Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.
A/N: Hey, another chapter, another complication, so..... all I have to say is: enjoy!
Bye, smile :-)
-x-x-x-
The next morning Rory opened her eyes to the blackness of the TV screen. After rubbing her eyes she could make out her own reflection and the awkward position she was lying in. A position which would make her aware of her aching muscles if she moved even so much as an inch. A position which had been necessary, because she had spent the night on the couch. She yawned, while trying to remember how she ended up here instead of on the comfortable bed in her room, next to Joey..... Rory groaned and hid her face in the couch's cushion, shutting her eyes tightly as flashes of last night's fight also awoke from their slumber. A fight that she had proved was justified when she had gone out and let Jess kiss her. Cause that was what she had done. She had let Jess kiss her..... A kiss she had eventually put a stop too, although the taste had been tempting. It was a taste she had craved for so many years and maybe still did.
She became more aware of her aching muscles when she tried to stretch, which sent a twinge of pain through her entire body. It was a symbolic gesture, as she tried to push the memory of last night's event as far away from her as possible, although she knew that she wouldn't be able to push it as far as the farthest nook of her mind. Last night had only filled her with more confusion. Jess was probably dealing with the same complicated story as her, struggling to find the ending that would suit it the most. An ending that Joey already thought he knew, but she wanted so desperately to prove him wrong. Guilt probed at her conscience, while she pictured her and Joey taking their wedding vows and promising each other to stay together until death would separate them. The guilt started to sink its teeth deeper into her conscience when she realized that she had indeed cheated on Joey. She had cheated on her husband.
Rory closed her eyes and steadied her breathing, while she tried to come up with a reason for last night's behavior. A reason for all of those memories that had already passed. A reason for all of her recent doubts towards her marriage with Joey, who had been nothing but wonderful since the day she had met him. But it was no use looking for a reason when she already knew that there was more than one, and she already knew on what to blame her doubts. It was because of Jess and because of her own stupidity and stubbornness. She had insisted on him coming to her wedding and she had forced for almost forgotten wounds to be reopened. From there on things had gone down hill.
Things had gone down hill for her and Jess and went down hill for her and Joey soon after. Something she hadn't wanted to happen, because Joey gave her sureness, when with Jess, you never knew what you got, which was what attracted her to him, still. In a way she wasn't satisfied with what she had, although it was the closest she had come to being completely happy. You always wanted what you couldn't have and when you got that....... well, back when she was with Jess not any guy had seem as intriguing or tempting. Jess had been all she needed to be completely satisfied.
Rory shook her head, realizing that she was holding on to the past too firmly. Jess was just an old boyfriend, one of her exes. A person you would always care for, but yet you moved on, something she couldn't seem to do
Footsteps disturbed her thoughts and once she apprehended that holding off her thoughts was probably for the best, she looked up, glancing in the direction of the where the footsteps had seemed to come from. Joey was standing in the door frame, looking at her. She couldn't help but wonder how long he had been standing there.
''Morning,'' Rory said, trying to act as normal as she could, although it was more than evident that she had spent the night on the couch instead of in bed with him.
''Guess payback's a bitch huh?'' Joey responded, his words harsh though his voice sounded just as calm as it usually did and his face revealed not one single crack of anger or frustration.
Rory sighed and rested her head back on the couch's armrest. ''Yeah, well, what goes around comes around,'' she mumbled, talking too soft for the message to reach Joey's ears, which she was thankful for.
''I made you coffee,'' he said, while walking over to her and placing a cup of coffee on the table in front of her.
Rory looked at the cup for a while, before finally giving in and smiling at his thoughtful gesture. She reached for it and gulped half of it down, needing the burning sensation to trickle down her throat to fully wake her up. Finally she sat up straight, while wrapping her fingers around the warm cup, getting into a comfortable position, although she still avoided Joey's gaze.
