So, as anyone who read my profile knows, I promised to update on the anniversary of this story's beginning. Which is May 5. Today. So there, promise kept. Be happy.
Anyways, on to the real purpose of this introduction. I had so much fun writing Kyoraku that I wanted to have another guest list writer. Only, I couldn't decide who I should do, so I decided to leave it up to you guys. You can consider it a present for the anniversary, if you like.
Possible narrators: You can vote for anyone who could have a realistic chance of posting the list. Hell, you can have a hollow do it as long as you can justify them sneaking through the Seireitei without being noticed. For example, Yammy's a no go, but Ulquiorra's fine because the Seireitei's defenses are horrible and he's a bloody freakin' bat who could probably fly above the whole city without making a sound. The only real requirements are, as stated, that they could have a reasonable chance of tacking it up somewhere in the Seireitei, and that they have a personality. But part of having a chance to post it means they actually exist at this point in the storyline. Just in case you haven't worked it out from the various hints in the story, ABSIADS takes place in the lull before Orihime gets kidnapped but after the first Soul Society arc is over. And yes, in case you're wondering, that does mean that the Espada would exist because Aizen would've created/recruited them all by now. That also means I won't be accepting non-canon characters. Sorry, but I refuse to deal with the Bounts or Sojuro Kusaka and the rest. Voting guidelines are as follows:
1. Votes must be submitted through reviews, both to keep the votes in one place and to open up voting to guests.
2. You are allowed to vote for multiple characters, but not the same character multiple times. The most votes allowed per person is three.
3. The voting session is over after a month. A minimum of three votes is required to win (considering how few reviews I generally get, that's about the most I can expect). If none of the characters in contention have yet reached three votes, then the competition continues until someone actually does. And I will wait for someone to get three votes. However, in the meanwhile, I'll still be collecting rules for the list after this, so if it takes a while, that just means you'll get two chapters in relatively quick succession. So rushing this process will not get you a new Hitsugaya/Byakuya/Yamamoto chapter any faster.
4. Pity votes and "Just get this over with, I want a new chapter" votes do not count. Only serious votes count.
5. If two characters tie for number one, then the first person to have hit 3 votes wins. If two characters happen to hit three votes at the same time (ex: if one person votes for 2 people who both have two votes), then I'll PM the person who cast the tie-causing vote asking who they prefer.
6. I'd think that this goes without saying, but just in case: the standard list writers (Hitsugaya, Byakuya, and Yamamoto) are not options.
I think I've covered all the possibilities, even the unlikely ones, but if you think of something that I missed, PM me and I'll edit this chapter to account for the answer I give you.
And with that over with, now for the actual chapter. I think the introduction to this one ends on a rather sweet note, actually. Maybe I'm melting into a puddle of sap.
Oh, and props to Scaehime for guessing about the Dresden Files reference even though she had no idea what it was. It's about time someone made a guess at the references.
Poor, poor Captain Hitsugaya, Yamamoto thought. Their youngest captain had suffered a mental breakdown and was now under the tender loving care of the Fourth Division, who no doubt were taking the chance to go crazy with their desire for Hitsugaya snuggles now that he was unable to oppose them. They thought he was adorable. Some of them had already confided plans to him about tricking him into transferring to their division so they could make him their mascot.
Yamamoto sighed. He could understand the cause of Hitsugaya's breakdown. The stress of the list combined with the antics of his vice-captain had proved to be too much. To be honest, it was a miracle this hadn't happened sooner.
A polite cough interrupted his thoughts. "Sir?" said Sasakibe's voice. Yamamoto looked up from his desk in surprise. "What are you doing?"
"As you know, Sasakibe," Yamamoto began, "Captain Hitsugaya is currently in the Fourth Division."
Sasakibe nodded. "Yes, sir."
"Because of that, I've decided to take over list duty for now," Yamamoto explained. He picked up his pen and resumed writing the tenth edition of the list.
Let it never be said that Yamamoto was not a father to his men. He would make sure Captain Hitsugaya got a nice, long break.
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80. The following are unacceptable excuses for starting a fight:
She was looking at me funny!
He was looking at me funny!
But it wasn't unprovoked! He challenged me to a fight! Through his eyes!
