I Can't Make You Love Me

Chapter Ten

ELIZA'S POV

I'm back home at my apartment and I'm not sure I've ever felt so lonely. Arizona has gone to collect Sofia from Callie's place and share lunch with them, which I'm totally okay with. I'm okay with it, but I wish she was here with me. I know her daughter comes first and she has to maintain some kind of relationship with Callie but I've had an incredible weekend with her and I didn't want it to end. Why would I? Her hands all over my body…her lips trailing my skin. Yeah, I never wanted it to end. Not even for a moment. Maybe it's selfish of me to think that way and maybe it's selfish to want Arizona in my arms, but hey…I'm human. I'm human and so very in love. I'm hoping to hang out with Arizona and Sofia this evening but I'd understand if my girlfriend wanted to be alone with her daughter. I mean, she's been away for the weekend so time together is exactly what they will want. What they need. I wouldn't expect to just be a part of that, but who knows…maybe Arizona will call me and ask me to stop by. If she doesn't, that's okay.

It's okay because I have crap to be doing here and if I don't do it soon, I fear it will never get done. I have papers to go through and I have a surgery coming up in a few days that I'm yet to prepare for. I've got it, but I still like to prepare. Deciding to try and push my girlfriend to the back of my mind for a few hours, I pour myself a fresh coffee and drag my tired and lonely ass to the couch. Dropping down, I pull out the paperwork that's been waiting for me since before the weekend happened and busy myself. My cell buzzing on the coffee table, I can see Arizona's name on my screen and like it always does, my heart skips a beat. Several actually.

So, I had an amazing weekend with you…

I'm glad I could get your attention. E x

You've ALWAYS got my attention, beautiful. A x

Enjoy your afternoon with Callie and Sofia. E x

Opening the file sitting in my lap, I bring my coffee cup to my lips and smile as the aroma hits me. Coffee is the only thing keeping me alive right now and tonight, I have to get an early night. I have to sleep and feel refreshed tomorrow. Arizona can keep me up all night long, but tonight, I need my sleep. I can feel the tiredness in my muscles. I can feel the dull burn in my eyes when I try to concentrate on the page in front of me. Startled when I hear pounding out in the hallway, I furrow my brow and climb from the couch. I wasn't away of any maintenance being carried out this week.

Tugging my door open, I poke my head out and find a woman two doors down, her luggage sitting beside her. "Excuse me, you think you could keep it down a little?" Her body turning and facing me, my heart drops into my stomach when I immediately recognize her.

"Sorry." She holds up her hands. "The, uh…the woman here?"

"What about her?" I ask, my tone a little harsh.

"Arizona Robbins, Si?"

"Uh, yeah." I clear my throat. "She's not home."

"No, she's not." The tall, gorgeous Italian sighs. "I'll wait." Ugh, I wish she wouldn't.

"Whatever." I shrug. "Just…quiet, yeah?"

"Si." She gives me an apologetic smile and holds up her hands. "I apologize." Stepping back inside my apartment, I close my door a little harder than I intended and press my back against it. Fuck. Why is she here? I can't compete with that. The language. The Italianness. I mean, we all know the Italians are incredible in bed, and I'm not. I'm not fucking Italian. I'm not the woman who held Arizona when I left and fucked things up. Taking my cell in my hands, I send off a quick message.

Your ex is outside your apartment…

Um, nope. Callie is sitting opposite me right now. A x

No, the other one. Carina!

Oh…

Yeah, oh. E x

Locking my door, I head back for the couch and drop down against it hard. I mean, I don't really know how I feel about her standing outside, but I know that it doesn't feel good. Sure, Arizona and I are okay, but of course I'm going to worry. Why is she here? Arizona broke it off with her so why does she think it's acceptable to be here? To just show up at her door? How does she even know where she lives? Okay, I need to calm down. I need to calm down and just wait this out. I'm expecting Arizona to come here and tell her to leave, but she has her luggage. Does that mean she's here to stay? Does that mean she wants to fight for Arizona? I really don't want to have to fight for my girlfriend. The woman I told last night that I loved her. I don't want to, but I will. I'll fight all the way if I have to.

I'm coming back. A x

Do what you have to do. E x

What does that mean? A x

It means…do what you have to do. Only you know what you want and you know where I am if you need me. E x

Um, okay? A x

Maybe I'll catch you soon. Say hi to Sofia for me. E x

Closing my eyes, I give myself a moment to breathe through this nauseous feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. Yes, Arizona and I have just spent the weekend together. A weekend which ended with us confessing our love for one another…but is that enough? Am I enough for her? I'd like to believe I am but Carina seems to have it all. She is the one who has shown up here and I'm beginning to wonder if that could sway things for my girlfriend. Yes, they broke up, but Carina came back for her. She came back…and I never. I didn't have the balls to show up and take her back. I didn't have it in me to demand her attention. Judging by the way Carina carries herself, that woman has never had to demand to anyone…Arizona included.

