AN: I almost tried to move some chapters and instead wrote half this chapter as a flashback. Have I mentioned I hate tenses? Anywhoodle hopefully the chronology makes sense I tried my darndest to make it match.

Disclaimer: These characters need some therapy and a hug...also I own nothing

Chapter 10: It Hurts to Become(Bodhi)

I said to the the sun
"Tell me about the big bang"
The sun said
"it hurts to become"
...
Some days, I call my arms wings while my head is in the clouds
It will take me a few more years to learn
flying is not pushing away the ground
safety isn't always safe
you can find one on every gun.
I am aiming to do better.

– I sing the body electric, especially when the powers out, Andrea Gibson

As Bodhi walks through the Tatooine markets to the docking bay, Baze making heavy steps behind him, he can't help but mull over events of the last day or so.

After arriving at the med facility everybody had taken some time to get seen to and rest.

He'd talked with Baze for a time and it felt strange to voice thoughts about Jedha aloud, but the large man was probably the best person to hear them. He didn't make faces or saying anything back, he hardly even blinked, he just listened and accepted the things Bodhi said without judgment.

The nurse had brought them some food after looking them both over, and by unspoken agreement they set some aside for Jyn just in case this was it for food from these people.

He took up his seat by the door like a guard at his post. It had a good view of the entrance and most of the hallway they were in. Jyn had been so scared to hear this was an Imperial hospital and he could understand why. As nice as the doctors were, it felt right to keep watch... Just in case

He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep by the door until he startled awake several hours later. The chrono by Jyn's cot read 0800 hours… So about 5 or 6 hours since Jyn had collapsed. He sat up in his chair and glanced around.

His first surprise was seeing the smuggler was back. He had found another chair and managed to look completely at ease in it, his feet resting on a crate, his arms folded across his chest. He was clearly waiting for Jyn to wake up.

A glance across the room showed Baze was awake and watching them... That was good, Baze would have stepped in if there was any real danger.

It was the smuggler who spoke first

"You know it's really unnerving when your friend does that staring thing," he said and the fact he was addressing Bodhi came as a shock. He, of course, had no idea what to say in response to the man and Baze remained silent. Although Bodhi could swear the edges of his eyes seemed to crinkle a little. Was Baze was enjoying putting the smuggler on edge?

"Well... Baze can d-do whatever he wants, Mr...?" Bodhi began before realizing he didn't know the man's name.

"Han," he supplied.

"Okay... Han..." And Bodhireally didn't know what to say next ('I'm just the pilot') and so they lapsed back into silence. He fidgeted underneath the other man's gaze, but it was Han, who couldn't seem to abide the quiet.

"Listen, I was going to wait and tell the kid, but I guess she hit the deck harder than I thought." Bodhi wondered if there was a way for somebody to lightly collapse in Han's mind but the man was still talking.

"I tried to talk to him," he pointed at Baze, "But he doesn't say anything, so I'll tell you. I got my clients to agree to wait. You have tomorrow, we leave the day after at 1200 hours."

"I-I'll let her k-know," Bodhi said and Han nodded before jumping to his feet like his seat was burning him.

"Alright well...with that settled, I've got places to be,"

Bodhi could imagine the sort of places a man like him needed to be, but again he said nothing. He simply nodded and watched the man walk out. As soon as he was out the door Bodhi looked at Baze,

"Were you doing that on p-purpose? Messing with him with the s-staring?"

"Yes." Baze said with a completely straight face and Bodhi gaped at him. The man's eyes were crinkling again as he said,

"Only ridiculous men are so easily unnerved,"and Bodhi continued to stare.

"That man is very ridiculous."

That startled a laugh from Bodhi and Baze actually smiled a little in reply.

They both took turns using the refresher and when Bodhi came back from his turn, Cassian had been set up in a tank beside Chirrut's. It was eerie to watch them both floating there so Bodhi instead chose to take up his post by the door and keep watch again. He fell asleep same as last time, but he hoped the thought counted for something. That the net amount of hours spent watching the hall added up to something worthwhile.

He didn't have time to think it over much further once he was fully awake. He opened his eyes to find he was practically pinned down by the intense scrutiny of Jyn's gaze.

"G-good morning," he stuttered and she didn't speak for a moment. Her mouth was tight and from what he could see her hand was fisted in the blanket laid over her cot. Still, she didn't speak, her hands fisting a little tighter in the blankets.

"Jyn?" he finally asked because the silence and the staring were making him uncomfortable now, he thought of Han the day before and sympathized.

"How long was I out?"

"I d-don't know, since we got here y-yesterday?"

