Summary: Laura was just your average woman, until a freak accident involving her television set, the Advent Children dvd, and lightning strike transported her to Gaia. And that's only the beginning of the story!

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own FFVII or Advent Children. Just a single copy of the movie. Also do not own Tomb Raider or any of the other assorted commercial entities listed herein. Now put the pitchforks and torches away.

Queen's Quornor: Two chapters in one day! Whoot! I'm in a writing mood! After the last chapter, I wanted to do something a little lighter, and I think this chapter delivers very well indeed. And as promised, the first lemon is in this chapter. Semi-lemon, anyway. I hope it delivers, because I really think that Kadaj is not a virgin, and I hope I made that clear with the references to Kyrie. He's got experience, and Laura is surprisingly knowledgeable for a first-timer. Don't worry; Kadaj will be rewarding Laura's efforts in the next chapter, with the first true lemon. And while I am still unable to see Kadaj or any of the silver-haired men with hair any color other than silver, I figured he and his brothers wouldn't leave it that color when they have to go out around other people (prior to the movie, that is).

How to Cure Blue Balls

Junon was bigger than Laura had always believed. It was not sprawling cityscape like Edge or Midgar, but rather a large town with a cozy, friendly atmosphere. It had grown (well, of course it has! I'm actually smaller than the buildings, now that they aren't on the television anymore) to cover the cliffs above, and the old Shinra military base had been converted into an apartment building. The place actually reminded her of Denise's hometown in North Carolina; sprawling but still close-knit.

Captain Stu had docked in the harbor alongside one of the bigger liners, and stayed aboard his 'baby,' the aptly named Saltbreeze. By now, Laura strongly suspected that Stu was a relative of Cid's, a captain who had taken to the sea rather than the air. He not only swore enough to be related to the pilot, but he also bore a striking resemblance to the man.

And just as protective of his Saltbreeze as Cid is of the Shera. He's damn scary when he's mad!

Kadaj had driven his bike off the freighter, and now Laura sat behind him on the seat, arms around his waist and taking in the sights at her leisure. "So what kind of supplies do you need?" she queried. He was driving slow enough that normal speech was possible.

"Foodstuffs, mostly. Yazoo wanted a few more books, I have some magazines I have to pick up. Loz wants the new cd by this band from Edge he really likes. And of course, you need new clothes."

"Yazoo also wanted me to get some dishes for myself, but my mess kit will serve the same purpose, once it's clean."

"That's good. I've got more than enough gil to cover all of the expenses, but we may have to pull some light-fingers." He glanced at her over his shoulder, quick enough that she couldn't read his expression. "Any objections?"

Laura thought about it, then reached a decision. "None. I may be a little out of practice, but I was a pretty good thief back in the day."

"Don't worry. I can cover for you if you'll cover for me."

"No problem." A thought occurred to her. "Um, what are you going to do about your appearance? Silver isn't exactly a common hair color, after all." And unless I'm reading too much into all these stares we're getting, immediate cause for suspicion.

"Silly woman. That's what Disguise materia are for!"

Disguise materia?

Y'know, I bet Cloud would've reeeaaaallly liked to have had one of those when he had to do the whole 'rescue-Tifa-from-Don-Corneo's' thing… She smothered a laugh, imagining what Cloud must have looked like in a pink silk dress, complete with blond wig, diamond tiara, and makeup. He must have been a very pretty woman, despite being a little flat-chested.

Kadaj was pulling into an alleyway, gliding to a stop and digging through his pockets for something. After a moment, he pulled out a yellow materia and switched the bike off. Throwing a leg over the seat and twisting around, he gave Laura a thorough once-over.

She leaned back a little at his intense scrutiny. What the hell…? "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but what the heck are you doing, Kadaj?"

"I think you'd look better with longer hair, and better if it was blood-red."

"What?"

He held up the materia. "Disguise materia can alter you appearance to whatever you want, even to the point of gender-change. Can't turn a human into an animal or vice versa, can't alter eye color, but it's pretty good for making you look like someone else entirely for about three hours. So, let's see what we can do with ourselves!"

