A/N: Oh God, I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging for over a month! The holidays came and went and then I got back to school and so there was that...and then I just hit a MAJOR road block with this story and I just wasn't sure where to go next. This chapter took me AGES to write even though it's pathetically short (and not really my best, in my opinion). And that's another thing I'm really sorry for, but I just wanted to get it out there so that you all had something to read. Hopefully the next chapter will be up MUCH sooner than this one, but I don't want to guarantee anything. Especially since I'm starting Fire School on Tuesday and that'll be three times a week for several hours, particularly on Sundays. And that along with classes is going to eat up a lot of time. But I'll try my best, I swear, to get chapters out to you guys in a somewhat timely manner.
What I can almost safely guarantee is that the Henry shenanigans should officially start next chapter.
So without further adieu, here's the tenth installment of I Believe in Yesterday. I hope you enjoy it despite its brevity!
Four hours after Henry's visit, Neal got another knock on the door and was once again surprised at who the guest turned out to be. But after the initial shock wore off, Neal's lips were once again turning up into that goofy, lopsided grin of his. The one that used to make her smile right back in spite of herself, even when she was angry. It used to make her heart melt.
Standing in Neal's doorway and seeing that same grin again, Emma tried to tell herself she was just imagining that funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. It felt much too much like that heart melting sensation for her comfort.
"Em, what brings you here?"
"Can I—Can I come in?"
"Of course," Neal answered immediately, stepping aside to allow her inside.
She hesitantly walked into the room, looking around for a moment and spying the dream catcher still hanging on the bed post. "You kept it," she found herself saying, and then turned back to look at him, mouth slightly agape like she just realized she had made a terrible mistake. "I mean, not that—um…I just…" she trailed off, having no clue as to what to say.
"Of course I kept it. I haven't slept a day without it with me," he confessed, and he saw her eyes flash with recognition at what he was implying. "And speaking of old relics, I like what you did with the key chain. I'm glad you kept it all these years."
Emma's hand went up to touch the swan pendant, her eyes glancing down at it as she played with it between her fingers. "Yeah…yeah, I did," she muttered almost more to herself than to him. And then she shook her head, as if slipping out of some sort of trance, and looked back up at him. "Look, I'm not here to reminisce, Neal. I'm here about Henry."
Neal stiffened. Did she know Henry had come by to see him today? Was she going to tell him he wasn't allowed to have contact with him anymore? "Yeah? What about Henry?"
"I know he came to see you today—"
Neal put up his hands and quickly went into defense mode. "Em, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to get in between you two and cause any trouble, I just—"
Emma held up a hand to signal for him to stop. "Neal," she said firmly, trying to garner his attention and get him to stop rambling on. "Neal, I'm not upset, okay?" she insisted, and that caused him to stop and pause.
"You're not?" he asked, eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.
She shook her head. "No, I'm not. In fact I came here to tell you that I told Henry that it's okay to see you. You're his father and it wouldn't be right for me to forbid him from getting to see you, talk to you, and get to know you now that he's got the chance. I might not like it all that much, but I can't deny him that right. Besides, even if I did want to forbid him, he'd find ways to slip past me and do it anyway. That's what he did to Regina when he first met me," Emma explained.
"Clever kid," Neal said with an amused grin. "So you really don't have a problem with me spending time with Henry?"
"As long as he lets me know where he's going and you're alright with it, yeah. I'm alright with it. Although if he's supposed to be at Regina's and you know he is, you'd better send him straight back to her place because while I'm allowing him to see you, Regina probably won't. And if she finds out that he snuck out to see you, it doesn't matter whether you knew or not because she won't be happy," Emma warned.
He nodded. Right, he definitely didn't want to piss off the Evil Queen. "Well anyways, I'm glad you're okay with it," he said in a light, appreciative tone. "Henry seems like a really great kid."
Emma grinned, pride twinkling in her eyes. "Yeah, he really is."
"Look at you being all proud and parental," Neal teased, and she tried to shoot him a sharp glare but it ended up looking like a reluctant smile. "Now that looks more like the Emma Swan I know. I knew she was in there somewhere," he added with that wrinkly-eyed smile that used to always make her heart flutter.
Her heart swelled a bit at the sight of that familiar grin, but she quickly shook it off. "Neal," she began in a more serious tone, and his face fell.
"Emma, I know how you must feel about my coming back into your life all of a sudden and I know you're afraid to get hurt again…"
"Oh no," she said, holding up her hands and shaking her head. "No, we are not having this conversation."
"I know you don't want to, but we need to have it, Emma. Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel or assume to know what you're feeling. I'm just trying to get you to listen to your own heart because you know you feel something but you're just too afraid to give into it because of what happened eleven years ago. But please, Emma," Neal said pleadingly, his soft eyes locking with her own fearfully reluctant ones, "This isn't about giving me a second chance; it's about giving yourself one. Because you deserve to be happy and something tells me you haven't exactly been happy since before that night eleven years ago."
Emma's eyes bored into his for a long moment and he watched as she weighed his words, her fear and hesitation obvious. She didn't want it all to be true; she wanted to shut her heart out again, but his reappearance had awakened a part of her that had been dormant for a long time. And now even when she tried to close those feelings off again, like an overstuffed suitcase with too many belongings to fit they just weren't budging.
But he was right; she hadn't been truly happy in ages. Sure, she was happy with her newfound family and with Henry, but she knew that wasn't the happiness he was talking about.
"I can't," she murmured at last, averting her eyes to the other end of the room, to the floor—anywhere but his face.
"Can't or won't?" Emma let out a long, troubled sigh. "Please," he begged, taking a step toward her and gingerly reaching out to take her hands in his.
