to the cottage, just in case. She had been so opposed to drugs for her entire life, but things had been so bad lately, a pill here or there might not hurt.

She felt a hand slide into her hers, fingers linking, and she turned to look at Janice who was regarding her with a worried expression. She knew the other woman was remembering what had happened during the last storm, and she gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Janice squeezed her fingers and smiled back, but Beth knew she was still concerned.

They had a delicious breakfast in town, and then stopped off for some groceries and other supplies to get them through the last couple of days of vacation. Tuning into a weather station on the way back, they listened as the announcer confirmed that a storm was indeed headed their way later that day and was likely to be bad throughout the night and into the next morning.

Beth had a sinking feeling as they pulled into the gravel driveway. She could see dark clouds gathering over the lake, although the sun was still stubbornly peeking out, at least for the time being.

When they got back inside, Amanda headed upstairs to her bedroom to give Jack and Ethan a call, and the rest of them went into the kitchen to clean up from dinner the previous night. Janice and Tracy were bantering back and forth, teasing each other about various things, and Beth listened with amusement, glad they were taking her mind off of the impending storm. The two of them had a cute relationship, bickering like sisters half the time, but genuinely caring about each other, and Beth was glad that they had grown closer after their less-than-ideal introduction in a junkyard several months before. She knew that Tracy was always be grateful to Janice, and Jack as well, for finding her that night.

By the time Amanda made it back downstairs, Janice and Tracy were chasing each other around the kitchen, whipping one another with dish towels, and Beth was sitting at the table, laughing and trying to stay out of their way.

"Oh brother, I can't leave you guys alone for five minutes," Amanda chastised, rolling her eyes and ducking out of the way of a playful swat from Tracy. "Unfortunately, I need to head back out to the store, as I forgot to pick up a few essential items for the next couple of days, namely wine."

"Well, get back out there then!" Janice ordered, and they all laughed.

"We seem to have polished off all the wine and beer pretty quickly," Amanda said, shaking her head and picking up her purse.

"Hey, drinking is the main component of a cottage vacation," Janice replied. "Or any vacation, really."

"Hear, hear," Tracy agreed. "I'll go with you, Amanda."

Beth and Janice decided to stay at the cottage and continue straightening up while the others headed back out. Beth noticed the taller woman eyeing her as they stacked DVDs and folded the afghan in the great room.

"You doing okay?" Janice asked gently.

"I'm alright," Beth replied, with more confidence than she felt.

"You know it's okay if you're not," Janice said, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Beth reached up to grasp her hand and give it a squeeze. "I know," she said softly. "Thanks." She remembered the conversation they had had when Janice had stayed with her, and she had told the other woman that she had felt like it was okay to not be okay around her, that she always felt safe with her there. Janice had proven time and time again that she would always be there, no matter how hard things got or how many times Beth wasn't okay.

She felt the same love and gratitude wash over her again, like it had that morning, and she reached up to kiss Janice softly on the lips. Janice responded immediately, apparently still revved up from their unfinished business earlier, and she wrapped her arms around Beth, deepening the kiss. It quickly escalated, becoming more passionate and frantic, and they ended up sprawled across the couch, the afghan they had been folding discarded on the floor.

"We don't know how long they're going to be gone for," Beth said breathlessly, as Janice kissed along her neck, her fingers creeping under her shirt. "Maybe we should go upstairs."

"No, I can't wait," Janice gasped, and Beth murmured her agreement, realizing she couldn't either.

They undressed each other quickly, tugging impatiently on clothing, until shirts and shorts and underwear were scattered across the couch and floor and they were skin to skin, arms around each other, hands in one another's hair, kissing like they would never stop. Janice was on top of Beth and she slid down her body, mouth on her breasts, fingers lightly pinching her nipples. Beth moaned loudly, her heart hammering in her chest, and she couldn't remember when she had wanted another person so desperately. She felt awkward, clumsy, like she was fumbling everything, so she just let Janice take over.

The taller woman seemed more than eager to do so, as she kissed her way down Beth's body, reaching the juncture between her legs. She looked up at Beth, her dark eyes so dilated they appeared black, her strawberry blonde hair tumbling around her shoulders, and softly asked if it was okay. Beth nodded, too breathless to speak, anticipation and desire making her tremble.

"Open your legs for me, baby," Janice whispered, and Beth almost came right there, she was so turned on by the other woman.

She spread her legs apart and Janice lay in between them, caressing her thighs for a moment, before lowering her head to the smaller woman's sex. Beth gasped as Janice's mouth came into contact with her center and she closed her eyes, curling her hands in Janice's hair. She felt a soft tongue sweeping across the length of her slit before lips closed around her clit and sucked hard.

"Oh god!" Beth moaned, her legs falling open even further, her hands grabbing Janice's hair a little harder than she intended to, Janice's arms wrapped around her thighs.

Her body seemed to have a mind of its own and she pushed her hips wantonly into Janice's face, the other woman grabbing her legs and throwing them over her shoulders. Beth dug her heels into Janice's back, and she couldn't seem to stop the wild, desperate sounds coming out of her mouth. Janice reached up, linking their fingers together, and Beth squeezed hard, the first orgasm speeding through her like a train, followed by another and another.