She sat there for a little while longer, staring at his feet, before letting out a defeated sigh. ''I wasn't where you thought I was last night,'' she said, knowing that she was lying to him, but figuring that it wouldn't matter if she made sure that it never happened again. She just didn't want to spark his jealousy even more, or hurt him.
She continued when he didn't say anything else. ''I was just........ I needed some time alone, you know?'' She brought her eyes up to look at her husband's face.
Joey simply nodded. ''I understand.''
A pause fell between them, as he carefully smiled and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. ''And my sudden outburst didn't exactly make things easier.''
''No, they didn't,'' Rory said, while shaking her head. She also cracked a smile, knowing that this was the ending of yet another fight. ''You should warn me in advance next time, so I can prepare myself. I don't like surprises.''
Joey nodded again. ''Noted. So, how much do you wanna go over to Luke's and get a decent cup of coffee?''
''Yours is decent,'' Rory said, and took another sip to prove it.
''But it isn't as brilliant as Luke's, right?''
''Ah, don't compare your coffee making skills with him. After all, he's an artist, which is why is coffee always tastes so perfect. He's like the Van Gogh of coffee.''
''Which would make me?'' Joey asked.
''Yours is like Picasso, not as refined, you know?''
''Well, at least I'm an artist. A dead one, but still an artist.''
''That's the spirit,'' Rory said, with her usual cheerfulness, before taking another sip of coffee. ''Where's my mom anyway?''
''She's with Van Gogh.''
x-x-x
When Rory entered the diner, she found herself unconsciously scanning it for a presence she had grown so familiar with over the years she had lived here, even when they hadn't been talking to one and other. Or maybe she was indeed looking for him consciously. After all, last night was still lingering in her mind, although she was trying so hard to forget about it.
When she couldn't find him, she had a sudden urge to go outside and look for him at the bridge, but she knew that he wouldn't be there yet. He never was this early. He would still be up in the apartment he shared with Luke, doing his hair or something. A smile which held nothing but joy, came to a rest upon her face after hanging in the air for a while now.
-x-Flashback-x-
Rory was lying on Jess's bed. The door of the apartment was closed, which had invited her to put on one of Jess's many cd's. Right now the mellow guitar tunes of soft rock were filling up the small space. Something that bothered Luke, but didn't bother her or Jess. Still she always put the music down a few more notches than Jess would have, respecting Luke's wishes. It was his apartment after all. And to be honest, when music was played loudly, it always seemed to give her a headache or just add to her frustrations.
Rory sighed, while she closed another one of Jess's books and placed it on the pile next to his bed. All books she had read before. Most of them she had borrowed from Jess, because she had never heard of those authors or genres before. Who ever knew teen suicide would be an actual genre. Rory rolled her eyes. Only Jess would have a book like that lying around for everyone to see.
Slightly smiling she turned around so she was lying on her stomach, with her head at the foot of his bed. She reached for the stack of magazines and lifted them onto the bed. She quickly went through them, finding nothing of her interest, just like she had expected. After neatly placing them back where she had found them she flipped over, so she was now lying on her back, looking at the ceiling. Finally, when yet another song on the cd ended, she let out an impatient sigh and threw a glance in the direction of the bathroom door, which stood open.
''What are you doing in there?!''
''Grooming!'' was Jess's reply, filled with the usual dose of sarcasm. Something Rory couldn't help but softly laugh at.
''Well, can't you groom any faster?!''
Jess's face appeared in the door opening, his lips crookedly curved into a smirk. ''Don't you want me to look all dreamy?''
''Such an extended vocabulary and he uses the word dreamy,'' Rory mumbled, before rolling onto her side, so she could look at him. ''Besides, I don't care what you look like.''
At this comment Jess raised an eyebrow. ''Are you saying that I have been wasting my money on hair gel for these last couple of years?''
Rory nodded. ''And it just makes your hair sticky.''
