A/N: Thank you so much for all your wonderful thoughts.
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest of the story is mine.
After Christmas – Chapter 10
Edward
Kathmandu – 2:15 am Christmas Day local time/3:30 pm Christmas Eve – East Coast, USA
Hey. I know you're probably up in the air right now. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas. It's already December 25th here, though it's not a local holiday. Have a safe flight, Jersey Girl. Enjoy the Miami sun and your time with your family. Call or text me when you get a chance.
A half-hour after Tyler and Irina left, I was still sitting on the couch, abstractly watching a local program on TV where a couple argued about something inane, and then made up with hugs and laughter. My mind wandered…
"Charlie, did you get a good picture of Bella receiving her diploma?"
That afternoon, I vaguely heard Renee Swan's voice from across the table. We were in a noisy, midtown restaurant in Manhattan, and Bella and I were busy fighting over our steak and chicken, respectively.
"You always do this. You steal my food," Bella chuckled while our forks clashed between our plates, "ever since the day we met."
"Charlie, those pictures are horrible. Emmett, are yours any better?" Renee asked her son.
"It was a test to see if you share – which you've failed miserably," I whispered in Bella's ear, kissing the spot behind her earlobe and making her giggle.
"What are you talking about?" she whispered in return. "I think I share very well. You're just greedy."
"Mhm," I hummed, against her neck, "I won't deny that. I don't get enough time with you."
Bella turned her dark eyes toward me. "I know," she murmured.
"Emmett, your pictures are worse than your father's," Renee scolded. "Rosie, how about you? Let me see yours."
For a few seconds, Bella and I held one another's gaze. Then, I pulled away before I embarrassed us both in front of the family and friends who'd gathered on that hot, June day to help her celebrate her successful completion of a difficult degree.
She looked so damn happy…and beautiful, with her silky, summer black dress which almost matched her dark, impish eyes. She'd cut her hair since the last time I'd been in the States, those four days, ten months earlier in August of the previous year – four days I'd almost wasted by taking her to that damn party. Yet, they'd ended amazingly. We made love for hours in that Saint Regis suite. We made promises. We swam in the warm, blue water, laid out on the white sand with her long, windswept hair waving in the breeze, and then we went right back upstairs and used up a few more of those two dozen condoms.
But now, in the restaurant, her waves barely reached her bare shoulders, and the back – somewhat shorter than the sides – just swept past her neck. She'd told me it was a hairstyle more fitting to an adult who was no longer a student. All I knew was that she looked gorgeous no matter the length of her hair. This style actually left much of her smooth skin exposed, constantly tempting me to the point of distraction. Matter of fact, as I sat there gazing at her, all I could think of was what her shorter hair felt like in my grip the night before, after she picked me up from the airport without Jasper. We'd crashed into the hotel room and dropped onto the bed, and I'd buried myself inside her for hours, my hands lost in that shorter yet still silky hair, before finally giving in to jetlag.
"What are you so lost in thought about?" Bella grinned knowingly, breaking me out of my reverie.
"I'm remembering last night…and I'm fast-forwarding to tonight…" I murmured.
"Don't fast-forward too much," she whispered in my ear. "Though I'm dying to feel you inside me, I don't want these next four days to go by too quickly." A wistful smile played on her lips when she pulled back. "Who knows when we'll get a chance to be together again?"
"You're right." I leaned in and kissed her nose much more chastely. "You're right. Who knows when?"
"Rosie, why in the world is Emmett's face in all of these pictures?" Renee asked.
"It's called photobombing, Mom," Emmett chuckled.
"Ugh, whatever it's called, did anyone get a decent picture?"
"If you two are done devouring one another in public, Ed," Jasper whispered to my left, "Bella's mom has been trying to get your attention for the last minute."
Clearing my throat and straightening my tie, I forced myself to angle away from Bella and face forward, smiling ruefully at her mom.
"I'm sorry, Renee, what were you asking?"
"That's fine, Edward, honey." In physical features, she and Bella didn't resemble one another much – but I could see that same impishness lurking in her grin. "I was just wondering if you got a good picture of Bella receiving her diploma. Everyone else's suck; though, Rosie, you're forgiven because you were nursing little Gracie."
"Why, thank you," Rosalie snorted sarcastically, making the entire table laugh.
"Yes, Renee," I nodded, pulling my phone from my back pocket, unlocking it and handing it across the table to Renee.
"Oh, these are perfect, just perfect" she gushed. "Thank you, Edward. Would you mind sending them to me?"
"Not at all."
With a soft smile, she handed the phone back. "I should've known to ask you first."
