Chapter 10: My Apologies

Disclaimer: CSI belongs to CBS, Mr. Jerry Bruckheimer, etc…(dangit!) Lyrics are from "All Apologies" by Nirvana.

What else should I be
All apologies
What else could I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All Apologies

.Oo0oO.

Nick hadn't felt this scared since that night he woke up to find himself buried alive in a transparent casket with no way out. The moment he heard the words "Greg" and "fainted" in the same sentence, he took off running before his mind could register the rest of Warrick's statement. He barely heard his friend yelling out to him to head to the morgue as he raced through the front doors and almost bumped into Judy in his hurry to get to the basement. His mind was reeling with the various worst case scenarios that could have taken place by now, and he was cursing his own stubbornness for choosing to walk away instead of stepping into that washroom earlier. Oh God, please, please let him be alright! Why the hell did I not walk into that washroom?! I knew he hadn't eaten or slept in hours, what the hell was I thinking leaving him behind like that?! Shit!! If someone's up there listening to this, please just give me this one chance! I swear I'll do anything to make it up to him. I promise to not take him for granted again, and I'll beg if I have to, to get his forgiveness! Please, I haven't asked you for much in my life, just give me this one good thing and we'll call it even for all the shit I've been put through over this lifetime. With each stride he took, Nick's prayers grew more desperate and his thoughts turned more dire, as he urged his feet to move faster and his lungs to push harder in his haste to get to the morgue.

Finally seeing the doors up ahead, with one last spurt of energy he burst into the room yelling out in his panic. He saw Grissom, Hodges, and Doc Robbins milling around a morgue table and fought back his sudden nausea at the scene before him. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until it whooshed out of his lungs as the three men parted to reveal a tired, but very much alive, Greg Sanders as he sat fidgeting on the table. Nick couldn't help but stare in astonishment as the question slipped out of him in a breathy whisper, "Greg?"

Greg Sanders had never been more surprised or more elated in his life. The look on Nick's face told him everything he wanted to know, that Nick still cared about him, that they were still friends, and that the older man wasn't mad at him anymore. Giddy from the happiness that flooded him, he replied a little dazedly, "Nicky?"

Hearing the blonde use the familiar endearment once again, Nick's barriers came crashing down as the past 20 hours caught up with him in that moment. He moved forward, suddenly finding himself with an armful of Greg, he pulled the younger man tight against his chest and rested his own head on the soft blonde curls, as he began to cry for all he was worth. His whole body shook with the emotional upheaval, as he finally let go of his anger, frustration, and jealousy to let relief flood him at the realization that his best friend was alive and well. Greg was alright, his prayers had been answered, and he had been given another chance to make up for everything he had done wrong.

Greg hugged the Texan tighter as he murmured reassuringly into his ear, "It's okay Nicky, I'm okay, everything is alright, there's nothing to be scared about…" He softly continued cooing in the other man's ears as he ran his hands soothingly along the brunette's back in a calming gesture until the shudders slowed, and eventually subsided.

With his eyes shut tight, Nick gave one last squeeze before murmuring into the blonde's ears, "I'm sorry Greggo, so sorry for everything that's happened."

There, he had finally said it and, as cliché as it sounded, it felt as though a small weight had been lifted off his chest. He felt a strange and sudden calm wash over him as he prepared himself to take the next step. Nick carefully extricated himself from the bittersweet embrace, and gestured for Greg to sit back down on the morgue table behind him. Sensing that the Texan had a few things to get off his chest, the blonde reluctantly stepped back and kicked off his shoes to sit tailor style on the table. He looked on as Nick took a seat across from him, on the table opposite, letting his own feet dangle over the edge as he rested his hands on either side of his thighs. Greg hoped that whatever Nick had to tell him only had to do with saying sorry, and had nothing to do with the "I hope we can still be friends" speech that he was dreading. He didn't just want friendship from Nick anymore, knowing what he did about the other man's feelings for him, he wanted much more; he wanted a life with Nick and he wasn't going to agree to anything less after all the things both men had gone through over the years to finally get to this point.

Nick took a deep breath before he began, "G, I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you earlier. I'm sorry that I let my jealousy and fear cloud my judgment when I knew full well that you would never knowingly jeopardize a case. I was out of line when I yelled at you in the parking lot and I didn't mean a word of what I said…" Nick paused and raised his eyes from the floor to take in the blonde's reaction, but the younger man's face remained blank as he patiently waited for the rest of the explanation.