I don't know what the rest of this day will hold for me or my relationship, but if it ends, I guess I only have myself to blame. If it ends, it is completely my own fault. Why? Because I was stupid enough to ever let Arizona go the first time around. She doesn't need someone who she can't trust. She doesn't need someone who runs from their problems. Carina doesn't strike me as someone who would do anything like that, so no…I don't hold out much hope for us now that she is here in New York. Just one look from her and Arizona will know she has everything I don't.

It was good while it lasted, Minnick. It was good while it lasted…

ARIZONA'S POV

Sighing as I lock my cell, I glance up at Callie and she has a questioning look on her face. She knows something is wrong but I don't really want to get into it too much right now. She knows about Carina and my reasons for breaking it off with her and I know how she feels about it all, too. Sofia is her daughter too and the idea of someone not being on board with our girl doesn't sit well with her. Penny was more than welcoming when it came to Sofia being in her life but as usual…it's never that simple for me. I had the woman who rocked my world…but when it came down to it, it was too much for her. When it came down to it…she didn't really want Sofia around. I guess I kinda knew that though from the moment I told her she wanted to come home. I could feel her body tense beside me as we spent the night together. Hearing it falling from my mouth, no…she wasn't impressed.

"What's up?" Callie pulls me from my thoughts and I shake my head slightly. "Arizona?"

"Just…had a message from Eliza." I lower my voice, remembering that Sofia is sitting close by. "Someone is at my place."

"Who?" My ex-wife furrows her brow.

"Carina," I say, barely above a whisper.

"Oh…uh, why?"

"You know just as much as me right now, Cal." I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "I just…I don't really want her at my place while Sofia is home, you know?"

"No, I don't either." She scoffs. "You should go and see what she wants, though."

"How?" I ask. "Eliza said she is outside my place."

"How does she even know where you live, Arizona?" Callie gives me a knowing look.

"I gave her my address." I breathe out. "A stupid thing to do, I know…I just didn't think she would show up. It was given to her more in a friendly kinda way. I knew we wouldn't be together again, that's for sure."

"If you'd have known Eliza was here, you wouldn't have given her your address." It's more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, I probably shouldn't have given her it anyway."

"Why did you give her it?" Callie gives me one of those looks that tells me she knows my reasons but I don't want to do this right now. "Come on, you know you can be honest with me."

"In case she changed her mind." I give my ex-wife a sad smile. "I did want to be with her, Callie. Just…things got messed up and I wasn't convinced she wanted all of this." I motion towards our daughter. "You know?"

"So, what now?" She asks. "What if she is here for the one thing you wanted with her…"

"You mean…" Furrowing my brow, the realization hits me square in the chest. "Oh god…she wants this, doesn't she?"

"Well, I don't know the woman and quite frankly, I don't ever want to know her…but you have to remember that it's a possibility." She leans in, her hand settling on my own. "I think Sofia should come back with me until you've been home and spoken to her."

"Which one?" I scoff, a slight laugh falling from my mouth. "Eliza or Carina?"

"Both." She states. "I like Eliza…" She shrugs. "But it's not about who I do or don't like."

"You do?" My smile widens.

"I do." She nods. "We get along really well and she welcomed Sofia the moment she knew you were here." Callie shrugs. "I know what I'd do, but yeah…this is about what you want."

"What would you do?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to even answer that question." She smiles. "Go home and fix things, Arizona."

"You're sure you don't mind taking her back with you?"

"Not at all." She shakes her head. "Maybe you could come by and collect her later…Eliza, too."

"Thank you, Callie." I stand and press a kiss to Sofia's head. I know she is silently giving me her answer, but I already know what and who I want. Eliza. It will always be Eliza. Turning back to face them both, I give my ex-wife a full smile. "Just…thanks."

Pulling my keys from my purse, I step into the elevator and wait for whatever I'm about to face. Eliza hasn't contacted me since our previous interaction, but I know she is at home and thinking…wondering, even. I can't blame her for that, though. She thought I was happy when she returned to Seattle and so she left again. Is she expecting me to take Carina back? Is she wondering if I'm at my place with her right now familiarising myself with her body? I hope she's not, but I think she is. I know it must have been hard for her to see Carina at my door, but it won't happen again. If I have anything to do with it, anyway.

The doors opening, I step out into the corridor and give myself a moment to just think. To figure out what I should do first. Rounding the corner, I find Carina leaning against the wall next to my apartment door. "Hi." She gives me a full smile.

"Hi." I return one of my own. We didn't end on the worst terms but I still don't know how to behave around her. I mean, I want to be mad at her for just showing up here but I guess she isn't doing anything wrong. "Can you give me a moment?"

"Si." She drops her gaze as I brush past her. "You look great."

"Thanks." I glance back before curling my hand into a fist and knocking loudly on Eliza's door. Hearing movement, I relax my shoulders a little and clear my throat. The door opening, my girlfriend's eyes are swollen and puffy but I can't focus on that right now. Moving past her and into her home, I close the door behind me and she simply watches me, her brow furrowed. Gripping her oversized tee, I pull her in close and crush my lips into her own. Her own hands gripping my body, she is giving me all the answers I need right now. Yes, she is worried. Yes, she thinks I'm letting her go. She's wrong, though. So very wrong. "Before I leave here…" I rest my forehead against her own. "I need you to know that I love you."