Jess ran a hand through his tousled locks, before disappearing out of her sight again. She could hear him turn on the faucet, which meant that he was probably washing the gel from his hands.
''Jess!'' Rory said, raising her voice slightly, so she could be heard over the streaming water, which was turned off almost immediately, although Jess himself didn't say so much as a word.
''You think I'm attractive, right? I mean, not in a fake way that screams look at all my layers of make-up and skimpy clothes.....''
''Skimpy clothes?'' Jess interrupted, while he appeared in the door frame again, flashing her an amused smirk, before stepping into the room.
Rory sighed and shifted so she was lying on her back once more. ''You're unbelievable.''
She could hear him move towards her and only moments later he was towering over her, looking down at her. ''Yes, I think you're attractive.''
Rory smiled at his words, which encouraged Jess to take advantage of her position and straddle her, carefully placing his knees on each side of her body, not wanting to put too much of his weight on her. Rory laughed at his cautiousness and reached up to run a hand through his hair. Surprisingly there was no gel in it.
''You washed out the gel.''
Jess shrugged, while reaching for her arm and gently pulling it down, so he could grab her hand. He lowered his head a little and started to place kisses on each of her knuckles. A caring gesture that made Rory blush. A few days ago Jess straddling her would have had the same reaction, but she had gotten used to it quicker than she had expected. It gave her a safe feeling. He was being just as gentle with her as she always was with him.
''Jess,'' she said, wanting to make sure that he would be paying attention to her next words. ''What if I wasn't attractive..... Would you still like me as much?''
Her sudden question made him stop his movements and bring his head up, so he could peer down into her eyes, which stood as serious as the question was. When Jess didn't answer, Rory turned her head away from his gaze. ''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. I mean, appearance does count and.....''
Jess silenced her with a kiss. A kiss she hadn't expected. A kiss which left her gasping for air when they parted. She looked up at his face and smiled when she saw how earnest his expression stood and how his eyes were taking a hold of hers, making her aware of the butterflies that had never stopped fluttering since she had met him.
''You're an amazing person, Rory. And, yes, beauty does count, which you have been more than blessed with, but I would still be attracted to you if you had crooked teeth, wore glasses and weighed twice as much as you do right now. You are too nice not to like.''
Rory's smile turned into a grin when she heard his answer and lowered her eyes to his chest at the same time, because of the blush that was threatening to creep onto her cheeks. She didn't think that he had ever been more open and honest with her.
''Thank you,'' she whispered, while slowly meeting his awaiting eyes once more.
Jess leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead, while reaching for her waist with both of his hands. He skillfully changed positions with her, so that she was the one on top now. Rory hid the face in the crook of his neck, while running one of her hands through his hair, aware that he was doing the same with hers.
-x-End of Flashback-x-
Rory reached out her hand and grabbed Joey's wrist, shedding the memory like a second skin. Joey slightly tilted his head and looked at her, his eyes stood questioning, wondering what made her stop him. Rory moved closer towards him, so not everyone would be able to hear them talk. Joey smiled, although Rory knew that the smile would only be temporarily.
''Hey, is it okay if I go upstairs to say goodbye to Jess?''
She met Joey's eyes, already knowing that his smile had turned into a thin line. A thin line that was showing her how he really felt about Jess. Although in his eyes there was a struggle. A struggle that let her know that he was trying to understand and accept her close friendship with Jess, because of the past they had. But she knew that jealousy was close to taking over his emotions. Yet he nodded, a stern patience to his features.
Rory threw him an appreciative smile, before leaning in a little and kissing him full on the mouth, which was something she rarely did in a public place. She just didn't feel as comfortable expressing her emotions in front of a dozen or more watching pairs of eyes. She didn't want to flaunt what she had, which made her feel even more guilty, although when she had been with Jess she hadn't wanted to show off their relationship either. Jess was the one who had taken the liberty of kissing her in the middle of the street or in the middle of the diner. Something she had never expected of him, although it did suit him. He didn't care what other people thought of him or his actions.