OOOOOOOOOO
With the morning off due to the American holiday, I woke up late. Still, I felt overtired and restless all at once – and pissed off when I saw I'd missed a call from Bella at 7:12 a.m. my time, which was almost eight-thirty p.m. her time.
"Fuck," I spat, already sensing a dark mood looming. She'd left me a text, at least.
Hey, Edward. I was in the air when you texted me. Then, by the time Em picked me up from the airport, and we arrived at my parents', it was late. I guess you're already on your way to work. Merry Christmas to you too, though it's still Christmas Eve here. Too warm in Miami. Everything ok? Your text sounded a bit off. Call me or I'll call you when I can.
Apparently, she'd forgotten I told her we were off for the morning. When I tried calling her back, there was no answer. It was 9:15 a.m., my time, which was about 10:30 p.m. the night before, her time.
I suppose you're busy with your family. Text me when you can.
For a long moment, I stared at her graduation picture, which was still saved to my phone. It wasn't my screensaver, no. Despite the few days we'd actually spent together over the past couple of years, we'd managed quite a few pictures. I scrolled through my favorites:
Her graduation picture, yes. She grinned at the mayor, who'd given out the diplomas, and my heart felt close to bursting with pride.
There were a few in her party dress at my parents' stupid ball.
There were more than a few pictures on Miami Beach of her in her red two-piece looking so damn delicious.
There was one in her apartment back in June, balancing her infant niece, Gracie, on her lap.
There was one Jasper took of us in the Upper East Side apartment, doing nothing but smiling at one another.
There was a selfie I took of us. We were in bed, on the Upper East Side. She was spooned into me, tired from our lovemaking. When I told her to smile for the camera, she chuckled and flashed her eyes at the phone. The picture was only from our necks upward, but I knew where we were, what we'd been doing.
There was one she sent me last Valentine's Day, in an outfit she took off for me afterward…
Nevertheless, the honor of my favorite picture – and therefore, my screensaver – was still reserved for the first picture of herself Bella ever gave me. It was the selfie she took from her warm bed the morning after we met. Her dark hair was splayed over a pillow, and she wore a lazy smile as if she'd just woken, which was the case. She looked adorably relaxed, eyes half-lidded…and so heartbreakingly sweet it took all my self-control that morning not to call HFH and tell them I quit.
I flung the cell phone onto the nightstand and went to get ready for an afternoon of work.
OOOOOOOOOO
In the middle of a meeting that afternoon, I recalled our first fight. Fittingly enough, it was about Diego, a few months after Bella and I made our relationship official, and right before last Christmas.
"I can't believe I couldn't figure out how to code that last part."
"You would've gotten it, Bella. You were just working under a really tight deadline."
"I know, Edward. But what if I would've had a real deadline like that at work? That's why they give us these deadlines on these projects, to get us ready for the real world – and I failed miserably."
We were Facetiming one late Friday evening her time, and very early Saturday morning my time. Her laptop was on her kitchen counter, and as I sat in front of my own kitchen counter, I watched her move frenziedly around the small kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out yogurt, then pulled out frozen fruit from the freezer.
"First of all, you didn't fail – at all. You handed in the project on time, with all the requirements perfected to a tee, and if your collegiate record is any sort of indicator, you'll get an A. That last bit of coding was something extra you came up with at the last minute, Bella, and you have no idea how it would've affected the overall project."
She sat down heavily on one of the kitchen stools, her ingredients and the blender before her.
"Because I couldn't see it through."
"Bella, stop." I raked a hand through my hair. "Look, you're tired. Between your internship, school, and getting ready for your winter classes, you haven't stopped. After you get some sleep tonight, you're going to wake up tomorrow and realize just how amazing that project was. I mean, you created a whole new app, Jersey Girl."
I could see her smile tiredly as she dumped her fruit and those seeds she liked into the blender.
"Well, I didn't do it by myself."
"Yes, I know," I admittedly muttered. "And I don't see Diego around moaning about how that last bit of code wasn't completed on time."
"He's back at his place sleeping, I guess. We were up all night trying to get that done."
I tried. God knows I tried to swallow back the words. But sometimes, the distance between us just magnified everything: the love and the want and the joy and the anger and the longing…and the jealousy.
"Yeah, he was probably too distracted to focus on the project itself, which is likely why you weren't able to complete that code."
Bella stopped spooning her frozen fruit into the blender and turned her eyes directly to the laptop.
"Edward, Diego and I are friends; that's it. I'm not interested in him that way, and he's not interested in me that way, and I don't understand why you feel the need to insinuate otherwise."
"What I don't understand is how, for someone so smart, you fail to see that he is interested in you that way."
Her nostrils flared. At the same time, I felt my own hackles rising.
"That right there is a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one. For someone so smart," she parroted.