"I…I said those things because I let my frustration get the better of me and because…I…I was mad at Hodges for getting your attention and I took it out on you. I realize it was a really childish thing to do and really stupid for a CSI because I jumped to conclusions before I saw the whole picture. It's ironic that I was yelling at you for being incompetent when I was the one acting that way," noticing that Greg was about to cut in, he quickly held up a hand to stop him. He didn't think he could get it all out if he was interrupted, so he gestured for the blonde to let him finish.

"You're one of the best CSI's I've ever worked with, Level I or not, and you're a great investigator because you really are a sponge," at the impromptu use of the familiar line Nick broke into a fond smile, but the blonde remained expressionless as he continued to listen to the older CSI.

Nick quickly added, "And I mean that in a good way. You learn faster than anyone I know, and you pick up on things that sometimes even the rest of us miss. I should have known to trust your judgment with that kid, and if you weren't following procedure, I should have informed you in a more professional manner." He sighed and lowered his eyes once more.

"I was the more experienced CSI, and I should have found a better way to tell you how to proceed in that kind of situation. I'm really sorry for the way I acted and for taking your feelings for granted. I hope you know that I would never hold it against you if you're gay. The stuff I said in the parking lot, it wasn't me…and even if you were…going out with Ho-Hodges, that would be fine by me. I only hope that you can forgive me for what I've said and done to you," Nick finished and his eyes remained downcast, with his breath slightly hitching from the effort it took to get the last few words out.

"Are you done?"

Nick jerked his head up, not expecting to hear the sudden harsh tone that was in Greg's voice.

"Because I'd like to tell you something Stokes."

.Oo0oO.

Crime Lab: A/V Room

"WHAT?! You thought I had gone to put the "beat down" on Sanders?! ME, beat up Greg?! Are you guys INSANE?!" Hodges looked incredulously at Warrick and the rest of the team, who had him cornered in the A/V room after he had returned with Grissom and Doc Robbins to catch everyone up on Greg's "re-appearance".

"Yeah, I know Hodges. I didn't believe it either…I mean the guy might be slim, but he can definitely kick your ass when it comes down to it."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Arch."

"No problem."

"I was being sarcastic!"

"So was I."

"Ok, shut up you two! Let me get this straight. You and Greg were sitting in that basement room—"

"Handicap bathroom, it's important to get the details right."

"Hodges, we've all been worried sick over Greg's disappearance, so you better shut your hole before I do it for you!" Catherine Willows was not amused, not one bit. "So, you guys were there this whole time?"

Seeing that the woman meant business, Hodges quickly nodded; his sense of self preservation was after all very much intact.

"And you didn't find it necessary to let us know that he was alright?" Sara's sweet voice may as well have been dripping with venom, for it sent chills up his spine as Hodges frantically tried to think of an explanation.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that you guys were freaking out over here? Unlike you, I was busy doing something that was actually productive!"

"And what would that be Hodges?"

"Setting the kid's head straight!"

"WHAT?!" The chorus of exclamations from within the room, minus that of Grissom and Doc Robbins, made him jump in surprise.

"NOT LIKE THAT! I didn't hurt him I swear! I've got witnesses!" He quickly turned towards the two older men watching the interrogation with an entirely unhealthy amount of amusement.

"It's true; apart from aggravating his ulcer again, Greg doesn't have a mark on him. I hope they make up and get home on time, because he needs food and lots of rest," Doc Robbins decided to take pity on the trace tech and finished his explanation with a pointed look towards Grissom.

"Hey, don't look at me! I've already talked to Ecklie. They're both going to be getting some time off to get their heads straight before coming back to work," Grissom smirked, realizing full well that the boys wouldn't be doing just that.

.Oo0oO.

Crime Lab: Morgue

Greg flung his legs out and bounded off the table to start pacing the floor. "You acted that way because you were frustrated, and because you were mad at Hodges for getting my attention?! Man, what are we, in 4th grade?! You got mad because someone was trying to steal your best friend away from you?! Give me a break Stokes! That's a lie and we both know it! Yeah, you were STUPID to jump to conclusions…and what's WORSE is you're still doing it! Did you even stop to think to ask about how I felt about all of this?!" His anger and frustration once again bubbling to the surface, Greg emphasized each point by flinging his arms in the air.