At that she jolts upright in bed, her eyes blazing,

"It's been that long? Kriffing—" she cuts herself off and looked away towards Cassian. At some point while they were asleep the doctors must have removed him from the bacta. He was dead asleep on a cot beside Jyn's. Even from Bodhi's spot by the door, he could smell the bacta on the man, his hair looked sticky with the stuff. But other than that he looked better than when they arrived.

When she spoke again, it sounded like she was scraping the words out of her throat.

"How is he?"

"I d-don't know," He replied honestly and Jyn sighed and looked away. Letting her gaze slide back to Bodhi... He found it had a little less heat this time but her jaw was still tight.

"Did the doctors..." she trailed off, simply pointing to the bacta patches for the burns on his cheek.

"Yeah, they checked us out... Clean b-bill of health," he tries to say the last like it was good news, but there was no good news. Only news that was less bad.

And she nodded, but it seemed like she was still wound too tight. He wanted to say something to help but he couldn't think of anything until he remembered the one piece of actual good news.

"Oh! Han came by l-last night... You were still asleep um..." Now he had that intense stare again and he wondered if she had ever melted anything with her eyes. If her gaze might have the same effect as light refracted through glass when aimed at a flammable object.

"Uh, he s-said we had u-u-until t-tomorrow at 1200 hours," he said suddenly nervous for some reason. But she simply let out a long sigh and broke off her laser-like stare. She was still gritting her teeth, but her shoulders seemed to settle a little.

"This is good news," Baze said from his spot in the corner of the room and they both started and stared at him. Jyn nodded a little to herself.

"It is," she agreed, but she still wouldn't relax. Instead, she squared her shoulders and looked between the two of them.

"We need to sell the ship. Any ship with an Imperial logo is too flashy for us right now," she said.

"And use the money to pay the smuggler to fly to Alderaan," Baze said and Bodhi turned to stare at him feeling like he missed a conversation. Maybe he did, because she nodded her head and clutched the hospital gown tighter around her as she moved the blanket aside. Like she was preparing herself to stand.

"No," and she froze as Baze trundled to his feet and fixed her with a steady glare that matched her own.

"But I—" she cut off when she tried to move her leg and the pain of it killed the words before she said them.

"No," Baze said again. Stepping over to her cot and throwing the blanket back over her. She glared daggers up at him.

"It would be better if I went to sell the shuttle," she said to him, and it sounded petulant, probably even in her ears judging by the face she made after.

"No," he repeated, leaving no room for argument. Bodhi watched the whole thing caught between shock and something that almost felt like amusement. When the idea occurred to him, he spoke it without thinking.

"I can s-sell the shuttle," he said and suddenly felt caught between two stares. Jyn looked ready to object when Baze said

"I'll go with him," and it seemed like Jyn couldn't argue that. She just watched as Bodhi got up from his chair and looked up at Baze.

"Ready?" Baze asked, his voice a low rumble and Bodhi nodded.

"Y-yeah...okay."

Selling the ship turned out to be a lot easier than he thought with Baze at his back. The male twi'lek who purchased it seemed slimy, ready to try and pay them less than the ship was worth. All it took was a meaningful stare from Baze for the male to buy it at full price.

They promised to at the docking bay tomorrow, he would inspect the ship and pay for it then.

Now Bodhi muses at the oddness of having the assassin at his back and finding that is the least of his concerns... If he thinks too hard about the last few days he's sure he'll implode... Or possibly scream until his vocal chords snap.

But, having Baze as backup is shockingly a comfort. He feels like he understands now how Baze and Chirrut got along so well... And then he thinks about Chirrut. The doctor had said his condition was too fragile to be removed from the bacta yet. Baze had taken this with the same calm resignation he seemed to take everything. The only thing Bodhi noticed was that his hands clenched for lack of another hand to hold.

Bodhi doesn't understand that kind of connection... Not really... But it seems so comfortable between the two of them...He's trying not to think about what would happen if Chirrut died. Would Baze take that just as quietly? He needs to stop thinking this as he glances back at the larger man, as he has been doing every few minutes since they left the med-facility. Baze is still there, steady and quiet, same as every other time he checked.

They reach the shuttle before the twi'lek and Bodhi stands at the entryway nervously, his eyes constantly flitting this way and that.

He's just the pilot.

Stormtroopers could see them with a stolen Imperial vessel and they would have questions. Questions he can't answer. He wants to flatten himself to the ground at every step he hears, having to twist and see who's coming.

He's only the pilot and he's ready to crawl out of his own skin. Everything is too loud and the space is too open, too exposed. He shivers despite the warmth.

"This will go much better if you appear calm," Baze says behind him and Bodhi turns to stare at the man and tries not to hyperventilate. There is no judgment in the larger man's gaze. Just the same steady look that's become a familiar sight. Bodhi meets his eyes for a moment and forces himself to take a deep breath. He's about to turn around when he sees the man's gaze flicker to something behind him. He turns so fast he almost falls over.