And neither did Joey. But he was more respectful of what she wanted. That's why this kiss came as a surprise to him. One he took advantage of by adding pressure to the spot just above her back, so their bodies would be just lightly pressed together. Even when he deepened the kiss, by slipping the tip of his tongue between her lips, she didn't pull away. She felt too guilty to. She felt like she owed him. A thought that pushed her to the verge of crying without a warning, something she stopped by closing her eyes and getting even more lost in the kiss.
When they parted, a blush appeared on Rory's face, because she caught people looking at her. Joey removed his hand from her back and brought it up to her face, briefly running his thumb over her cheek, before lowering it to his side. ''Did that kiss have anything to do with an hidden agenda?'' he playfully asked.
Rory forced a smile on her face. ''I'm just thankful about how you're taking this.''
''I trust you.''
Rory nodded, but those words meant nothing anymore. Not when he didn't have any reason to trust her anymore. But she could earn his trust once more. Every person made mistakes, even she did. Mistakes she blamed on her reckless mind and on her blind intuition. ''Order me a cup of coffee and a donut......?''
''To go?'' Joey confirmed.
Rory nodded, before following Joey to the counter, where he sat down next to her mom. ''Hey, mom,'' she said, before kissing her mother on the cheek.
''Morning, sweets. Everything okay between you and lover boy?'' Lorelai asked, softly adding the last part. Concerned about the fact that she had found her daughter fast asleep on the couch this morning.
Rory nodded. ''We worked things out.''
''What was it about?''
''Jess.'' Rory paused, before turning to Luke. ''Luke, can I go upstairs?''
Luke raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He just nodded and gave her permission to go up there if she wanted.
''Do you think that that's wise?'' her mother whispered.
Rory pretended not to hear her and turned around, also ignoring the look Joey was giving her. Even though he told her that he trusted her, the jealousy was still evident underneath his long lashes. She quickly disappeared through the curtains and stood on the first step of the stairs for a few seconds, just trying to make up her mind. Should she go up there to see him or not..... She really wanted to, but if she went, she didn't know what would happen. All this time she thought she could control herself, seemed to be a lie. Cause she had just let him kiss her last night. Let him. Out of her own free will.
Rory let out a silent sigh and ran a hand through her hair, a nervous gesture, but also subconsciously wanting to look decent before going up to Luke's apartment. Although Jess never seemed to care how she looked. Rory smiled once more at her earlier memory, before heading up to the apartment, seeming more confident than she really was, because she hadn't been up there in a long time. When she knocked on the door, the response she got was so familiar that it made her smile once more.
''Staring at the door won't magically open it!'' she heard Jess yell, before the door flew open.
''Or maybe in your case it will,'' he added, while he lowered his eyes down to her.
''Well, it kinda did magically open, I mean, I did absolutely nothing to help.''
''Huh, didn't know I could do magic,'' Jess remarked. ''So, did you want a show or........?''
Rory smiled at his words. ''I actually came to talk, but maybe later you can pull a rabbit out off a hat?''
Jess nodded and opened the door further. ''Come in.'' When Rory passed him, he made sure to take an extra step back. Last time she didn't seem to take it too well when he touched her. He closed the door and turned around, finding Rory looking around the apartment like she had never seen it before. He leaned against the door and patiently waited for her to return her eyes to him, which she eventually did.
''It looks exactly the same.''
Jess shrugged. ''Well, what did you expect?''
''I don't know. For things to change........''
Jess held her gaze for a few seconds, before pushing himself away from the door and walking over to his bed. ''Well, things did.''
Rory kept her eyes locked on his back, trying to ignore the hurt which his words had caused, while he headed over to his bed and sat down. Making her feel isolated, because his gesture seemed so familiar, as if nothing changed and they were still together. As if their relationship wasn't dented yet with the mood swings he used to get on his darker days and his short string of patience. Something she knew, was always hiding behind his usual coolness. It would creep through in some of his comments, giving her a fair warning, cause he couldn't always explain his sudden change of moods. A change that was waiting behind the boundaries of only his carelessness.