"I'm Nick FUCKIN' Stokes! I do what's best for everyone, even if THEY DON'T WANT IT! You assume that Hodges and I are going out, and you've already started planning our wedding and printing out the invitations, before you even ask me if I liked him romantically! Did you stop to consider that maybe the only reason I was in that washroom with Hodges was because he cared enough to come after me, when my own best friend didn't give two shits about doing so?!"

Greg's face was now flushed with anger as he continued to yell while Nick paled at the implication of the words; he couldn't honestly contradict any of what Greg was saying so he sat there stoically, taking everything that the younger man had to throw at him.

"I don't BELIEVE you Nick! I don't believe any of what you said to me because, if you can lie through your teeth about how you feel about me, then who's to say this WHOLE thing isn't an act?!"

Nick looked up sharply, "G, you gotta believe me! You have to!" He jumped off the table and grabbed Greg's hands in his own to look into the familiar brown eyes, which were now blazing with indignation.

"I swear I'm truly sorry for everything I've done and I'll do anything to make you understand that I'm not lying!" Nick was silently begging Greg to see that he really did care about him.

"Are you being honest? Tell me the truth Nick…how do you really feel about me? And I don't mean that in a platonic best friend way either!"

Nick stood shell shocked at hearing the words, which were alarmingly similar to the ones that had passed a certain trace tech's lips mere hours earlier.

.Oo0oO.

Crime Lab: A/V Room

"Well, it's been nice chatting with you kids but I really have to run. Griss, I'm gonna be taking sick leave as well, a couple of days at the most just to get my biological clock running again and to make sure…OH MY GOD, KOBE!" the Lab Rat's face turned deathly pale and he swayed on the spot.

Fearing that Hodges was having some sort of an attack, the crowd parted to let Doc Robbins attend to the technician. They nervously looked on as the Doc quietly spoke with the tech, seemingly assuring him about something.

"It's okay David, cats are smart, they'll find ways to get to their food and take care of themselves that you could never think possible…"

"But Doc, I was going to buy him something…I had nothing left at home and now he's probably…"

"Do you live in an apartment?"

"Yeah, but…"

"I'm sure he would have cried enough to alert the neighbors if he really was starving…"

"And Mrs. Norris across from me has my spare keys! I get her to check in on the apartment once in awhile…okay, so he's alright. He MUST be alright…thanks Doc!" Hodges felt relief flood him as he got up to leave the Lab, yet again. He needed to get home, to make sure that Kobe was really okay, and to curl up on his bed and sleep dreamlessly for a day—if not for a week, after everything he had gone through in the past 20 hours.

.Oo0oO.

Crime Lab: Morgue

Nick let go of Greg's hands as his demeanor grew icy, "What did he tell you?"

"What did who tell me?"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about Greg, so spit it out!"

"Hey! You don't get to be mad about this. David didn't tell me anything that wasn't true and I asked you a question first, and I'm still waiting for the answer!"

"I don't know what David told you Greg, but I'm sure that it wasn't the truth!"

Greg's heart constricted at hearing this, but before he could turn around and run Nick caught him to pull him back and face him again.

"G, listen to me! I…I told him that I liked you, but what I didn't tell him was that I don't just like you Greggo, I love you. I don't know what he told you…but I truly care about you; and yes I was pissed at Hodges, because he seemed to have caught your interest, when I've been trying all this time and failing miserably at it! I was the one who cared for you, I was the one who made sure you were ok after a hard case, and I was the one who listened to you! I know I've been acting like a jerk and I completely deserve whatever you have to throw at me, but who's he to come before me Greg?! Answer me that!" Nick's anguished rambling came to a halt, as he let go of the blonde and waited for an answer.

"You love me?" Greg's quiet voice held complete awe and his brain wholly forgot about his prior anger as it latched onto Nick's surprising declaration.

"YES, I LOVE YOU! What did I just tell you?!"

"I love you too."

"GOOD 'cause whatever he said was—wait! YOU WHAT?!" Nick's mouth started to resemble a gold fish, as he vainly tried to form words that died before they could even get past his vocal chords; he finally gave up trying to stare dumbly at the blonde.

"I said, I love you too Nicholas Stokes. What? You deaf or somethin'?"

The blonde smiled impishly up at Nick, waiting for his brain to catch up with his mouth.

Nick started sputtering randomly, "You mean...?"

"It's always been you Nick."

"Hodges..."

"A good friend."

"And I was…"

"A dumbass."

"So, we could've been…"

"Yeah."

