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Fair and Foul

Chapter Ten- Principles

"Important principles may and must be inflexible."

Abraham Lincoln

"Well, have a seat Emily," said Strauss in her most arrogant tone.

"Thank you, ma'am," Emily said pseudo- politely and sat.

She had spent all morning thinking about this. Aaron had picked her up at ten from the hospital; she had been awake and ready to leave for four hours before that. She had spent every hour she was awake thinking it through properly. And the night before, Aaron had sowed the seeds of doubt in her mind. She hadn't been sure what to do- and she was still thinking it through right this moment, though she had hours before finally, agonisingly, made her decision. She knew that he would be disappointed deep down, but she had no choice when she truly thought about it.

She recalled, as Strauss looked at her expectantly, him picking her up that morning. It had been sunny and clear, very few clouds grazing the sky- and he had held her hand as often as he could on the car trip. He had dropped her home first to get changed and hung around her kitchen and living room for a while, before helping her back into the car and to Quantico. Very few words had been spoken. He did not ask her what her decision was, preferring to leave it up to her.

And she had known, even then, what she was going to say to Strauss.

"Well Emily, I'm glad to see you back on your feet. I was worried for you," Strauss said, insincerity crippling her attempt at compassion. "Now that you're here, I'm hoping to hear your decision, though I appreciate that I had said you would have longer to think about it. But Aaron Hotchner simply could not be kept in his position; he was incompetent and a liability."

Her sweet as candy tone set Emily's blood boiling, but her face betrayed no such feeling.

"So, have you made your decision?" Strauss enquired politely.

"Yes, I have," Emily said softly.

"And?"

"I appreciate this, I really do," Emily said.

"You start today I'm afraid," Strauss stated, "We don't have time for-"

"You misunderstand," Emily interrupted.

"Excuse me?"

"You misunderstood me. I said that I appreciate this. What I mean is that I appreciate the opportunity you've offered me. I never said I was going to take it."

"This is a big mistake, Agent Prentiss," Strauss said, "Tread carefully."

"I'm sorry to disappoint. But I hate politics. I won't be your puppet at the head of the BAU. I refused to betray him once before, and I'm frankly insulted that you expect my ambition to beat out my loyalty this time too," Emily said, eyebrow furled into purposeful disagreement.

Strauss stared at her, open mouthed for a long time before replying. "This is the biggest mistake you will ever make. I'll give you one more chance to turn the tables and accept the job."

"No thank you. I don't think you realise that right now, you could offer me the world and I would refuse it. What you've done is deplorable and it completely undermines this team- not to mention the rest of the FBI. So not only am I not taking Aaron's job, today I'm tendering my resignation from the BAU- permanently."

Strauss' expression changed from disbelief to anger. "You got this job on a whim the first time. I put you in there because you wanted it and because of your connections- I never expected you to be any good at it. You showed some success, and losing you will doubtless disappoint the team. But just like the others who have left this unit, I can only point out to you that you are not irreplaceable."

"Maybe not, ma'am. But with all due respect, neither are you."

Emily stood to leave and pulled her gun from its holster, laying it on the table in front of Strauss. She reached into her pocket and took out her identification and laid that next to the handgun on the table.

"I still believe that you're making a big mistake Emily," Strauss suggested.

"And I believe that this is your mistake; not mine."

She left quickly but carefully, refusing to look back. She had other things to do before she left the BAU. She could see her former colleagues sitting around the bullpen, Rossi sitting with them instead of in his office. It was evident that none of them were getting any work done.

She walked toward them, an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry. I simply couldn't stay here- not without Hotch, and not with her in charge."

She was on the verge of getting upset, which was the one thing she had been determined not to show- and she worked hard to keep her tone level and upstanding.

"We know. We knew yesterday that you weren't going to stay," Morgan said, reaching under his desk and emptying a box to give her, so that she could pack her stuff away- just as Hotch had done the day before.

"We don't blame you Emily. And we don't blame Hotch. Strauss is the problem here," Rossi interjected. Emily was relieved to see the rest of the team agree with him as they nodded and offered assurances.