"State your business," a filtered metallic voice says and his insides are screaming when he turns to see two stormtroopers standing before him.

He thinks all the air might have just left the area or possibly the atmosphere, while his brain scrambles for something. He still has the Imperial patch on the sleeve of his battered jacket.

Appear calm, Baze had said and a part that predates this mission kicks in.

Years of experience pretending everything was fine when stormtroopers with guns stood at every corner. When his mother used to grip his arm too tight while he led her through the market. When he went to an academy run by the people who were grinding him down his entire life.

He puts a little iron in his spine and straightens to a casual salute. Not the full formal salute for superiors. As a cargo pilot he's roughly on the same level as a Storm Trooper in the hierarchy. If he flew a TIE Fighter they might have saluted him, but that was neither here nor there.

Then he thinks of the smuggler, the way he made sitting in a hard wooden chair look easy, the way he made standing look comfortable. Affecting a little bit of a casual slouch he waves a hand at the shuttle and begins,

"Yeah sorry, I was making a supply run to Mon Gazza and as I was h-heading back to the Naboo base my power cells failed. I was barely able to land her, l-luckily I know a guy who can replace the cells and get me on my way," he shoves his hands in his pockets and prays they don't read too much into the stutter. His nails dig into his palms, but manages to keep his face clear, if not actually casual. The Troopers give nothing away through their black eye panels and their nonchalant hold on their weapons.

"Why didn't you report to the Tatooine base?" one asks and Bodhi wants to faint, but instead he sighs.

"Communications went out with the power cells." He even kicks the shuttle for effect.

"She's dead in the water until my guy comes with the power cells. I had to send a runner, he should be here within the hour."

And he prays this works.

Neither of the Troopers speak for a moment. Finally, one of them points at him.

"Go about your business. And you," the Trooper points at Baze

"No loitering near Empire personnel. Be on your way." And Baze just shrugs like it's nothing at all and moves off into the market.

The Troopers nod and march away, leaving Bodhi behind. He waits until they are gone from sight to melt against the side of the shuttle, feeling his heart pounding out of his chest. He wonders if this is what a heart attack feels like. He must be due for one after the amount of stress he's been under over the last few days.

"You were imitating the smuggler," Baze observes, his voice low and his eyes amused as he comes back to stand at his former spot behind Bodhi. For his part Bodhi can only nod, breathless and muted. His hands are shaking and Baze nods his chin out towards the market.

"Here comes our buyer."

And the twi'lek is no less slimy than the day before. He tries several times to drive the price lower. He picks and pokes at the inside of the ship and it's hull like he's hoping a piece will come off and he can refuse to pay them in full.

"Oh come on, surely this is worth no more than 9,000 credits, he says for what feels like the sixth time.

"12,000 or we find a-another buyer," Bodhi says and the twi'lek goes quiet again. He's in the front examining the control column from the pilot's seat and Bodhi's itching to leave.

"10,000 is more than fair," the twi'lek wheedles turning to him again and Bodhi is ready to scream when Baze steps forward behind him. He gives the twi'lek a meaningful stare and turns off the safety on his repeater rifle with a loud and ominous click.

After that it's quick work to transfer the funds and confirm their receipt. As soon as he can, Bodhi flees the scene with relief, knowing Baze will be right behind him

When they reach the med-facility both Cassian and Jyn are awake and dressed. It looks like Cassian is more or less up to speed and both of them got the chance to use the refresher. Finally Jyn's lost all the traces of Scariff dirt from her cheeks and it seems the facility even cleaned their clothes while they weren't wearing them.

Dr. Korbin is there with a patient smile.

"I would tell you both to go easy, but I suspect that would be pointless," she smiles serenely at them and Jyn even manages a brief smile back.

"Thank you for your help... You've been very kind," she sounds awkward, but sincere, like she's not used to thank yous and Cassian is silent and putting on his jacket with care.

"Oh! That reminds me," she says and she heads out of the room for a moment and comes back with her hands full. She shoves a protein bar into Cassian and Jyn's hand and places one in Bodhi's palm as well.

"Um..." he begins to say, but she's not done.

She hands them a fully stocked med kit. Not the sad excuse for one on the shuttle. Jyn goggles at her and tears it open to find a large round of gauze and a decent jar of bacta along with the patches. Bodhi peaks over her shoulder and whistles a little. There's pain meds, some stims, an antibiotic and a fever med and Jyn makes a small, helpless sound at the back of her throat while Cassian manages to speak,

"This is too much, we can't possibly—"

"Oh, but you can possibly," she interrupts him and that smile never wavers,

"We did good work on you. It would be a shame for you to undo it getting up to whatever put you in the league with that nerf-herder Han Solo." and Jyn's mouth is hanging open but the doctor is not done.

