Another in the ongoing numbers meme on my tumblr. This one is #33. Expectations. Could take place around 6X21.
There is no denying that they haven't really done a great job planning the wedding when, with three weeks to go, they have neither flower arrangements or a wedding party. A venue had been scrapped together with luck, calling in of favors, and Rick's rather hefty bank account taking a sizable dent, and with it had come cake, food, and drinks to serve the guest list that was still unnaturally large after an entire week of trimming the excess.
In fact, Rick has given very little thought to who should stand with him at his wedding. Damian Westlake had done so when he'd married Meredith, a best man of nostalgia and convenience, and he hadn't had one at all for marrying Gina. Neither of them had really made a fuss about it, far too involved in creating a spectacle of the reception and impressing all the guests with it.
He's not surprised when Kate mentions that Lanie will be her maid of honor and her only attendant. His fiancee is not the sort of woman who needs or wants gaggles of them waiting on her beck and call, hovering and chorusing praise in groups. Kate is a woman who is selective in her friendships, who fosters the sort that last for a lifetime. While someone like Maddie is a friend, it's been Lanie whom has sat in the front row for their relationship and has largely been one of their greatest supporters.
It's not that she needs him to agree with her choice, but Rick finds that he absolutely does even when, in the same breath, he is wondering why Alexis didn't make the list. Of course his daughter and Kate aren't as close as they once were, will likely never be as close as he wants them to be in his dreams, but he's surprised that the omission stings his fatherly pride and need for their unconventional and slightly fractured family to join together in a seamless unit.
But Rick buries it, fosters a blinding smile and a sound kiss on Kate. He watches the way her mouth stretches in a smile that is downright giddy in excitement, the sparkle that lights up her eyes, the bounce in her step that screams how ready she is to be married and completely his.
It's later that night when she lies naked against him, body warm and sated that the same thoughts begin to turn. The steady current of 'what if' and 'but' further exhaust his mind, place a strain on his body and emotional state with memories of how much Gina had fought to be involved with Alexis and how fiercely he had guarded his only child from being hurt by another woman.
He isn't surprised to discover when, at 3 a.m., that his flame-haired young woman (because Alexis is so rarely a child these days) is perched at the counter and pouring over a binder that is overflowing with notes. She looks a little embarrassed to be caught as she highlights nearly every line of one page in bright yellow, though the look melts into quiet defiance that dares Rick to mock her.
But he doesn't, instead pressing a kiss against her temple and padding to the other side of the island to pour two glasses of milk.
Alexis has produced the brand new package of chocolate chip cookies before he has even placed the glass in front of her, a grin on her face that momentarily reminds him of the precocious five year old that he feels just yesterday ran out the door for her first day of school.
But Alexis is all grown up, a sophomore in college who is ready to start her own life. She doesn't need him, or her mother, or her grandmother in all the ways he's used too and, sometimes, he thinks it might kill him.
"What has you up in the middle of the night?" Alexis phrases the question gently, dunking one end of her cookie into the milk before drawing that half into her mouth. Even munching on a cookie, his kid looks intelligent.
"I…" Rick hedges on his answer, buying time with his own business of dunking a cookie and eating it. But Alexis is too old for games of distraction, too observant of the world to let him slide by so easily, and he relents under the blue gaze so like his own, "Are you upset that Kate didn't ask you to be in the wedding? She told me today that she only asked Lanie and I was worried, am worried, about what that says to you."
He doesn't make mention of the lingering issues that he suspects Alexis has with Kate, that he has neglected in encouraging the both of them to spend time together. So much of his life has been with Kate and with Alexis, the paths rarely crossing although they now share the same space.
God, for all the things he's done right, there are others that he's gotten terribly wrong. They all have.
"I…no…" she replies immediately, brows drawn together like this question is a tough one to answer. And maybe it is, Rick certainly can't pretend to know when he considers his 'hands off' approach. "I don't think it says anything, if Beckett only wants one person, then why shouldn't it be the woman she's closest too?" Alexis follows it with a shrug, a drunk of another cookie but there's something in her tone, some carefully guarded opinion that she is hiding away, unwilling to let her own father see.
"Pumpkin, if you are upset you can tell me, I'm not going to get angry with you…." he's barely started explaining when Alexis meets his eyes dead on, red hair bouncing as she shakes her head.
"I'm not upset. I guess I just thought if Beck…Kate…was going to pick someone else, she would pick Esposito," the young girl says this like it is the most obvious idea in the world, some long drawn conclusion, "I know she and Lanie are close but Beckett and Esposito seem just as, if not moreso."
It's an assessment that Rick can't deny, thinking of all the times where Espo has reached Kate through the years when his own attempts failed. The two of them operate on some other plane, years of working together long before he entered the picture, of backgrounds shaped by loss and tragedy, growing up young and carrying burdens that no one should bear.
Yeah, Esposito wouldn't be a bad choice but the expectation had been to choose a woman. Not only that, but that the bride be attended by a party of women and he, as the groom, be attended by a party of men - even if those men and women weren't people who necessarily deserved to be there. Even in a relationship as untraditional and barrier bending as their own, some things were ingrained.
When the realization comes, its lightning quick in its clarity, filling him with a pleasant buzz. The notion also brings a smile to his mouth as Rick dunks his second cookie. He eats it in full, drains the milk from his glass before ever taking a step around the island but Alexis still sees him coming, still spins her body to face her father with an eyebrow quirked and a question on her lips.
But he puts a stop to it by holding up one hand, using his other to draw his daughters smaller one into his own and grin at her. It's only once their linked hands are resting against his chest that he speaks, his voice gravely serious though Rick's eyes are dancing in delight, "Alexis Harper Castle, I do think I'd like nothing more than if you were my best man."
The smile he receives from his little girl is enormous, turning her eyes unnaturally bright, showing him nearly all of her perfect white teeth in the moments before she's wrapped her arms around him in a huge hug. "Of course, dad. I'd love too! Can I wear a suit?"
"You can wear whatever you want, Pumpkin," he answers, cradling his not-so-grown-up kid against his chest just for a moment longer.
It's when Alexis pulls away that he sees the emerald green flash of a t-shirt as Kate turns to return to their bedroom, giving him a soft smile and a thumbs up before she disappears into the shadows of his office.