How the hell did that come off as innuendo?

He held the materia over her head, lips pursed in concentration. A second later, Laura felt a chill pass through her body and Kadaj took the materia away. He took her in again, and then grinned.

"Not as good as the original, but still pretty damn good, if I say so myself."

"What did you do to me?" Laura first noticed that her chest felt a bit heavier, and when she looked down, she saw that her breasts were practically straining out of her top. Oh my god… I have cantaloupes on my chest! Then she took down her ponytail and pulled a handful of her hair into her field of view. Instead of the normal dark brown, it was currently a shockingly red color, almost a match to Reno's. It was also a few inches longer, down to about the small of her back rather than her shoulder-blades. Her skin was a little paler as well, and as she looked over her shoulder she saw that there was a tattoo of a rose twining around a katana-like sword on her arm. Looks suspiciously like Souba, actually… Mark of ownership, perhaps?

Then she took in her clothes, and realized that while the top was exactly the same, albeit now stomach-baring, her jeans had lost most of their length, riding high on her thighs like a pair of short-shorts. And her sneakers were now a pair of dark hiking boots, socks included.

Has he seen pictures of Lara Croft? I must look like a cross between her, Tifa, and Reno!

Looking up from herself, she gave Kadaj an incredulous look. "You expect me to go out in public looking like this?"

He made no effort to hide his grin, or to direct his gaze to her face rather than her chest. "You look nothing like yourself, do you? I still prefer the original you, but this works too."

"I'll get arrested!"

"Believe me, girls get away with wearing less than that around here. Junon isn't Costa del Sol, but you'll still find plenty of girls going around in little more than bikini tops and sarongs. It's the summer months, so that outfit is just fine. At the moment, you look like a sexy young archeologist."

"Kadaj!" How the hell has he not heard of the Tomb Raider games?

"Hey, you'll fit in. And besides, the look will only last for about three hours. Our shopping should be done by then, and we can get a room at the inn. Captain Stu never lets passengers sleep on the boat while it's docked." He held the materia over his head. "My turn now."

"Wait a minute. How difficult is it to use that materia?"

"Anybody can learn to use it. Just hold it, and think of what you want to look like. That simple."

Before he could do a thing, Laura had snatched the materia away from him and used it herself, drastically altering his appearance. Now he was about 5'8 with blond, green-streaked hair, a golden tan, and about two day's worth of yellow stubble on his now-square jawline. In place of the leather getup, he was dressed in ripped and faded blue jeans and brown boots, brown belt and big, silver buckle included. There was also a pair of sunglasses shoved into his hair, just above his forehead. As for a shirt, there was nothing; Laura had left his six-pack and pecs completely exposed. All he needs is a cigarette and a cowboy hat, and he could pass for the Marlboro man.

"Hey!" Kadaj glowered at her, crossing his arms over his (very nice!) chest and tapping his right foot. "Give me back that materia."

"Oh, don't you like it? I do." She slipped the materia into one of her pockets, giving him a blatantly sexual look, eyes lingering hungrily on the rock-hard abs. "It's not really an improvement, though, because I vastly prefer the original."

"This is not what I usually look like when I come into Junon. I'll need a new name, because this is not what 'Jadak' looks like!"

"Call yourself 'Tommy.'"

"Why Tommy?"

"You just look like a Tommy." Or rather, like one of the male Tommy Hilfiger jeans models.

He rolled his eyes. "This is revenge for the look I gave you, isn't it?"

"Yep, and you're not getting that materia back until we've got a hotel room." She slipped up beside him and linked her hand with one of his, giving him an appreciative, teasing grin. "Besides, you look nothing like yourself, apart from the hair-style and eyes. Who could possibly mistake 'Tommy' for 'Kadaj?' It's the perfect disguise!"

He grumbled something indecent, then led her out of the alley. "C'mon. Let's get this over with so I can get back to my old self."

