Well. My favourite USB stick – which has carried all my fic on it since 2009 – decided to die last week, taking every photo, every uni assignment, every WIP I've had in the pipeline for six years, and every new chapter I was working on. Including this one. So I had to re-write the entire thing all over again. Did I mention I lost all my fic? :(
On the positive side, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies finally came out here in Australia and I absolutely loved it! 10/10 would recommend.
Anonymous review replies
Ryanwe: Sauron's daughter will appear soon, I think! She makes a cameo in this chapter (spoiler alert) but the rest of her story will come later. And yeah, with all the drilling that Éowyn's giving them they definitely won't be able to keep up their perfect looks! Thank you for reviewing!
Anthi35: Ah, you shall find out the answer to that soon! I'm glad that you're shipping Iridianna/Angrenir. :P Thank you for the review!
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Eyes of Wisdom
Movie Legolas whistled to himself as he casually twirled an arrow about in one hand.
His cool blue gaze was fixed upon his first target, a daughter of Sauron, judging by the high-collared and dramatic purple dress and the heavy air of dark angst that lay over the room she had appropriated herself at The Whittled Wench. His forehead wrinkled as he tried to remember her name. Morefood, or something. No matter. Anyone whose existence at least half depended upon the dubious fertility of a flaming eyeball was not someone whose name he needed to remember, anyway.
Especially not when her demise was almost literally in his hands and pointed in her direction from the building in which he stood. It only awaited release.
Yet as he squinted down the length of his arrow, a pang of unexpected guilt gave him pause. Was this truly the right thing to do? The heat of his fury all but dissipated frighteningly as the words of his counterpart, barely heard at the time suddenly rushed into clarity. I can help them now, he had said.
He hesitated.
Just long enough for Moodyfear or whatever her name was to turn in her room and suddenly see him, and that arrow trained upon her, and for her to gaze back in wordless horror.
And that was the last thing Movie Legolas remembered, for he then took a frypan to the head.
Standing behind him, breathing heavily, was Book Legolas with frypan still raised in shock. He glanced down with newfound respect at the weapon he clutched. "I must remember…to speak of the arts of war…with Master Samwise."
Behind him Gimli's snort was explosive. "You are more likely to get a recipe from a Hobbit than a decent discussion of weaponry." He lifted Movie Legolas' booted feet with a grunt. When he looked up, there was defiance in his gaze. "And speaking of weaponry, I still maintain that ten Dwarven axes will scythe down more Orcs than one thousand Elvish arrows."
"That's where you are wrong, mellon nin," answered Legolas lightly. He lifted up Movie Legolas's shoulders so that he was comically swinging between them. They began an awkward shuffle out of the room. "That matter was settled in the great contest of the First Age, where the Dwarves of Khăzad-Dum and the Teleri who lingered upon the Anduin—"
"Bah!" Their voices echoed up the hallway in playful banter. "Your accent is shocking, Princeling. Say Moria rather than Khăzad-Dum if you wish, but sully not the Dwarven tongue with your terrible Sindarin."
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Movie Legolas did not remain unconscious for long, of course.
A dull throb was pulsing in the back of his fair head when he awoke, and as he opened one eye then the other with a groan, his blurry gaze registered the presence of the other Legolas, a short thing that had to be Gimli, and a tall figure he assumed was probably Aragorn.
He went to rub his eyes and found, to his annoyance, that one of his hands was bound to that of a stern-looking stone king that loomed over his chair. He heaved a sigh.
"I have no words."
"You need not, my friend." Aragorn strode over and sat down across from him affably.
Book Legolas glanced at the door. "Excuse me."
Movie Legolas followed the other Legolas with distrustful gaze as the latter rose and stuck his head outside the door. Instantly a chorus of chirping, scuttling, twittering and human squeeing burst into hearing.
Movie Legolas looked across at Aragorn incredulously. The King gave a rueful smile. "I think some of them have decided that their not-quite-human friends should have a look-in."
"Their what?"
"Well, word has spread that there are two of you. I doubt they could resist."
"Mellyn," said Book Legolas melodiously, his voice carrying clearly despite the cacophony. "May I remind you to keep any animal companions you may possess out-of-doors? They do make a frightful noise and by now, with all your training, I expect better of you than to traipse about the city with them. Unless that squirrel over there is bred for battle I suggest you take it elsewhere."
Amid loud protestations the heavy door slammed woodenly into the silence.
Aragorn cleared his throat. "So, Legolas here has told me of his meeting with you, and your intention to essentially slaughter all our guests." There was no judgement in his tone; only a neutral repetition of facts.
Movie Legolas' face burned with both anger and sheer embarrassment, but he said nothing for a while. For him to have allowed his fury to overrun his good sense…and yet, how could he have done otherwise? How could he have expected to retain his sanity in the face of so many romantic pursuits that he had never consented to?
Eventually he let out a sigh and looked away. "It is rare for me to have any respite from these creatures with their long hair and honed skill in battle and perfect singing voices – perhaps even more rare than it is for my…twin, over there." He pointed vaguely with the hand bound to the statue. "I was seized today with a most terrible rage. It is not in my nature – that is to say, I was not aware that my spirit could even possess such anger."
"Few of us are, 'til we are put to the test," said Book Legolas softly, unusually sober.
"In any case, I was wrong." Movie Legolas bowed his head. "Goheno nin."