Nick's body flooded with such elation that he had never known possible. Greg LOVES me! He grinned, pulling the younger man roughly by the waist until they were standing toe to toe, chest to chest, breathing heavily from their rapidly spiking heart rates. Nick's eyes narrowed at the unexpected realization that they could have saved each other much heart ache, if they had only talked about this sooner. "You felt the same way about me and you didn't think to tell me this before?!" Nick ground out, his eyes predatory as they gazed into the now dilating brown pools in front of him.

"Me?! What about you?! You were the ladies man! Maybe if you had noticed my flirting, this could have gone somewhere ages ago!" Greg pulled back, indignant at the accusation. "I had everything to lose if I had o-opened my m-mouth." The blonde slightly stuttered as he backed up, noticing that Nick's gaze was now blatantly traveling down his body.

"G, you flirt with everyone, how am I supposed to tell that apart from you genuinely liking me?" The older man moved forward, as Greg unconsciously took a step backwards, not realizing that the brunette was effectively stalking him, as a lion would a nervous lamb.

Greg's body flushed with embarrassment at hearing the words, because they were partly true, and he vainly tried to plead with the older man, "L-Look, no harm, no foul right?"

"I don't know about that G," Nick's smile was positively sinister as he finally got the blonde where he wanted. Greg's cheeks were flushed pink, lips slightly parted in panic, as he realized the situation he was in; Nick had him caged between a table and two strong arms, now resting on either side of him. As he looked up to plead innocence one more time, he saw that Nick was dangerously close, his breath ghosting over the blonde's lips, almost as if they were asking for permission, and Greg couldn't deny this man anything.

"Nicky," the breathy whisper was all the permission Nick needed before he brought his lips crashing down against the soft pink ones that were now parted in desire. Greg moaned into the kiss, his eye lids fluttering shut, as he flung his arms around the older man's neck to pull him closer. Soft lips massaged his own, making him shiver and inadvertently gasp as a teeth nipped at his bottom lip. A quick tongue darted out to lick the hurt before it shamelessly sneaked its way into his open mouth, pulling a surprised moan from his throat.

Nick groaned as his tongue invaded the warm opening and his groin grew hard when he felt the blonde writhe in his arms. He lightly rubbed up against the younger man, gaining some friction to relieve himself, as he readily poured his love, his desire, and his ardor for the other man into that single kiss. He suddenly grew bolder as he sneaked his hands underneath the blonde's shirt to feel deliciously soft skin heating up every place he touched.

Greg grew dizzy from the stimulation to his body, which seemed to be engulfing him from all sides, as he gave as good as he got. Pressing the evidence of his own desire against the older man, he slightly rocked in place, parting his lips further to allow Nick's tongue better access to his own warm cavern. He sucked sensuously and brushed teasingly against the roof of his lover's mouth, which elicited a needy groan from his partner. Tongues desperately dueled for dominance as they licked and sucked without mercy and Nick's desperation grew even more as he ran his hands hungrily down the blonde's body to grab his ass and roughly drew him up against his own hips.

It wasn't enough; it felt like it'll never be enough, as Nick tore his lips away to lick and nip his way down the pale throat exposed wantonly before him. Without missing a beat, the blonde leaned back, revealing his most sensitive expanse of skin, and wrapped his long legs around the older man to pull him as close as he could to his own body. Nick increased the pace of their rocking, desperate to find release, as his mouth found the blonde's kiss-swollen lips again. He leaned forward to rest his hands firmly on the table that Greg was bracing against, to allow for better leverage.

A loud crash suddenly burst through their lust addled minds as they heard, "OH MY GOD! I'm sorry…I had a…I mean I was just…Oh God!"

David Phillips spluttered in embarrassment as he tried to pick himself up off the floor, from where he had slipped and fallen in surprise when he had walked into the morgue to discover two live men going at it in his place of work--which usually housed the dead. He was even more mortified when he realized he knew the couple and even worked with them closely on occasion; he just hadn't known that they were seeing each other...or even that they were anything but ramrod straight!

"Gosh, we're so sorry Dave! We didn't realize…" Nick flushed crimson in embarrassment as he discreetly tried to shield his erection as well as his lover from view, as Greg put himself back together.

"NO, NO! Take your time, I…I'm just gonna go check on something…yes, I need to find the Doc to ask him about sex…I mean the sexual assault victim!" David stuttered out an explanation, trying desperately to make a quick escape with his eyes firmly set on the tiles below him.