It didn't take much time to get the shopping done. Kadaj actually gave her the list of books Yazoo had made, along with gil and the instructions to buy the books and then use the rest to get herself some clothes. He'd meet her at the music store, where they would get Loz's cd. Laura found it downright humorous how many admiring and jealous looks they were getting from passerby, and knew Kadaj didn't care for the attention at all.

Must be completely unaware of the looks he'd be getting if he looked the same as always. God knows he's hot enough to get them without materia!

Yazoo's books were pretty easy to find, and not expensive at all. Soon after purchasing them, Laura wandered down the street until she found a clothing store that appealed to her. It was a store that reminded her greatly of Hot Topic, her favorite store back home. It didn't take much time for her to select a few corsets and shirts (none of which had sayings or pictures printed across the front, much to her dismay), and a few pairs of chain-pants to go with them. The clothes fit her perfectly, and while they wiped out most of the gil, she felt they were well worth the investment.

Kadaj is going to either hate these, or love them, she mused. Hell, he could probably steal and wear them if he wanted to! He looks like he's my size.

She found the cd store after a few minutes, and settled down to wait for Kadaj. When he appeared, there was a blond little bimbo following him. She was dressed in a pink sarong and bikini, and apparently asking him to the beach with her. As he was having a difficult time shaking her off (persistent little bitch, isn't she?), Laura decided to use her newly-acquired looks to their fullest potential.

Slinking up to them in the sexiest walk she could comfortably pull off, Laura reached out and took Kadaj's arm, wrapping her arms around it and gazing up at him with the sultriest, most convincing bedroom eyes imaginable. "Hey, Tommy," she murmured huskily, putting the slightest purr into the words. "Did you miss me?"

Kadaj looked slightly confused, but then saw that his little follower's jaw had dropped nearly to the ground, blue eyes wide in shock. Go along with it, Kadaj… "Hey, baby. Do you even have to ask if I missed my gorgeous piece of ass?" he drawled, reaching around to lay a possessive hand on her posterior (Kadaj…has his hand…on my ass. Oh my god! Tell me I am not imagining this!) and returning the smoldering look she was giving him.

"You know my ass is yours, baby. And everything else along with it." She rose up on her toes to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss on the side of his jaw, whispering "Wanna get back to the room so I can prove it to you?"

Sneaking a peek at the bimbo revealed that her face had turned a very interesting shade of red, and her arms were crossed beneath her breasts. She was chewing her lip, and Laura through there was a good chance that she would be exploding with jealousy at any second. Inwardly, she chortled with glee. That's right, bitch. This gorgeous hunk of male is mine.

Kadaj turned his head so his lips were barely an inch from her own. "You know I'm always ready for your proof, baby." Then he was kissing her, this one hot, hungry, and possessive. And there was more than a little tongue involved this time. That, combined with the slow pressure of his hand squeezing the flesh of her ass, was nearly enough to knock Laura clean off her feet.

When the kiss was ended, the bimbo was still there, and it looked like she wanted to kill Laura. Kadaj gave her a satisfied look, deliberately showing his teeth. "I do not believe you have been introduced, Cissy. This is my girlfriend, Lorasa Kerr. Lorasa, this is Cissy Matthews."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Kerr," Cissy gritted out. Laura managed to suppress the urge to laugh. Is she actually grinding her teeth?

"The pleasure is likewise, I'm sure," she purred, her voice low in her throat. Her arms slid around Kadaj's waist and she pressed tightly against him, arching her spine so her breasts and stomach were the closest parts of her body to his. This movement had Cissy narrowing her eyes even further, until they were mere slits of jealous blue. "Now, if you don't mind, we have an…important matter to which we must attend. Isn't that right, baby?"

"You know it, baby." Kadaj gave her ass one final squeeze, then turned to leave, Laura still hanging on his arm. Just as they departed, she looked back at Cissy and threw her a seductive, suggestive wink.

And was more than pleased to see the blond bimbo absolutely seething.