"Of course you are forgiven," said Aragorn, reaching out to clasp the Elf's arm. The latter looked up hesitantly, and only seeing honesty in the eyes of Isildur's Heir, returned his unspoken offer with an equally strong grip.
And thus was a friendship born between Aragorn Elessar and an Elf from another dimension.
The sobriety of the moment passed rather quickly when Unggh's bumpy grey head suddenly appeared at the window, darkening the room.
"MAN KING!" he boomed, and waved his huge hand around in enthusiastic greeting.
"Er…greetings, Unggh of the Troll-folk." To Book Legolas, he quietly said, "Fetch Iorlas, will you? Annoyed he will almost certainly be, for this is possibly the tenth time he has managed to escape his stable, but we cannot have him just roaming the city." He paused. "I hope his presence has not been a menace to our poor citizens."
Film montage of various episodes of Unggh stumbling across a clothes line and eating undergarments, chasing a group of screaming children because he wants to play chasey, and finally a sheepish Unggh standing alone in an empty marketplace which he has accidently destroyed in his enthusiasm.
"Oh, I doubt it. He is quite tame." Book Legolas smiled happily and then set off to do the King's bidding.
Aragorn waited until he left, then turned to Movie Legolas, leaning forward with elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped. "I have not the slightest clue how we will send you back to wherever your Middle-Earth is. For that, I must apologise."
Movie Legolas waved a hand. "Do not trouble yourself. I am sure I will be offered the chance to find my way back when my part is done."
"I admire your optimism, but how do you know?"
The Elf smiled for the first time since he had arrived, dimples suddenly transforming his solemn features. "I have been in stories like this before. Now, if it would not trouble you—" He tugged at his bound hand pointedly and his eyebrow arched. "—I have no wish to be handfasted with a past King of Gondor, and my heart tells me that his wife may protest."
Perhaps he was not so unlike Legolas after all.
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Karliah McKirkfitzgeraldpatrick was seventeen, yet while quite young, people often saw that wisdom blazed from her eyes like a—
"Alright. Let us pause a moment." Faramir steepled his fingers, leaning on the desk, while a young woman with strawberry blonde hair squirmed in mingled embarrassment and annoyance. "Firstly, a good story does not begin by expounding upon the virtues of the character straight away."
Karliah folded her arms. "And why not?" she demanded.
It was a good thing that Faramir son of Denethor was a patient man.
"Because a reader wants to discover why they should like the character for themselves," explained Faramir gently. "A list of qualities such as this belongs more to the crier in the marketplace selling his wares, rather than to a writer painting a picture for his reader. No one wishes to be forced to love someone, especially not when they are but a shallow collection of attributes thrown together."
Karliah looked unconvinced.
"Let me put it this way. What would you say to a person who strode up to you one day and announced, 'I am Éowyn, and I am skilled with the sword, and it is said that my beauty is as the lily of the field, and wisdom doth sit upon my brow—"
"You know it does," came a disembodied voice floating down from the second tier of the library, and Faramir could not help a chuckle at his wife's good hearing. I truly must take care to watch my tongue, he thought.
Across from him Karliah scowled. "Yeah, but how am I supposed to introduce myself to Middle-Earth? How are people going to know who I am?"
"That is the entire point of telling a story. Slow discoveries are the best ones." He frowned. "Also, how exactly does wisdom blaze from one's eyes? Would it not be difficult to see with all that wisdom in the way?"
In response, Karliah raised her head. A pensive look settled over her features, and the dark green of her eyes suddenly burned with a bright white light. Unseen voices chorused in the background to complete the moment.
Faramir stared for a long moment before giving a cough.
"Er, Karliah – this sort of thing cannot be done with your eyes without burning them out of your sockets. There is nothing in our world which makes it possible for a human being to do that. And quite frankly it is beyond terrifying."
"But—"
"And," Faramir continued, "to be honest, you have demonstrated little of the wisdom you claim to have. If your wisdom is really just an excuse to 'look cold', as you people put it, then it is likely that the trait should disappear altogether."
"It's 'look cool'!"
"Your assignment will be to re-write…" He tried his hardest not to let out a sigh. "…the first sentence of your story. If in this you do well, I will report your progress to Legolas, and the quicker you are able to advance, the quicker you will able to go home."
He rose, indicating that it was time for Karliah to leave, too. Silently, she stood up, and made her way to the door. Hesitating, her fingers lingering on the latch, she turned. The oddest expression was on her face.
"I don't know if I want to leave," she said, quietly. "It's…nice here. Less complicated, and cleaner. I could get used to living without the internet, eventually."
And Faramir watched her leave.
There was a sound, and raising his head he found his lady wife Éowyn almost skipping down the stairs leading up to the next tier. He smiled to see her so childlike – moments like these were rather rare. She perched herself on the edge of the desk and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"You are far more patient with them than I am, I confess," she said. "I keep bruising them without meaning to."
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you perfectly certain that you do not mean to?"
Éowyn had the grace to look abashed, and Faramir laughed.
"Another question I would ask of you, shieldmaiden," he said as he rose and they left the library. "What in Middle-Earth is an internet?"
Apologies that this chapter was slightly late, and a little short – again, I blame the big USB stick debacle! Thank you for reading, and if you have time to drop me a review, it won't go unappreciated!