"I know that it's a statistical disadvantage to be down two people, but we'll cope. And hopefully Strauss will get fired in the meantime," Reid half joked.

Emily smiled at them, moving her books and pictures from her desk into the box. "I'm sorry, really I am. As far as I could see, I didn't have another choice."

"We know. We don't blame you," JJ reiterated. "It just sucks with two of you gone."

Emily picked up the now full box and looked at the remains of the BAU before her. They seemed so small and contracted, so alone and depressed- thinner somehow, jaundiced into something unsubstantial.

"I have to go... Guys, I want you to know- we're on the other end of a phone, okay? If you need us."

She smiled at them and they warmly smiled back. She hoped it wouldn't be the last she would hear of them, but she couldn't help that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach- that she was making the wrong choice and that she shouldn't walk away from her team. She had become part of them and it had taken her months to do that.

She shook off her feeling of doubt and pushed open the glass doors, stepping into the elevator for the last time.

***

It was only when she got to the car that the wave of sadness overcame her. She sat in, box on her lap, and without even looking at Aaron, who was watching her concernedly, she started to cry, a lonesome tear or two trickling down her cheek. Forlorn but determined, she wiped them away before turning to look at him. "I guess we're both out of a job," she quipped, sounding unconcerned, though inside, she was screaming as her life fell into tatters.

"Emily... I never wanted you to do this. I didn't. I would have been just as happy to see you taking the job, I-"

"I know you would. But I can't be her puppet Aaron, I never could. The team will survive; Strauss made me perfectly aware of the fact that neither of us is irreplaceable."

Aaron sighed and turned the key in the ignition. "I know. But the team as it was will never be the same."

She nodded and glanced out the window at the Headquarters for the last time as he indicated and pulled out of the staff car park.

Though Emily's principles had won out in the end, she couldn't help but think that she had sabotaged her dreams and forced them into a recess that they might never emerge from.

For his part, Aaron was well aware that he was likely going to end up practicing law again. Though he had been a prosecutor once upon a time, life in a courtroom had never appealed to him as such. He had been easily bored and the frenetically charged atmosphere that would arise over a word in a statute or a question of law never fulfilled him as it seemed to fulfil others choosing to join the legal philandering of the state. In turn, he was unsure of what was going to happen to Emily. She might hate politics, but her sources could maybe land her in the state department. She was gifted with people and a very strong tactician. She could make a very successful career in government- but she never would choose that path- if the choice were hers.

Neither of them would ever get over the BAU and how they had so easily slotted into place among the team. It disgusted them both that they were now without it. Emily felt as though she was suffering the worst separation in history- and it took Aaron all of five minutes to realise that this was a worse feeling than that awful "being divorced" whirlwind.

He drove to her house and they sat in silence, though on occasion one would look at the other and smile reassuringly- both of them knowing the other was just trying to pacify rather than be sincere. When he reached her front door- though she hadn't seen it herself in over two days- he turned off the ignition and sat in the car for a few minutes, arms resting on the steering wheel, head hung low.

She turned to look at him and pulled one of his hands into hers. "Hey..." she said quietly, "We'll work this out. I know we will."

"I know. It's just... not being able to help is just... frustrating," he finished lamely. What he had wanted to do was throw his car keys out the window, scream and roar and beat his fists against a wall until his knuckles bled- but he couldn't do that.

"I know the feeling. Come in for coffee. Please," she said.

He nodded and they both got out of the car. The sun was beating down now, and he put his sunglasses on as soon as they emerged from the black SUV- which had long been his official mode of transport, and which now seemed like a lonely reminder of a past era. Shaking off that foreboding feeling, he followed her into the house.

***

It felt good to be home. She hadn't been there in what felt like forever because of everything that had happened, and things had changed hugely since she had last closed her front door. Sighing, she lowered her bag to the floor and pulled him with her to the kitchen, where he put his sunglasses on the tabletop, resting against it as he looked out at the Washington Monument in the distance.