Janice kept her mouth on her, riding out wave after wave of pleasure with her, until Beth lay there panting, barely able to catch her breath, her legs quivering with the aftershocks, sweat beading on her forehead. Janice placed one last kiss against her, and then crawled back up the couch and took her into her arms, holding her trembling body gently as Beth came down from the high.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Fuck," Beth panted, and Janice choked out a stunned laugh.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard Lieutenant Beth Davis swear before. It's kinda hot."

Beth grinned and curled herself around Janice, pressing their bodies even closer together and casually swiped a thumb over one of her nipples. "You're hot," she replied, as the taller woman arched into her, her nipple stiffening into a hard peak.

"Jesus, Beth," she whimpered, as Beth ducked her head down to take the other nipple into her mouth, her tongue swirling lightly around it. She didn't exactly know what she was doing, as she was quite inexperienced when it came to having sex with women, but Janice was already moaning, so she figured she was doing something right.

Her fingers were just trailing down the other woman's body, her heart pounding with anticipation again, when a car door suddenly slammed outside.

"Oh, shit!" Janice exclaimed, as Beth yanked herself off her body and quickly got to her feet. "That was fast!"

They stumbled around the couch, trying to pick up their clothes and dress as quickly as possible, as they heard the voices of their friends out on the driveway.

"It's okay," Janice said breathlessly, a moment later. She had just yanked her shirt on and her hair was standing on end. "They're not coming in right now. It looks like they're going down to the dock."

They watched through the windows of the great room as Amanda and Tracy headed down the hill to the beach and began dragging the jet skis and canoe onto the shore. Beth realized they were likely getting everything out of the water in case it did indeed storm, and for the first time that day, she felt relief that bad weather might be headed their way. It gave them quite a bit of extra time to finish dressing and then rush upstairs, their arms around each other, giggling madly, to take separate showers. Beth waited in Janice's room, feeling giddy but depleted, the rush of having sex with Janice and then almost being discovered, causing her heart rate to stay high. She felt like a teenager sneaking around at her parents' house.

She sprawled back on the bed, closing her eyes, listening to the shower running in the bathroom. She could hear the backdoor open downstairs and Amanda and Tracy's voices, laughing about something, and then the clink of bottles in the kitchen. She smiled, glad they had become such good friends. Beth knew that Tracy and Amanda sometimes got together, just the two of them, and she was happy that her best friend had someone she could talk to when things got rough, as she herself had been so distant for the past several months.

The off-key sound of Janice singing in the shower floated down the hallway, and she grinned, feeling so content at the moment. She wondered if and when these mood swings were ever going to stop, but always appreciated the lighter moments, which were becoming more and more frequent lately, the more time she spent with Janice and her friends. She could hear the others chuckling down in the kitchen and she guessed they could hear the singing as well.

A buzzing sound interrupted her happy train of thought, and she rolled over on the bed, seeing Janice's phone light up on the nightstand. Her own phone had been shut off in her purse for the majority of the vacation, as she didn't want to be disturbed, but she checked in once in awhile to see if there were any updates from the TAU that she needed to know about. Other than a few texts from Jack and Ben, saying things were fine in Los Angeles but that they were all missed at the office, her phone had been quiet.

Janice's phone, on the other hand, buzzed four more times in quick succession, and Beth frowned, wondering if something was wrong. She got off the bed and headed into her own room to fish around in her purse for her phone. Turning it on, she waited a moment for it to boot up, but it remained silent, no text messages waiting for her. She was curious and went back into the other woman's room, sitting down on the bed and staring at the phone. It didn't go off again, though. She knew the code to unlock Janice's phone, as she had just happened to glance over her shoulder one day while she was keying it in, but she resisted the urge to snoop.

Janice came into the room a few minutes later, wrapped in a towel, her hair dripping down her back, and she smiled at Beth. "Your turn in the shower. Too bad Amanda and Tracy are back, or we could have gotten in together."

Beth didn't smile back, but gave her a concerned look instead. "Your phone went off quite a bit when you were in the bathroom. You might want to check your text messages. I thought something was wrong at the office, but there's nothing on my phone."

Janice was silent and Beth thought she looked a little pale, and watched as the taller woman turned away, grabbing her phone and tucking it into her suitcase. "I'm sure it's nothing," she muttered.

Beth raised her eyebrows. "You're not even going to check? What if something is wrong?"

"I'll check it later," Janice said with an offhand wave, and she began pulling a brush through her wet hair, dragging it through the knots hard enough to make Beth wince.

"Is everything okay?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Janice's voice was flat, and Beth got up off the bed to gently take the brush out of her hand and set it down on the nightstand. The other woman was going to rip her hair to shreds the way she was going.

"Janice, you can tell me if something's wrong," she said softly. "God knows you've been there for me enough times on this trip. Let me be here for you."

"Everything is fine," Janice insisted, avoiding her gaze. "It's probably just a wrong number or something. That's been happening a lot lately."

Beth felt hurt, knowing the other woman was lying to her and not sure why. She decided it wasn't the time or the place to be getting into it, though, and decided to drop it, figuring Janice would come to her when she was ready to talk.

"Okay," she said, trying to keep the uncertainty out of her voice. "I'm going to go take a shower."

Janice gave her a distracted smile, and Beth could see her reaching back into her suitcase she headed out of the room.

xxx

*Song lyrics are from Adam Lambert's "What do You Want from Me"