As he started to flip through one of his books, Rory reached for her throat, wondering why this room seemed so foreign to her and why he was acting so cold towards her. It made her feel nervous and unsure of what to do or say next, although she didn't seem to be able to move. She couldn't just leave. She had to try and save what they used to have, put their relationship back in perspective. But it was hard to, when her own vision was being blurred by memories that held her mind captive and by a kiss that still lingered on her lips. She licked her lips, while taking a step back and thinking of Joey, whom's trust she so desperately wanted to earn back.
She let her gaze wander through the apartment once more, using it as a distraction while she talked.
''I know things changed,'' she started, her gaze flying from object to object, because they couldn't seem to hold onto her attention for more than a single second. ''I mean, how can't they when we didn't talk for so long..... We lost touch of each other's lives and I feel bad about it, cause I didn't make an attempt to talk to you back when we weren't.''
''You're stubborn,'' Jess said, interrupting Rory's rant and causing her eyes to return to his figure.
Rory smiled at his words, although her smile quickly faded. ''But I know I didn't make things easier. Especially when I invited you to the wedding..... and..... when I called you. I should have respected your decision. You wanted your space and I think I did the wrong thing by....... I just.....'' Rory sighed, while running both of her hands through her hair, a nervous habit she copied from Jess, although he rarely ever did it. ''I made things more complicated for you, for me...... and for Joey. And I'm sorry.''
Jess nodded and shrugged. ''What's done is done.''
''Yeah....... I just needed to apologize before I left. So, I did and I'll just leave.''
Rory turned around and slowly started to head for the door, with Jess's eyes on her back as she moved closer and closer to the door. But before she could reach for the doorknob, Jess got up from his bed, the sudden rustling forcing Rory to stop her movements. They knew each other too well.
''I guess me kissing you didn't exactly help, huh?''
Rory turned her body a little and glanced at him. Their eyes met. His eyes stood blank as usual, while hers had a wistful glow to them. ''I'm married.''
''Exactly who are you trying to reach with those words, me or you?''
Rory turned around completely now and crossed her arms. ''What do you mean?''
''Well, you only pushed me away after letting me kiss you,'' Jess pointed out, while frowning at her naive behavior. Wondering if it was show or not. He voted for the last, cause she was just trying to make things as less complicated as she could for her and Joey. A realization that stung him deeper than he would have ever guessed.
''I was upset, I........I needed a friend.''
''I don't think kissing would qualify as comforting, do you?'' Jess remarked.
Color streamed to Rory's cheeks as she met Jess's eyes. ''I wasn't thinking. I admit that I shouldn't have let that happen, but it was a mistake. A mistake!''
''So, a mistake?'' Jess asked bitterly, something Rory didn't miss.
''Jess, come on........'' Rory softly pleaded, persuading him to see her side. ''I'm sorry, I just needed a friend and you were there.''
''I always am, aren't I?'' Jess asked, while shoving his hands in his pockets.
''Yeah, but.........''
''Hey, I understand,'' Jess said, while shrugging. ''Things change, right?''
Rory nodded, choosing not to say anything about his defensive manner, hiding his vulnerability. ''We're friends, right?'' she carefully asked.
''Always have.''
''Even when we weren't talking?''
Jess nodded and watched as a smile appeared on her face, which made him feel slightly better, although it hurt that they were, once again, back to being friends. They had both agreed this time. Face to face. They were friends. Just friends.
-x-REVIEW-x- Please? :-) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, especially the flashback. My entire story seems to be based upon the flashbacks, although I didn't intend to put them in, but I wanted to show you what Rory and Jess's relationship used to be like. So, thanks again for the reviews and I'll update asap. :-)