"It wasn't meant as an insult, if that's how you took it."
"If that's how I took it?" she echoed in disbelief, her fruit preparation all but forgotten. "Is there another way I should've taken it?"
"All I'm saying is that it's obvious, Bella. It's been obvious since day one."
"So, you're still calling me stupid, because apparently something which has been obvious to you since day one, I've failed to see in almost five years."
"I'm not calling you stupid. Stop putting words in my mouth. Bella…" I exhaled heavily, raking my hair and watching the fire in her eyes and wanting nothing more than to fucking give her a reason to have all that fire in her eyes. "Look, I'm sorry I brought it up."
"You apologize for bringing it up, not for saying it."
"You want me to apologize for pointing out something I believe? If you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself, let me know. One thing's for sure; we won't agree on this any time in the near future. So, we can either sit here on two laptops and seventy-five hundred miles between us and argue about it, or we can agree to disagree, and drop it."
"You're right. You're right; there's no point in fighting about this while Facetiming with seventy-five hundred damned miles between us." She slammed the blender cover onto the blender. "I've got to go, Edward. I'm going to turn on the blender, eat this, and then get to bed. I'm tired."
And this was the shit with long-distance relationships: had I been right there, even uptown, or even in fucking New Jersey, I would've made my way into that kitchen, pulled her out of that stool, wrapped her in my arms and told her it didn't matter if Diego wanted her as long as she didn't want him.
Instead, I said, "All right, Bella. We'll talk tomorrow or something."
"Okay."
"Take care."
"You too."
I spent that entire Saturday vacillating back and forth on how to handle the issue which had suddenly sprung in the wide chasm of space between Bella and me:
Should I ignore it? What was the point of arguing over Diego if she didn't want him?
Should I apologize to her? Was I wrong to tell her how I felt? I wasn't stupid. I knew on some level, my father's constant infidelity played a part in my tendency toward jealousy, in how I viewed even the hint of infidelity. But Bella had never given me reason to distrust her. Was it fair of me to project my insecurities onto her?
Worst of all was the knowledge that seventy-five hundred miles away, I couldn't handle it the way I wanted to handle it anyway.
She called me early the next morning, her time – late that evening, my time, just as I was getting ready to call her.
"I'm so sorry," she said shakily. She was sitting on her couch, with the grey, winter morning barely lighting the living room, in her tank top and her still long hair a beautiful mess around her shoulders, and the laptop propped on her lap.
"God, baby, please don't apologize," I said, dropping heavily onto my own couch. "You were tired and upset, and my bringing that up was all kinds of wrong."
"No, Edward, you don't understand." She paused and drew in a few, successive breaths. "You were right. You were right about Diego."
For a few seconds, I sat there too bewildered for words, yet already feeling my blood boil. "How do you know?"
She rushed through the rest. "He came over last night after you and I hung up. He said he couldn't sleep because his mind was still working on the coding. So, we were just watching TV, and then Alice left for her date with Jasper, and I asked him, Edward. I had to ask him. I couldn't not ask him after you and I argued about it. And he admitted it, and he said…"
Here, she stopped.
"He said…?" I may have gritted those two words through clenched teeth.
"Edward, I'm telling you this, because I can't not tell you. Because it would feel like I'm keeping it from you because of this damned distance between us. I'm not naïve enough to think the distance doesn't affect our relationship, but I won't purposely add to it by keeping things from you."
"Go ahead, baby," I said much more gently.
"He said he was willing to wait for our relationship to end, because according to him, it can't last. You're there for three more years, and I'm here, and we'll simply grow apart."
"And what did you tell him?" Inside, I was seething, but I tried to keep my voice calm.
"I told him he was wrong, Edward," she said matter-of-factly. "And I told him that while I valued the friendship we shared, you were my priority, and I wouldn't hurt you by keeping him in my life so closely if he had more than friendship in mind. And I told him he should set his sights somewhere else. So," she shrugged, "he left."
"Bella," I exhaled.
"I told Alice when she came home, and she said she'd suspected for a while too. Even Jasper mentioned it to her. It was obvious, Edward, and I should've noticed."
"Bella," I shook my head, "you didn't notice because you didn't return his interest, and because you've been focused on school and on your career…and on me, and I'm not complaining about that," I smiled.
She smiled faintly in return. "I wish you were here, Edward – or I was there."
"I do too, Jersey Girl. I do too. I'm sorry if I've made things uncomfortable between you and Diego now."
"Edward…" she shook her head, "you told me a few months ago, when we were in Miami, that you didn't need all your relationships to flow easily. Things aren't easy for you and me. In fact, they're a bit harder than I first thought they would be," she chuckled ruefully. "We can't go out to dinner or to the movies or take a walk around the park or wake up together on weekends. We can't fight and make up the way most couples do. But, I don't want things to ever get uncomfortable between us, and that's what'll happen the day we start keeping things from one another, whatever it may be."