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81. When told, "Curiosity killed the cat," the response should not be, "Whose cat?"
Yamamoto had been attempting to lecture a group of new recruits about not sneaking off in the middle of missions to look around, especially not in Hollow-magnet Karakura Town, when it degenerated into a debate about the cat. They eventually decided, as Yamamoto tried and failed to restore order, that it was Sui-Feng's cat and that was the reason for her kitty altar (spotted by a recruit who delivered paperwork without knocking first) and bad temper.
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82. Whichever shinigami(s) have currently made it their mission to slather the walls of the Seireitei with the slogan "Come and See" are to stop immediately. In the light of the Aizen incident, it is not funny.
Some of the aforementioned Christian souls in the Seireitei had started talking to the shinigami about their faith. Those shinigami decided to read the Bible and while some found it absolutely fascinating, several of them decided to start pasting parts of it onto the Seireitei as a joke. I'm giving you three guesses as to the mastermind. The first two don't count.
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83. No shinigami is allowed to spar in any area outside the confines of a training arena unless they have permission from their captain and the person with authority over the place where they wish to spar. This applies doubly so if said shinigami are intoxicated in some way or form.
A few members of the Tenth Division got drunk at one of Matsumoto's parties and became very . . . enthusiastic. To demonstrate their zeal to defeat Aizen. Especially since he had hurt their captain both physically and psychologically. Those well intentioned fools ended up going into shikai. Why do you think Hitsugaya was so upset when he came in? For that matter, why do you think he suffered a mental breakdown?
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84. All shinigami must learn how to read.
"Sasakibe," Yamamoto said slowly, "are you sure that's what he said?"
His vice-captain nodded solemnly, "Yes, sir. That is exactly what he said. I even wrote down a transcript for you, sir."
"So his excuse for disobeying orders," Yamamoto began, "was that he couldn't read them?"
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85. No shinigami is to kidnap humans for any reason, even the entertainment of fellow soul reapers.
"Is that understood, Vice-Captain Abarai?" Yamamoto said sternly.
Renji hung his head in disgrace. "Yes, sir," he mumbled.
"I'm sure Kuchiki Rukia would've appreciated the gesture, but what you did was going too far," Yamamoto continued.
"I know, sir," Renji said, shamefaced.
"Good," Yamamoto said, and pointed at the grown man sitting in the corner, still wearing his bright pink rabbit suit. "Now return the Easter Bunny to his home."
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86. We are well aware that Dylan's Candy Bar is a thing. However, Vice-Captain Kusajishi is not. And she is to be kept that way under pain of execution on the newly-rebuilt SÅkyoku Hill
"What's wrong, sir?" Sasakibe inquired. "You look tired."
Indeed, Yamamoto did not look well. There were deep shadows underneath his eyes, giving him a tragic appearance that was only enhanced by the haunted look in his eyes. His beard, eyebrows, and mustache all seemed to droop. His back was hunched, new wrinkles had appeared overnight, and he could barely keep his eyes open.
In short, he looked like a typical old man.
"Do you know about that place in the World of the Living that Vice-Captain Abarai was talking about last month?" he asked his faithful vice-captain in a mournful tone of voice. "Dylan's Candy Bar, was it?"
Sasakibe nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, sir," he answered. "I believed he described it as 'paradise'."
Yamamoto was silent for a moment. "Imagine Vice-Captain Kusajishi," he said finally. "In that store."
Sasakibe's eyes widened. "My God," he said. "The damage would be catastrophic."
"And we would have to pay for it all," Yamamoto moaned.
Sasakibe frowned. "But what does that have to do with you, Head Captain?"
"What do you think has been happening in my dreams for the past three weeks?"
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87. Kurosaki Ichigo is not as strong as he is because his name contains the kanji for one. No shinigami is to encourage this rumor.
A new shinigami in the Eleventh overheard Ichigo making a bad pun. The sad part is that the idiot genuinely believed him.
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88. No shinigami is to pose dramatically before going into battle.
It was Rangiku's idea, of course. She thought it would be a lot of fun and that, well, Hitsugaya needed to act his age a little more. Lighten up a little and so on and so forth. Of course, she would never tell that to her captain. Instead, she told him that it would improve squad cohesion. Really, all it did was piss a lot of people off.