Her eyes immediately flickered down to their intertwined hands before they flew back up to meet his. "Neal…" She wanted to pull away; to tell him to step away and mind her personal space. But she couldn't seem to form the words. In fact, the contact felt all too natural and she couldn't work up the nerve to take her hands from his.
So instead of pulling away, she just looked at him, thinking of the two years spent in Tallahassee; the yellow bug parked outside; the swan keychain that now hung from her neck. And the longer she stared into those familiar brown eyes, the more her heart seemed to flutter and quicken like it had when she was just seventeen and completely in love.
"Neal, I…I have to go." And before he could stop her, before he could protest or plead with her to wait and just talk to him, she had slipped her hands out of his and hurried out the door.
With a heavy sigh, Neal stepped back and collapsed onto the bed.
It was lucky for Emma that Charming and Henry had both already retired for the night by the time she got back to the apartment she shared with her family. Snow was only one still up and about, sitting on the couch in pajamas and reading a book.
Emma walked straight past her and into the kitchen, reaching up into one of the cabinets and pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. Without a word, she plopped down at the counter and got to work with the ultimate goal to force down that warm, fuzzy feeling lingering from her encounter with Neal not half an hour ago.
Immediately able to tell that something was amiss, Snow set her book down and made her way to the opposite end of the counter. As Emma tilted her head back and gulped down a shot, Snow leaned forward, forearms against the surface of the counter, disapproval and concern written across her face.
As Emma set her glass down, she spied the look her mother was giving her and arched her brow at her. "What?"
"I thought you were done with the binging and running from your problems. I guess your chat with Neal didn't go quite as planned?"
"No, not exactly," Emma sighed, staring down at her glass.
"You want to tell me about it?" Snow asked.
"Not really, no," Emma grumbled, helping herself to another shot of whiskey, but then she glanced up at her mother and saw the disappointed, dejected look on her face like she was upset that she couldn't be trusted or confided in; like all that progress she and Emma had made was being undone. And that's when Emma changed her mind. "Alright, she slowly conceded, and then the words came pouring out of her mouth quickly before she could change her mind again. "I went and told him that I knew Henry came by to see him and that I was perfectly fine with them spending time and getting to know each other. But he had the dream catcher with him and he noticed the pendant I was wearing…and then he started talking about giving us another chance and…" She took a deep breath before continuing. "And I just panicked a bit because—"
"Because you started feeling something for him again," Snow finished for her, and Emma stared at her, looking somewhat surprised that her mother had known exactly what it was she was too embarrassed and reluctant to admit herself.
"Yes," she breathed before letting her head fall into her arms resting on the counter in front of her.
"Emma," Snow murmured empathetically, hurrying to her daughter's side and putting an arm around her shoulder. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's good that you feel something and you shouldn't be afraid of it."
Emma lifted her head a bit to gaze up at her mother with that rare look of vulnerability. "I know, I just…I know now that he's not the bad guy that I thought he was, but after eleven years of thinking that he was it's not so easy to change that idea of him. And what he did to me, even if he regrets it more than anything and even if there was more to the story than I thought, still hurt me more than anything," she told Snow, who nodded in understanding.
"I know, Emma. And no one's expecting you to automatically accept the truth and accept Neal back into your life. But I think you need to give both him and yourself another chance because you deserve to be happy and I think you can find that happiness with Neal. I understand how hard it might be for you, but you shouldn't ignore those feelings. You can't ignore those feelings. Trust me, I've tried," Snow said with a small smile, remembering how hard she had tried to forget about Charming; to make the pain of losing him to someone else go away.
"Yeah, and that's what sucks the most," Emma deadpanned with a frown. "I wish emotions were just something you could turn on and off like a light switch."
Snow chuckled. "I think we all feel that way sometimes."
She smiled a little. "Guess it's just too good to be true," she shrugged before the bottle of whiskey caught her eye again. She looked back over at Snow pleadingly. "One more glass?"
Her mother playfully narrowed her eyes at her, fighting back a grin because of the look on Emma's face and the way she was actually asking for permission to have another drink. She couldn't help but to say anything other than yes. "Alright," she conceded, and Emma grinned, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and ready to pour one more drink only for Snow to hold up a finger. Emma's grin turned into a childish frown. "I just have one condition," Snow said.
"Yeah? And what's that?" Emma asked, arching her brow at Snow.
"You need to promise yourself not to run from your feelings, and you need to promise me you'll take those walls of yours down if only just a little. Give the guy a chance not just for his sake, but for yours."
"Funny, that's exactly what he said."
"Then maybe he's a smarter guy than I give him credit for," Snow said thoughtfully. "Now do you agree?"
After a long moment of silence, Emma nodded. "Yeah, alright. I agree."
Snow smiled, feeling like she'd just made progress, while Emma helped herself to her last glass.
Meanwhile, an impishly grinning young ten-year-old turned back and headed to his room, thrilled to know that his suspicions had in fact been correct. His parents still did love each other. There was still hope.
A/N: Oops, looks like Henry's eavesdropping. Again. But how'd you guys like this second heart to heart between Emma and Snow and the conversation between Neal and Emma?
I feel like Snow was able to convince Emma to do exactly what Neal failed to convince her to do only because aside from Henry, Snow/Mary Margaret is the first person Emma's really gotten close to in years and grown to trust and open up to. Neal, on the other hand, no matter how much he might regret having done so, did break Emma's heart and her trust. His actions led to her building up stronger, higher walls than ever before and it took a lot for her family and new friends in Storybrooke to break back down. Even if he had a good reason and she knows the truth now, Emma's much more hesitant to trust Neal than she is to trust Snow.
So yeah. I know this wasn't very long, but hopefully it gave you guys something while I start to work on the next chapter which will hopefully be longer.
As always, drop me a message to let me know what you think! And thanks for reading!