OOOOOOOOOO
I'm telling you this, because I can't not tell you. Because it would feel like I'm keeping it from you because of this damned distance between us.
I don't want things to ever get uncomfortable between us, and that's what'll happen the day we start keeping things from one another, whatever it may be.
These thoughts raced through my mind when I Facetimed her late Christmas Day, once I was home from work. It was early Christmas morning, her time, and while her phone rang, I pictured the scene: Bella with her family in Miami, all of them gathered around a palm tree turned Christmas tree.
When she didn't pick up, I drew in a deep breath and set down the phone. Almost immediately, it rang with a regular phone call instead of Facetime.
"Hey," she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Merry Christmas. I'm sorry I didn't pick up right away.
"It's okay," I said. "How was the flight to Miami?"
"It was good. I fell asleep kind of early last night, which is why I didn't call you."
"It's alright. I understand. So, what are you up to?" I could hear the commotion around her, nondescript noises and voices, a horn honking. "Where are you?"
"We're taking a trip to the beach so Rose and Emmett can take pictures of Gracie in her Santa bathing suit. I'll take some pictures of myself too in my new bathing suit and send them to you, if you'd like."
"Yeah, sure."
"Edward, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Bella."
I could hear her heavy sigh, and then her voice close to the phone's mouthpiece, drowning out all background noise.
"I wish I could've made the trip to see you, Edward. But things are just so hectic at work. I was only able to manage a couple of days off, just enough to come down to Miami for a couple of days."
"I know, Bella. We discussed this. There would've been no point in you coming down just to leave in a couple of days. It's not like I'm around the corner in Miami or something."
Someone yelled in the background.
"What's going on?"
"I don't know. I think my dad cut someone off. Edward, we're here. Let me help Rosie with the baby's things. I'll call you back in a few, okay?
"Sure, Bella. I'll talk to you in a few."
OOOOOOOOOO
I'm telling you this, because I can't not tell you. Because it would feel like I'm keeping it from you because of this damned distance between us.
I don't want things to ever get uncomfortable between us, and that's what'll happen the day we start keeping things from one another, whatever it may be.
I stared at the TV. After two years in Nepal, I'd picked up on the basics of the Nepali language; although, many different regional dialects were a part of everyday life in Kathmandu. Yet, most business was conducted in either Nepali or English, as was most TV programming.
Either way, I had no fucking clue what was going on between the talk show host and his guest. My mind was full of Bella: The Bella in that community center two years ago; the Bella I got to know through Facetime and phone calls and texts in the months following; the Bella I made love to in Miami, and to whom I promised everything and whom promised me everything in return; the Bella who was one of the smartest people I'd ever met yet hadn't seen how one of her best friends had been in love with her for years; the Bella who called me pissed off late one night when she found out Jasper was chasing after her best friend, and who called me just as late a few weeks later overjoyed for them; the Bella who consoled me when things went wrong here, and whom I did my best to console when things went wrong over there; the Bella who apparently had no interest in coming to visit me in Kathmandu…the Bella whom I had to tell about Irina because not telling her would've simply added to the already significant distance between us.
I'm telling you this, because I can't not tell you. Because it would feel like I'm keeping it from you because of this damned distance between us.
I don't want things to ever get uncomfortable between us, and that's what'll happen the day we start keeping things from one another, whatever it may be.
It took her almost an hour to call back.
"Hey, I've got to tell you something – a couple of things, actually."
"What are they?" she asked.
"I'm telling you these things because I can't not tell you. Because I don't want to add to the distance between us, and I don't want things to ever get uncomfortable."
"Alright, Edward," she said warily.
"The first thing is, you should've come."
"Edward…"
"No, Bella. I understand you're busy." I paced back and forth in my living room. "I understand you have a ten-year-plan, but if this relationship is going to work, you have to fit me into it."
"Don't ever think for a moment you're not my priority."
"I miss the hell out of you, Bella. Please know that. And I'd never-"
Someone knocked on the door.
"You'd never what?" Bella prompted.
"Hold on; someone's knocking."
"Are you expecting company?"
"No." I walked toward the door. "Let me just see…"
When I opened the door to the darkness of the Kathmandu unofficial Christmas night, with the snow-peaked Himalayas always glowing in the background, always framing every view, all my breath left me in a rush at the incomparable view before me now.
"Merry Christmas." She grinned tiredly, impishly. "May I come in?"
"God...God, Jersey Girl, you're a sight for sore eyes."
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