The office was light and airy, bookshelves across the walls. Xavier gave me a smile as I walked in, not saying how I was obviously scoping out the room. The door clicked shut behind me, and we were enveloped in silence.

"I don't think I can be a mercenary." I bluntly said, sitting down in a chair.

"I know you don't think you could, but you can." Xavier said, giving me a yet another smile. "It just depends on what you're willing to do."

I shook my head. "You don't understand. You know I have uh…"

"Voice inside of your head?"

"Yeah, that. Whenever I think of even defending myself… I have this whole inner battle with myself and I can't let it win or I- I will kill. And I won't be able to stop myself from that."

Xavier just gave me a smile and raised his eyebrow. "And did you? When you took down Logan earlier, did you have the voice telling you what you're suppose to do? Did you kill?"

"I-no. I didn't. It didn't." I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking. "That's… weird. I can't believe I didn't notice that." It felt like I wasn't noticing a lot of things that I used to. I still had to train myself up mentally, not physically.

"It's because you weren't thinking about that. You were thinking of Charlie, and what he was seeing. The voice that Hydra made inside of you, only has power when you allow it in your thoughts. When you fight, do you normally think? Or do you strategize, explore, and try to take your opponent down fast. You think about it because it scares you, Classified. You're scared to kill again, in fact. You can kill, but you don't want to. You keep on telling yourself, again and again that you can't. You won't. But you can. And you will. But the only thing that is stopping you is the simple fact where you don't want to go down that path again. You don't want to be a mindless killer. You want to stay being you."

I frowned. "But why did you say I could become a mercenary if you don't want me to kill. I will have to kill, sometime, somewhere. I can't just knock them out, or-"

"You have forgotten what I've said. A mercenary doesn't have to be a killer. You could do something completely different."

The weight off of my shoulders disappeared. "I don't… have to kill? I have that choice?"

"You have always had that choice, my dear."

"But, but I crave it. I do want it."

"When? When was the last time you have bodily craved it?"

"Just last night, I was meditating and I wanted it." I was arguing with the monster while I was waiting for the kids to arrive.

"No, that was the voice. You haven't craved it since your first six months of prision. You were completely out of it when your body was withdrawing. You died several times a day, until your body was able to handle the withdrawal on it's own. The voice inside of your head is your own. It's not your addiction, it's not a monster, it's not an alter personality. It is your own thoughts. You have been trained for years to believe that you enjoy the taste of death, in order to not go insane. When you woke up, and you didn't have a voice in your head, your subconscious made the effort to make you feel normal."

"Normal?" My voice cracked, "how is this normal?" There was absolutely no doubt that what we was saying was true. Even now, as he was pulling it into the light, I could tell it was true. It was making my head spin.

"Your entire life, you had been conditioned for this to be normal." Xavier said, then his voice was soft. "I'm here to help you, Classified. I know it will take many years before you can be able to live without the voice, but you can rise above it. I have full confidence in you. It will take a while, but you can do it."

"This is all… overwhelming. I can't believe it was me, this entire time. It's making my head explode." I said, in shock. "I can't believe I let this go on for so long."

"The subconscious has it's ways." Xavier said, "we are all subjected to it. The brain works in mysterious ways."

"I'm not surprised though. I'm not. I somehow always knew, but-"

"I know." Xavier said comfortingly. "I knew you had to know, in order to break out of your shell. I apologize that I said in that blunt manner."

I gave him a smile. "Nah, it's alright. I can handle that sort of thing." I took in a deep breath, calming myself. "Just give me some time and I'll wrap my head around this."

"While we are still on this subject, I'll need you to fill out some paperwork." He held out a folder and I took it from him. Pulling it open, I skimmed the contents. Files and paperwork about- mercenary work. (Are you wanted in any countries? If so, which ones? Have you killed an elected official? Worked for terrorists? Please state who and for underneath.)

"Do I want to fill this out?"

Xavier slotted his fingers together. "It's a way for mercenaries to gain their… statis. It won't be listed on the online archive for various reasons, but it tells your future employers what you're capable of. It won't tell them the details, just that you had done what you've done."

I quirked an eyebrow. "There's a website?"

"Fully protected, I am assured. There are dozens of mercenaries out there, and many people don't know which ones to hire, so the online website, which gives you a completely protected bank account for future payments, helps them find the right men to hire."

"Statis, like a list of who is best for certain things?"

"Absolutely. You know who is the best for assassinations, and has the highest payroll on there. He likes to post censored pictures often."

"Deadpool." I grimaced. "Sometimes I just question his existence."

Xavier laughed. "He's the number one, and you pay millions of dollars if if he takes the job. It's because he technically can't die, and-"

"Butchers everybody up. I know of him, met a few times before. He never really got a good look at me before I chopped his head off a few times." I shrugged, then paused. "Don't tell him."

"I won't. He did mention it to me once or twice, or a few times actually." Xavier admitted. "He really wanted me to look for you, and was willing to pay for it. However, he came at the wrong time, and I wasn't in the mood to use Cyberus."