The apartment was beautiful- spacious and pretty but not over-decorated; it was exactly the style that Haley hated, Aaron noted drily.

He accepted the cup of coffee she handed him five minutes later and took a sip of it, enjoying the warm sunshine thriving and dancing through the room from the wide window. She joined him and smiled ruefully. "So, when do we start checking the newspapers for new jobs?" she joked.

He glanced sideways at her and chuckled- "I doubt any of the people who advertise in newspapers would want us. Something tells me that an ex FBI agent isn't the best idea for a babysitter..."

They had relaxed back into themselves- but Emily had a burning question that she wanted to ask. She didn't want to be pushy, but she was so unsure of where she stood that it was aggravating her and she was over- thinking it.

"Aaron... It seems childish to ask, but..."

"You want to know where we stand," he started, to her amazement, " I want to know too. We never made it clear, it just happened... and I like certainties, so it's bothering me. So... where do we stand?"

"In the dole queue," Emily quipped lightly. His face broke into a wide smile and he laughed outright, one of the first times she had heard him do that. He returned to seriousness when he met her eyes, and put his cup down on the tabletop next to his sunglasses.

"Emily, there's no point in denying it... I want this. It feels so selfish, but..."

That fantastic smile lit up her face and she just looked at him for a while, staring into his entirely sincere eyes. Love had never been a strong point of hers- she had trouble maintaining stability and strength- due to her job and background, doubtless- and hence she lacked experience in the romance side of life. It was hard for her to take bets on things that were so uncertain- things like feelings and emotions. But how could she explain that without sounding like an idiot?

She decided that she couldn't, and that all he needed to know was that she wanted him near her just as much as he appeared to want her.

"I want this too," she half whispered, unsure of herself in murky waters that she rarely walked in. Her feelings were the things she protected above all else. She had learned to do it years before, compartmentalising everything into solid places in her head to be dealt with at separate times. Though she would never admit it, the wall that Aaron Hotchner had long held in front of himself was equally placed in front of her- and she was terrified of that wall coming down.

She realised after thinking through all of that that they were still just looking at each other. She had expected a moment like that to feel foolish, but there was a feeling of electricity in the small amount of air between them and before she could properly assess the situation with her head, her heart made a decision entirely of its own accord.

She kissed him more passionately than she had ever done before. There was a torrent of desperation and desire passing between them. She managed to remember to put her cup on the table before she moved to stand right in front of him, still intimately pressed against him, and still kissing him persistently. Within seconds, her arms were wrapped gently around his neck and his fingers had slipped just under her shirt, pressing softly against her ivory skin.

Emily was caught up in a moment of bliss that she rarely allowed herself. Of all the couples she had seen at the BAU and all the ones she had thought of in her time there, she would never have seen herself pressed against Aaron Hotchner in her kitchen.

She simply never would have said that he had real passion- and she was so wrong. Though he was handsome and strong, which everyone could see, his kisses were a sort of gentle fury, when he touched her he was careful but firm- and when he looked at her she felt herself blush every time.

Her hands found his face to pull him close and she sighed unwittingly when his teeth found her lips. He wrapped his arms around her properly and pulled her as close as he could, nibbling gently on her lip as he embraced her. She was lost, utterly and completely lost.

There was no way to deny it now- Aaron Hotchner really had fallen for her. Without any shadow of a doubt, he could safely say that he had never had this passion with Haley. It had gone from commitment to commitment to commitment- their entire marriage was built on stability with no risks- and that was something that he had learned to get from his job.

This woman was breaking him down, little piece by little piece- and he couldn't have been happier.

She tried her best not to whimper when his lips next found her ear- his breath tickled her like a whisper and her hands found the front of his shirt. He didn't stop her as she pulled buttons open slowly- instead he moved to her neck and pushed her jacket from her shoulders onto the floor, kissing her skin with reckless abandon.

And just as she pulled his shirt apart and pressed herself against him even more- if that were possible- her phone rang.