"David, you won't tell anyone will you?" Greg had managed to right his shirt, along with certain other body parts, and was now looking innocently back at the Assistant Coroner.

David Phillips quickly looked up, "No, of course not! I wouldn't dream of it, I swear!" Realizing the embarassing situation he had put himself in, he quickly added, "Um…well, it was nice seeing you guys again; I have to go now…" before he all but ran out of the room.

There was complete and utter silence for a moment before both men broke into sudden and raucous laughter, which they couldn't contain any longer; they held their sides as tears of mirth ran down their cheeks from tightly shut eye lids, until their amusement eventually subsided and they were left gasping for air.

"Damn! I…don't think I've ever…done it in a morgue…have you?"

"Well…there was this one time…where this super hot brunette backed me up against the table and…"

Regaining his breath quickly he warned, "G, don't even go there! I don't think this is the right time or place to be doing this…"

"Oh, come on! You saying you didn't like it?" Greg grinned impishly back at Nick, knowing full well the other man had more than enjoyed what they had done together and didn't regret what they had almost done either.

Nick leaned in to kiss the blonde softly, resting his hands on his lover's waist, he smilingly gazed into the brown pools once again, "You know I loved it babe, but it's a good thing that Super Dave found us; we have to get you home so you can eat and rest before you can participate in any vigorous activity."

Greg's heart melted as he felt strong arms envelop him in a protective hug and he willingly leaned into the touch; letting his head rest against the older man's chest, he spoke softly, "Babe, huh?"

Nick smiled as he brushed up against the blonde curls once again, "Just trying out a new nickname, you like?"

"I love. So, babe, do you think we can head to your place 'cause your bed is bigger and I don't have a ride?"

Nick couldn't help but snicker as he ran his hand soothingly down his partner's back, "And you would know this about my bed, how?"

Greg blushed lightly, as he borrowed his head further against Nick's chest, "I may have gotten lost while trying to get to your washroom the last time I was there."

"Hun-huh, I bet you did."

"Hey, you've been my boyfriend for ten minutes and this is how you treat me? Like some lowly suspect?!" Greg's voice barely held back his amusement as he tried to imitate righteous indignation, all the while keeping his face buried against Nick's shirt.

He suddenly pulled back with a yelp, as he started giggling while he desperately tried to get away from the assault of Nick's merciless fingers tickling his sides, "So I'm your boyfriend huh?"

This brought Greg up short as he suddenly looked nervous, "Well yeah, I mean that's what we are right? Because if you aren't in for the same—"

Nick's expression became serious once again as he hastened to assure the younger man, "Of course G! I'm not looking to have a fling with you, I want more than that! I love you, you know that right?" he gazed into his lover's eyes once again, hoping that Greg would understand that he wanted a partner for life, not someone to have a casual encounter with.

Sensing the things that Nick didn't say, Greg smiled softly as he placed a small kiss on the older man's nose, "Ya, I do Nicky. I love you too and I can't believe that it took David Hodges to make you see the light!"

Greg laughed as his lover tried to swat his ass in mock-indignation before they both headed out of the morgue, hand in hand.

.Oo0oO.

David's Apartment Complex

David Hodges tiredly drove into his parking lot, sighing heavily as he pulled out the essentials that he had bought from the nearby Wal-Mart, before closing and locking his car door. He had called ahead to Mrs. Norris as he was leaving the Lab earlier and had found out that Kobe had indeed started crying near his breakfast time until he had gotten her attention. She had consequently taken him into her own apartment, thinking that David had probably forgotten to remind her about feeding the cat because he had to stay longer at work. This had happened once before, when he had pulled a quadruple and half way through his shift he had remembered to call Mrs. Norris to check on Kobe. Well, at least the cat's living the high life--even if I'm not, he thought dejectedly as he shuffled his feet on his way towards the entrance of the apartment building.

Little did he know, a predatory pair of eyes was watching his every move, cursing and waiting for their chance at vengeance, as he made his way towards his unit.

A/N: Awww, you guys reallly didn't think this was gonna end well, did you? Hehe…all I'm sayin' is that there's still a case that needs solvin' by our two favourite CSIs! No, I'm not evil...not evil at all...ok, maybe a little. Thank you muchly for reading, you guys are the bestest! :-)

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AA/N: Remember, this has no character death, just a lotta angst, so please don't flame me. I burn easily! ;-)