"I am not even going to question what that is." I said, leaning back in the chair. "Thank you, because having the Merc after me, that isn't fun. I opened the folder again, and shuffled the contents around so I saw about six pages. "I've done a lot of things, and most of them… I don't quite remember."

"I understand. I'll place your file on hold until you go to the Hydra base you've been thinking about."

I looked up sharply at him. "You know." It wasn't a question.

"I knew you were going to go hunt down Hydra after this, yes. You want answers for the things they did to you. You know that your powers didn't come until after they experimented on you several times, and you want to know what they've done." Xavier gave me a slow nod. "I won't stop you."

"You better." I crossed my legs, then tipped my head back. "You know Charlie?"

"I am aware of him, yes."

"I've been teaching him how to dodge and punch, as you probably already know. A group a teens have been visiting me at night, and I've been teaching the kids how to hit right."

"I do know about this, yes."

"So, until I come back, which I don't know how long, I want Charlie to take a few lessons from Logan, and not the dirtbag SW."

"His name is Scott Summers, but I'm going to have to agree that his actions have not been up to par recently."

"Make sure he knows how to defend himself against bigger foes, and make sure Troy smiles once in a while. I've been calling him Angst Teen. He's too uptight for his age."

"I understand."

"And I might steal one of your vehicles."

"Just bring it back in one peace."

"No promises."

He chuckled, and gave me a bright smile. Made me feel... normal. Which never happened.

"Just come back without killing yourself."

I gave him an equally bright smile. "No promises."

I walked into the gym to see the X Men gathered, and Scott, SW sporting a killing glare.

"Sup peeps?" I said as the door closed behind me, placing my hands on my hips. "Did I miss something?"

"How do you know the kid?" Logan asked, and I hummed.

"He swings by once and a while. We talk. He wanted to learn how to punch, so I taught him." I shrugged, "no biggie."

Scott snorted, and Storm gave me a 'really' look. "What makes you think that you know how to throw a punch? All you can do is dodge and run away like a coward."

"Well, I guess it takes one to know one." I smirked, and then walked past them to go to the locker room.

His hand came out and stopped me. I slowly turned my head to look at Scott who looked kinda peeved.

"Excuse me? Do you know who I am?"

"A dick, apparently."

All in all, he threw the first punch.

I finished the fight before it began.

Sooo not my fault.

(I didn't even hear the voice once, and I felt elated. I wasn't a monster. I was me. I was-)

I was walking away from the gasping Scott when I heard a click behind me and a bright beam of red shot me down. I fell down, as I heard Storm and Logan start yelling at Scott and Rouge was running towards my felled body. KillkillkiLlKiLlKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL. ATtaCK. HehURTMe. HetrIEDTOKILLME.

I was only stunned, my blood had mostly blocked the attack, but the force had forced me to the ground. Thank goodness I was wearing my blood.

(Now that I think about it, that sentence is rather… interesting. My life is so weird.)

I sat up, startling Rouge, and I looked over at Scott. "What the fuck was that?"

"How are you still awake?" He looked alarmed at me, and I smiled at him.

"That's classified." I stood up on my feet, and pointed down at Scott. "You have gained a powerful enemy, dude. I tolerate the others, but you crossed the line with the whole attack thing. You're a dick, and I hope it gets cut off one day. I won't act on this now, but I swear to you, you have gotten on my shit list. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to pack up my things. I'm leaving a bit early." I couldn't look at him, without seeing red. I wanted to- killkillkill- but I forced it back into my head. It's all just me. I can control this. I can work on this.

I looked at Logan. "Dude, you better treat Charlie right, or I get back at you." And I was in the locker room, gathering up the pieces of clothing I had borrowed. Which I was now stealing, because they were pretty comfortable. But I had no actual use for them. My blood could make anything, including clothing.

I had stayed here far too long. I needed to get the hell out of dodge.

Okay, is anybody else having trouble copy and pasting their books on doc manager? Because I have. So, I had to download it and all that snazz. That's why my updates have ceased, because I couldn't upload the freaking thing up.

So, I got a few things to tell you peeps. First off, thank you matioschka for being the ONLY person to review chapter 9. I'm really grateful about that. And hey, it's the same day you reviewed too, how cool. I'll upload chapter 11 soon, have no worries. Second... WHY ON HEAVENS EARTH IS NOBODY REVIEWING. I even put those cute little 'if you reivew you get a dozen poptarts' things. Like, are those out of style? Uncool to review for metaphorical things? Ugh. I am SOOO feeling the love here peeps.

How hard is it to review? 'OMG I love your book, Cass is super cool. Gimme more'. That's all. That's it. I see people liking this, and following/favoriting this book all the time with my email, but is it truly that hard to review? Some sort of law to not review anymore? I know I haven't exactly been on fanfiction for a while, but come'on people! I get more reviews on Ao3, and that's the hardcore website with all the good fanfictions! They don't like books with OC's.

Anyways.

Rant. Over.

So, thank you people who have reivewed and loved this. You have gotten into my good graces.

Thank you.

Review if you want the next chapter to not have major feels, and die a horrible death.