"I love you too." Her voice breaks. "B-But she's here."

"I don't care who is or isn't here," I whisper against her mouth. "I'm only here for you. You, Eliza. Us."

"Why is she here?" She asks, her voice painfully low and unsure.

"I don't know." I sigh. "That's what I'm about to find out." I brush my thumb over her bottom lip. "I just needed to see you first."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you would be freaking out." I give her a sad smile. "You have nothing to worry about. I promise."

"Okay." She gives me a slight nod, her lips pressing against my own again.

"Stay with me tonight…" I take her bottom lip between my teeth. "With us. Sofia and I?"

"I'd like that." She smiles against my mouth. "You sure it will be okay with Sofia?"

"She would love for you to hang out with us," I say with complete certainty. "But, I have to go right now, okay?"

"Y-Yeah." She stutters. "I know…"

"I'll be back." I give her a knowing look. "I'll be back and want you to be here…ready and waiting for me, okay?"

"You've got it." She pulls back, releasing me from her grip. "I love you…"

"I love you, too." Giving her one final smile, I pull her door open and step out into the corridor. Carina is watching me with that look in her eye but I'm not interested in a relationship with her. I haven't been since Seattle. Why can't anything ever be simple for me? "Why are you here?" I approach her in the hallway.

"Can we talk?" She asks in that accent that would usually drive me crazy. "Just for five minutes."

"I guess." I nod. "But I only have five minutes because I have to collect Sofia."

"How is she?" Carina asks as I open my door and motion for her to come inside. "Settled?"

"Very settled." A smile curls on my mouth. "It's great to see her so settled." Setting my keys down on the kitchen counter, I lean back against it, my arms folded over my chest. "So, why are you in New York? In my apartment block?"

"I wanted to see you…" She sets her luggage down by the door and closes it behind her. "Needed to see you."

"Why?" I ask. "I figured we'd said everything that needed saying…"

"No." She shakes her head and moves further into my home. "I was stupid." She sighs. "To think I hadn't fallen in love with you…to think that I didn't want this with you…"

"Want what?" Completely dismissing the fact that Carina has just told me she loves me, I clear my throat and remain in my spot.

"To be with you." She smiles. "Sofia, too."

"It was never what you wanted." I scoff. "But that's okay. I'm okay."

"But I'm not." She approaches me, taking my hand in her own. "I thought I didn't want it. I thought I would never need it, but I do. I want you, Arizona."

"And Sofia?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I accept that." She nods. "And I understand why you left."

"You accept it?" I furrow my brow. "You accept that I have a daughter?"

"I never thought I'd meet anyone with kids." She admits. "I never thought I'd fall in love with someone who has kids."

"A lot of people have kids, Carina."

"I didn't think I'd fall in love with anyone." Her eyes holding unshed tears, I feel kinda bad for her hearing her say that. How can anyone not imagine themselves falling in love? Wait, she's in love with me. Fuck! "I'm here and I'm not leaving…"

"What do you mean you're not leaving?" I remove my hand from her own and she drops her gaze.

"I've left Seattle." She says. "My home is New York now. With you…I hope."

"No." I shake my head, my own voice low. "Your home isn't with me."

"It is." She counters. "That's how it should be, right?" Moving that little bit closer to me, I slip out from between her and the kitchen counter only for her to grip my wrist. "Arizona, I'm sorry." Suddenly crushing her lips into my own, I'm startled and so very fucked right now.

"Stop." I push her away. "Just stop!"

"Please…"

"No." I hold up my hands. "I'm involved, Carina. I'm involved and you...you just kissed me!"

"Y-You, what?" She furrows her brow. "But I'm here…"

"I know you are." I scoff. "You've just made that perfectly clear."

"Who?" She steps back, her shoulders slumping.

"Eliza." I give her a sad smile. "Eliza Minnick."

"The one I made you forget?" She laughs. "The one who 'ghosted' you."

"The one I love…" Never sounding so sure of anything in my life as that comment I've just made, I take my keys from the kitchen counter and head for the door. "I need you to leave…"

"But, I just got here."

"I gave you five minutes." I sigh. "It's been great seeing you but I have a daughter that should be here with me…"

"I want to talk to you more…" She lifts the handle on her luggage and wheels it to the door. "I didn't come here to just leave…"

"I'm sorry." Watching Carina walk away, I can feel the tears threatening to fall. Not because she is here but because she kissed me. She kissed me and now I have to go and relay that information to Eliza. I don't know what her reaction will be but I'd never keep something like that from her. It may end us or it may cause issues, but I'd still never keep it from her. This can't end. It feels too good to end…

Closing my door, I glance down the hallway at my girlfriend's apartment and release a deep breath. The sooner I tell her, the sooner we can work through this. Crossing the short distance, I knock loudly and hold my breathe. Tears slipping down my face, it was only a matter of time before the realisation of what is about to happen set in. Her door opening, she gives me a full smile before furrowing her brow. "Arizona?"

"I'm so sorry, Eliza."

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.