"Also, I don't know if you know this, but we had a very large emergency. There was a massive accident with some sand people, or possibly some rebels. There might have been a fire even... Or possibly just some very loud banthas. Either way we burned through a lot of supplies."

They really don't know what to say, but the doctor simply adds,

"We had a couple, Owen and Nomi among the casualties and their friend Bevel is still in critical condition. So who can possibly say how much supplies we used, it was very serious after all. Lives were at stake," and she's not smiling as she closes the lid of the med kit and pushes it back into Jyn's hands.

"Thank you," Jyn says fervently, clutching the case tightly and staring at the Togruta woman.

"May the Force be with you," the doctor says with a smile back in place. She gives them one final nod before she turns and heads out the door, leaving them all stunned in her wake.

"How didthat man manage to find her?" Cassian finally asks in the silence and Jyn shrugs a little.

"Perhaps she has low standards," she says and Bodhi can't help the snicker that escapes him. Jyn flashes him a smirk, but it's gone in an instant. She tucks the kit into her bag and her steps are slow like Cassian putting on the jacket was slow. Injuries can only heal so much in a day's time, but neither of them seem bothered. Just moving with care.

Jyn slings the bag on her back and Cassian finishes strapping his blaster to his waist. Suddenly they are all on one side of the room and Baze is on the other.

Bodhi feels a sinking in his stomach because it must be time.

The chrono by the cots reads 1130 hours.

Cassian's first, clasping the man's arm in one hand and clapping him on the shoulder with the other. There is real warmth in his eyes when he says,

"When you're ready, contact Yavin IV. Bodhi opened communications. We'll send updates when we can so you can find us." Baze nods once and turns to Jyn who stares up at him for a long moment before she reaches up to wrap her arms around him in a fierce embrace.

"Please watch over your husband for us, I'll never forgive you if something happens to him," she says into his shoulder, trying for stern and almost missing entirely. Baze nods solemnly and she steps back.

Finally, he turns to Bodhi, who is fighting the lump in his throat and his twitching hands. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks up at the man. It's only been days since they met, but they all feel like family now or something akin to it. Baze rests both hands heavily on Bodhi's shoulders.

"Chirrut would say Jedha is only dead when it is forgotten. So keep surviving, and remember to carry our home with you," and Bodhi swallows back tears and nods. Baze nods back and lets his hands fall to his sides and takes a step back to stare at all of them.

"My husband was always better with farewells. So don't die and then this won't be a farewell," he tells them and they all nod once in reply. Then, with a final wave they leave the med-facility behind along with Baze and Chirrut.

Bodhi can only pray to whatever forces might be listening that Baze is right and this won't be goodbye.

Cassian and Jyn walk at a measured pace and they still manage to get there at 1200.

Just in time to see an old man in a cloak, a blond teenager, and two droids go racing up the entry ramp to the Millenium Falcon while Han and Chewie trade blaster shots with Storm Troopers.

"Your late!" Han yells as he dodges a blaster bolt.

"We're on time," Jyn yells back as she rips out her own blaster to shoot.

"Just get on before I leave without you!" he shouts and with that they all run through the blaster fire with a sense of deja vu and make it aboard the Falcon right as it begins to take off.

"Better late than never," Han says as he muscles by them,

"Chewie, get us out of here!" he yells as he runs to the cockpit. The ship bobbles and shifts underfoot as it lifts off the ground.

"Oh my, I've forgotten how much I hate space travel," the tall golden droid complains from the seat he found at a table.

As the ship leaves the Tatooine atmosphere, they all take a collective breath. Everybody staring at each other. They are all strangers to each other and Bodhi's always been bad with new people. That was before The Partisans trashed his brain and he nearly died 20 times in as many hours. His hands twitch in his pockets beneath the gaze of these strangers. The boy stares at them with bright eyes and he's the first one to speak.

Jyn's the closest to him, so he sticks out his hand and smiles without any guile and says,

"Hi, I'm Luke Skywalker, nice to meet you."

AN: aw saying bye to Baze was hard...I really feel like him and Bodhi and Chirrut have a special bond because they share a homeland that's now extinct.
I almost ended the chapter with the goodbye BUT I PROMISED YOU THE NEW HOPE CREW AND HERE THEY ARE. Luke's a dork and I love him.
Also I really do love Han but I also love trash talking him a lot...it's all said with affection y'all.
And have I mentioned Bodhi is a GOOD SOFT BOY? I love him, and that doctor was fun I liked her a lot.

Also hello friends! More of you are talking to me now and that's pretty fucking great I love you all (the quiet ones too, you do you guys) I'm not saying I'm closely watching the stats on this because I'm a whore for praise...oh wait no I am saying that. Thanks for reading this is the most fun I've had writing in awhile.