Once they were out of sight, Laura couldn't help laughing. "Did you see the look on her face? Priceless!"

"Yeah, definitely."

There was an odd tone in Kadaj's voice that made her look at him curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"I think your act worked a bit too well, Laura." He ducked into the shadows of an overhang and pulled her against him, tight to his body. Laura's eyes widened as she felt something against her pelvis.

Ok, that's more than a bulge. That's a full-blown erection!

"See what you've done to me?" he said huskily.

Laura felt a certain feeling building in her groin, the pleasure of knowing that her actions had put him in this predicament. "I have this feeling I'll be seeing it soon enough." She reached down and put her hand on the bulge, putting just enough pressure on it to make him gasp and close his eyes. That done, she leaned up and whispered "How close is the inn?"

"Two blocks down," he groaned. "Too far for me to walk with this."

Is that so? Well, I know how to solve that. She grabbed his hand and led him down the alley, stopping as soon as they had enough cover that no one from the street could spot them. "Sit down, and let me take care of that for you."

He looked a little stunned, but acquiesced, sliding to the ground with his legs straight out. Laura knelt down next to him and kissed him, hard. As their lips and tongues tangled, she slowly trailed her fingers down his naked chest and stomach before moving to the waistband of his jeans. Drawing back, looking directly into his eyes, she unzipped the zipper.

Wow, Kadaj. So I guess it's neither boxers nor briefs for you, huh?

He was bigger than she had anticipated. She had often spent hours with Denise just speculating about what lay beneath the pants of various Final Fantasy 7 hotties, and while both of them strongly believed that Sephiroth, Vincent, and Cloud all had big cocks, neither of them had thought the Remnants would have more than average-sized ones. We were wrong, Denise! It ain't a ten-incher, but it's damn close! As her hand stroked up and down the shaft, thumb softly rubbing at the head, he broke off the kiss to lean his head back against the wall, watching her play with his cock.

Spreading the precum across the tip, she increased the speed slightly, noting how his eyes got darker as he got harder. Let's see how dark I can get 'em… Dipping her head and pulling her hair back out of the way, she took him into her mouth. She couldn't see his face, but she heard his groan well enough. Inwardly crowing her victory, she set to work.

Laura would be the first to admit that she was a virgin. However, that didn't mean she hadn't done all the research she possibly could on the subject, in preparation for her first time. She probably knew more than most other virgins concerning foreplay, intercourse, and positions. More than that, she had also done a ton of research on cunnilingus and fellatio, and that reading came back to her now, as she put all her effort into her very first blowjob.

Tongue that spot under the head… Ooo, that got a nice reaction! Try deep-throating… Hey, I didn't think I could do it! Yes! Kadaj, would you please loosen your grip on my hair? Thank you. Play with his balls… Lick up the shaft… Suck on the head… Slight jerk… Oh, so he likes a little pain with his pleasure, does he? Interesting… Try 'throating him again now.

He was now unable to keep still, moving his hips around restlessly while his hands dug into her hair. If Laura had looked up, she would have seen that his eyes were shut as tightly as possible as he concentrated on not losing it too soon.

She licked up the shaft again, pressing her tongue against the sensitive underside of the head before moving downward to lick at his balls while fisting his slick cock. Squeezing her fist slightly made his eyes fly open.

"Laura, I'm gonna…"

She understood. Moving quickly for his cock again, she took him as deep into her throat as she possibly could right before he started cumming.

Hmm… Doesn't taste that bad, actually. Somewhere between salty and sweet.

When he was finished, she carefully cleaned him off and rezipped his jeans, making sure that she didn't catch his cock in the zipper. It just wouldn't do to reenact a scene straight out of There's Something About Mary. Not if I'm planning on getting laid anytime soon, that is. As soon as he was decent again, Kadaj yanked her against his chest and kissed her hungrily.

"As soon as we get a room, you're mine, Laura. Mine."

Already looking forward to it, baby. Already looking forward to it.

Besides, you've got a promise to fulfill. Something about making me scream...?